Becky
Life has been incredibly normal since returning to the East Coast. Sure, there was the tearful reunion with my little brother and grandmother, but after a few excited hugs, and some “Becky, Becky, you’re back!” everything settled into a routine.
Well, as routine as things can be given that we now have a new apartment, and my bank account’s flush with cash. Because during my two weeks away, Kane put his minions on it, and my grandma and brother were moved into a brand-new complex on the edge of the water, a real three-bedroom where Mattie and Nana can each have their own room instead of sleeping on a big mattress together. I walked slowly around the apartment, marveling with wonder at the bright and sunny space, huge windows overlooking the sparkling Hudson.
“But how did this happen?” I asked, perplexed.
Nana smiled, holding Mattie to her, stroking his hair as the little boy cuddled close to her elderly form.
“It happened when you were away,” she said. “Some movers came and said we should pack our things, we were moving.”
I shook my head, frowning.
“But Nana,” I said patiently. “Good things don’t just drop out of the sky. I mean, this place is so nice, especially when compared to our old apartment. Didn’t you think to ask, to try and figure out what was going on?”
Nana just shot me another gentle smile, still stroking my little brother’s hair.
“Oh Becky, you think too much,” she scolded gently. “We’ve had so little luck in life and now that we’re on a good streak, all you can think is to question it. Just accept it, honey. The Housing Department knew that the three of us were cramped in that little space, and our number finally came up. And this is where we are now!” she said jovially, gesturing to the high-end appliances, the huge sub-zero fridge. “Government housing sure is nice now, isn’t it?”
But I shook my head. Because despite Nana’s words, this definitely wasn’t government housing. Kane had found my family and moved them into a luxurious high-rise, one that was definitely beyond our means. But I didn’t want bring it up, not when Nana and Mattie were so happy to be here, almost radiating energy.
“Look Becky,” said my little brother, taking my hand. “There are dinosaurs in my room.”
And we stopped in the doorway of his room where I gasped momentarily. Because Kane had an interior decorator to do our place, and Mattie’s room was beautifully furnished, with a colorful blue bed and matching cabinets, as well as a mural of wildlife in one side, vibrant and appropriate.
“Don’t you like it?” he asked, grinning happily. “My favorite is the stegosaurus.”
My heart filled then, I love my brother so much.
“Yes,” I said crouching down and taking his small form in a big hug. “The painting’s wonderful, my favorite’s the T-rex.”
Mattie giggled then, his small body shaking.
“Then why aren’t you happy? Why aren’t you happy Beck-becks?”
I smiled again, wiping tears from my eyes before catching him in another heartfelt hug.
“I am happy, Mattie,” I said softly, looking around at the furnishings once more. “I am happy.”
But the truth was that my soul was filled with a blend of happiness and sadness. Because on the one hand, our life situation was so much better now. We had space for the three of us, and there were no longer any fears of lead paint or cockroaches, deadly pesticides adding to an already hazardous situation. And Mattie could go to the local elementary school, which was a good one, not one filled with junior gangbangers getting high.
Plus, my grandmother was better off too. Nana had been struggling with the stairs at our old apartment since the elevator never worked, but that wasn’t going to be a problem here. The lifts here looked new and safe, they were regularly maintained, and there were doorman on staff 24/7 to help with packages and deliveries.
But that was the thing. As I looked around the airy apartment, it was like a dream come true, but also a bittersweet reminder of him. Because Kane had made this all happen, he’d found us new housing, making sure that my family and I had a safe, clean space to live. The billionaire’s reach extended beyond Nevada, he’d made sure that my position in life was improved, that the people who meant the most to me were safe, warm and happy.
Plus, Kane has made me a rich woman. I wasn’t sure how much he was going to pay me, but I knew he’d be generous. I just didn’t realize he’d be this generous, stunning my socks off. Because when I slipped into the bank a little later, the teller was nice, smiling and friendly, and not the sourpuss she usually is.
“Ms. Wright,” she cooed. “So good to see you again.”
I shot her a suspicious glance. Usually bank employees are frigid, ignoring me until the last possible second because I’m usually there to beg a loan or an advance off my credit card.
“Hi,” I said slowly, still suspicious. “I’d like to withdraw some money.”
That usually causes the teller to shut down, their face to freeze over because generally, I don’t have anything to withdraw, my account’s a big zero. But the woman just cooed again, warm and smiling.
