As it was the last formal book group for a while, everyone had made an effort to turn up. Marti and her cronies sat along the three-seater sofa, Kit and Tash sat close together, in a row opposite, with Emma on one side and Millie on the other. Biddy had insisted on a higher chair and Kit found her one from the bookshop proper and manoeuvred it up the spiral stairs for her.
‘Thank you, young man,’ she said. ‘My hips can’t cope with levering myself up from those soft sofa things. Take it from me, old age isn’t for cissies.’
‘Biddy, absolutely no one would take you for a cissy,’ he responded with a grin.
Once settled and, with everyone holding a glass, Amy began the meeting. She tried not to notice the yawning absence that was Patrick, the only person not there. She took a breath and launched in. ‘Thank you all for coming and supporting the book group and the shop in your own, ahem, very individual, ways. It’s been an interesting start to The Little Book Café and I couldn’t have made it such a success without all your help.’
‘Hear hear,’ boomed Biddy. She raised a glass. ‘I think we should all say a big thank you right back, girl.’
‘No, honestly, there’s no need for that,’ Amy demurred, blushing.
‘Here’s to Amy,’ cheered Emma, her cheeks pink and her eyes sparkling from too much wine.
‘I’ll second that,’ called Tash. ‘Or is it thirding?’
Unsuccessfully, Amy tried to stop a chorus of, ‘For She’s a Jolly Good Fellow’, developing. ‘Honestly, you lot,’ she yelled, holding up her hands. ‘But thank you. It’s much appreciated.’ When the last raucous note had died away, she added, giggling, ‘And now, if I may, I’d like to start the meeting.’ She waited until everyone had settled. ‘As A Christmas Carol is so well-known, I’d like us to talk about a theme that leads out of the book, rather than discuss the book itself. I’d like to ask you, what would you would change, with the benefit of hindsight? Just as Scrooge learned from his three ghostly visitors showing him his past, present and future, what have you learned recently?’ There were one or two murmurs. Amy held up a hand again. This time in placation. ‘You only need to join in if you want to and please don’t feel pressured to say something personal. And, if you’re really uncomfortable with this, give an insight into Scrooge or one of the other characters.’
There was silence and Amy wondered if she’d gone too far and should have stayed with the concept of a standard book group format. ‘I’ll go first, shall I?’
‘No, I’ll go first,’ Biddy said.
More murmurs, with one or two comments of, ‘That was predictable,’ from the Marti camp.
Biddy either didn’t hear or, more likely, chose to ignore them. ‘Now, don’t get your bowels in an uproar, and hear me out. I’ve had a life packed with incident. Some might say enough incident to fill three lifetimes. I don’t regret one thing. What’s more, I wouldn’t change anything in the past, even if I could. It’s what’s made me who I am. And I’m delighted to tell you that A Tale of Two Titties will be published next year so I’m not about to change the present or the future either.’
‘Thank you Biddy, for getting us started,’ Amy said faintly, wincing that the woman had gone off-piste. ‘And well done on the book deal. That’s fantastic news.’
‘Did you decide on a pseudonym?’ Emma asked, trying to keep a straight face.
‘Humph. Publishers didn’t like Gertie Gussett for some reason. Vetoed Fenella Flange too, not that I can understand why. So I’ve had to go with my third choice.’
Laughter rippled around the group and was just as quickly smothered when Biddy glared at them all.
‘And what’s that, Biddy?’ Amy asked, wondering how the woman could top Gertie Gussett and Fenella Flange.
‘I’ve gone with Darcey Spice.’
‘That’s great,’ Amy said, surprised. ‘Actually,’ she added, realizing the truth of the matter. ‘That’s a really good pen name.’
‘Especially for a writer of erotica,’ added Emma. ‘Good stuff Biddy. Hope it sells really well.’
‘Had to compromise on the title too,’ Biddy huffed. ‘It’s now called Adventures in the Skin Game. You’ll stock it here, of course?’ She turned her gimlet gaze onto Amy.
‘Of course I will,’ Amy said, executing a swift U-turn, thinking it would sell well, if only for its curiosity value. ‘I’d be delighted to. You’ll have to sign some copies and perhaps we can launch it from the shop, too?’
‘Thank you, young Amy. Appreciated.’
Before Biddy could steamroll the meeting any further, Amy asked quickly, ‘Has anyone any thoughts on what they might change? About themselves or something else?’
Tash put her hand up and then blushed as she realized she’d done so. ‘I want to be less of a bitch. That’s what I’ve learned about myself recently.’
