There’s a new feeling in the air at my house. Maybe that’s just because the living room no longer smells like whiskey since Dad’s working during the day instead of drinking himself stupid on the couch. But I’m thinking it’s because things are starting to look up for my family. Mom is in a great mood and Dad actually went to sleep at a reasonable hour last night so he could get up early to go to work.

I can’t remember the last time my family went twenty four hours without screaming at each other. Now if only the rest of my life was coming together.

I spend a few minutes going over my homework in the morning. I have a test in English, History, and Chemistry today and I’m starting to think it’s cruel and unusual punishment for teachers to always test on the same day. Fridays, no less. Fridays are supposed to be a fun pre-weekend day. My grades have slipped like crazy since I took all those extra shifts at work, but now that I’m not going to work so much, I need to get my grades back up. I’ll need them for college scholarships since I can’t depend on a soccer scholarship anymore.

Studying keeps my mind off Clarissa, but as soon as I’m driving to school, I’m thinking about her again. Maybe it’s my imagination, but I can kind of smell the strawberry scent of her in my passenger seat from where she sat last night.

Last night was equal parts amazing and terrifying. Just being around her was like a miracle. It took every ounce of strength I had to keep my feelings tucked in close to my heart. She clearly hasn’t forgiven me yet, and I’m not sure she ever will. But if there’s a chance, I’m not going to ruin it by constantly asking if she wants to talk to me. I just need to keep my head down, do the work I promised her, and show her that I’m a good guy.

I repeat the words to myself as I sit in homeroom. I am a good guy. I am a good guy.

Because it really sucks when TJ walks into class with his arm slung around Clarissa’s shoulders. Somewhere keep inside me aches at the very sight of it. And then I notice her expression. Her lips twist and her eyes seem a little disturbed. Is she not happy that his arm is around her?

I watch her as she walks to her desk. Her gaze meets mine and she gives me the softest smile before sitting down. It makes my heart stampede around in my chest. TJ flops down in the desk to my left and promptly turns around to talk to Beau.

It sucks that I’m no longer in their friend group, but I study my chemistry textbook and keep up the charade that I don’t mind it at all. I know this saying is something my mom would have told me if I were five years old, but if they aren’t my friends now, then they’re not good friends to begin with. I’m fine without them, and without my soccer team. Any team who rats out one person while letting the other person get away isn’t a team I want to be a part of.

Today I actually listen to something in the announcements. Because the cold front blew in last night, there’s a heavy chance of snow this weekend. They’re cancelling all of the athletics activities just as a precaution.

Beau curses under his breath, says he was really looking forward to tonight’s game against the Bearcats.

“Dude, at least we get an unexpected Friday night off,” TJ says to him.

And then I get this weird psychic-like sense. TJ will probably ask Clarissa to hang out with him tonight since he’s free.

I decide I won’t let that happen.

I lean forward and tap Clarissa on her right shoulder so that she turns around with her back facing TJ.

“I’m thinking I might be able to finish the greenhouse tonight,” I say.

She looks at me curiously. “Really?”

I shrug. I have no idea if that’s true, I just need to talk to her before TJ does. “I think so.” I bite my lip. “Okay, maybe not.”

She smiles. “It’s a lot of work still, but putting up the siding doesn’t really take that long.”

“I’ll send you pictures of my progress,” I say, but what I wish I was saying is: Please come with me, I want another night with you for company.

She watches me for a moment. “I mean, I could come by and help?”

Yes. I swallow. “If you want to, yeah. But it’s supposed to be really cold so you don’t have to.”

“No, it’s okay. I want to.”

TJ’s dumbass voice butts in and ruins our conversation. “What are ya’ll two talking about?”

We turn to face him. “Just greenhouse stuff,” I say. Clarissa doesn’t say anything.

TJ’s eyebrows narrow. “What?”

“The greenhouse,” I say again. “I’m updating her on the progress.”

Again, his face is blank. Does he not know what I’m rebuilding it? Has she not told him?

This makes sparks dance in my heart. Maybe they aren’t as close as I’d feared. Clarissa would tell a guy about that kind of thing if they were really dating. But now, TJ is looking confused as hell and she’s not saying a word. She’s actually running her finger up and down the spiral binding of her notebook.

“What progress?” TJ says, then his confusion turns into a sneer. A warning sneer. “She already knows you vandalized the thing. What more is there to tell?”

“I’m rebuilding it,” I say, my voice low. “We got a great start last night.”

“We?” he turns to Clarissa. “Why’d you get him to help you? I can do it.”

“He…” She looks at me before continuing. “He promised to help me rebuild it.”

TJ frowns. “Well, he’s not your boyfriend, now is he?”

I freeze. They can’t be official. There’s no way. Please, please, don’t be official.

