Chapter Five
Nora
“Hey, look who’s here, Miss Maggie,” Claudia says. “It’s Nora and Eli, come for a visit.”
Gigi lifts her head. God, let her remember me, I send up a silent prayer. Eli is beside me, and I almost reach for his hand, but stop myself in the nick of time.
Gigi smiles big. “Oh, there’s my sweet Nora and Eli.”
I almost sag with relief. Instead, I make a beeline for her. “Hi, Gigi!”
I give her a hug, noticing how thin she feels in my arms. Then it’s Eli’s turn. He and Gigi have always been close, even before I moved in, and her smile gets even wider as his broad shoulders engulf her.
“We’re having a good day today,” Claudia reports. “This young lady ate all her lunch, and she played a game of checkers with Mr. Ruiz.”
Gigi huffs. “Well, I was hungry! And that man was getting way too cocky about his checker-playing abilities.”
“Did you whoop his ass?” Eli asks.
“You better believe I did,” she says, sounding like her old self.
I pull up a chair beside her. “Did you have a good week?” I ask.
She takes my hand and pats it. “Oh yes. I miss my sweet girl, though.”
My heart hurts in my chest. “I miss you, too.” I try to keep my voice from breaking. I’m here to cheer her up, not to cry.
“Grades good?”
“Of course,” I say.
She pats my hand again and turns to Claudia. “Nora is number one in her class. She’s going to be a scientist.” I’m glad she remembers that fact, if only she hadn’t told Claudia the same exact thing when I was here last week.
Claudia nods enthusiastically, pretending not to notice. “Yes, that’s so exciting. You know where you’re going to college yet?”
My eyes slide toward Eli. “Um. State, to start.” He has no reaction, of course, because to him, that’s still the plan. He doesn’t know things might change.
“Nothing wrong with State,” Claudia says. That’s what everyone says about State—and I know she’s right. It’s close, and you have to take all those basic classes no matter where you go, so why go somewhere that costs more? It makes sense.
“Did you hear from that other school?” Gigi asks. “What was it?”
Crap. I told her about Emory when I came to visit her after the new year. I didn’t think she’d remember.
“Nah. Hey, Gigi, you wanna play some Go Fish?” Smooth, Nora. Way to lie to your grandmother. There’s a special place in hell for people who do that.
“Sure. Go Fish sounds fun.”
I run to get the cards in her drawer.
“Now who are you?” Gigi asks. She’s talking to Eli. He glances at me, a crease between those blue eyes.
He takes the deck from me without missing a beat. “It’s me, Gigi, it’s Eli.” He cuts the cards and starts to shuffle. “I stopped by to make sure you’re not causing too much trouble.” He winks at her, and smiles that smile that melts me to my core.
She giggles. “Oh, what fun would it be if I wasn’t causing trouble?” She tilts her head and winks at him. “You’re a handsome young man.”
“Hey, thanks,” he says. “You’re not so bad yourself.”
Gigi laughs out loud, and I calm down. Eli’s lived next door to her his whole life. I know this isn’t easy for him, either, but he handles it so well; much better than I do.
“Hey, you know what, Gigi?” I say. “I drove my car here today.”
Her eyes narrow. “You did?”
“Yes, Eli’s gonna give me lessons so I can finally get my license. I’ll be able to come and see you more.”
“Oh, wonderful,” she says. “It’s about time.” She scolds me and I’m so happy, it’s like she’s her normal self. God, I hate this disease. I want to kill it, wipe it off the planet. Yet another reason to go to Emory.
Claudia brings us a plate of cookies and we play Go Fish. It’s Gigi and me versus Eli, and he’s letting us win.
We make it through one game when Claudia comes back and asks Gigi if she’s tired.
She looks at me, then Eli. “Yes, I am. You come back and see me now, kids. You’re both so sweet.” Her eyes move between us, unfocused. “Tell me your name again.”
