Louisa
Now
‘Why didn’t you tell me? How could you do this to me?’ Tamzin rounds on James the second we walk through the door, thick black mascara snaking down her cheeks. ‘Dad has told me everything!’ She looks back at Doug who is hovering in the kitchen doorway, Cory nestled in his arms.
‘Go home. I can’t deal with you now. I have work in a few hours.’ James barges past her, shoving her up against the wall.
‘How dare you!’ she screams, dramatically throwing herself down on her knees as if she has fallen. ‘Show me some respect!’
Sidestepping her, I take off my coat and hang it up. I feel strangely detached from the chaos that surrounds me. Since the revelations at the clinic, my mind has disconnected from reality, all the inner fear dispersed into a cloud of disbelief. To think, this whole time I have fretted, terrified myself to the point of madness, believing that Cory’s biological father had come to claim him, and all the time Magda was behind it all, colluding and conspiring against me, intent on sailing off into the sunset with my child and husband while I withered away in a mental institution. But how can I prove it? A thought begins to loop itself around my mind but doesn’t quite knit together. Something is off about James’s story, his reasoning for being at the hospital with Magda. He’s covering for her. But why? Time is running out for me. If Doctor Hughes has phoned the mental health team like he threatened, they could arrive at any moment.
Magda places her hand on my shoulder, her fingertips burning my skin through the thin nylon of my T-shirt. I can’t believe I trusted her, allowed her into my life, felt sorry for her! ‘We’ll sort this, honey, don’t worry.’ Her words are life a knife twisting in my gut. I swallow down the anger inside of me, knowing that if I’m going to expose her, I have to keep a level head. ‘Are you all right, Tamzin?’ she asks.
‘Piss off, you hippy!’
‘Tamzin, please! Give us a moment, Mags,’ I manage to say, Tamzin’s words forcing a smile onto my face despite the situation I’m in. ‘Why don’t you go and put the kettle on?’
She doesn’t need asking twice, clearly glad of an excuse to leave me out in the cold while she runs to her precious James. I have to warn him what she’s doing, how she’s manipulating the situation. Surely he can see what she’s doing? Or am I too late? Does James already love her? It is like reliving the past all over again.
The front door is still open, the night air already smudging the sky despite it being only 4 p.m. I look over at Tamzin who is still sobbing on her knees, the hallway wall her only support. She looks frail for the first time since I have known her, and, despite the way she has treated me, my heart goes out to her. She must be confused, everything she thought she knew a lie. Of course I know what that feels like. I place my hand on her bony shoulder, root around in my head for the right words. ‘I wanted to tell you,’ I say, tears springing into my eyes. ‘But James wouldn’t let me. I’m so sorry, Tamzin.’
‘Why couldn’t he confide in me?’ She turns to face me, her face wet with tears. ‘Am I really that unapproachable?’
‘Of course not,’ I lie, wondering, not for the first time, if she really does live on an alternate planet. ‘You’re a good mum… and I hope you’ll still be Cory’s grandma?’
‘Of course,’ she replies. ‘I love him. I love you all.’
A lump wedges itself into my throat. I hold out my hand to her, which she takes. Perhaps I’ve got Tamzin all wrong. Perhaps she can help me. ‘Look, Tamzin,’ I try as I hoist her up, knowing she is my only hope against Magda. ‘I think Magda is intent on having me sectioned so she can seduce James and become Cory’s mother. You need to stay with me tonight because…’
‘What on earth are you talking about?’ She pulls her hand away from mine. ‘My God, you really have lost it!’
‘No, please…’ I take a step towards her, reach out to grab hold of her, but she physically recoils from me.’ Please, Tamzin. You have to…’
‘James!’ she screams, as if I am about to murder her. ‘Help me!’
Hearing James’s heavy footsteps behind me, I turn to face him, allowing Tamzin time to dart past me into his open arms. ‘She needs help,’ I hear her say between muffled sobs. ‘She’s fully loopy.’
James pulls her into the kitchen and slams the door, leaving me by myself in the hallway. I reach up and yank at my hair, pulling out two fistfuls, my scalp burning with pain.
‘Louisa?’ A voice, coming from behind, makes me jump. I turn round to find Annette standing in the open doorway, a wrapped present clutched between her hands. How long has she been there?
‘What’s the matter?’ she says ‘Why is your hair falling out?’
‘Why are you here?’ I ask, ignoring both of her questions.