“Of course Ms. Wright! How much would you like to withdraw today?”
I took a deep breath. I was gonna go crazy and do five times my usual request.
“One hundred please, all twenties.”
And sure enough, the woman nodded and punched some keys in her computer before pinging open the register and counting out the cash.
“Here you go,” she said merrily, sliding the bills to me. “And here’s your receipt.”
I hurriedly grabbed the cash, stuffing it into my wallet. This was more money than I’d had in ages, and I could double-check that she’d given me the right amount when I got home. But as I rushed out of the bank, my feet skidded to a halt because I’d glimpsed the receipt.
“I’m sorry,” I said, doing a u-turn and making my way back to the teller. “I’m sorry, but is this mine?” I asked confusedly, showing her the slip of paper. “Maybe you’ve mixed me up with someone else?”
But the woman just took a quick glance at it before giggling slightly.
“Oh no, that’s you,” she said with a nod. “That’s you, Ms. Wright. If you’d like to talk to a personal banker to help manage your money, just let me know.”
And I turned away, dumbfounded. Because the account balance at the bottom read over one hundred thousand dollars. One. Hundred. Thousand. Dollars. It was a sum so enormous, so mind-blowing, that my hand trembled as I stared at the slip of paper, eyes blurring. Kane had made me into a rich woman for my two weeks of service, he’d upended my life, finding my family a new apartment, and now this. Once upon a time, I hadn’t had two nickels to rub together, and now suddenly, I was being offered a personal banker, someone to help manage my newfound wealth. My head spun and I wobbled a bit, unsteady on my legs. How in the world had this happened?
But that was the thing. Despite the unbelievable circumstances, it had. I’d gone to the Billionaires Club and utterly flunked the auction, passing out like a dead cow. But in the end everything had turned out okay. I’d come out with cash in hand, a new place to live, safety and security for my grandmother and brother, and I owed it all to Kane.
But instead of feeling grateful and pleased, all I felt was overwhelming despair, sadness and depression. The billionaire was generous, yes, and I appreciated it, but it paled in comparison to what I really wanted. Because I wanted him. I wanted the big man, I wanted his arms around me again, his laugh in my ear, that big chest rumbling as he roared in ecstasy, his dick buried deep inside. I missed him, and the longing was so fierce, so painful, that I almost keeled over, right there in public.
But right, this was no place to faint, no place to lose it. We were in a normal middle-class neighborhood, and there were no threats on the horizon, nothing to make me go crazy. So straightening my shoulders, I took another deep breath and started walking home. Put one foot in front of the other, Becky, the voice inside encouraged me. Right foot, left foot, that’s a good girl.
And finally, I stepped back into the apartment, opening the front door with trembling fingers.
“Hi Nana,” I said, pasting another smile on my face, even if my heart wasn’t in it. Kane had done this to me, but I would get over it, I’d make myself get over it.
But my grandma wasn’t fooled that easily, and she put down the laundry she was folding.
“What’s wrong honey?” she asked gently. “Why do you look like you’re about to cry?”
I swallowed heavily. This wasn’t the time to reveal my problems, Nana was old and didn’t deserve to have a burden like this on her shoulders.
“It’s nothing,” I muttered, looking down. “I’m okay.”
But my grandma came over and put two hands on my shoulders, feeling my subtle shakes, seeing my teary eyes close-up.
“Sweetheart, I know something is wrong,” she said kindly. “Come on, tell Nana what it is,” she said, leading me over to the couch, a huge L-shaped beige affair, plush and new, also paid for by Kane. Oh god, I’d never get away from him, would I?
And with that, I lost it, blurting out the whole story, how I’d gone to Nevada with the intention of selling my virginity to the highest bidder, and how it’d all gone wrong.
“I know it sounds bad,” I choked. “But Mattie was hungry, and you know we weren’t getting those disability checks anymore. He needed food,” I said through sobs, “and it broke my heart, how small and frail he was.”
Nana just stroked my hand.
“I know, dear heart, I know,” the elderly woman soothed. “Your brother had me worried too. But how about you? What happened while you were gone, if you didn’t go through with the auction?”
My face crumpled again.
