20
In all the many fantasies I’ve had about Theo in the years since I met him, none of them have ever featured what the two of us have been doing today. When I daydream about him, it always involves him kissing me ravenously, tearing my knickers off with his teeth and having his wicked way with me, while some sort of cheesy love-scene soundtrack plays in the background. Don’t get me wrong, all those vivid concoctions are pretty amazing, but none of them come close to the simple pleasure of just hanging out with Theo for the day.
Since we finished the delectable omelettes he prepared for us this morning, Theo and I have swapped stories about our childhoods – I told him all about Chewy and he actually bellowed with laughter when I admitted some of the scrapes we used to get ourselves into – played thirteen games of Rummy, seven of which I actually managed to win, and eaten all the rest of the Manchego plus a good portion of the bread.
It’s been so nice to be here by the sea all day, watching the waves scurry up the shore gobbling sandcastles and displacing shells. From up here on Theo’s wide balcony, the wet pebbles down below us look like scattered gems, the light from the sun making the polished surfaces gleam and sparkle. There’s been a steady stream of human traffic passing by, with families, couples, dog walkers, joggers and noisy groups of teenagers all taking their turn on the sand. The mischievous wind provides a comedy element, too, and Theo and I have shared many chuckles as we watch people hurtling along after a rogue beach umbrella or errant napkin. At one point during an extremely intense round of cards, somebody’s straw hat blew right up on to the balcony and landed in the plunge pool.
As well as enjoying the view of the world going by coupled with Theo’s undivided attention, it’s been a relief to get away from Tom and Nancy. For the past few hours, I’ve allowed myself to pack that particular problem away into a far corner in my head to be dealt with another day. Distraction was all I needed, and I can’t think of a better person than Theo to provide it. After touching on the subject of my best mate and my half-sister in the morning, he has been astute enough not to mention it since, and with every hour that passes and I’m still here in the villa, I’m starting to feel more relaxed. I even managed not to collapse into a quivering heap on the floor when Theo took it upon himself to rub sun cream on to my back and shoulders, but I was still tingling all over at least half an hour after it happened.
My bikini dried hours ago, but I still haven’t bothered to put it back on, and now that I’m feeling more at ease in Theo’s company, I’m even enjoying the fact that I’m going commando. While he hasn’t yet said or done anything to make me think he’s aware of my almost-naked state, a part of me knows that he is. And it’s that same part which is making me feel increasingly hot with desire. When he showed me the editing suite he’s set up inside the second bedroom an hour or so ago, the two of us were so close together in front of the screen that I swear he must have been able to hear my heart hammering away lustfully in my chest.
‘Can I read you something?’ Theo asks now, picking up his notebook from the table in front of us. We’ve been moving our chairs to match the progress of the sun all day, and his is now only a few inches away from mine. Whenever he brings up his arm, the dark hairs brush against my bare skin, and I feel a tugging sensation from somewhere deep inside.
‘Of course,’ I tell him, arranging myself into a comfortable position and giving him my full attention.
‘It is the introduction for the film,’ he explains, resting his ankle on the opposite knee and laying the book across his lap. As he clears his throat in preparation, I get the sense that he’s even a little bit nervous – and that’s something I’ve never known him to be before.
‘On the south-east coast of Spain, in the foothills of Sierra Cabrera, there is a place both hidden and proud. A village that seems to shimmer as you look upon it, the cluster of white buildings a honeycomb shot through with moonbeams of colour. There is a neat harmony of simplicity here, an exquisite union of nature and creation, and as you take the steep pathway leading into the heart of this architectural utopia, you will feel your very spirit begin to sing. This is a place where time seems not to stand still, but to circulate in the air like the ever-present dust. It is timeless yet magical, flawed yet faultless, but most of all it is unforgettable. It is Mojácar.’
I hadn’t even realised that I’d closed my eyes until Theo stops talking, lost as I was in the cobbled streets of the place that he has just described so beautifully.
‘Wow,’ I breathe, turning to face him and pushing my sunglasses up on to my head. ‘That was. Wow.’
‘Do you really like it?’ Theo asks, his handsome face deadly serious. I love seeing him like this, more vulnerable and human than he usually is. It makes me feel special, as if he is now relaxed enough to let his guard down in my company, that he trusts my opinion and even craves my approval.
‘I really, really like it,’ I assure him, braving a light touch of his arm. ‘You’ve captured that unique Mojácar essence perfectly. You’re so clever.’
‘Careful now.’ Theo finally smiles. ‘You will give me a big head.’
I cough as my dirty mind conjures up the inevitable image, and reach for my water to mask my smirk.
‘You deserve to have a big head,’ I tell him, longing making my voice sound all gravelly. ‘It honestly gave me goosebumps – and it must be thirty degrees out here.’
‘I’m glad you like it,’ he says, rubbing his thigh absent-mindedly. ‘I have found it quite hard to put into words how it feels to look at Mojácar. I want to demonstrate how wonderful it is, but I do not want to sound corny or over the top, you understand?’
‘I do – I know exactly what you mean.’