‘We totally forgot to bring Cory’s present round yesterday.’ Her eyes look past me, as if searching for backup. ‘But I can come back if it’s a bad time.’
‘Hi, Annette.’ The kitchen door swings open and James’s voice travels down the hallway. ‘I think that might be for the best. Louisa really isn’t well at the moment.’
‘Oh dear.’ She flicks her gaze over at me but continues to speak to James. ‘I guess postnatal depression does make people crazy. Hopefully I won’t get it.’
‘I am here, you know!’ I shout, my head twisting from Annette to James and back again. ‘But don’t worry, Annette. My wonderful husband and best friend are intent on sectioning me in the morning so you can rest easy.’
‘What! Why?’ She steps into the hallway uninvited, placing the present down on the small table underneath the coat rack.
‘She made a scene at the hospital,’ says James, edging closer to Magda who has appeared to the side of him. ‘We just want the best for you, Lou. You need help. Is this true, that you’re now accusing Magda of wanting to steal Cory?’ A tight laugh escapes his mouth but it’s clear he doesn’t find it at all amusing.
‘Yes, no… I don’t know.’ My thoughts are stuck in a web of half-truths, but try as I might I can’t seem to piece everything together.
‘God, Louisa!’ James throws his arms up in the air. ‘First the donor, now this.’
‘But somebody really does want to take Cory,’ I plead, my protests bouncing off their stunned expressions. I know I should stop talking, that all I am doing is making things worse for myself, and yet I have to make them believe me. ‘When Tamzin left with Cory, somebody rang me. It was a Bible quote again, about death. Somebody wants to kill me.’
‘Who?’ asks Annette, shutting the door behind her. ‘A man, woman?’
‘A computer,’ I say, knowing how ridiculous it sounds even to my own ears.
‘Look, Lou…’ James walks over to me, tears in his eyes. ‘I’ve just rung the department to try and get compassionate leave but it’s a bit last-minute. I have to go into work but they’re going to ring round and try and arrange cover.’ He places his arm around me as if I am a small child. ‘Until then Magda has kindly offered to stay with you. Mum had offered but she’s had a funny turn, said it’s the menopause, but I think she just needs time to digest all of this. But Magda will stay and sleep in the spare room. She’ll look after Cory so you can get some rest.’
‘No!’ I glare at Magda, the fury inside of me ready to erupt. ‘I don’t want her anywhere near my child. I don’t need a fucking babysitter and I don’t trust her!’
A choir of gasps perforates the air. ‘Louisa, please.’ James’s voice is hard. ‘You’re not helping yourself.’
‘How about I stay instead?’ offers Annette, to which I readily agree. Maybe Annette can help me? Maybe I can make her believe me?
‘Oh really, Lou!’ James’s voice is mocking. ‘Because it was only yesterday you thought Annette was making up her pregnancy. I suppose you thought that was a ploy for her to kidnap Cory as well, didn’t you?’
‘Bloody hell,’ says Doug, his face beetroot-red. ‘I think I need another drink.’
‘That’s it,’ I say, my mind finally able to piece together what has been bugging me since James mentioned having a drink with Doug. ‘You said Magda had to come with you to the clinic because you’d been drinking. But no way would you drink if you had to go to work.’
He shuffles around awkwardly, looks down at his feet, not saying a word. Anticipation swells inside me, making me almost giddy. I am edging closer to the truth. I know I am.
‘You haven’t had a drink today,’ pipes up Doug, looking at James oddly. He is still holding Cory who appears to be taking everything in. Don’t panic, baby, I inwardly promise him. Mummy will always protect you.
A heavy silence hangs in the air as everybody fixes their eyes on James.
‘Fine,’ says Magda, her voice a notch above a whisper. ‘If you must know I offered to drive James. I phoned him earlier today but I told him to keep it quiet.’ She sticks her thumb in her mouth and bites her fluorescent pink nail.
‘And why would you do that?’
All eyes slide from James to Magda, tension thick in the air.
‘Because, Louisa, I’m really worried about you.’ She takes a deep breath. ‘As a counsellor, it is my professional judgement that you’re suffering with postnatal psychosis, a highly dangerous form of postnatal depression. I phoned James to convince him to admit you to hospital. You’re my best friend and I love you.’ A sob escapes her mouth. ‘I’m sorry but it’s for the best.’
‘You’re no friend of mine, Magda,’ I say evenly, not caring when my words cause her face to crumple. ‘ You’re just a barren old hippy intent on stealing my family.’