Chapter Twelve

Noella

How is he doing this to me? When I'm with him, all I want is him. But he's dangling my mother over my head. I'm supposed to hate him, but I don't.

I want to and should... But no matter how much I think I do, he gives me feelings I've never felt before. The tingles in my belly, the nervous knots that roll around when I'm about to see him, or just plain next to him.

What the fuck! How can this happen? How can I actually want the man who is trying to force me to have his baby? It didn't make sense, and it wasn't rational. I knew that, but I couldn't stop the feelings, couldn't halt the electricity between us.

He's a man who's been given an option, a man who also feels there is no way out.

And his father is a piece of shit. Trying to push on Hegan what he thinks he should be and what he thinks he should do with his life.

It's not right.

A parent is supposed to be there for support and encouragement. I've been lucky, my parents had always stood beside me and let me find myself; let me be who I wanted. Not once did they ever try and push themselves and their views on me.

That's how it should be.

Parents were there as a guide, a pillar of what was right and wrong. But in the end they gave us the tools that a child would need to make the right choices and decisions in their life.

After lunch with Brandon and Stella, a part of me began to feel really bad for Hegan. All he wanted was for his parents to accept him for him. But they didn't.

His mom seemed like she wanted to, but didn't feel she could. She didn't give him the same deadened look as his father. Stella had a warmer expression; a tender side that had been drowned for so long by their lifestyle, and her husband's ideal image.

Brandon had his hands wrapped around her too, squeezing to the point of suffocation. As if she was trapped in a cocoon he had formed; an ugly, hardened shell, that held her prisoner to his ways.

I got a first hand view into the box of their lives. Looking from the outside, seeing the tension between Hegan and his dad; they must have been battling for years. Every sentence out of Brandon's mouth was about something Hegan should do or didn't do.

It's no wonder he felt he had no other options, he probably wasn't given any in life to begin with. Where was he supposed to go from that?

It's sickening to see the disconnect between them. They don't have a family, not in the true form of the word. Hegan's deeper than what he wanted show; what he showed the world was only a crust he formed on the outside. For him to have told me all the things he saw in me, it melted my heart.

Looking out the window, the snow glistened brightly under the sun. Squinting my eyes, I spotted something out in the vast yard. A large hill was set a few hundred yards away.

I think it's time for a little fun. When was the last time Hegan had time to play?

Throwing the door open, I ran to the bottom of the stairs. “Hegan!” I yelled. My voice echoed off the ceiling, circling the room. “Hegan!”

The loud clomp of his feet ran across the floor. “What? You alright?”

“Yeah, I'm fine. Throw on some warm clothes and meet me in the back yard.” A huge smile spread across my face, teeth closed tightly inside my lips.

“What?” he asked, arching his brow.

“Warm clothes, outside in ten minutes.” Pointing my finger up at him, I said, “Really warm clothes.” Spinning on my heel, I didn't give him another chance to speak.

Making my way back to the bedroom, I realized I hadn't exactly thought this through, or brought anything warmer than my jeans and jacket. Scrounging through the closet and draws to see what was there, I yanked out a large brown fur coat and held it up. Looks expensive and warm. Perfect.

I hoped Hegan wouldn't mind me using it. But with the money his family had, I was sure they could afford another. Sifting through the drawers, I found thermals, heavy socks, and a large country club sweatshirt.

My clothing issue was solved.

Standing outside in snow up to my calves, I had two trashcan lids rested under each arm, holding them proudly. I'd spotted them in the garage when we left for lunch, and knew they would do the job.

Hegan opened the door and stepped out. Dressed in black sweatpants, a heavy jacket and knitted cap, he looked like he just jumped out of a damn Charlie Brown cartoon. I couldn't contain myself, a gut wrenching laugh spilled from my lips.

Bursting out laughing, he asked, “What?” Holding his arms out. “What the hell are those?” he questioned through chuckles.

“Garbage can lids. Have you ever seen one before?” Smirking wildly, I held them up.

“Yes, I'm not that sheltered. But what do you have them for?” Pushing through the snow, he stood a foot away. “Nice coat.”

“Thanks, I found it in the closet. How does it look?” I pressed my arm into my hip, twirling my leg side to side.

“It looks like it belongs to my grandmother.”

“Hope she doesn't mind me using it.” Gazing down at the fur, I watched it blow in the wind. Each hair waving back and forth. I wasn't a fan of fur, but I had to admit; it was warm.

“She won't. She died about two years ago.”

“Well, then she doesn't need it now, does she?” I knew it was a morbid joke, but he laughed. And my insides rocketed with excitement. It was nice to have someone enjoy my sense of humor.

All my life I had been that person who didn't say the right things at the right times, or maybe I cracked a joke that was colorful to say the least. But most ears didn't agree with it, and often I was cast a glare of: 'How could you say that?'

To see Hegan laughing and know I meant no harm, it felt amazing.

“So what are the lids for? I'm curious.” Hegan curled his arms up over each other, hugging himself for warmth.

It was cold as fuck out here, and with the wind blowing in off the ocean, it felt like it was well below freezing.

His nose was turning a bright red, matching his cheeks. Sniffling with each breath, he rubbed his nose with his wrist.

“Alright, come on,” I said, nodding for him to follow me.

“Where are we going? It's really cold out, you know that?” I heard Hegan accentuate his sniffle, making it much louder than it needed to be.

“That's why I said to dress warm. Don't be a baby, just follow me.” Heading towards the hill, I trucked through the snow. I was happy I'd found the thick socks, otherwise the snow would have made my sneakers feel like sandals.

Trudging up the hill, Hegan followed closely behind me. Turning at the top I handed him a lid. “What am I doing with this now?” He asked, twisting it back and forth in front of his shins.

