After the stressful day I’ve had, all I’m planning when Josh nips to the pub is a long soak in the bath until I resemble a prune, followed by an early night. You can keep your cocktail bars and night clubs and cultural evenings at the theatre. All I need is peace and quiet, hot water and my comfiest PJs – I’m a woman of simple tastes.

So I run a bath, pour in a frankly obscene amount of scented oil and I’ve just stripped naked and put my toe in the water when there’s a tremendous commotion downstairs.

Tremendous commotions aren’t that unusual with Storm around so I stand frozen, like a Roman statue with a cocked leg, hoping that it – whatever it might be – will die down. But no such luck.

‘Annie! Are you in there?’ yells Storm, galloping up the stairs and hammering on the bathroom door. ‘Kayla’s downstairs and going proper mental so you’d better sort it out. Emily’s getting her a cup of tea – like that’s gonna help!’

She snorts at the very idea of caffeinated comfort and stomps off along the landing to her bedroom.

Please don’t slam the door.

Storm’s door crashes shut and the film of amber oil on top of the bathwater sloshes up the side of the enamel.

Fantastic! I spend two long hours with Toby, almost die on a vertical cliff-face and now I have to talk down a bonkers Australian. This is turning into a right pigging pain of a day.

Shrugging on my long cotton dressing-gown, I venture downstairs and discover Kayla with swollen red eyes in the sitting room. She’s sitting slumped in Alice’s chair while Emily flaps around trying to force-feed her tea.

‘Don’t worry, Em. I’ll make sure she drinks it.’

Emily mouths ‘thank you’ at me when I take the steaming cup and backs out of the room at speed.

‘It’s all terrible,’ wails Kayla the second Emily has disappeared from view. ‘Ollie and I had a terrible argument and he’s leaving me.’

‘What sort of leaving you?’

‘Leaving me to go to the stupid Lake District.’

‘Is that all? I thought you meant that you’d split up for good.’

‘We might as well have. He’ll be up there and I’ll be down here.’

‘But you knew he was going.’

A draught is whistling up my dressing gown, my bath water is rapidly cooling, and I’m starting to lose my patience.

Kayla leans forward and rubs the back of her hand across her nose. ‘I know. But I didn’t know know. Not for sure. I still thought he’d change his mind.’

‘He took you on a mini-break to the Lake District where he’ll be living and he’s been looking for flats.’

‘That’s all true but I still never thought he’d really go and leave me. I think I’ve been in denial.’

Which is exactly what I’ve been telling her for weeks, but I find her a tissue in my dressing-gown pocket and do my best to look sympathetic.

‘What’s changed today then? Why do you suddenly know this move is for real?’

‘A lettings agency rang while Ollie was in the loo so I took the call. And it turns out he’s paid a deposit on a flat and the first month’s rent. He’s really going and breaking up with me. What a bastard!’

She suddenly jumps up and starts jabbing her finger at the window. ‘Oh no, he’s here.’

‘You what?’

‘He’s here. He must have followed me like a stalker.’

‘Or like a man who’s in love with you. I can’t see him anywhere.’

There’s no one in the garden when I peer through the glass or standing at the front door waiting to be let in.

Oh, no. Please don’t come in through the kitchen, Ollie, because I need time to run upstairs and put on some pants.

Too late.

Ollie bursts into the sitting room, red-faced and panting.

‘Kayla, there you are! Um, hi, Annie.’

‘Hi, Ollie.’ I give a little wave and pull the V-neck of my dressing gown closed. Underneath this thin covering of cotton I’m completely naked and – I glance down – yep, my flaming nipples are showing.

I start edging towards the door while Kayla and Ollie launch into what’s best described as an intense discussion. And I’ve just wrapped my fingers around the door handle when Kayla demands: ‘What do you think, Annie?’

Aargh, so close!

‘What do I think about what?’

‘About Ollie breaking up with me?’

‘For the millionth time, Kayla!’ Mild, gentle Ollie is shouting. ‘I am not breaking up with you. I’d love you to come to the Lake District with me but if you won’t we’ll have to try a long-distance relationship.’

‘But you love Cornwall so why are you going?’

‘Because I’m good at my job and want to be promoted but also because of you. You’re always telling me about your adventures abroad and it’s made me realise there’s a big, wide world out there beyond Cornwall. Keswick’s not exactly Kathmandu but it’s a big deal for me. A big, exciting deal and I want to give it a try.’ He pushes both hands into his blonde hair, which is standing on end. ‘Oh, whatever.’

With a final tut of despair and frustration, he does a magnificent sweep out of the room. I swear he’s been taking lessons from Josh, who was a serial sweeper before he settled down with me and became less angry at life.

Kayla settles back on the sofa, totally spent, and I join her to demonstrate sisterly solidarity although I’ve no idea what to say.

‘Sorry,’ she murmurs after a couple of minutes. ‘You’re getting married on Saturday and don’t need all of this drama.’

‘Don’t worry about it. My whole day’s been kind of dramatic so it doesn’t matter.’

‘What kind of dramatic?’

‘Nothing important.’ My bath is calling and Kayla’s not in the mood for tales of daring cliff rescues. She’d only call Toby an idiot for letting Freya wander off in the first place – and that was my fault too. ‘Do you want to stay here tonight?’

Kayla’s still staring at her lap. ‘No, thanks. I’ve ruined enough of your evening. I’ll go home, grab a few things and stay at the pub so I can have a proper think. Roger won’t mind.’

‘Look, whether you decide to leave with Ollie, stay here or go globe-trotting again is up to you but, if it helps, I used to be terrified of commitment and here I am about to get married.’

Kayla sniffs. ‘That’s different ’cos you’re much older than me and you’re less adventurous.’

Which I’m pretty sure means more boring.