The Explanation
Poppy still didn’t understand what had happened tonight. Somewhere inside, Pretty Boy had some serious issues going on. She really did like him so she would have to be patient.
The night was nice, one of those warm spring nights when the stars sparkled in the sky and sitting on the porch steps sounded like a good idea. With her peppermint tea in hand she sat thinking of the night’s events.
Poppy had thought Michael was a good man and tonight he’d proved he wasn’t. Darius wasn’t at all; but somehow she thought, somewhere inside he had it in him. They all did things for the MC that weren’t exactly legal, that was part of the life.
Maybe all the times Michael had joked about the bodies attached to Darius he hadn’t really been joking. Damn did she want to ask him. After tonight she didn’t think he would ever come around again. She was just about to go in for the night when she heard footsteps.
“Poppy.” She knew that voice. It was Darius. She was surprised to say the least. Never in a million years did she think he would show up there. She turned and smiled.
“Didn’t expect to ever see you again Darius.”
He knew, she walked out on him in the office and kept walking. If he had any strength at all when it came to her he wouldn’t be here. But she had become his downfall.
“Yeah, about that: I’m sorry.” He admitted as his hand slid down his face like he was trying to figure out how to say whatever he wanted to get out. “This is hard for me; I’m really fucked up Poppy. I can’t tell you everything. Not yet and maybe not ever, but I can tell you one or two things. That’s about as much as I can handle. Is that okay or should I just go?”
“Don’t go, you want a beer?” He needed much more courage than a beer would give.
“Gin if you have it, if not I’ll take a double of whatever. No mix, no ice.”
Poppy grabbed the Patron and just brought the bottle. Gin wasn’t something she usually had on hand but knowing he liked it she would get a bottle.
He sat on the porch steps, trying to figure out where to start this disaster discussion. Well he thought before anyone told her about the hooker he should.
“I killed a hooker, I didn’t mean to but it happened during… well you know during what.” The first gulp of tequila crossed his lips, then a second. He was certain she had questions so he stopped and waited.
“Is that what you meant about Red killing you? Are you in trouble with him for that?”
She asked questions he didn’t expect. She also asked the ones he was waiting for.
“What happened to make you do that?”
How could he tell her about the flashbacks, the faces that haunted him? Pretty Boy said nothing, just hung his head and waited for her to be disgusted by him.
“Are you going to hurt me Darius? Am I in danger from you?”
He shook his head, he was almost certain he couldn’t, wouldn’t hurt her. “I don’t think so, I don’t want to. I just want to hold you, I’ve never wanted anything more than I want that. But let me finish this before I puss out.” Pretty Boy waited a minute, taking another swallow of tequila and letting the burn push him forward.
“My old man was a demented fucker Poppy, the shit he did to me was beyond sick. The torture and rape that I endured is incomprehensible. This may be as normal as I’ll ever be, can you understand why I didn’t want you to know?” His cheeks had tears streaming from the memories that still haunted him. To his shock and surprise, she wiped them and put an arm around him.
“I’m so sorry you had to go through all that, I know there’s more to those stories and someday I hope you can tell me all of it. Can I ask a question?” Of course, she could. He expected a hundred of them.
“Yeah, I’m not sure I can answer them all just yet though. I am trying Poppy, I really am. So, if it’s one I can’t tell yet, can you be patient with me and not run?”
She liked him a lot, more than she already had just because he was trying so hard to open up to her.
“Do you kill people Darius? Michael said you kill people for money.”
That fucker! Snowman was now a dead man walking, he had crossed a line. He crossed so many lines but this one was the last. She didn’t need to know yet, Pretty Boy was hoping she would never find out about that, but she was asking because of that piece of shit Snowman.
He wasn’t making eye contact and had gone mute, Poppy knew by his body language she was right.
“It’s okay, I kinda knew already, and I can deal. Just be straight Darius, I really like you and I think you have so much potential. You’re a good man; you just have to do bad things in the world you live in.”