‘Oh Tash, you’re so not a bitch,’ Emma cried loyally.
‘Unhappiness makes us lash out,’ added Amy. ‘I concur with Emma. From what I can gather, you haven’t been bitchy just trying to survive.’
Kit put an arm around his girlfriend’s shoulders. ‘That’s exactly what I keep telling her, Amy.’ He kissed Tash’s cheek with a resounding smack and she blushed some more.
‘Actually,’ Tash went on. ‘Could I say something else? While we’re sharing news, I’m over the moon to tell you all that I haven’t been called as a witness in Adrian’s trial. It’s such a relief. They reckon they’ve got enough evidence to put him away for quite some time. His wife is standing as key witness apparently.’
‘Now, that is good news,’ Biddy said, stoutly. ‘Good on you, girl. And good on her. That won’t be easy.’
‘No it won’t, Biddy,’ Tash replied, meeting her eyes. ‘One brave woman.’
The mood shifted into something sombre and then Marti spoke up. ‘Actually, could I get the discussion back on track and confess something? Something I’ve learned I need to change.’
Faces turned to her expectantly.
She bit her lip before speaking. Looking around anxiously, she said, ‘You won’t have known but I haven’t actually read any of the books on the list for book group. I did watch The Muppet Christmas Carol in preparation for tonight, though.’
Everyone roared. ‘Oh Marti, bless you,’ Tash said, spluttering. ‘We all know you never read a word. If it’s any consolation, I often borrow Millie’s Spark Notes instead of reading the actual book.’
‘She does too,’ Millie put in. ‘I’ve had trouble squeezing in the reading as well, Marti.’ She gave the woman a kind smile. ‘Sorry Amy.’
‘Well, what a bunch of complete losers,’ Emma exclaimed. She rolled her eyes. ‘Am I the only one who always reads the books?’ Her voice was squeaky with indignation.
‘No child. I read them too,’ Biddy protested. ‘And I also think, to use your colourful phrase, that you’re a bunch of losers.’
Amy could hardly speak for laughing. ‘Maybe we’ll put A Tale of Two Titties on the next reading list? It might warm up January.’
‘Ooh! I’ll definitely read that,’ said one of Marti’s friends, hitherto silent at every book group.
‘Don’t you mean Adventures in the Skin Game?’ Emma corrected. ‘By that prestigious erotic writer, Darcey Spice!’
The hysteria was contagious. Another bottle of wine was opened and shared out.
‘Well, seeing as you lot don’t even bother to read the books,’ Emma said, loftily. ‘I’m not confessing to a need to change anything about myself.’
‘We all know you’re perfect, Em,’ interrupted Tash.
‘Deffo. I will share some news though. Me and Ollie are engaged and he gave me the ring last night. Got down on one knee and did it properly and everything!’
Amid the chorus of congratulations and cooing over the diamond solitaire, Amy saw Millie slip downstairs. She sat back, willing to relinquish any formality in the meeting. This was far more fun.
Millie returned with a bottle of champagne. ‘To toast the happy couple,’ she declared. ‘Well the half that’s with us.’ She popped the cork to ‘aahs’ and ‘oohs’ and poured out the fizz.
‘This has got to be the best book group ever,’ slurred Emma. ‘Although I’m getting really pissed.’ She waved her glass at them all. ‘Thanks everyone!’
‘Emma,’ Millie proclaimed. ‘Huge congratulations, my lovely. I hope you’ll be very happy with Ollie and enjoy the flat.’ She paused and put a protective hand on her stomach. ‘I don’t want to steal the moment but, seeing as we’ve completely ignored poor old Dickens all night and we’re into sharing news instead, I’d like to say my bit. Jed and I have completed on the utterly delish cottage we’re buying.’ She grinned. ‘Which is just as well, as I’m pregnant!’
Amy sat back and watched the euphoria erupt again. She smiled. Bugger the book group discussion, this was brilliant. Friends getting together, being pleased for one another. Eventually the excitement settled, with just the odd comment and delighted grin – and hiccough from Emma.
‘So Amy,’ Tash said, when all was quiet again. ‘What’s your insight into yourself?’
Amy smiled into her champagne. ‘Ah, I’ve had an encounter with my very own, very personal, Ghost of Christmas Past recently. And I’m glad to say it taught me a lot.’
‘Which was?’ Tash asked, intrigued.
‘One, that I’m better at seizing the moment and being brave about getting the things I want than I thought I was.’
‘And two?’
Amy gave Tash and Emma a warm look. ‘That, with the help of my friends, I’ll be successful!’