Maria awoke on the day of the Chance-Smith wedding to Cassie talking quietly in the hotel bathroom. She tried to listen but couldn’t make out any of the words. She rolled over onto her side – well, as much as she could – and looked out of the window through the gap in the plush curtains. It was sunny, and thankfully cloud-free. Thank God for small mercies, she thought to herself.
Annabel had come into her hotel room the day before as though she was walking into a dungeon full of vipers, and Maria had never hated herself more. The elephant in the room was about to be addressed, and she felt like one herself.
‘I have one question,’ Annabel said, looking at the carpet and nowhere else. ‘Do you have any feelings for Mark?’
Maria shook her head vigorously.
‘No, not at all. It was a huge mistake. I never… I didn’t… I…’ Annabel finally looked up at her and she felt her whole body sag.
‘I need to sit down,’ she said, returning to her position on the bed and lifting her ankles up to gain some blessed relief. She placed her hands on her bump, and moved them immediately, putting them by her sides.
‘Darcy left me at the altar. I lived with him. He was my family; I don’t have many people I can call that. I moved in with my best friend, Cass, and I tried to cope. We went out on a girls’ night, and I met Mark.’
Annabel said nothing, but came further into the room, sitting awkwardly on the edge of the bed.
Maria took this as a sign to keep going.
‘He seemed really sad, and I was too. We got drunk, and…’ She didn’t say the words. She didn’t need to.
‘In the morning, he was gone. We never spoke. I didn’t see him again, not till the day you both came into the shop. I had already become friends with James by then, but I had no idea he was your brother. I didn’t know you existed. We didn’t talk about any of that.’
Annabel moved a little closer.
‘I don’t have any feelings for him. It was a mistake, two people needing comfort, I suppose. I tried to say no to the wedding, but then I felt so wretched, I wanted to help you.’
‘What about Darcy?’ Annabel asked.
Maria frowned. ‘He was a mistake too, I think. He must have found out about the baby somehow and assumed it was his. I couldn’t tell anyone, not till after the wedding. The press have been awful, and I didn’t want anything to get out, for you and for me. I’m ashamed enough.’
Annabel stood and walked over to the window, looking out at the moon, which was full and bright in the night sky.
‘James hates him.’ Hearing his name felt like a knife in her chest.
‘I know he does. They’re so different.’
Annabel laughed, just once, but then her face returned to stone.
‘He loves you, you know.’
The baby jabbed her in the ribs, and she sat forward a little, trying to get comfortable.
‘He doesn’t. He doesn’t know what love is.’
Annabel turned from the window and sat in the chair by the bed.
‘Not Darcy, James.’
Maria welled up, and she rubbed her eyes quickly.
‘I never meant to hurt him. I was going to do the wedding and then go away, leave you all alone. I already told James that.’
‘You know him well enough by now to realise that James never listens to anyone, and he never leaves anyone. The man is loyal to a fault.’
Maria started to cry, tears running silently down her cheeks as she tried to talk.
‘I know. I hurt him, and I can’t bear it.’
Annabel looked at her bump again, and Maria watched her.
‘I’m sorry.’ The words sounded so empty, so pitiful, even to her. ‘I never meant for any of this. I just wanted to help you, and I’ve made such a mess. I can’t begin to imagine how you feel.’
Annabel stood suddenly, and started walking towards the door. Maria hung her head, but felt the bed move next to her. Annabel pushed her heels off, crossing her stocking-clad feet on the mattress and sitting back against the pillows.
Both women sat in silence for a while. The baby started kicking and Maria rubbed the area.
‘Is it moving?’ Annabel asked, and Maria nodded.
‘Would you… er… never mind. That’s crazy talk.’
Annabel reached over and held out her hand. Maria took it and placed it over the spot. The baby kicked again and Annabel’s face lit up.
‘Oh my God, I felt that!’ She moved closer, waiting for it to happen again.
‘Do you know what you’re having?’
‘No, I wanted to wait.’
Annabel nodded and pulled her hand away, sitting up.
‘I slept with my ex-boyfriend, the night after I broke off my engagement.’
