Tori looked out over the sea as Aidan pulled the car into the cliff-top car park. A gazebo had been decorated in fairy lights and Star Wars bunting and Tori smiled. She hadn’t been sure what to wear to Matthew’s memorial, though Aidan had assured her it was very casual. Judging from the array of jeans and Star Wars t-shirts on display, she could see that she had been right to wear her shorts and t-shirt and sweep her hair up into Princess Leia buns.

They got out and, as they walked along the path towards the gazebo, Aidan took her hand.

It was a lovely gesture of support and solidarity but she suddenly worried what Isla and Melody would make of it. They had only just found out about her and Matthew and now she was turning up to his memorial hand in hand with somebody else. Was it inappropriate or thoughtless? Would they think she didn’t really have feelings for Matthew at all if she had started something with Aidan only a few days after they’d met? The very last thing she wanted was to do anything to hurt Melody and Isla, especially not over Matthew.

She let go of Aidan’s hand and made a show of checking her hair buns, so it wasn’t so obvious. When she put her hand back down, she didn’t take his again and made sure that she was slightly further away from him, so he couldn’t take hers either. She chanced a glance at him, hoping he hadn’t noticed, but from his expression, she guessed that he had definitely noticed and wasn’t particularly happy about it.

Before she had the chance to explain, Melody came bouncing down the hill to welcome her. She hugged Tori.

‘I’m so glad you’re here.’

‘I’m glad to be here too. I brought the top of the cake.’ Tori held up the tin.

‘Oooh, let’s see.’

Tori popped off the lid, and presented the large circular cake topper with the Millennium Falcon painted on top. As Melody admired it, Tori noticed Aidan leaving her side and making his way into the party by himself. Crap, she’d hurt him.

‘Elliot will love this, come and show him,’ Melody said, linking arms with her and escorting Tori into the gazebo.

There were about twenty people there, including Leo, Jamie, Emily and Agatha and several others that Tori didn’t know. Everyone was sitting around chatting, drinking and eating. As with most parties, the men were together in one part of the gazebo and the women were together in another. No sign of Melody and Isla’s mum though.

‘Your mum couldn’t make it?’ Tori asked delicately.

‘She didn’t think this kind of celebration was appropriate,’ Melody said. ‘“I’m still grieving,”’ Melody quoted in a haughty voice. ‘The implication being that I’m obviously not. “I’m not ready to celebrate the death of my son just yet.”’

‘It’s a celebration of his life, not his death,’ Tori said.

Melody shrugged. ‘I’m happy she’s not here, she would be bitter and angry the whole time and that’s not what today is about.’

Melody brought Tori over to the men’s section where they were all drinking from bottles of beer and laughing loudly at some joke one of them was telling.

Elliot was sitting on Leo’s lap, Leo with one arm around him as he chatted to him about something Elliot was playing with. Tori smiled because this was very much a manly corner but the fact that Leo was there playing with Elliot seemingly wasn’t odd for any of the other men.

They both looked up as Tori and Melody approached.

‘Hey, I’m glad you’re here,’ Leo said. ‘I’m sure Matthew would be happy too.’

Another punch of guilt kicked her in the stomach. It was Matthew’s birthday and she had spent the morning lying in bed kissing another man. Quite honestly, Matthew had barely entered her mind.

She smiled at Leo and then addressed Elliot. ‘I have the cake topper.’

‘With the Millennium Falcon on it?’ Elliot’s eyes lit up.

Tori dropped to her knees in front of him and showed him the cake top.

‘That’s amazing, exactly like the one we had last year. Can we put it on the cake now?’

‘Sure we can.’

Elliot climbed down from Leo’s lap and took Tori’s hand and pulled her over to the cake, which had been decorated haphazardly with several stars around the outside that were definitely Elliot’s handiwork.

‘So, we need to put a little bit of icing on top of the cake,’ Tori explained. ‘Then we can stick the Millennium Falcon on the top. I’ve brought some soft icing with me, do you want to take a spoonful and spread it out over the top of the cake.’

Elliot nodded seriously as he carefully did what Tori asked. She lifted the cake topper out of the tin and passed it to him. Reverentially he placed it on top of the cake.

‘Now press down really gently in the middle and around the edges of the topper,’ Tori said.

Elliot did as he was told and then stepped back to admire his handiwork.

‘I think Dad would have loved this,’ he said, quietly.

