Jeremy 30
“Twenty bucks,” I offer, pulling my wallet out of my pants pocket.
“Dude, I can’t …”
“Fifty.”
“Fifty?”
Ah, there it is. The pimply kid scratches his head underneath the ridiculous baseball cap with the meatball on it.
“Come on, man,” I coax him with faux male bonding. “I want to surprise my girlfriend by putting her engagement ring in the box and delivering it myself!”
He looks uncertain. Last chance before I knock you over the head with a brick and take it from you, you little shit.
“Seventy-five. It’s all I’ve got, but you have to give me the hat, too.”
Sold! The hat is on my head, the box is in my hand, and he’s strolling back down the block counting the cash in under five seconds. I pull the hat a little lower down on my forehead in case there’s someone in the lobby who’s seen me before. But when the doorman opens the door to let me in, I see that won’t be a problem.
“Delivery for 16D,” I announce matter-of-factly to the rent-a-cop at the front desk. He nods and calls up to confirm they’re expecting me. They are. Well, they’re not expecting me. Just the pizza. I smile once the elevator doors slide closed and I’m on my way up to the place where it all began for Julia and me.
I walk to the door and keep my head down to the peephole when I ring the bell.
“Papa Paulie’s delivery,” I call out cordially.
“Just a second!” is the muffled response.
I hear her thumping around in there, presumably getting my payment and tip. I hear her pull the peephole cover aside and hold my breath. When I hear the deadbolt unlock, I exhale. Then comes the doorknob lock. I shift the pizza box to my left hand and make a fist with my right.
The door opens, inch by inch, as if in slow motion. The bitch is smiling at the top of my hat, cash in hand. I lift my head and see the immediate light of recognition on her face. Her mouth opens to say something, or maybe to scream, I’ll never know which, because she never gets it out. I punch her so quickly, and with so much force, that she’s knocked back through the tile foyer and onto the carpet of the living room. I step inside, quickly locking the door behind me. She’s groaning from the floor.
I drop the box on the breakfast bar and lose the hat on my way to squat down next to her. Before she can even think about doing anything, I pull the hypodermic from the case in my pocket and jab her arm with it. She’s out cold within a matter of thirty seconds. Nice. I wasn’t a hundred percent certain this shit would work. You never know when you order online. I put the case away with the remaining hypodermic. This one’s got Julia’s name written all over it.
There’s no way I’m picking this chick up, so I grab her from under the armpits and drag her into Julia’s bedroom. The bedroom where we spent many a sleepless night. I’m able to get her up onto the bed and leave the room, closing the door behind me. That’s when I hear him.
“Nata!”
I walk slowly to the other side of the hall, to what used to be Matthew’s bedroom. I notice the new blue color from here. A few steps more, and I spot elephants on the walls. When I stick my head in the room, there’s the big white crib with more elephants hanging over it. And there he is, I can see him lying down through the slats. I can’t decide if I care enough to get a good look at the brat. Oh, what the hell.
He doesn’t seem at all alarmed when I peer down at him, quite the opposite, actually. He gives me a big sloppy smile, and I spot a few tiny white teeth. Well, there’s no denying it, this kid is mine. I see myself all over his face. The eyes are the same and he even has my arched eyebrows – though his are red. Really not a bad looking kid, as far as rugrats go.
“You be quiet. You hear me? I don’t want to deal with a screaming kid,” I say down to him.
He just smiles and laughs, kicking his legs up and down excitedly. I reach above the crib and wind the mobile so the elephants start a slow spin above him, to the strains of Brahms’ Lullaby. He fixes his tiny mini-me eyes on the mobile and his lids start to droop immediately.
“Well, that was easy enough,” I mutter. “Let’s hope for your mother’s sake that she’s as cooperative as you are.”