FOURTEEN
The dark night sky is the perfect backdrop to the lit Philadelphia skyline. I never thought I'd be back here. And I wish it were under completely different circumstances, like my brother’s funeral. But that will come soon enough.
My love for this city runs deep. It's my second home and the place where I met her. But it's also my brother’s city…one that's dark and deadly. One where people are waiting around every fucking corner to shoot me or slit my throat.
This isn’t a pleasure trip, although finally ending my brother will bring me extraordinary pleasure. This is necessity now.
The car Lorenc secured is waiting when I climb off the train. The sleek black sedan is both ostentatious and inconspicuous in my brother’s world. It's going to be a lot easier getting in and out of these places undetected if I blend in. The change of clothes he left in the backseat fits me perfectly, and as I walk out of the bathroom at the Amtrak station and make my way back toward the car, I can't help but feel like my old self.
My self before Jade.
My self before love.
My self before having anything to live for.
My self…the one who had absolutely everything he could ever want and also nothing.
A quick peek around the parking lot assures me I'm alone, and I pop the trunk to examine its contents. It's just as Lorenc promised. A duffel bag full of C-4, fuses, guns, ammo…everything I could possibly need to complete my plan.
Well, almost everything. I'm going to need a lot of luck and for things to go perfectly right to pull this off and still walk out alive.
But even if I don’t make it, as long as Jade is safe and Tarek is dead, I’ll have succeeded in my mission.
The engine rumbles and I peel away from the station toward the apartment Lorenc set up for me.
Tonight, I plan, I prepare, I sleep in a bed alone for the first time in two years, or at least attempt to.
Tomorrow, the shit is going to hit the fan, along with a whole fucking lot of blood hitting the floor.
***
By the time I’m done with my preparations, my arm throbs so badly, I’m forced to down two of the tramadol the vet gave me.
I hate drugs and normally wouldn’t leave myself so exposed and vulnerable in the middle of such a shit show, but I need to sleep, really fucking sleep, to be able to do what needs to be done tomorrow. And the only way that’s going to happen is with the help of some narcotics.
A warm, fuzzy haze descends on me.
But the euphoria filling me doesn’t touch what it’s like to be with Jade.
Her small, soft hands roaming over my body.
Stroking.
Caressing.
Scratching.
An unbidden moan slips from my mouth into the pillow.
Then I remember where she is now, who she’s with, and my stomach roils.
Swallowing down the bile, I turn onto my side and try not to think about it.
But it’s useless, and I race to the bathroom and heave over the toilet.
I can’t even remember the last time I threw up. Maybe when I had the flu as a child? Mami would make soup and rock me on her lap while Tarek made attempt after attempt to steal her attention from me. Even back then, he was a fucking dick.
Where most people outgrow pettiness and jealousy, his lingered, he just learned to hide it better. I always knew it was there, festering just beneath the surface, but as we grew, we bonded over our shared experiences and struggles. And when he begged me to leave Albania with him, to come to America to start over and expand his newborn business, I jumped at the chance, even if it meant being under his thumb at the time.
I can’t say I regret the decision, because it brought me to her. But I would give anything to have met her in any other place, any other time, any other life.
Crawling back into the bed, I feel ten times weaker than I did only half an hour ago.
I need sleep. I’m useless to her without it.
So I let the fog envelop me again.
Vivid memories swirl through my head.
Stolen glances.
Soft touches.
Tangled limbs.
Sparring tongues.
Laughter.
Squealing tires.
Tears.
Warm wet flesh.
Green eyes looking up at me with love and adoration.
Whispered I love yous.
The echoed sound of her words is what finally drags me down into the dark abyss of sleep.