Clarissa straightens, and some of that ice cold attitude of hers comes back. “I don’t have a boyfriend, but the last time I checked, a woman doesn’t need a boyfriend to help her do something.”

“Whoa, Clarissa,” TJ says, holding up his hands. “Chill out.”

The bell rings and everyone gets up to leave. Everyone except for us. TJ stands, and he glares at me as he’s talking to her. “You don’t need Gavin to help you build something. I’ll do it.”

“He’s the one who promised,” she says. “It’s his responsibility.”

I stand, too. “The job is mine, dude. Don’t you remember? I was the one who wrecked the greenhouse in the first place. Not anyone else. Just me, according to Coach, and the principal.” There’s a warning in my voice. A dare, just begging him to come clean about his involvement. But I know he won’t. I smirk. “That means the job is all mine. And if Clarissa wants to spend the evening with me, she’s free to do so.”

TJ scowls. “That’s all you’re ever going to be to her, Gavin. Don’t get any ideas. She’s mine.”

“I’m no one’s,” Clarissa says. “God, ya’ll are just a couple of cavemen.”

“He’s the one treating you like a piece of property,” I say. “I’m the one coming through on my promise.” I lower my voice and talk directly to her. “We’re friends, and I’d never push you to be anything else.”

“Shut the fuck up, man.” TJ says. “You had your chance and you ruined it.”

Anger rises up so fast inside of me that I’m not sure I can control it. I am two seconds away from doing something stupid. But I can’t. Not in front of Clarissa. All I can do is leave.

I grab my backpack and storm out of the classroom, noticing one very confused homeroom teacher watching me go.

“Gavin!”

I stop at the corner of the hallway when I hear Clarissa call out my name. I’m afraid to turn around, because she could be with him. What if she’s holding his hand? What if they’re both wanting to continue the conversation about how I’m nothing but a vandal to Clarissa and that TJ is the guy who has her heart now?

I grit my teeth. Then I smell her strawberry shampoo as she rushes up next to me, grabbing my arm to get my attention. I blink, wishing she’d keep it there, but of course she doesn’t.

“Gavin,” she says, taking a deep breath. I glance behind her, but I don’t see TJ. Thank the heavens.

“What?” I start walking.

She keeps pace with me. “Don’t let TJ get to you like that. He’s, ugh, he’s such an idiot.”

“You shouldn’t talk about your boyfriend that way.”

“He’s not my boyfriend.”

“It sure feels like he is.”

“Gavin.” She says my name like she’s exhausted. “Please don’t let him get to you.”

I walk toward an alcove near a window to get out of the rush of students heading to their first period class. She follows me, her expression sorrowful and yet still as beautiful as ever.

“Listen, Clarissa. I know I fucked up. I know I ruined the perfect thing we had between us, but please keep in mind that TJ used to be my friend before all of this. I know the kind of guy he is, so trust me when I say that you are too good for him.” I put my hands to my chest. “You don’t want me, I get it. And that’s fine, but you don’t need him, either.”

She tilts her head and peers at me. “Did you only start helping me with the greenhouse because you’re jealous of TJ?”

I snort. “You’re too smart of a girl to believe something like that.”

“I don’t know what to believe,” she says.

“I know that you don’t seem too happy with him.”

She stiffens. “We’re just…hanging out.”

“Are you trying to convince yourself or me?”

She rolls her eyes. “Gavin, it’s over between us. I’m glad you’re helping me with the greenhouse, but I can’t trust you.”

Her voice cracks, and I can see it. Right there in her eyes, those deep pools of copper, she regrets what she just said. It gives me a hope like I’ve never had before.

“I lied to you, okay? And it was stupid. But I’ve never cared about anyone as much as I cared about you. If I could change your opinion of me, I would. In a heartbeat.”

Her breath hitches. I have to grit my teeth to stop myself from leaning forward and kissing her. She watches me for the longest moment, and I’m certain that at any second the bell will ring and we’ll be late to class.

“Ditch class with me,” I say. Holy shit. I said that. I can’t believe I said that.

Her eyes widen. “What? Why?”

I shrug. “Spend the day with me. I’ll win you over. I’ll show you that I’m better than him.”

Dammit, dammit, Gavin. No. I told myself to be better than this.

She looks at the floor, and then gradually brings her gaze up to mine again. “Gavin…” I can see the regret in her eyes. Sense the thoughts in her mind that swirl around, and then eventually land on what I don’t want to hear. “I can’t trust you. I’m sorry.”

“If you knew the real TJ, you wouldn’t trust him either.”

Her jaw flexes. “Yeah, well, he never lied to me.”

The bell rings, and we’re officially late for class. I take a deep breath. “Maybe you should read my letter.”