‘I think so too,’ Tori said.

Marigold came bouncing over, dragging Aidan behind her. She was a mass of blonde curls, and dressed in a pink glittery top that had a My Little Pony on the front and pink sparkly leggings. She even had My Little Pony trainers.

‘Marigold! Look what we did,’ Elliot said, proudly.

Marigold studied it for a moment. ‘Wow, that Millennium Falcon is even better than the one Han Solo flies.’

Tori laughed. It was so unexpected that this vision in pink knew about the Millennium Falcon.

‘Her dad is a big fan,’ Aidan explained, dryly. ‘He makes her watch it and in return she makes him watch all the Disney films. It’s a fair exchange.’

‘Daddy says his favourite is Lion King but secretly I think it’s Frozen; he knows all the songs,’ Marigold said.

‘I love Frozen,’ Elliot declared. ‘Olaf is my favourite, he’s so funny.’

‘Elliot, I have a secret I’m not allowed to tell anyone. Want to know what it is?’ Marigold said.

Elliot nodded.

‘Maybe you shouldn’t be telling anyone if it’s a secret,’ Aidan tried.

Marigold rolled her eyes. ‘Elliot isn’t anyone.’

She grabbed Elliot’s hand and ran off with him to the other side of the gazebo and whispered in his ear.

Tori was left with Aidan and for the first time since they’d met it was suddenly awkward.

‘Are you angry with me?’ she asked, quietly.

He smiled sadly. ‘I’m not angry. We both agreed that we didn’t want to give the villagers any fuel for their gossip and we didn’t want to encourage Agatha either.’ He nodded in Agatha’s direction and Tori looked over and saw that she was watching them intently. ‘It’s fine.’

Before she could explain that that wasn’t the reason she had dropped his hand, Leo suddenly burst out laughing.

She looked over at him. Elliot was standing next to him looking excited, obviously having just imparted this wonderful secret to his godfather.

Leo looked over at Emily and raised his glass. ‘Congratulations, Sis.’

Tori glanced at Emily, who was suddenly blushing. Tori noticed the glass of orange juice in her hand and guessed the secret herself.

‘Marigold Breakwater,’ Emily admonished, her hands on her hips.

‘I only told Elliot that you were pregnant, no one else,’ Marigold said and there were cheers from the rest of the people there. Emily looked aghast and then smiled as Aidan moved to hug her.

‘It’s very early, we’re not telling anyone yet,’ Emily tried and then laughed as Jamie and a few others moved to hug her as well. She looked at the man next to her for support, presumably her husband Stanley, but he was laughing too.

‘I told you not to tell Marigold yet,’ Stanley said.

‘I wanted her to be a part of it… Oh, bugger it, I don’t suppose it matters.’

Tori went over to offer her congratulations as well and there was lots of chatter about how long they’d known and when the baby was due and whether Emily thought it was a boy or a girl.

As everyone returned to their own conversations, Tori moved over to Isla and Melody, still not entirely happy with how things stood with Aidan. She needed to talk to him to explain but as he was chatting with Leo and Jamie, now clearly wasn’t the best time.

‘How did the first berry-picking go?’ Isla asked.

Tori couldn’t help blushing as she remembered her first kiss with Aidan, the way he had held her, the way he tasted, his gentle touch, how it had felt more incredible than anything she had ever experienced before. She remembered the kisses on the blanket under the stars when they had taken a break and watching the sunrise together. Were there any words she could use to describe how wonderful the night before had been? And in reality, she couldn’t tell them. Not now, anyway. This was a day to remember Matthew, to celebrate his life. She couldn’t tell his sisters that her every single thought was occupied with Aidan Jackson.

She realised they were still waiting for an answer.

‘It was nice,’ Tori said. Although clearly, they were waiting for more. ‘Umm, berry-picking is very therapeutic. And working at night is rather beautiful, just you and the stars.’

‘You, Aidan and the stars,’ Isla said.

‘Sounds very romantic,’ Melody said, dreamily.

This was a dangerous road to go down.

‘A bat attacked me,’ Tori blurted out, trying to change the subject.

‘What?’ Melody said.

‘Yes, it got stuck in my hood and then fell down my top, it was very traumatic,’ Tori played it up. It was a great anecdote, although it had resulted in Aidan ripping her clothes off. Maybe she’d leave that part out of the story.