“The auction didn’t happen,” I confirmed with a deep breath. “But I was sold, kind of, to a man. A billionaire,” I stated more firmly. “A billionaire hired me as his maid and I stayed there for two weeks, meeting his every whim.” Oh god, I couldn’t tell my grandma how we’d embarked on a sex-crazed frenzy, how I’d spread my legs for him again and again, letting him use my pussy and ass, making me scream with lust. And I sure as hell couldn’t tell her how much I’d loved it, how I’d fallen head over heels in love with the man, how I’d left a part of myself on the West Coast, still there with Kane even now.
But Nana didn’t get to be seventy without seeing something of life, and her senses were keen.
“And there’s something about this billionaire, isn’t there?” she said gently. “You think of him fondly, don’t you?”
I choked a little. “Fond” was an understatement for how I really felt. I wanted Kane so badly, I wanted him with me now, I’d give anything to see him again. But I couldn’t talk about that, even the words themselves were too painful, I’d shatter if they were spoken.
So I just nodded, staring at my hands, eyes hot and dry.
“Yes,” I muttered, cheeks flushing. “Yes, I miss him.”
My misery was thick in the air, like a heavy grey cloud, and Nana went for it then. She opened Pandora’s Box in one fell swoop, pulling out all my deep, dirty secrets.
“Do these have anything to do with it?” she asked gently, holding one of the purple thongs up in a wizened hand. “Because I found them in your laundry.”
I looked up and choked. The lacy nothing looked so frivolous, so utterly sexy and inappropriate, dangling from my grandma’s spotted hand.
“Nana!” I gasped, swiping it from her and balling it in my fist, face flaming. “That was in my bag, you went through my stuff!”
“I did,” the old woman confirmed. “I was doing laundry and thought I’d help you. And when I found those, I just thought …”
My face burned brightly, I was so embarrassed. Because there was more than one purple thong. Even now, I could see a pile of the lingerie, neatly folded on the couch, mundane and yet so illicit all the same.
“Nana!” I gasped. There were no words, I was so embarrassed that my mouth opened and closed like a dying fish. “Nana!”
But my grandma merely patted my hand soothingly.
“I’m seventy honey, I know what happens when you wear something like that,” she said. “I know you went somewhere, and that there must have been a man. Is that who you’re missing now, honey? Him?”
I nodded, tears filling my eyes once more.
“Yes,” I said woodenly, biting my lip, trying not to cry. “His name is Kane. He hired me as his maid, and I did something that was totally wrong. I fell in love with him,” I said, my voice cracking, face crumpling totally now. “I fell in love with my employer, even though I wasn’t supposed to.”
I was a total mess, the tears falling like a gushing waterfall, my face scrunched up and red, bawling like a sobbing baby. Because as soon as I said Kane’s name, my heart couldn’t be contained anymore. I missed him so much, I longed for his touch, and it broke me, absolutely destroyed me that he didn’t feel the same, that I was nothing more than an employee.
But Nana was pragmatic, sitting up on the couch.
“And who is this man?” she asked, her voice crisp and clear. “Who is he to do this to you? He’s a man honey, just like any other.”
I bawled even harder.
“N-no, he’s not,” I stammered. “Kane’s a billionaire, he runs the Club, he practically built it himself. The man hired me and I fell in love, but he doesn’t feel the same waaaay!” I wailed like a banshee.
Nana patted my hand soothingly.
“Why do you think that?” she asked with a gentle smile. “Why do you think he doesn’t love you?”
I choked, blubbering a bit.
“Because why did he let me go?” I asked. “Why did he let me walk away?”
Nana was still for a moment, pensive.
“I can’t answer that, you know that. But what I can say is this. I’m an old woman and I’ve lived a long life. And now I know that the only thing that matters is the loving, how you feel about other people, and the people who love you back. So why don’t you tell him how you feel?” she asked, common-sense and utterly real. “Why don’t you tell him that you love him? What’s so wrong about that?”
I goggled at her.
“Nana, did you hear anything I just said? He’s my employer. He hired me as a maid, I wasn’t supposed to fall in love.”
Nana just laughed gently.
“Honey, these are modern days, you don’t need me to tell you that,” she said. “I’m surprised young folks are still stumped by things like class because there are plenty of people who marry up all the time, or marry rich. If we all stuck to the boxes we were born in, it wouldn’t be human. Humans aren’t designed to be cube-shaped, we’re designed to grow and transform, and that includes falling in love with another human being.”