She grimaced and Maria said nothing, listening.
‘It was a mistake, and I felt awful after. I went and got the morning after pill and everything, and I never told Mark. Until today. I can’t be mad at him for something I did myself, for something I kind of understand. I needed comfort too, and I ran back to my idiot ex like Mark meant nothing. I get it. I don’t like it, but I understand. I understand why you did all of this.’
Maria didn’t know what to say. James was right about his sister; she really was the most special person. Mark was lucky, if they could come through this.
‘I don’t expect anything,’ Maria said. ‘I never did. I wasn’t even going to tell anyone. I was just going to go, and that would be it. You and Mark can do that, get married, get your happily ever after.’
Annabel shook her head. ‘The Mark I know will never walk away from a child.’
She stood and straightened down her dress.
‘I wouldn’t marry him if he did either. So, Maria, if you want him to be a part of the baby’s life, I’m okay with it.’
Maria went to stand, but Annabel came around the bed and sat down next to her.
‘I always liked you, Maria, and now I think I understand you better. Don’t punish this baby for all of our mistakes. We’re all just pretending to be grown-ups who have it figured out, but really, it’s all just a hot mess.’
‘Are you going to get married?’
Annabel smiled, taking her hand in hers.
‘Yes, baby mama, we are, if our wedding planner is still available. The rest is nobody’s business, and we can figure it all out.’
Maria couldn’t believe what she was hearing.
‘What about Mark?’
‘He agrees. We’ve had a long talk, and will probably talk all night, but we are getting married tomorrow, unless you have any objection.’
Maria squeezed her hand. ‘None at all.’
Annabel hugged her.
‘Well, it will be something to tell the grandchildren anyway.’ She walked to the door, grabbing her heels on the way past. ‘See you in the morning?’
Maria smiled at her. ‘I’ll be there.’ Her face crumpled. ‘What about James?’
Annabel shrugged. ‘I haven’t seen him, he won’t talk to anyone.’
Maria felt her guts clench.
‘He’ll never speak to me again.’
Annabel opened the door. ‘You’re family now, Maria, he’ll come around. Just make sure that when he does, you know what you want. Because if you don’t, if you have any doubts whatsover, you need to let him go.’
The door clicked shut after her, and Maria was left alone.
She flicked her gaze away from the clouds and picked her phone off the nightstand. She had heard nothing from James, and she had texted and called him several times. His phone had been switched off last night. She pressed the button to dial him, sitting up as best she could in bed and holding her breath. The phone rang twice and then he picked up.
‘Hello.’
It was him, a cold, distant voice, but his voice all the same.
‘Hi,’ she half-whispered. ‘Can we talk, please?’
‘No, I don’t think so.’ His clipped tones felt like they were chipped from granite. ‘I don’t have anything to say. Stop calling.’
The line went dead. Maria still had the phone cradled to her ear when Cassie walked out of the bathroom in her pyjamas.
‘Mar? What’s wrong?’ She knelt by the bed, taking the phone from Maria and looking at it. Her face flickered in recognition.
‘He’ll come around, Mar. It’s a lot to take in, and he’ll be concentrating on today, for his sister. Are you really sure you can do this?’
Maria threw back the covers.
‘I have to finish this, Cass, then we can leave.’
When Tucker had dropped Cass off last night, snacks and tissues in hand, Maria had cried again. They had talked it all out, and finally dropped off to sleep at half one. Maria felt like she hadn’t slept at all.
‘Who were you on the phone to?’ she asked, remembering the hushed voice in the bathroom.
‘Lynn. She’s nattering about not being here. She’s going to come and kidnap you if you’re not out of here after the first dance.’
Maria chuckled. ‘Don’t worry, the porter will have our bags in the car for a quick getaway. I can’t wait to leave either.’
Cassie was wearing a pastel-green fitted dress, with matching heels and her black hair swept off her face in a pretty plait down her back.
‘You look amazing.’ Maria beamed at her. ‘Thanks for being here, mate.’
She hugged her friend to her and breathed in her light perfume. It comforted her, always had.