“You're going sledding with me.” Holding the lid up, I took a few steps back. Charging forward, I leaped onto it and slid down the hill on my stomach.

An echo rolled over my shoulder from behind me. Hegan yelled, “Are you serious!?”

“Yup!” I screamed back, as the wind whipped through my hair. The uneven snow caused the lid to jostle me around, jerking my body side to side.

Slowly, sliding to a halt, I lifted myself up and turned to look back at Hegan. The hat he had on had fallen off and landed in the snow behind him. The wind spreading across his face, pulled his cheeks back tight, and the yell escaping his mouth was priceless.

He was yelping a sound of pure joy. An escape from inside that he hadn't probably felt since he was a young boy.

If he was ever lucky enough to feel some sense of being a child at all.

I wasn't sure if that was ever actually allowed by his father. From the man I had met, it probably wasn't.

Watching him bounce and shake over the snow, I stood giggling. He was letting loose and it was a welcomed sight.

Sliding to a slow stop, he laid on the trashcan lid, holding the handles firm between his fingers. “Well, I can honestly say I don't remember the last time I did this. And the lids...” Pushing himself up, he brushed the snow from his legs. “The lids are a first.”

“Well us common folk sometimes had to improvise. And these work pretty well, huh?” Arching my lip, I grinned from ear to ear. “Ready to go again? Can you handle going higher?”

“Are you challenging me, Noella?” Picking up the makeshift sled, he cupped it under his arm. “If you want to race down this hill, I'm all for it. And let me warn you, you'll get blown out of the water.” Hegan lifted his head high, standing tall. Bringing his hand up, he brushed imaginary debris off his shoulders.

With the sun shining over his back, he seemed to glow. Like a bronze statue on a pedestal, his broad shoulders appeared to span for miles, the cut angles of his face were boldly lined. He looked like a figure you'd see in the center of an old Italian street.

My insides began to fill with a fuzzy warmth, rushing through my veins it hit each nerve and exploded. He was starting to wrap around my mind, and around my heart. I couldn't shake him out, even the idea of a baby began to settle into a comforting feeling.

Having a baby, his baby... Maybe it could work. The child could grow up in a world of endless possibilities; no dead ends, no lack of money and worry of bills. The child could have everything they needed and more.

As long as Hegan was willing to be part of that.

I needed to know, needed to find out what he expected. If he thought I would have this baby and he could continue to just run around doing the same shit he did before; it would never work.

A baby deserves the best of both parents. He would need to be there for everything, and I might just be willing, if he can promise me that.

Promise me that this baby will always have its father.

That was more important than all the money in the world.

Shaking my head, I scurried up beside him. “You want to race? You do realize I'm a world champion sledder, right?” Cocking his head, he eyed me from the side. “Oh, did I forget to mention that? You don't know everything about me, Mr. Hegan Alexander. I might surprise you.” Shoving him at the hip, he stumbled and fell into the snow.

Taking off up the hill, I ran as fast as my legs could carry me through the thick white fluff. “Hey! That's not cool! No cheating!” He yelled as he yanked himself up, charging behind me.

My thighs were burning, each muscle strained to find traction and keep my pace. I could hear his feet pounding behind me, a hysterical laughter filled the air. His arm drove around my waist, dragging me down.

He had tackled me, full blown tackled me into the snow.

Trying to catch my breath, Hegan climbed up onto my waist. “Where are you going to go now? You're stuck you cheater. I thought this was a fair challenge and you knock me into the snow.” He slid his hands down to my wrists, tugging my arms up over my head.

Staring up into his eyes, a lustrous darkness had consumed his face. Sparks lit up across the shadowed pools, catching the falling sun's rays. I couldn't speak, no words formed in my head. I laid there speechless, trying to think but hearing only one thing. Kiss him.

My heart raced, throat heaving down large gulps of air. This time, it was different. He wasn't throwing lines at me, trying to wet my panties. He wasn't baring his rippled chest, or hard arms.

Hegan was looking right at me, right into my eyes; smiling a real smile. A true expression of enjoyment streamed across his face. He looked happy.

And not happy in the sense he was getting his way, or getting one step closer to having everything he wanted.

This came from someplace else, someplace deep inside. A place he had bottled all the things in life he was supposed to enjoy but was never given the chance to.

And I... I brought that out of him. I gave him a chance to open up, and be free.

Free from the weight his father had placed on his shoulders so many years ago.

He was free to be himself.

I could feel the snow melting into my hair as it crunched beneath my head. Loosening his grip, I pulled one hand out and brushed the loose hair from Hegan's face. Small droplets of water hung at the tips, dangling carefully before finally hitting my chest.

We both sat motionless, eyes fixed on each other. Walking my fingertips over his neck, his skin felt cool. Softly he leaned in closer, brushing his lips against mine. The warmth of his breath spilled over my face, heating me to the core.

Digging my nails into his neck, I pulled him in. Kissing him with need, desire; every emotion and feeling that wafted through my body was sent into that one kiss.

Hegan's tongue twisted around mine, each twirl sending electricity through my muscles. The touch of our lips, the feel of his hands as they twined into my hair; it all felt different.

This wasn't a kiss of raw animalistic passion, and pure lust. This went deeper.

He kissed me like I wanted to be kissed, just like I've always thought a kiss should be. Imagine when you're a young girl and you dream of finding your prince charming. It was those sparks that ignited; that drove into my belly and through every piece of my body.

These feelings weren't false, or fabricated just to please the man who was keeping me chained here. I wasn't scared of him, I never was.

Even with the demand for a baby; fear never plagued any inch of me.

But this time when we kissed... It was real.