Chapter 1
KATIE
I admire my reflection in the full-length mirror of my dorm. A curvy girl wearing a brand-new lingerie set, accessorized with an insecure expression, is staring back at me. If I’m going to seduce my boyfriend, I better fix that because confidence is sexy. Or at least, that’s what I read in those women’s magazines. Mom says I should stop reading them because the mags are full of nonsense and unrealistic expectations for our bodies, as well as drivel about men and relationships. But still, it’s hard to keep from fingering the glossy pages and glancing at the photos inside, unrealistic as they are. I sigh, turning to get a better look at my wide hips, big ass, huge tits, and soft rolls in all their glory. Nope, definitely not magazine-worthy. Not by a long shot.
But I thought dating Jimmy Marks would finally help me feel beautiful. And at first, it really did. I couldn’t believe that Hudson University’s star lacrosse player was into me, a straight A student here on a scholarship. No one as hot and popular as Jimmy had ever shown any interest in me. With my curly brown hair, brown eyes, and curvy body, I always felt inferior to the pretty, thin, blue-eyed blondes the boys chased after. I’d even decided to stay a virgin until I met someone special who would appreciate me for me.
And yet, that doesn’t seem to be Jimmy, either. We’ve been dating for a couple of months now, but he hasn’t really shown much interest in me sexually. We’ve kissed and stuff, but there’s never much passion to it. It’s just lacking that oomph, you know? He’s sweet and respectful, and he knows I’m a virgin, so I figure he’s just waiting for me to take the first step. Although with all the girls constantly vying for his attention, it’s a mystery why he would be this patient.
So today I’m going to take the plunge and show him I’m ready to lose my virginity. I’ve bought a brand-new lingerie set and I’m going to surprise him in his dorm for a session of sexy-time. As a star athlete, he has a single room so at least we won’t be disturbed.
Realizing I’m probably never going to feel like a vixen as I come onto my lacrosse-playing boyfriend, I give up the mirror antics. I’ll just have to go for it. I throw my summer dress on over the lingerie set and start focusing on my hair and make-up. Light and easy does it because the natural look has always been more my thing, as opposed to heavy and artificial.
Finally ready, I leave my dorm before my roommate, Nicole, comes home. She’s my best friend and I love her, but with her thin frame, long blonde hair and blue eyes, she’s also conventionally pretty. I know I shouldn’t, but I often find myself comparing myself to her in my head. And right now, I don’t need any more doubts about my body flooding my mind. Not with such high stakes.
My heart pounds in my chest as I leave my building and cross the campus grounds to the dorm where Jimmy lives. It’s the first beautiful spring day after a long, slushy winter, and absolutely everyone is outside enjoying the sun. It suddenly occurs to me that with the weather this great, I may not find Jimmy in his room. I hope for the best as I skulk through the empty hallways. As I get closer to his door, I hear strange sounds. Are they … omg, sexual sounds? A man is definitely moaning in pleasure.
Taken off-guard, I continue quietly towards Jimmy’s door and see that not only his door not closed properly, but the sounds are coming from inside his room. My heart skips a beat as I stop in my tracks, dread flooding through me. Clearly, Jimmy is watching porn. But can I blame him? He’s been dating a virgin and he’s been so respectful in his abstinence, he surely needs to blow off steam somehow. It’s silly for me to be annoyed at him, and I immediately push the thought away. I had been thinking of turning around and leaving him to it because it would be so awkward for me to surprise him with this visit now. But actually, what better way to come inside and tell him he doesn’t need to watch porn anymore? After all, today is his lucky day.
Giggling a little, I take a deep breath and push the door open, and then immediately freeze. Jimmy instinctively slams his laptop shut, staring at me in shock, but not before I see what was on the screen - the man I had heard moaning was actually two men! One man had been drilling the other in the ass, while that recipient’s cock stood up big and hard, cum squirting from the tip. What the hell? Why is my gorgeous, lacrosse playing boyfriend watching gay porn? Suddenly Jimmy bursts out laughing, trying to look relaxed.
“You should see your face!” he says, smiling impishly, like nothing is the matter at all. “It’s like you’ve seen a ghost!” I can’t speak, but shoot him a wavery smile.
“Well, um,” I stutter. “I was just surprised, um,” I continue, gesturing towards his now closed laptop. Jimmy laughs again.
“Oh, that?” he shrugs. “I’m just doing research for my Gender and Sexuality class. No biggie,” he adds. But my eyes go involuntarily to his lap under the desk, where there is definitely a biggie! Sticking up through Jimmy’s loose shorts, his boner stands up as obvious as a tentpole. He flushes when sees me looking and shifts awkwardly, trying to hide it. He clears his throat, his smile now gone.
