Carly Sevens
“Come here. I’m going to ruin you.”
I’d dreamt about this, wondered what it would be like if I ever got the chance to touch him and feel his body.
I didn’t hesitate. I didn’t even blink.
I knew he’d never come on to me if he was completely sober, but I didn’t care. I really didn’t care. How bad was that? I knew that if we’d both been at home, he’d have been talking to me like the immature girl he still saw me as.
But god, I wanted him to ruin me.
I’d already made the decision; I was going to have what I’d always dreamed of and move past it. Think of it like a bucket list item—experience it and check that box as completed.
I’d been out partying with my girls. Lately, it had been getting more and more frequent. It was our last year at college and the euphoric feeling that came with that tempted us to let off steam more regularly. I’d had a few cheeky beers the previous night, and with travelling back home for the holidays tomorrow, I wasn’t in the mood to over imbibe again. I kept it real, one bottle of beer just to be social.
It was as I walked past Dooley’s Irish pub that I spotted him sitting at the bar alone, nursing a beer and aimlessly grabbing handfuls of nuts, while watching the game on the TV. Ugh, nuts… Didn’t he know that bar nuts were the most unhygienic thing in the place? Guys visited the bathroom, handled themselves and then came back to dive into the nuts without washing up. Gross.
I contemplated the ridiculous need I felt to go and tell him this. He was a tutor at my college so he wasn’t stupid and he should have known better. Before I could talk myself out of it, I strode in to tell him what I thought.
“Do you know how many germs live in those nuts?”
His hand stopped mid way from the bowl to his mouth, and with a look of disdain at my interruption, he released his current handful before picking up the whole bowl and tipping the entire contents into his mouth.
The bar stool next to him had freed up, so I sat in it. His little display with the nuts was like a challenge, and there was no way he was going to run me off. He might have been in a position of authority during college hours, but right now he was Jack Griggs, my mom’s oldest friend and twin brother of her bestest bestie, Jake.
“What can I get you?”
“Two beers please,” I told the hot barmaid. She was covered in tattoos but it worked for her. In fact, there were more tattoos covering her skin than clothes.
“You don’t need to buy me an apology beer for your interruption.”
“I’m not. They’re for me, and what am I apologizing for?” I was buying him a beer, so I had no idea why I’d denied that.
Yeah, I did know why. It was all bravado.
I knew I shouldn’t really drink another one; it was going against my stay sober plans. His stay sober plans were in rapid decline, too. He was grumpy and glassy eyed.
“Interrupting the game. I’m not on the clock,” he grumbled.
“Have I asked you an educational question?”
Jack didn’t answer me. He continued to swig his beer and focus on the overhead screen to the left of me. This was going to make things awkward. If I watched the game, I couldn’t see him as well. I could also feel his glare burning a hole in the back of my head.
My brain was on a constant reminder loop, telling me that I had no idea what I was doing here, but I couldn’t lose face by leaving so soon.
“Why are you here, Carly?”
Shit. Not only was he burning a hole in the back of my head, but it seemed he could read the thoughts that hole was exposing. I loved the way my name rumbled out of his mouth.
“Why do you hate me?” I actually blurted that shit out loud. Admittedly, I’d always suspected it and done my best to avoid thinking about it, but if I was here and making a complete dick out of myself, I figured I might as well jump in with both feet and do a proper job. I’d said it while pretending to watch the game, so when the human tattoo canvas finally served my beers, it gave me the excuse to turn around and see why he hadn’t answered me.
That was when I saw his back heading towards the outer door of Dooley’s.
I should have taken the hint and drowned the sour taste his action had caused with the ice-cold beers, but I didn’t. I felt my temper spike. The temper was part of my red-headed curse.
“Are you for real?” I shouted after him on the sidewalk.
His retreating figure stopped at the sound of my voice. “Why did you come into the bar, Carly?”
I couldn’t answer that.
Well I could, but it was probably best not to say it out loud.
I turned and walked off in the opposite direction. After a few seconds, I heard his feet pounding the sidewalk behind me. “Why are you here now?”
“It’s dark and you shouldn’t be walking home alone.”
We carried on in a bubble of uncomfortable silence until we reached the apartment I shared with my friends who were still out.
“I’d still like an answer,” I asked him, sensing that I’d never get this opportunity again.
“Fucking hell! What do you want me to say?” The look of utter frustration on his face was the same thing I’d been seeing since we’d first bumped into each other on campus.
“I thought we were friends. I want you to tell me what the hell I’ve done to deserve being ignored by you.”
Jack paced back and to, shaking his head. On his fourth rotation, he stepped up to me and grabbed me. “This. This is why I ignore you.” I inhaled in shock at his close proximity and lost focus when his lips attacked mine. “I want you and I can’t fucking have you.”
The raw feelings that surged through my body at his contact were like nothing I’d ever felt before. All the guys I’d fooled around with and my past experiences of sex were clearly nothing to write home about.
Realizing I was getting what I’d dreamed about since I was a teenager, I grabbed the back of his head and fought for involvement. My action seemed to remind him of who he was erotically mauling. “This is wrong,” he whispered against my lips.
“There’s no one home and I won’t tell anyone.”
I waited nervously as he considered his options, all the wrong things about it spinning through his brain. “I hate that I’ve watched you with other guys. I fucking hate that I want this so much. Key.”
Jack’s one word command startled me into action, and like a kid whose Christmases were all coming at once, I pulled the key from my pants pocket and guided my shaking hand towards the lock on the door.
As soon as we were inside the small hallway, he pushed me face first up against the wall and stood behind me, tugging my hair until my head dropped back against his chest in search of the lip contact from moments ago that was just so delicious. “I hate that you do this to me,” he said, biting my ear and forcing his hard body and erection flush up against me. “I hate how frustrated you make me feel, Carly.”
At this point, I could do nothing but pant and plead for the gods above to fulfill my dreams.
“I hate having to say that this can’t happen again.”
That phrase should have brought me back to reality, but it didn’t.
“I hate that this is disrespecting my friendship with your mom.”
Hearing those words should have juddered my awareness into action, but it didn’t.
“And I really hate that I can already tell I’m going to enjoy fucking you. The way your body responds to me.”
Hearing that cancelled out any of the sensible reasoning he’d just given me and as I was well on my way to being naked, his list of hates was already forgotten.
Jack kissed me in between removing his own clothes, and when my eyes finally saw what I’d imagined since I knew erotic dreams were possible, I didn’t care that this could only be once. I could be adult about this. This was just two people getting something out of their systems.
“Come here. I am going to ruin you,” he told me, handling himself with passionate need.
I didn’t need to be told twice.
And I was determined that I was going to ruin him, too.