Chapter Thirty
Kate
Armed with the knowledge of how to kiss, I approached Mick in the school hallway, telling myself to ignore the people around him.
But at the last minute I chickened out and dodged the other way.
Actually, calling it chickening out was chickening out in its own way. My detour was more about thinking about someone else than being scared to talk to Mick. I was too afraid to dive deep into that complication, though, because I wasn’t sure how the other half of that equation felt about me.
On my way to my locker, several guys smiled at me—including one of Mick’s closest friends, which I thought was weird. Did that mean Mick didn’t tell them we’d gone on a date?
A few girls whispered, and I swore it was about me, because I got fake, snide smiles when I passed them. What’s going on? Did I enter some kind of alternate universe?
Chalking it up to not getting any sleep last night—I’d relived my kiss with Cooper countless times, tossing and turning as I thought about how I wanted to do it again, and how crossing that line would be a huge risk to our friendship, so it couldn’t happen again. Then I tossed some more as I replayed how unaffected he’d seemed—to the point that I wondered if he was lying when he told me I could kiss.
Frustration and confusion now mixing in with the twilight zone feeling, I grabbed my books and headed toward my morning classes.
My heart sped up when I spotted Cooper in the crowd.
I didn’t know if I should let my thoughts wander to where they were going, but it was too late to stop them anyway. They dwelled on the delicious sensations the press of Cooper’s lips brought on. The way he wrapped his arm around my waist and held me so tightly to him. The touch of his tongue to mine.
Residual heat coursed through me, the frenzied butterflies in my gut now gliding around with wings on fire.
Maybe… Maybe it could happen again.
Afterward he’d been closed off, but during that kiss, he’d been anything but. His low groan, the way his fingers dug into my sides—that wasn’t unaffected behavior. Right?
I suppose after Amber, I stopped trying a bit. Maybe even retreated into myself. Putting myself out there was hard, and the sting of rejection hadn’t faded as much as I wished it would. It made it hard to take another chance, especially one with such high stakes attached—the statistician in me couldn’t help calculating the odds, and when it came to Cooper, even a one percent chance of messing things up between us didn’t seem worth it.
In a lot of ways, Mick was the safer option. While I’d had a crush on him for a long time, it was all attraction and daydream based, so my heart wasn’t all caught up in him, completely exposed and unprotected.
If Cooper rejected me, on the other hand, I didn’t know if I would ever get over it. It’d be like Amber ditching me times a thousand. I’d experience that crushing loss that sucked away happiness and accentuated loneliness, and just the thought was enough to give me heart palpitations with a squeezing side of anxiety.
Arms wound around my waist, and I thought Cooper must’ve seen me having a panic attack and come to steady me.
Instead, Mick’s voice filled my ear as my back met his chest. “Morning, sexy.”
Disappointment flooded me, and I worked to wipe it off my face before I spun around. “Morning. I’m, um, kind of—”
“In a rush? As usual?”
I smiled. “Yeah, actually.”
Mick hooked his finger in my belt loop. “Even though that flick was super cheesy, I had a good time at the movies last night.”
“Uh, yeah. Me, too.” I decided not to mention I thought the movie was romantic and swoony, not cheesy, because that conversation would take too much time and my thoughts were too tangled up with other swoony romantic sensations I’d experienced last night near the shore of the lake. “Can I talk to you at lunch? Like I said, in a rush.”
“Actually, I said it for you, because you’re always rushing off in the mornings.” Mick tapped my nose, and it was a cute gesture and all, but I wasn’t feeling it. Everything felt off, and I supposed that was the push I needed.
“Okay, well, see you later.” I broke away and sprinted down the hall, past worrying if it made me look like a crazy person—I didn’t give a damn about looking too serious anymore, either.
I caught up to Cooper right before he turned into the English department hallway, which was in the opposite wing of my first class. I was working on not worrying my impulsive move might make me late, because I needed to see where he and I were at before I made any more decisions.
My tightening throat made speaking suddenly seem impossible, but this was Cooper, so I forced myself to push through my nerves. “Hey.”
Okay, so it wasn’t, like, a lot of words, or a grand declaration or anything, but seriously, why were my hands shaking?
He barely glanced at me. “Hey. I’m kind of in a hurry.”
Ironic, considering I’d just blown off Mick with the same excuse, which wasn’t helping with the shaking hands thing. I grabbed Cooper’s arm and pulled him to a stop, my pulse thundering in my ears. “I understand hurries and not wanting to be late for class and all, but I…” Need a sign that I’m not alone in thinking that we’re great together.
For you to look at me or talk to me at the very least.
When I didn’t get any of those things, I cleared my throat. “I just wanted to say thanks again. For last night.”
I held my breath as hope and desire flooded my chest, waiting to see if I saw a spark. Saw that he couldn’t stop thinking about our kiss, either. Something. Anything.