‘Oh my god, that sounds like my worst nightmare,’ Melody shuddered.

‘I’ve always liked bats,’ Isla said. ‘There’s something so fascinating and kind of creepy about them. I love watching shows about them, but that’s too up close and personal, even for me.’

‘What happened? Did it bite you? Are you going to become a vampire?’ Melody teased.

‘I don’t think it bit me, but I did wake up this morning with a sudden aversion to garlic, so who knows.’

They laughed, and she was relieved that the topic of Aidan and the romance of being together under the stars seemed to have passed.

Agatha came over to join them, a mischievous grin on her face. ‘So, did you have a good night last night?’

Her eyebrows waggled, the spark of amusement in her eyes. She couldn’t possibly know what they had got up to. Tori knew that small village gossip spread like wildfire, but they had been completely alone when they had kissed. Or she bloody hoped they were. Had there been any stragglers that had seen it? No, they had definitely been alone.

‘Yes, the fruit-picking was fine but nothing else happened thanks to your insane tattoo.’

‘What do you mean; my tattoo choice for you was inspired.’

‘You let Agatha choose a tattoo for you?’ Isla asked. ‘Are you crazy?’

‘I think I must be and I didn’t know what it was until Aidan saw it.’

‘What was it?’ Melody asked.

‘Aidan’s face inside a heart.’

Isla choked on her drink, Melody stared, her mouth falling open, then they both burst out laughing.

Agatha clapped her hands together in delight. ‘I thought it was wonderful.’

‘And Aidan saw it?’ Isla said, barely able to speak through laughing so much.

Tori’s cheeks burned red as she remembered his reaction. ‘Yes, he saw.’

Agatha’s eyes lit up. ‘But how did he see it? The tattoo is in the middle of your back. Was he taking you from behind and then saw his face staring back at him?’

Melody’s laughter got louder.

‘No. I was attacked by a bat and it got stuck down my hoodie. Aidan…’ she paused while she rectified the story, so it didn’t sound anything remotely sexy or romantic. ‘I pulled my top off and when Aidan came over to see if I was OK, he saw it then. To say he was freaked out was an understatement. What were you thinking?’

‘I’m sure he was flattered,’ Agatha said.

‘No, he wasn’t. Do you not know the art of subtlety at all? No man wants to date someone who turns up at their sort of first date with a vibrator stuffed in their bag or has their face tattooed in a heart. Why don’t I just go over to him now, get down on one knee and propose to him, scare him off once and for all.’

‘You two are soul mates. You’re supposed to be together forever. He is never going to run away from you because he loves you. He might not know it yet, but he does. I’m just helping things along a little. I haven’t got long on this planet. My bones are creaky, I find it difficult walking around. I think I’m well past my expiry date and I want to see you two get married before I shuffle off this mortal coil. I’m sorry if I want to speed things up a bit. When you get to my age—’

‘Stop with the feeble old lady act. We all know you’re going to outlive us all,’ Tori said. ‘I’m getting it covered tomorrow.’

‘No, you can’t do that. It’s a declaration of your love. Why would you want to cover it?’ Agatha protested.

‘Because it’s creepy and embarrassing.’

‘Well rumour has it, Aidan went to Rosie’s tattoo studio this morning and got his own tattoo.’

Tori stalled in her tirade. ‘He did?’

‘Yes, on his back apparently. Several people told me about it, it’s the talk of the village.’

Tori cringed at being the focus of village gossip. ‘What did he get?’

‘Rosie isn’t saying, but I imagine it was something beautiful and romantic, something just for you.’

‘I’m sure that isn’t the case at all.’

‘Rosie said you would love it.’

Tori had no words at all. What on earth would Aidan get tattooed on his back?

‘Ooh, must go and say my congratulations to Emily,’ Agatha said, moving away before Tori could tell her off any more.

Elliot came running over and climbed up on Isla’s lap.

‘Its exciting news, isn’t it, about Emily’s baby?’ Elliot said, playing with a toy tiger.

‘It really is,’ Isla said, kissing the top of his head as she wrapped her arms around him.

‘Marigold said the baby was growing inside Emily’s tummy right now.’

‘Hmmm,’ Isla said, visibly cringing as she waited for the inevitable question.

Elliot played with his tiger, moving the legs and letting it walk up Isla’s arm, giving little growling and roaring noises. Maybe the question wasn’t coming at all.