“Look, I actually need to finish this assignment before my class, which includes watching this video. So maybe it’s best if I come find you later?” he suggests. “We could go grab some food or something tonight?” It’s like I’ve lost the use of my vocal cords. A million thoughts rush through my mind, and a million questions. I’m burning to ask Jimmy about what I just saw, but I can’t find the words. Instead, I turn to leave, swallowing hard.
“S-sure,” I manage. “Just um, text me when you’re um, ready, or whatever. I’ve got no more classes this afternoon.” Jimmy nods and I hastily close the door behind me. I stand there for a second, feeling my heart pound in my chest, then decide to get the hell out of there. I don’t want to hear the video starting up again, I don’t want Jimmy to leave his room to go to his class, and I definitely don’t want to confront him again. Not until I make sense of what just happened.
I hurry back to my dorm while passing people basking in the sun on the lawn outside. As I speed walk by with my head down, I’m vaguely aware of the tinny sound of pop-tunes coming from small speakers here and there. There’s laughter and light-hearted conversation, but together with the bright sunshine and the blue sky, it’s the complete opposite of how I’m feeling right now. Frankly, my heart’s pumping hard and there’s a semi-nauseous feeling in my stomach. I need to get back to my dorm to mull things over. Unlike just twenty minutes ago, I now hope Nicole there.
Fortunately, she is. I see my friend as soon as I stumble into our room, out of breath.
“What’s the matter?” she says immediately, looking worried. “You look like you just saw a ghost.” Oh crap. I really must look frazzled. By contrast, Nicole’s slim and sleek in a gorgeous sundress that shows off her incredible figure, and is in the middle of putting on her sandals.
“Um, yeah,” I stammer from my position by the door. “I think -” I start, pointing over my shoulder as I try to find the words. Nicole looks at me expectantly as she finishes putting on her sandals and stands up, pulling a beach bag onto her shoulder. She’s obviously only here to get changed before getting some sun outdoors.
“Yeah?” she asks. But I can’t finish my sentence. “Katie? Are you okay?”
I nod, realizing I’m coming across weirder than I intended. “Yeah, it’s just – well, I think I just walked in on Jimmy watching porn. I mean, I definitely did,” I blurt out. A smile spreads across Nicole’s face as she looks relieved.
“Oh, is that all? I thought it was something tragic given that look on your face!” She turns back to her bed and continues gathering her things. “Look, I know Jimmy’s basically perfect, but even perfect needs a release sometimes. Boys watch porn,” she says, shrugging like it’s no big deal.
“Yeah, but,” I start timidly, suddenly unsure whether I want to talk about it. Saying it out loud will make it real, after all. “Do they watch gay porn?” I finish. Nicole’s face drops, and an awkward look spreads across her face.
“What?” she asks. “Gay porn? Are you sure?” I take a step and let myself fall into the couch, rubbing my temples.
“Yeah. I mean I’m sure it was gay porn. But I dunno, he sort of laughed it off, and said he watching it for his Gender and Sexuality class. But,” I continue with an awkward giggle. “I mean, he definitely had a boner.”
“No way!” Nicole gasps. “Are you sure?” I nod slowly. At this, Nicole sits down in the armchair opposite me, suddenly serious.
“You need to straighten this out. You need to speak to him and get this out in the open.”
“And say what? Hey Jimmy, about that erection you had when I walked in on you watching gay porn,” I laugh sourly, making Nicole nod again.
“Yeah well, not in those words exactly. But you need to confront him. Watching porn, that’s one thing. Especially considering…,” she says, gesturing at my virginal self, making me roll my eyes. “But gay porn! That needs a better explanation than some Gender and Sexuality assignment. Do you believe him?”
“I don’t know. Maybe,” I mumble.
“Well, honesty is the best policy,” Nicole announces, getting to her feet. “Just tell him it made you feel uncomfortable and you want to talk about it. That way you’re not necessarily saying that you think he was lying, but you’re still giving him a chance to provide a better explanation.”
With that, Nicole shoots me an encouraging smile and sweeps out of the room to join the others on the sunny grounds, leaving me with my brooding thoughts. I’m still not sure about what I saw because it all happened so fast. Jimmy probably was telling me the truth - it’s so easy for something to look weird when you don’t know what the real story is. And besides, if he really had been watching gay porn for purposes other than his assignment, wouldn’t he have been a little more careful about closing his door? Relieved, I decide Jimmy was innocent, and his boner must have just been a natural biological reaction or something. It doesn’t mean he’s actually gay - right? I push away the thought of what it would mean for me if he was. Jimmy is so hot, so popular, and sweet to boot. He’s the perfect boyfriend, and dozens of girls would love to date him.
But why hasn’t he shown any interest in sex with me? Maybe it’s because he’s gay? Suddenly, my heart sinks again and a niggling feeling scratches at my throat. Because Nicole is right. I’ll have to confront him about this issue … and secretly, I’m dreading the answer.