Standing there, my hand on his arm, it hit me, so strongly my knees wobbled. I didn’t want someone who made me incapable of speech. I wanted someone who I could talk with about my passions and hobbies and anything and everything. Someone who made me laugh, who truly knew me, and made me feel completely unsteady in the best possible way.
I didn’t want safe and risk free. I wanted the boy who kissed me under the starlit sky last night.
I wanted Cooper Callihan.
He didn’t even look at me. “Sure thing.”
My heart dropped to the floor, taking my hope along with it. I pinched the charm of my necklace between my fingers. “I’m afraid I crossed a line, and I worried—”
“It’s fine, Kate. What are friends for?”
The word friends shouldn’t have stabbed me in the chest the way it did. I needed his friendship. He was my only friend. Of course he had only been trying to help me last night.
“Like I said, I’m in a hurry. I’ll catch you later.” Without waiting for me to respond, he quickened his pace and charged down the hall.
I blinked back tears. Get it together. Blaming lack of sleep for being overly emotional—might as well blame it for everything—I rushed to my first class of the day, where I focused on the material like I’d never focused before.
At lunch, Mick strolled up to me and draped an arm around my neck, his hand dangling dangerously close to my right breast. “Are you off the hook for this afternoon?”
I gripped the cardboard box with my lunch inside tighter so I wouldn’t drop it. “Off the hook?”
Vaguely I noticed he’d walked us over to the table with his friends. “With Callihan?” Mick’s eyebrows arched up. “And the rowing thing?” His look turned from questioning to frustration. “Didn’t you say you were going to try to get out of training with him so you could hang with me instead?”
“Oh. Right. I’ll talk to him.” Not that he’ll talk back. He’ll probably be in too big of a hurry.
“She’ll do more than talk to him,” Paris muttered from her seat to our left. “I have to give it to you, Kate. I never thought you’d be the type of girl to juggle all the guys.”
I stiffened. Then I dared a glance at Mick. “I’m not…” Hell, maybe I accidentally was. But one thing was for sure: I definitely wasn’t doing a good job.
“Back off, Paris,” he said. “Jealousy doesn’t look good on you.”
Her mouth dropped open and she spun toward her group of friends with a huff. Amber eyed me, looking like she didn’t recognize me—which seemed a bit like the pot calling the kettle black, but whatever.
I wanted to run, but I sat down instead. If Cooper didn’t like me as more than a friend, I couldn’t blow everything with Mick right now. Surely a bit more time with him, and my feelings for Cooper would fade.
My gaze automatically sought him out, obviously not getting the memo about us trying not to think about Cooper right now. He and Jaden sat at their usual spot with Alana. A studious guy was next to her, his lips moving a hundred miles a minute. He didn’t seem to notice everyone else looked bored out of their minds.
Despite whatever drab topic the dude was going on and on about, longing to be sitting over there and listening in rose, giving me a torn-apart sensation.
Cooper slumped back and scanned the room.
Our eyes caught, and he gave me a big thumbs-up. Actual encouragement over sitting next to Mick, and it should feel like a win.
But it didn’t.
When I dragged my attention off Cooper, Mick gave me an inquisitive look. Right. I needed to be putting in my time here, finishing up my mission so I could put on my fancy expensive dress and go to prom with a guy who wanted to kiss me instead of one who dealt with doing so in the name of friendship.
“About what Paris said…” I didn’t even know how to finish that up, but I felt like I needed to explain before he got the wrong idea—the idea everyone else apparently had about me now.
“It’s not a big deal. Callihan told me that you weren’t into serious.”
A sinking sensation went through my gut. “He did?” Our plan included me coming across that way, sure, but he’d actually told Mick that? I thought we were more about show than tell. Telling was different, and more…just more. My trust felt completely violated, and the raw feeling in my chest that’d started somewhere around the strained conversation with Cooper in the hall this morning grew even wider.
“Yeah. I don’t want to be tied down right now, either. It’s stupid to start anything when school’s almost over and we’ll just be heading to college soon.”
“Right. That’s exactly how I feel.” My voice came out scratchy, the lie shredding it on the way out. How had I ended up here?
Oh yeah. I set a goal and decided I’d do whatever it took to achieve it. I lifted my sandwich and forced myself to take a bite, even though I no longer felt very hungry. “So that wouldn’t bother you? If he and I were…?”
“Only if you blow me off for him this afternoon.” Mick moved his lips next to my ear as his hand curled around my thigh. “I have plans, and they involve me and you, alone in my house.”
Man, if Mick’s friends thought I was a hookup girl, no wonder they were extra friendly. An icky feeling settled in my gut, turning my one bite of food sour. This wasn’t how I wanted to end my high school years—being known as the girl who went from shy and serious to not shy or serious at all. Maybe other girls were okay being that kind of girl, but it wasn’t me, and honestly, I was sick of working so hard to be someone I wasn’t.
I’ve certainly landed myself in a mess this time. Worse, I had no idea how to get myself out of it.
It needed to be by myself, too, because clearly I had to do the rest of this mission without Cooper Callihan.