‘Marigold is going to be a big sister or brother.’

Isla smiled. ‘Big sister; it doesn’t matter if Emily has a boy or girl, Marigold will be his or her sister.’

‘I think I’d like a sister,’ Elliot said, simply.

‘You would?’

‘Yes, then I’d have someone to play with all the time. Girls are fun; Marigold is fun.’

‘Yes, she is,’ Isla said.

‘Do you think I could have a sister one day?’

Isla clearly thought carefully how to answer that question. Because a full sister would be impossible. A half-sister maybe, if his mum, wherever she was, had another child, but as his mum wasn’t in his life, he would be unlikely to know or meet her. If Isla was to ever have any children of her own, they would technically be Elliot’s cousin.

‘I’d like you to have a sister too,’ Isla said, carefully.

‘You would?’ Elliot said.

‘Yes. One day, I might have children.’

‘You would?’

‘Yes. How would you feel about that?’

‘I’d love that. And if you had a girl, she’d be my sister?’

‘Sort of, yes.’

‘Could we have a sister soon?’

Isla hesitated. ‘I have to find a man to have a baby with. I can’t have a baby on my own.’

Elliot frowned with confusion and Tori exchanged smirks with Melody.

‘How did the baby get into Emily’s tummy?’

Isla took a deep breath. ‘Stanley gave Emily the baby.’

Elliot nodded as if he understood. ‘Stanley could give you one too.’

Isla let out a strangled laugh, which she quickly turned into a cough.

‘That’s not how it works. A man can only give a woman a baby if they both love each other very much.’

Tori smiled at that very sweet, completely untrue statement.

‘Stanley loves Emily, he doesn’t love me,’ Isla says.

‘Oh, I see, so you need someone who loves you very much to give you a baby,’ Elliot said.

‘Yes.’

Elliot thought about this for a moment. ‘I love you very much.’

‘I love you too, this much,’ Isla said, holding out her arms so they were really wide.

Elliot giggled.

‘But the man needs to be someone my age.’

‘Leo!’ Elliot said, triumphantly. ‘He loves you very much. I’ll go ask him.’

‘No, that’s…’ Isla said, suddenly clearly alarmed at the prospect of that conversation. But before she could stop him, Elliot had climbed down and ran across the gazebo to Leo who was talking to a group of other men. Leo immediately scooped him up and held him on his hip.

Tori didn’t hear what Elliot said but she guessed the moment that he had announced his big plans as the whole group burst out laughing.

‘Oh God,’ Isla said as Melody and Tori barely contained their laughter. ‘Please let the ground swallow me up.’

Leo looked over at Isla, a big grin on his face. He whispered something in Elliot’s ear and Elliot smiled and nodded.

‘What is he saying?’ Tori asked.

‘I have no idea,’ Isla murmured. ‘But I don’t hold out hope that it’s anything good.’

Leo put Elliot down and he came running back over. ‘Leo says to tell you, if that’s what you want, he’d be very happy to oblige.’

Isla blushed furiously. ‘That’s nice of him.’

‘What does oblige mean?’

Isla swallowed. ‘It means… yes.’

‘Yayyyy!! I’m going to get a sister. I’m going to go and tell Marigold that I’m going to be a big sister too.’

He ran off before Isla could stop him and she let her head fall into her hands.

‘I’ll give it half hour before the whole of Sandcastle Bay knows me and Leo are going to have a baby together.’

Tori laughed.

Jamie walked over to Melody looking embarrassed and awkward. Silence fell over their little group and the smile fell off Melody’s face.

‘Hi Melody,’ Jamie said, looking like he’d rather be anywhere else but here.

‘Hello,’ Melody said, quietly.

Silence.

Tori looked at Isla; it was almost painful.

‘Hey Jamie. Why don’t you join us?’ Tori said, indicating the seat next to Melody.

Jamie cleared his throat, pushed his hand through his hair and sat down.

More silence and Tori cast around for a suitably neutral, easy topic of conversation.

Music started playing on the other side of the gazebo and Tori nearly sighed with relief at the distraction. She looked over at the source of the music. On a white screen, photos of Matthew were suddenly projected. People fell silent as they watched this tribute that had clearly been put together by one of his friends.

‘Oh yay, that’s my daddy,’ Elliot said as he stood in the middle of the gazebo watching the photos.