Oh God, no. She talking to me. “It’s me, Gigi. Nora.”
“Oh.” Her head wobbles back and forth. “Of course. Thank you for coming. You, too, young man.”
I touch her hand. “Gigi, I’ll see you next weekend, okay?” I am desperate for her to remember me. “I love you.” I give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I can see that she’s tired. She doesn’t say I love you back.
Heartbroken, I shuffle out of there like a zombie. “She seemed thinner. Did she look thinner to you?”
Eli shrugs. “No. She looked good.”
“Don’t lie.” We get into the car, me behind the wheel, and I start to cry. I’m not a crier, but right now I can’t help it.
“Hey,” he says. “It’s gonna be okay.”
I sniff and hope to God he’s right. “I know, I know.” I wipe my eyes. “Jeez, I hate crying. It’s such a waste of time.” I start the car. “I also hate driving.”
He sighs. “You want me to drive home?”
I face front and clench my teeth. “No.” I start the car, back up slowly. Too slow judging from Eli’s body language, which is telling me he would really, really like to shout “Go!”
Eventually, I make it out of the spot and the car lurches forward through the parking lot. “I am so gonna need some pie,” I say.
“Oh hell, yeah.”
I finally hit the gas and start down the main road. Eli gets a text and stares at his phone. I haven’t asked him about Koviak’s party, but I know it got broken up around midnight by the cops. I laid in my bed, waiting for him to come home. He was still out when I fell asleep around one. So where was he? Who was he with?
These are exactly the things that are none of my business, and I should not care about. And why I need to get my driver’s license.
We’re moving along nicely, I think. I’m calm and breathing normally. Eli chuckles at his phone, and suddenly something darts out in front of me from the side of the road. My heart jumps into my throat. I scream and slam on the brakes. The car skids and squeals and Eli jerks forward, his phone flinging out of his hand.
“Oh no! No, no, no, no!” I yell.
“What happened?” he shouts.
I grab his T-shirt sleeve. “I hit it! I hit it! I always hit something!”
“What did you hit?”
I’m close to hyperventilating. “I don’t know, something! Where is it?”
He looks behind us where cars are honking. “Dude! You can’t stop like that out of nowhere. You could have killed us.”
“Don’t yell!” I squint, and in the middle of the lane in front of us, I spot a kitten. “Oh no! I hit a kitten!”
The honking behind us gets louder, but I don’t care. I put the car in park, and run out into the street, waving my arms wildly, so none of these idiots trying to pass me hits the kitten. Again.
“Shit!” Eli shouts and hops out, too. “Nora, get back here! What are you doing? Get back in the car!”
The kitten isn’t moving, but when I reach it in the road, it looks okay. I stick out my hand and it sniffs me, staring up with big black eyes as the cars behind us lay on their horns. The poor thing is terrified. I scoop it up and hold it to my chest, then hurry back to the car and shut myself inside. Eli gets back in, too, slamming the door.
“Do you want to die?” he yells. “Holy shit! Give that motherfucker to me and drive!”
“Don’t call it that and stop yelling!”
He reaches out and takes it. “Just give it to me and go!”
“Does it look okay?”
He snarls. “Oh my God, would you go?”
I’m flustered with all the horns, so I hit the gas without putting the car in drive.
“Put it in drive!”
“Okay! Don’t yell. It’s already scared.” I am, too, though I don’t mention that. I put the car in gear and drive. The car jolts forward, but I only go as far as the gas station on the corner, where I pull in and park.
“What are you doing?” Eli asks.
I’m shaking as the kitten meows and squirms against his chest. “I can’t do this. I can’t drive.”
I’ll have to find some other way to get over Eli, because he’s going to have to drive me around for the rest of the year. Maybe the rest of my life. Because I cannot do this.
And…I’m crying again. I hate my life.
“Nora,” he says, his voice calmer now. “Come on, stop.” The kitten meows again. “Don’t lose it. Okay?”