I stopped, mouth still opening and closing with no sound coming out.
“But Nana,” I said slowly. “I was Kane’s maid. He paid me money for my service. For two weeks of my time, I was paid a lot of money.”
My grandma waved her hand again.
“It’s all about money with young folks,” she said breezily. “Why are you making it all about money?”
I sputtered.
“Because that’s what it was about!” I almost shrieked. “That’s what the bargain was!”
But Nana wasn’t thrown by my tantrum at all.
“That’s true,” she said slowly. “Maybe the agreement started out as an employment contract. But honey, look around you. See this apartment? See how much he loves you, making sure your family has a nice place to live? Look how much work he put in, so your brother can go to a better school. These aren’t the signs of a man who doesn’t care.”
I shook my head, tired all of a sudden.
“He’s a billionaire,” I said listlessly. “He has staff to do all this. It’s not like Kane painted the walls himself.”
Nana cocked her head at me, blue eyes sharp.
“That’s true,” she acknowledged. “But he put in the time, he put in the emotion, and that’s what counts. This man wants you to be happy, my dear girl, and it’s all around us, it’s everywhere. Open your heart and see for yourself.”
And slowly, I did as she asked. The cream walls were beautiful, the crown molding on the walls just right, the baseboards an ornate design, perfectly in keeping with the style of the apartment. The alpha knew how much I loved design, how I wanted to go to art school at some point, to better myself, educate myself, and Kane had taken the first step for me, surrounding me with beauty, making sure that my senses were imbued on a day-to-day basis with subtle visuals, reminding me of what I wanted to become.
And slowly, my heart began softening a bit. Before, I’d hated this apartment. Not hated it because it was a terrible place to be, but hated it because it was a constant reminder of him, of what I couldn’t have.
But now, seeing the apartment with new eyes, I was filled with hope. Because it also reminded me of the good parts of Kane, how he’d listened to my words, how he cared, how he wanted me to be safe, comfortable and happy, urging me towards my dreams even now, speaking to me from thousands of miles away.
And Nana was right. No man does this for you if he feels nothing. No man goes to such an extent, providing for your grandmother and little brother, people he’s never met. He’d only known of them from our conversations, how I’d opened my heart and told him about Mattie and Nana, how important they were to me, and by doing all this, he was showing me that they were important to him too.
So I looked at my grandmother then, taking a deep breath.
“So what do I do now?” I asked tremulously. “If he cares, what do I do now?”
The old lady chuckled softly.
“You tell him of course. Be brave, my girl, speaking from the heart is always your best bet.”
I exhaled then, the air in my lungs shaky.
“But how?” I asked plaintively. “Kane’s in Nevada.”
And Nana shrugged, eyes twinkling.
“Dear heart, I don’t know exactly how, but isn’t there technology these days? Aren’t there all sorts of programs you can use to call people on your computer, you see their faces on your phone? I don’t know, Becky, but I know you’ll figure it out.”
And I took another deep breath, trying to steady my lungs. Because there were all sorts of programs, WhatsApp, Snapchat, Skype, and there had to be some way I could reach Kane. All I had to do was figure it out, problem-solve a little, and if I came upon an obstacle, I’d find a way around it. I didn’t get this far just to give up, I wasn’t that type of girl. So shoring up my courage, I nodded.
“Thanks Nana, I’ll look for a way,” I said in a tremulous voice. “There’s definitely a way.”
And my grandmother patted my knee.
“I know you will baby, because that’s the brave girl I raised. Now help me with this laundry,” she said with smile. “Because I’m not sure where to put your pile of lingerie.”
I had to laugh at that, able to breathe easy for the first time in a long while, my heart breaking open as a swell of emotion flooded me. Because the pile of purple thongs looked ludicrous on our couch, so out of place that it was funny, and my Nana has a wicked sense of humor. Besides, she was right. The situation was complicated, the way Kane and I met was insane, but there was a simple solution. I could tell him how I felt, I could confront him, and something would happen, for sure. Maybe I’d fall on my face and be embarrassed forever, praying the Earth would swallow me whole. But maybe, just maybe, the alpha might like me back. Who knows?
Swallowing thickly, heart pumping in drumbeats, I steadied myself again. The future was unclear, but if I wanted to be whole again, if I wanted my heart to heal … I had to try and find Kane.