There’s a pause while we just look at each other, bonded in the moment by our mutual enthusiasm for the subject, then Theo gets to his feet.
‘It’s past five now,’ he says, looking at his watch and then at me. ‘Shall I open a bottle of wine?’
We toast Theo’s amazing intro as the gradually dipping sun streaks through the railings and throws patterns of gold across our bare feet. I’ve never had chilled red wine before, but it’s very pleasant, and Theo has added a slice of lemon to each of our glasses.
I watch as a Spanish woman leads her young daughter down to the edge of the water on the beach below us. The girl is at that adorable age where she’s just begun to walk, and her chubby little legs are wobbling with glee as she toddles across the wet sand. What a place to grow up, I think, not for the first time. There’s so much to be said for stripping back your life and ridding it of clutter – a fact that I know to be true, yet still haven’t done anything about. The thing I hate most about my bedroom back in the shared house in Acton is all the stuff I’ve accumulated over time. There are DVDs I never watch, CDs gathering dust, photo albums I haven’t opened for years, clothes I don’t wear, jewellery I’ve never bothered to untangle, ornaments I’ve had since I was a teenager, books I’ll probably never read, shoes with holes, more clothes. We’re led to believe that all these material things will make us happy, that they signify success and contentment, when, in actual fact, the opposite is true. All that this clutter does is anchor you to one place. I think all you really need to be happy is what that little girl down on the beach has – the sun on your back, food on the table and someone to love who loves you in return. If it’s so simple, though, why do we dither around for so many years looking for something else?
‘Hannah.’ Theo is peering at me. ‘You look miles away.’
‘Sorry,’ I say, blinking rapidly and putting down my glass. ‘I was having an epiphany about the trappings of modern life.’
‘Oh?’ Theo is leaning towards me. ‘Tell me more.’
‘Hold that thought,’ I say, standing up. ‘Nature calls.’
Once in the safety of the bathroom, I turn on both the taps and beam at myself in the mirror. A day sitting out in the sun has given me a warm glow – well, either that or the wine is stronger than it tastes – and my eyes are sparkling with the promise of an evening spent in the company of Theo. It’s not my imagination; he is most definitely behaving differently around me. He’s been teasing me all day, dropping deliberate innuendos into the conversation and finding excuses to touch me. He could have asked me to leave hours ago, but he hasn’t. On the contrary, he’s found pretexts for me to stay – and he was nervous about reading that introduction to me. The fact that I’m the first person he’s shared it with makes me feel even taller than I already am, and, as I wash my hands and tuck away loose strands of hair behind my ears, I feel sure that for once I’m not grabbing at the wrong end of the rod.
Striding back across the decking and reaching for my wine, I’m about to compose another toast in praise of Mojácar, when Theo’s phone starts ringing. He answers it as I sit back in my chair.
‘Hello. Yes? Hello, Tom.’
My heart sinks.
‘Hannah is here with me, yes.’
Oh no.
‘I think so, yes.’ He turns towards me. ‘Hannah, are you okay?’
I nod, unable to speak.
‘She is nodding,’ Theo says, but he looks slightly perturbed now.
‘Yes, I will tell her. Yes, we’re meeting at the old well first thing on Monday. Okay. Right. Bye, Tom.’
Theo puts his phone back on the table.
‘Did you two have an argument?’ he asks. He doesn’t have to say who he means, not now.
‘Not really.’ I shrug and sip my wine. It suddenly doesn’t taste as nice as it did a few minutes ago.
‘He wanted me to tell you that he’s booked lunch for you both tomorrow, at the place with the barbecue.’
‘Right.’
I can’t help it, I let go of the heavy sigh that’s been building inside me.
‘Are you upset with Tom for making a move on your sister?’ Theo asks me now.
I know that if I raise my eyes, his will be waiting.
‘Yes,’ I whisper.
Theo holds my gaze, then abruptly stands up and walks inside with the half-empty wine bottle. He doesn’t say anything, so after a few seconds I follow him, taking a seat next to him on the pale grey sofa. The sky outside the glass doors is a rich admiral blue, but it feels dark inside the villa, and more intimate than the seats outside on the decking. I wish he would put on some music, something to soften the energy in the air between us.
‘Are you angry because you like Tom?’ Theo wants to know. I had forgotten how direct he can be sometimes. I’m not sure if it’s his age or his Greekness, but whatever it is, I find it deeply unsettling.
‘I don’t fancy Tom, if that’s what you’re asking,’ I tell him firmly. ‘I just find it a bit weird, that’s all.’
What I don’t add is that I feel betrayed, because Tom has sided with Nancy when he should be backing me. I don’t tell Theo that the thought of Nancy stealing away one of my closest friends makes me so mad I could sob. It’s all too complicated and messy – and I don’t want him to think that I’m conflicted when it comes to my feelings. I know who I want, and it isn’t Tom.
‘Who do you fancy?’
I knew the question was coming, but the words still hit me like tiny metaphorical bullets. I find that I can’t look at Theo, so instead I stare hard at a brown glass ashtray on the coffee table in front of us.