Those words hit him hard, he wasn’t good in any way. Darius was the epitome of walking disaster, he always had been. Even in the Navy he spent more time in the brig than out. Seal training was something he had aced. Thanks to his old man he could hold his breath for almost six minutes. His father’s favorite punishment was waterboarding, and after weeks of choking and gasping for air he finally learned how to get him to stop. All he had to do was make the five-minute mark and it would end.
“I’m not good Poppy, never have been and never will be. I’ve fucking tried so many things to fix myself!” His tone rose up, not that he meant to, it just happened.
She was beginning to understand him. He had become the abuser from all the torture he had endured as a child. His head still hung forward, how could he tell the one woman he thought he loved just how sick he was.
“Yes.” It was a single word statement from him and she had to think, what was he saying yes to. She had asked a few questions. So which one was he answering?
“Yes what Darius?”
Dammit why did she have to ask, she knew what he was talking about. She had to know, Red said tell her but he had a feeling this shit show was going to be his undoing.
“I kill people Poppy, and I do it for money.”
Poppy didn’t respond, she had to let his words sink in. She already knew but to hear the words from his mouth was slightly shocking. Michael was right, he did kill for money but there had to be more to it than that.
Pretty Boy stepped off the porch and into the yard to pace. This was more than likely the biggest mistake of his screwed-up life. He’d opened up a little and she was going to run, it was almost obvious from her silence. Poppy had to be disgusted with him and there was no way he would blame her. No woman could handle all this, it’s why he always used prostitutes. That was few and far between, usually he could deal with his urges on his own but once in a while a warm body felt good. He could pretend for just that hour he was normal. Even if he knew the truth, the fantasy was nice.
“So, it’s about the money? Or is there more to it than that?” There was so much more to it, Poppy had to know as much. Normal people didn’t kill just for money. For him it was a need, to kill the monster that stole his innocence over and over again.
“No, it’s not the money. Money makes it easier to justify, but it doesn’t have as much to do with it as you’d expect.”
This had to be about his childhood, but how would she be able to ask him. He was still pacing the front yard and was avoiding looking into her eyes. Poppy saw the guilt on his face, he needed someone to feel safe with.
“So, if it’s not money what is it then? I can’t believe there’s not so much more to this Darius. I promise you I’ll keep your secrets safe.”
He just shook his head, finally looking at her. She was actually asking him to confide in her. But how could he? She would never look at him the same if she knew.
“Poppy I can’t, you’ll hate me and I just can’t bear that. I would eat lead if you hated me, you’re the only thing holding me to this world. “This” waving his arms between the two of them, “Whatever this is, is why I can’t tell you. I need you. I have since the first day I saw you. I knew that fuck bag would hurt you. Poppy I hate him and I’d hang him by his intestines if I thought for one minute you’d still be my friend.”
That sounded gruesome, but maybe in his world it was normal. Poppy reached for his hand so he would sit with her. He took a pull off the half empty tequila bottle. She could see the drunk beginning on him. He wasn’t driving anywhere tonight; her couch was comfortable so that’s where he was going to sleep this off.
“Can you tell me more or is it too much already? I swear to you I’m not afraid of whatever it is.”
She might not be but he was. These demons he carried had been with him for so long even he didn’t know how to banish them. Some days he wasn’t sure he wanted to.
Pretty Boy held his head in his hands trying to find the right words. She was asking so much of him, even Red didn’t know everything and he’d had to explain too much the night he killed the hooker. That was the last time he had been with a woman. The fear of hurting an innocent had overridden his male urges, so he had been handling things himself.
Then came perfect Poppy, and he’d lost all reason. She and her incredible figure had been the star of so many fantasies. She was tiny, but had curves where a woman should and he had so many dreams of holding her hips and taking her from behind.
“Poppy, you sure you want this? I mean to be part of this shit show that’s my life? I’m so fucked up. I have no idea how this will go, I just don’t know.”
She leaned over and gently kissed his cheek, watching his closed eyes and listening to the soft groan. “I want this Darius,” she whispered against his cheek. “I promise I can handle whatever comes with having you in my life.”
He truly did appreciate her trying, in the end she wouldn’t be able to stay by him. Once she witnessed his nightmares, found him crying in a corner of a blackened room she would go. That he was almost positive of, but for now he would take whatever she would give.