‘Listen, Auntie Cassie will always be here.’ She pulled away and waggled a finger at the bump. ‘But, little one, you ever pull the shit that me and your mum have over the years, and you are in big trouble.’
Cassie and Maria stood in the front-left corner of the large hall, watching the sea of wedding guests chatting to each other, laughing, telling stories, flicking their gaze to the groom and his attendants. Mark had avoided Maria, thankfully, and she realised he was probably still in shock. At the baby and what it meant, about Annabel’s actions, and about the fact that he was still standing there, about to get married to the woman he loved, while the woman he’d knocked up ran the event. It was the stuff of Shakespeare, or Austen, or Brontë. Probably the Brontës: they really liked to ratchet up the emotions. Which meant that, today, James was Heathcliff. He had been moody, angry and silent all morning, and had pretty much pretended that the heavily pregnant woman in the room just wasn’t there. Cassie had tried to speak to him, but he hadn’t given her anything back. They knew he had spoken to Tucker but, Tucker being Tucker, he wouldn’t break the bro code and tell them anything, other than that he was upset and angry. They didn’t need anyone to tell them that; it oozed from his every pore.
Maria had kept herself busy all morning, making sure everyone was where they needed to be, finalising the little details in the rooms, taking delivery of the flowers, the cake and the wedding presents, showing the guests into the room after their champagne reception. There was always someone needing help, needing a question answering, but now it was all in place, and she just needed to watch, and troubleshoot when she needed to.
Mark was standing at the front of the wooden altar, and he turned and glanced at her. She smiled at him, mouthing ‘congratulations’ to him. He smiled back and she felt better. Maybe having him and Annabel in the baby’s life could work, somehow. It would be family for the baby, and she couldn’t turn her back on them now they knew. He had a right to know his child, and she wasn’t going to stop that. She thought of her mother getting sick, all those years ago. At least, if the worst happened, the baby would have people who loved it, who would be there. She’d never had that, and she remembered the hard times. She wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
Cassie was moving from side to side on her heels, and Maria tapped her arm.
‘Stop fidgeting!’
‘I can’t help it, I hate weddings!’ she mumbled glumly. ‘My living depends on these things failing, don’t forget. I don’t get why anyone would ever do this.’
Maria rolled her eyes, and Cassie winced. ‘Sorry, I forgot. Again.’
Maria took her hand in hers as the wedding music started and the doors opened.
‘It’s okay,’ she murmured, seeing James standing in the doorway, Annabel on his arm. Everyone’s heads turned to the bride, to take her in. She did look beautiful, her hair even darker against the white sparkle of her veil, her dress pooling at her feet like cream poured from a jug.
Maria couldn’t see her, though. She was being held in place by a pair of blue-green eyes. The moment the doors opened, she had looked for him, and he for her. She saw his eyes scan the room, the crowd, only stopping their frantic search when he saw her. She looked straight back at him, trying to convey all the things she wanted to say, from her gaze right to his soul, his head, his heart. He never moved his eyes from hers, and she mouthed ‘I’m sorry’ to him. She couldn’t tell him what else she wanted to say, not here, not today, not this way. He bit his lip and she saw his jaw clench, and then the march started, and he didn’t look at her again.
It was almost over. Cassie had done front of house at the meal, with Maria choosing to stay in the kitchen, dealing with any problems that came her way and sending Cassie out as her face. She couldn’t bear to see James again, and she was pretty sure the last thing Annabel and Mark wanted was to see her milling around on their big day. They weren’t enemies by any means, but the situation was still raw, still strange. They had the honeymoon and the rest of their lives to talk about it, to make it work. Maria had a feeling they would too.
‘It’s almost over!’ Cassie said, echoing the words that had been rattling around in Maria’s head.
‘The guests are in the bar area, the evening guests have started to arrive, and the preparations for the evening-do turnaround are done. The dancefloor is down, the DJ has set up; we just need the first dance over with, and we can go. That skinny porter has put our stuff in the car.’ She leant in close. ‘I might have bagged a bit of champers too, for Tucker and I later.’ She winked, and Maria laughed.
