“Did you get everything?” I ask, giving his backpack one final glance before zipping it up. “You guys are going to have so much fun.”

“We will. Even if we catch nothing, it’ll be great because I got to miss school today,” Huxley points out.

It’s ten in the morning and I need to be studying. Instead, I’m being a mom, my favorite job in the world. I’ll have to catch up on the other part later.

“Tell Grandpa to make sure you wear a life jacket, okay?” I ask, kissing him on the head as he tries to bolt for the door. “If you fall out the boat, we’ll have to miss using up those season tickets.”

He looks horrified. “Don’t even joke about that. I wish it was time for baseball season already!”

“I know,” I grin, remembering how he jumped up and down when I told him about the tickets. “But it’s not, so have fun with Grandpa.”

“Okay, Mom! Love you!” he says.

By the time I get to the door, he’s in my father’s truck. Dad rolls down his window.

“I’ll make sure he wears a life jacket,” he winks.

“And no leaning over the boat. I don’t care how big the fish is,” I wince. My heart wobbles in my chest. “Okay?”

“I’ll keep him safe. I raised you, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, but he’s my baby.”

“And you were mine.” He winks and rolls up the window. I wave as they back out of the driveway and are out of sight.

My phone rings in the kitchen and I grab it on the fourth ring. “Hello?”

“Hey, Alison,” Barrett’s voice melts through the phone. “How are you?”

My stomach flurries, a smile painted on my face without me realizing it. I take a seat at the table and try to seem chill.

I’ve been thinking about him a lot, preparing for this phone call. It was hard to sleep last night after the game, so I spent the endless night hours searching my heart for my truth, what I wanted and what I think I can and should handle. And even though I tried to talk myself out of it a hundred thousand ways, I always came back to wanting more of the feeling I get when I’m with him. I’ve missed it, the sensation of feeling like a woman.

Sometime around six this morning, I made a deal with myself: I’ll see him again when he calls. And if he acts like an ass again, I’ll walk away and feel good about it.

And if I happen to actually see his ass in the meantime, I’ll consider it a bonus.

“I’m good. Well,” I say, caving to my anxiety, “not really. I just sent Huxley off with my father for a little fishing. I’m a nervous wreck.”

“Ah, skipping school for some sun? My kind of kid,” he jokes.

“He never gets to do that kind of thing, so why not?”

“You can learn just as much outside the school walls as you can inside.”

“Yeah, now if I can just block out the drowning aspect, it’ll be great.”

He laughs, a smooth, sexy sound that distracts me. I’m glad for it.

“We used to go boating every weekend in the summer,” Barrett says. “It’s good to have some experience with water in a controlled environment. I’m sure your dad will watch him.”

“He will. I just feel like it all falls on my shoulders, you know? And I feel like I’ve let him down so many times in his life already that I need to be especially vigilant.”

“I doubt that’s true.”

“It is, but let’s not talk about it. What are you doing today?”

His sigh drifts through the line. “Meetings. Committees. Interviews. Battling back this statement from Hobbs’ campaign today.”

“Want to talk about it?”

“No. Not really.”

I can tell he’s bothered. It’s in the strain in the edges of his voice, the grit that scratches at his tone.

“I’d rather talk about you. How are you? How was your day?”

“Good. Busy. A touch lonely,” I hint.

“Have you given any thought to seeing me again?” he asks, his voice soft.

“A little,” I lie because it’s dominated my thoughts.

“I hope that it’s only a little because it took you two seconds to realize it was a good idea.”

“I want to ...” I stand and try to keep my head clear.

“What are you afraid of, Alison? Talk to me.”

I decide to bare my soul. Leave it all out there, and then, maybe, my decision will be made for me.

“When I’m with you ...” I begin, trying to figure out where to start.

“You find yourself smiling? And then you leave me and all you can think about is how to manage to see me again?”

My ears are sure they’re hearing things. “Barrett ...”

“I’m not asking you for anything more than a bit of your time. I just want to see what it is between us that drives me insane. That keeps me up at night, that brings you to mind when I should be working on the campaign.” He takes in a rushed breath. “If you aren’t in the same boat, so to speak, then I’ll stop this pursuit. But, Alison, I think we are paddling towards the same target. We just need to see if we can get there if we paddle together.”

It’s do or die time and I have to pick a direction. If I seriously don’t want to see him again, I need to let him go. He’s right. But the thought panics me, sickens me. The idea of not having a chance at it being him on the other end of the phone when it rings feels so bad.

“What time is dinner?” I ask.

I can hear him grin through the phone. “I can meet you later tonight, or if you’d rather, I can make an hour or so in my schedule this afternoon for lunch?”

“I need to finish this paper I started earlier, but I work at four. Can you make it at one o’clock?”

“I can make it twelve or one or six if that means you’ll come.”

I smile like a loon. “At the Farm?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll be there at one. See you then.”

I hang up the phone and head to my closet to find something to wear.