Chase

The knock on my closed bedroom door makes me close my eyes and exhale deeply. My dad must want to go another round over committing to a school. The more I refuse to do it, the closer he seems to get to realizing that he can’t force me to do what he wants.

It’s not like when I was playing Pee Wee football, looking to him on the sidelines for signals instead of my coach. I’m not falling into line this time.

I don’t respond, hoping he might go away, and a couple seconds later, the door is slowly pushed open a few inches.

“Chase?” my sister Alyssa calls into the room.

I’m lying down on the bed, and I sit up when I see her.

“Hey, you can come in.”

She opens the door, slides into the room, and closes it behind her.

“Can I be in here for a little while?” she whispers.

“Yeah.” I pat the spot beside me on the bed, and she comes over and sits down. “What’s going on?”

“Mom’s crying.” She looks at the ground, sounding ashamed to be admitting it.

In our house, we rarely talk about the elephant in the room, which is my dad’s drinking and anger. The rest of us seem to think that not acknowledging it somehow makes it less real.

“Do you know why?” I ask Alyssa.

“Dad’s yelling at her. He seems mad about everything. He told Cassie she looks like a whore in the shirt she’s wearing.”

I didn’t hear any of that over the music I have on. I shake my head and put my arm around Alyssa.

“You stay in here as long as you want, okay?”

She nods. “He won’t mess with you because tomorrow’s game day.”

Her words are like a punch in my gut. She’s right. Dad doesn’t start shit with me on Thursdays or Fridays. This is the night before game day, and he wants me getting my head into the right space for tomorrow night.

I can’t possibly think about football, though. Gin and I haven’t spoken in almost a week, and it’s making me crazy. I didn’t realize how much I’d started to rely on her until she wasn’t there anymore.

If I pass her in the hallway, she’s always looking somewhere else, deliberately avoiding eye contact. I stopped going to play practice because I know she doesn’t want me there. At first, I thought things would blow over, but now I don’t think so.

Gin’s strong. She’s not one to cave easily. And even though I think she overreacted, I get where she’s coming from. She doesn’t seem to understand the pressure I’m under, though.

A few of my teammates are with me. Ben Hart, a junior, was the first to have the balls to approach me and tell me he agrees with my decision. A few other guys followed, but none of the heavy hitters who are on the field with me at kickoff every Friday night.

Those lights that shine on us weekly every fall made us feel like rock stars. Invincible town heroes. Entitled assholes who treated girls like trash.

I look over at my little sister and swallow hard, a fresh wave of shame hitting me.

“Hey. Don’t you ever, ever let a guy disrespect you, you hear me? The way Dad treats Mom—don’t you ever put up with that. Your body is…it’s yours, and you shouldn’t let anyone treat your body like it’s there for their stress relief or entertainment.”

She nods, her eyes wide and solemn.

“I’ve made mistakes,” I admit.

“You have?”

“Yeah. But I’ve learned from them, and I hope I can help you avoid making the same kinds of mistakes.”

Alyssa turns to the side so she’s facing me. “Kids at school are saying stuff about you. I tell them to shut their faces.”

I pat her knee and smile. “Thanks, kid. I’ll be okay.”

“You are going to college, right?”

“Of course I am. Why are you asking me that?”

She shrugs. “I heard Dad telling Mom he thinks you don’t want to go.”

“Ah.”

That explains his rage. The old man thinks I’m gonna end up like him—his chance for redemption shot down. Makes me want to wait even longer to commit to a school.

“Can I tell you a secret?” I turn and look down at Alyssa.

Her eyes shine happily. “Yes. I won’t tell anyone.”

“When it’s time for you to start college, you’ll be able to go anywhere you want. I’ll be in the NFL by then, unless I get injured in college, which I’m gonna do my best to avoid. I’m gonna take care of you then. You’ll have a car and nice clothes and all your classes paid for.”

“Really?” She grins hopefully.

“Yep. So for the next four years, once you start high school, here’s what I want you to do: work hard in all your classes. Get the best grades you can. Don’t get too distracted by boys. Make good decisions, and if you need help knowing which decisions to make, you can ask me. Can you do all that for me?”

“Yes.”

“I’m gonna do the same for Cass, but she doesn’t know that yet. I’ll still be in college when she starts college, so she’ll have to take out loans, but I can pay them back after I get drafted.”

“I’m so excited,” she says, wrapping her arms around herself.

“Me too. And can I tell you one more secret?”

She nods enthusiastically.

“Everyone thinks the guys I play football with are my team. And they kinda are. But the truth is, you and Cassie and Mom are my team. The four of us, we’re gonna be okay. I’m gonna make sure of it.”

“Not Dad?”

I shake my head. “He’s not on our team.”

The song on my stereo ends, and the sound of my Dad raging about something takes its place. Alyssa sighs softly and looks at the ground.

“I’m going out there,” I say to her. “Find a book in here to read or something, okay?”

She nods, her eyes wide with worry. “Cassie’s not a whore.”

“No. Remember this, okay? Dad’s anger has nothing to do with anyone but himself.”

“Okay.”

I get up and head for the door, giving her a reassuring smile over my shoulder on the way out. As soon as I’m in the hallway, I hear Dad yelling from the kitchen.

“We just had meatloaf last week! I’m so fucking sick of meatloaf.”

“I thought you liked it,” I hear my mom say. “I’m sorry.”

I shake my head and clench my fists as I walk into the kitchen.

“What do you want?” my dad demands. “If you’re not here to tell me you’re ready to commit to Bama, turn around and walk back to your room.”

I walk over to the kitchen counter, which Mom is leaning her back against, and stand next to her.

“You want to bitch about dinner now?” I ask my dad in a level tone.

“Excuse me?” His expression twists with shock.

I don’t know what’s come over me, or why. Maybe it’s all the stress that’s been squeezing me like a vise, but I feel changed. I’m not leaving this room.

“Come on,” I say. “You’re tough enough to say it when she’s in here alone, be tough enough to say it when someone bigger than you is standing here.”

“This is none of your goddamned business.” He points a finger at me. “Get out of here. Go watch your film or wring your hands about what school to pick before you’ve got none left to pick from.”

“No, you get out of here,” I say, feeling more confident with every word. “Take your sorry ass to the bar—”

“Chase,” my mom says softly.

“—and leave the rest of us to eat our delicious meatloaf in peace.”

“Listen here.” My dad advances on us, and I feel my mom flinch. “This is my house, and—”

“Get out right now, or I’m not playing tomorrow night.” I fold my arms over my chest. “I’ll tell Coach I need a mental health day to recover from my dad pushing my mom around.”

“Chase!” My mom looks up at me, shocked.

“I swear to you, I’ll do it,” I tell my dad.

He narrows his eyes at me in disgust, swipes his keys from the counter, and leaves.

“What are you doing?” my mom asks me.

“Standing up,” I say, remembering Gin’s words. “You deserve better than him, Mom.”

“Honey, he means well.”

I roll my eyes as the engine of my dad’s truck roars to life and he backs out of the driveway.

“Don’t waste your breath defending him to me, Mom,” I say, heading back out of the room.

I feel a twinge of satisfaction as I walk back to my room, thinking about his expression when he knew he was beat.

Nothing means more to my dad than his progeny leading Roper High to glory in every game.

There’s still a war, and I won’t have a way to win it for a long time. But today, I won a battle, and given the shitty week I’ve had, I’ll take the small victory.