I raise my hands in surrender. “No. Can’t. Too late. I’ve already lost it. You saw Gigi. Eli, she’s getting worse. And I can’t drive a car without almost killing something.” I grab the steering wheel, lean my forehead on it. “I can’t do this.”
“Wow,” he says, holding the cat up in front of his face. “You hear that, cat? She’s giving up.”
The words stab me like a knife. I straighten up. “It’s not giving up. It’s facing facts. Driving is not a skill I can master. I’m sorry.” I reach out and pet the cat on the head with one finger. I start crying again thinking I almost smashed it to oblivion.
He holds the kitten close to his chest. It’s way too adorable.
He turns to face me. “Come on, Nor. Maybe look at this glass as half full, huh? I mean, Gigi remembered you today, and me, too, mostly, and then she got tired. That’s all. She was tired. So it was a good visit. And you drove all the way out here. You did that. Yeah, you did it like a hundred-year-old blind person, but I don’t think that’s so bad for someone who hasn’t been behind the wheel in two years. You can drive. And this dumbass cat got its own self stuck in the middle of the road. You didn’t put it there. You saved it. I mean, even though you almost got us killed, you saved it. So if you wanna quit, quit. I’ll drive you around next year. I don’t mind. Twenty bucks a week buys my gas.”
The kitten lets out a high-pitched meow.
I bite my bottom lip. “I don’t know.”
“What don’t you know? You can do quantum physics, you can drive a damn car. Give yourself a chance. Let me give you some refresher lessons, except we’re not just going to the center and back. Let’s have fun, too. Okay?”
He’s right. “I can’t do quantum physics,” I say, “but I won’t quit.” I put the car in drive. “Also, don’t call my cat a dumbass.”
I notice his smirk, which calms me, and I go.
We stop at the Mermaid to change places. The kitten is sound asleep against Eli’s chest. I didn’t have any more near misses, though my fingers are still molded to the steering wheel.
“What are you gonna do with it?” Eli nods down at the ball of fluff in his hands.
“I don’t know. I’m not sure what Mom will say.”
We get out, and as he walks around the front of the car, I notice him flinch when he takes a step with his right leg.
“Does your knee hurt?”
He flexes it as he hands me the cat. “Nah, it’s good. I just stepped wrong when I was trying to save your life in the middle of the street.” He adds a half-hearted glare for good measure.
I stick my tongue out at him. Problem is, I don’t know if he’s being honest. I’m not a big lacrosse fan, but I know that he’s an attackman, he’s the team captain, and he’s good. Sophomore year, he tore his right ACL and had to have surgery, then didn’t play for the rest of the season. It took him a while to get back, and he’s got a spot on the team at State next year.
He loves lacrosse and if he can’t play, I have no idea what he’ll do. I’m afraid it might involve living with his parents until he’s forty.
I search his eyes and feel my heart respond. I worry about him probably more than I should. “You’re not pushing it, are you?”
“No. It’s just a little stiff. I’ll know if I need to get it checked.”
He drives us home as I hold the kitten, gray and wriggling, on my lap.
Eli glances over. “So, you want more lessons?” he says as he pulls back into my garage.
In the quiet car, it feels like something passes between us, something unspoken, but understood. This isn’t the first time this has happened—a moment when it almost seems like he can read my mind.
Then the moment passes, and I remind myself that he cannot read my mind, and if he could, it would be a disaster. He’d know that a big part of me wants him to drive me around forever, which is exactly why I need to get my license.
“Yes,” I say. “Please.”
He lifts a corner of his mouth. “Okay. Party, Friday. At the beach. You’re driving.”
Panic hits me. That’s a few days from now. “Wait. What?”
“It’s perfect. No lacrosse practice and no school on Friday. I’m free. You’re free. No excuses.”
He gets out of the car and shuts the door before I can protest. Smart of him, since there’s no way I’m going to that party.