‘You shouldn’t ask me that,’ I mumble, and I hear him move a fraction closer to me.
‘Why not?’
‘Because,’ I say, still not looking at him.
Theo waits for a moment before replying, then leans back against the cushions and laces his fingers together behind his head.
‘Perhaps you are right,’ he concurs. ‘Maybe it is best that we remain as we are.’
‘What do you mean?’ I ask, reeling around to face him.
‘I am your boss,’ he points out, releasing his hands so he can use them to gesture wildly in the air. ‘It would not be fair on you.’
‘Yes, it would,’ I babble quickly, before my sensible side can lasso my words back into my mouth. Theo is frowning slightly, and I realise it’s now or never.
‘I’m a grown woman, Theo. I know what I want.’
‘Do you?’ He’s said it so quietly that I instinctively shuffle along the sofa so I’m closer to him. His already impenetrable eyes look like ebony stones in the half-darkness, and my hands go clammy as he scrutinises me. The atmosphere in the small space between the two of us is so intense that I’m surprised it’s not making my hair stand on end in static strands.
‘If we do this, we cannot let it affect our work,’ Theo murmurs.
I widen my eyes and nod my head urgently up and down, all of a sudden so aware of my lips that it feels strange to use them.
‘Come here to me.’
Oh. My. God.
I can’t help it; I drop my eyes again. The shaky confidence that I dredged up a few minutes ago has fallen away, and now I feel as if I’m floundering in a deep pool of sexual inadequacy. I want Theo, but I’m afraid.
‘Hannah,’ I hear him say, and when I finally raise my chin and look at him, Theo’s already moving towards me, and the next second our lips are touching, then our tongues. His hands travel into my hair, across the small of my back, along my bare thighs, and I let out a low moan of pleasure.
My heart is hammering and there’s a pulse beating incessantly from somewhere much lower down, too. I try not to kiss him back too eagerly, keen to prolong the moment and savour the taste and feel of him, but Theo has other ideas. His hands are up on my face now and he’s angled my head towards his own, his tongue exploring every crevice of my mouth, then moving down my neck and across my throat. His passion is surprising me, and I try in vain to keep up with the urgency of his kisses and his grasping fingers. My head is beginning to spin.
He mutters something in Greek, then his hand is down the front of my dress, extracting one white breast, and he’s bending his head to kiss my exposed nipple. He’s not being gentle with me, but the ferocity of his desire is making me almost pant with pleasure. Theo actually wants me; I can feel it. And I want him.
Sliding his hands down around my waist, he hoists me up so I’m sitting astride him, and I flinch a fraction as my dress rides up. It’s only a tiny hesitation, but it’s enough to snap Theo out of the trance that he was in, and he pauses with his mouth around one breast, looking up at me with a mixture of longing and confliction.
Don’t stop! I want to scream at him, but I can’t seem to find the words. Instead I hold my body against his, my chest pressed up to his and my hips rocking very slowly backwards and forwards. There’s a single layer of clothing now between us, and I can feel how much Theo would like there to be none. Leaning in to tentatively kiss his neck, I walk my fingers down to the waistband of his shorts and search for the button.
‘Wait.’ He catches my hand in his own.
‘What’s the matter?’ I ask, not daring to look at him.
‘I don’t have condoms,’ he says, his voice laden with lust but unmistakably disappointed. ‘Do you?’
‘No.’ I shake my head sadly and sit back on his knees. ‘I didn’t think that … I never thought …’
‘It’s okay,’ Theo says, putting a warm finger against my lips to silence me. ‘We still have plenty of time.’
I want him to kiss me again, but instead he eases me back on to the sofa cushion and playfully ruffles my hair, a lopsided smile on his flushed face.
‘Hannah, Hannah, Hannah,’ he murmurs, tracing a finger around the line of my jaw. ‘You are very beautiful.’
‘If you say so,’ I say with a laugh, but he frowns at me.
‘Do not argue with me now – I am your boss.’
‘That’s true,’ I agree, shyly nibbling the tip of his finger as he slides it between my lips. ‘And I promise to do whatever you say.’
Theo groans at this, but it’s one of desire rather than dismay. We both look down to where the material of his shorts is being strained almost to tearing point, and again he begins to mutter in Greek.
‘Perhaps pour us some more wine,’ he instructs, standing up and heading towards the bathroom. ‘I just need a few moments.’
I know why he needs a moment. I know so well that my face is now the same colour as a London bus that’s been set on fire, and I giggle as he closes the door behind him.
Can this really be happening? Have I just been writhing against my sexy Greek boss while he leaves love bites on my boobs? Yes, I absolutely have, and it’s the greatest feeling I have ever experienced in my entire life. Tom may think he won the top prize when he somehow convinced Nancy to get off with him, but my finally getting off with Theo is actual next-level stuff. If I wasn’t so massively peeved with Tom, I’d be calling him right now to boast about it.
Sod Tom, I think, inserting my boobs back into my now-even-more-favourite dress and topping up both the glasses with more wine. He can hire a plane to sky-write his messages of infatuation with Nancy for all I care.