Different photos flashed up of Matthew on the beach, another drinking a beer at a barbeque. One in fancy dress. There was one of him with Isla and Melody, one with Leo.

As she watched the photos Tori swallowed at the sudden realisation that there wouldn’t be a photo of her and Matthew together, unless it was of them when they were children. There would be nothing to mark their sort of relationship, there was no proof it had ever happened, other than the memories in her head. God, she missed him, she missed talking to him, hearing his voice. Emotion clawed at her throat.

A photo of Matthew and Elliot together flashed up.

‘Yay! That’s me and Daddy,’ Elliot said, clapping his hands.

Leo probably saw it before anyone else – maybe he had been waiting for it. The smile on Elliot’s face faded, his lip wobbled. As his little chest heaved and Isla stood up, Leo was already hurrying across the gazebo and scooping Elliot into his arms.

Elliot wrapped his arms around Leo’s neck, sobbing hard as he buried his face into his shoulder.

Leo moved quickly across to Isla and sat down next to her on the bench, shifting Elliot so he was sitting between them on both their laps. Leo wrapped an arm round Isla’s shoulders and kissed her head as she leaned on his shoulder and snuggled into Elliot, whispering words in Elliot’s ear that brought the sobbing down to a whimper and a tiny smile appeared on his face.

Tori looked over at Melody who had tears streaming down her cheeks as she alternated between watching her nephew and looking at the photos. Jamie offered out a tissue. Melody smiled gratefully as she took it and after a few seconds Jamie reached out and held her hand.

Tori smiled slightly that they both had someone. Even if they weren’t in proper relationships with them, they at least had men who cared about them.

She glanced over at Aidan who was watching her with concern. She wanted him to come over and hold her hand, or wrap an arm around her shoulders as she continued to watch the photos of Matthew, but not only was that weird, him comforting her over the loss of another man, but she’d already made it clear that she didn’t want any public displays of affection. He wasn’t going to come anywhere near her now, at least not publicly, and that was her fault.

The photos came to an end and there didn’t seem to be a dry eye in the house.

Emily stepped forward, wiping her eyes, and Tori realised just how much Matthew’s death must have touched everyone. Marigold and Elliot were best friends so of course Matthew, Emily and Stanley would have spent time together.

‘It was Marigold and Elliot’s idea that we have a balloon release. We have some helium balloons and we’re all going to write a message to Matthew on the balloons and release them into the sky.’ Emily gestured to the multi-coloured balloons that were all currently weighted down and bobbing gently in the sea breeze. She offered out a pile of felt-tip pens and labels and people came and took one and went back to their chairs to write a message.

Some of the lads started laughing as they showed each other their messages, obviously writing something funny to Matthew, and Tori liked that. People had very happy memories of him, the photos reflected that, and their messages were obviously a reflection of that too.

She took a label and a felt-tip pen and watched as Isla and Leo helped Elliot and each other to write one.

What could she say to Matthew? All the things she never told him, all the things she had wanted to tell him over the last year.

She placed the pen on the label and wrote down one line.

She stared at the words. Was it enough? It was everything that she ever wanted to say and had always been too afraid to.

She read it again. Loved not love. She would never forget the time she had with Matthew but she knew, in her heart, she had moved on now. And not just because of Aidan, that transition had happened a while ago. The only thing she had to decide now was whether she was strong enough to take a chance on love again, which meant taking a chance at being hurt again.

She looked over at Aidan and smiled at him. There was no choice here. She was already in too deep to walk away.

Everyone moved to tie their labels on the balloons and then gathered together on the cliff top. As they all shuffled together in readiness to release the balloons, she felt a warm hand slip into hers.

She looked round to see that Aidan was standing next to her, holding her hand. Everyone was standing too close together to notice and her heart filled with love for him. She squeezed his hand in return.

The small crowd started a countdown and as they reached ‘one’, the balloons were released and bobbed in a rainbow of colour into the sky. They watched as the balloons floated out over the sea until they disappeared into the horizon.

People started to move back into the gazebo and Aidan quickly dropped her hand.

‘I need to get off and deliver the fruit we picked last night. Jamie is going to take you home whenever you’re ready. I’ll see you later,’ Aidan said.

Before she could say anything, he gave her a half smile and walked off. She returned to her seat with Melody and Isla, feeling an ache in her heart. In trying to prevent hurting Isla and Melody she had hurt Aidan and she knew she needed to talk to him later.