‘Well, you deserve it. Thanks for today.’
Cassie fist-bumped her. ‘It’s okay. It’s good to see a bit of love in a room; makes a nice change from work.’
The DJ started talking bang on seven o’clock and the two of them headed out to the room.
He announced the couple for their first dance, and the whole room clapped as they took to the floor. Annabel and Mark looked like the quintessential newlyweds, and as the drums for ‘Kiss Me’ started, Maria found herself feeling very happy for them both. This was what love looked like. It wasn’t always pretty, or perfect. It wasn’t the good days that showed people how they felt about each other, but the worst days. The days when you wanted to leave, to throw in the towel, to rip your own heart out rather than feel any more pain. Getting through those days made the good days all the sweeter, with the right person by your side.
She had never had that with Darcy, and now he had no claim on her heart, or her head. She was free. They looked so happy, so carefree, and the day had gone without a hitch. Cassie nudged her, pointing to the entrance, and she slipped into the kitchen to check everything was okay before they left. The night manager was taking care of the buffet, and the bar manager was doing the rest.
Maria looked at the couple on the dancefloor, suddenly happy she had decided to do the wedding. She was glad she was here to help. To be family of sorts.
The DJ called for other couples to join the bride and groom, and the head bridesmaid of course made a beeline for James. He was sitting at the top table, beer in hand, looking decidedly the worse for wear already. He had been drinking steadily all day, but his mood hadn’t improved.
He brushed her off at first. Maria saw him pointing to his pint glass as she moved away to the door, in the shadows, but the woman wasn’t going to be deterred. She took the pint from him, placing it out of reach, and grabbed his hands, pulling him to his feet. They walked to the dancefloor to join the others as the song played, and she pulled him in close, placing his hands on her bottom. Maria felt sick. She saw Cassie coming out of the kitchen towards her, but she couldn’t look away. James raised his hands to her back and Maria felt a jolt of relief, till Liz moved them back into place and held them there for a moment. He swayed along with her, and she reached up to his neck, tilting his head to hers. James seemed to stumble a little, but recovered, and she went in. Moving her hands onto his face, she kissed him hard.
Maria felt Cassie put her arms around her and turn her away.
‘Mar.’ Maria tried to look again and Cassie pulled her back into place. But not before she saw they were still locked together.
‘Mar!’ she called. ‘Let’s go.’ Maria looked into her friend’s face and pressed her lips together.
‘Okay.’
James felt like he was going to pass out, fall asleep, and/or vomit. It could go either way. He had cheap perfume tickling his nostrils, and he pulled away, breaking the kiss. She looked like the cat that got the cream, and she went to lay her head on his chest, but he stepped back.
‘What’s wrong?’ she simpered at him. ‘Too hot to handle?’
He pointed to the toilets. ‘Won’t be a minute.’
She rolled her eyes and pouted at him. ‘I’ll get us a drink, yeah?’
He mumbled a ‘yeah, whatever’ and walked away to the toilets. When he was nearly at the door, he turned to the bar, but she was busy giving her order to one of the staff. He walked straight past the toilet doors and headed to the rooms.
He walked up to the room he knew Maria was staying in. He hadn’t seen her in the ballroom, and he hoped she had gone to pack with Cassie. He needed to see her, though in his drunken state he had no idea what she was going to say. Or what he was going to say for that matter. He just needed to see her.
He knocked at the door but got no answer. He knocked again. He didn’t hear anything from behind the door and his swaying was getting worse. He sat down, or rather slid down the wall, his back against the wood.
‘I’m sorry, Marihah, I really am. I’msho mad you see, at you. For not trusting me, you’shoulda know’n you could tells me anything, I’m always here for you. And Sparky.’ He dipped his head onto his chest.
‘Little Scparky, I love her too. It’s a girl, ya know.’ He struggled to keep his eyes open as he spoke.
‘It’s definitely a girl. With your hair, and eyes.’ He started to fall asleep, right there against the door.
‘I just wish you’da told me, Mar. I really do.’