All I Want

“Just being with you has always been enough for me,” I say, turning my body until she’s next to my side. I hold her face with both my hands, sliding my thumbs along her skin. “I don’t know what it is about you, Tessa, but you make all that bad shit go away.”

She starts full-on crying now, and I pull her into my lap, really holding her for the first time in days.

“I don’t want to let go of you,” she whispers against my neck, pressing kisses there.

I close my eyes, dropping my head to her shoulder. I savor the breath I take in, the scent of her, as if it’s my last. My lips touch her neck, then her ear. “Do you want your tea?”

She laughs softly, leaning back to look at me. Her hand touches my cheek, then a finger traces the line of my jaw. She always used to do that. “I forgot about it. Will you get it for me?” she asks through a yawn as I wipe the tears from her face.

I watch her settle under the covers before I walk out of the bedroom. I need to take a piss first, and as I’m finishing up in the bathroom, I hear the faint echo of Tessa’s ringtone, sounding from the direction of the kitchen. It starts up again just before I reach the counter where her mug was placed. I walk over to her purse and pull out the cell phone, my face hardening at the name flashing on the screen.

“Yeah,” I answer, more as a demand than a question, because I’m really not fucking interested in what this guy wants right now.

“Uh, this is Tessa’s phone, correct?”

“Yeah, it is, and she’s busy.”

I hear a faint laugh. “Right, mate, sorry. Luke, is it?” He pauses, and my silence is the only response he’s going to get. I roll my shoulders back, trying to loosen up as I wait for him to hurry the fuck up with this so I can give Tessa her tea.

“I’ll take that as a yes. Listen, I was just calling to see if she was okay. She was pretty upset when I dropped her off.”

“She’s fine,” I grunt out, trying to keep my voice low as I lean against the table.

“Yeah? That’s good. I’ve seen some pretty sad women before. My sisters like to dump their man problems on me ’cause I’m a good listener, but I don’t think I’ve seen any of them cry like Tessa did. She was pretty heartbroken, mate.”

I know what that looks like. I know too damn well, and just picturing it kills me. If it were any other guy making her upset, I’d find out who it was and beat the shit out of them.

But it’s me. She’ll never stop crying over me.

“Do you like her?” I ask, hearing the fear in my voice as my free hand wraps around the edge of the table.

“Uh… yeah, mate. Sure, I like her, but—”

“She’ll love you, and it’ll be the best damn thing you’ve ever felt. Nobody loves the way Tessa does, and she deserves somebody to give her that.” I swallow hard, closing my eyes. “Are you sticking around here?”

“Yeah, for a while, at least. I like it here.”

“Good.” I hang up the phone and push it back into her purse.

After re-heating the tea in the microwave, I carry it into her bedroom and set it on the nightstand.

“It’s really hot, so be careful,” I say as I take a seat on the edge of the bed.

I stare at the wall, letting my eyes lose focus.

I know what I have to do.

“You changed my life the second I saw you getting out of Ben’s truck. It was fucking crazy. I’ve never felt like I needed somebody before, but I needed you, and I knew it. Then I had you, and… I’ll never need anybody again. I know that. I hate keeping you out, but you’re so good, Tessa, and I don’t want you affected by this shit. It’s dirty, and ugly, and everything you’re not, and what I’m about to do is going to fucking kill me, but this is what I can give you.”

My heart thunders in my chest, trying to break its way out before I destroy it.

“That guy can be good for you. He seems decent, and he’ll give you things I can’t.” I drop my head, keeping the shaky breath I take in quiet. “You’ll always be mine, Tessa. In a couple years after you’ve forgotten about me, you’ll still be mine. You’re going to hate me for doing this, but I need you to be happy, and I think this guy can help with that.”

I wipe my hands down my face, drying the wetness there before turning sideways to look at her. She’s in a deep sleep, her heavy, even breathing escaping the small opening between her lips.

I lay my hand on hers, memorizing the feel of her skin. “I love you. Those words are yours. I’ll never say them to anyone else.”

I bend down, pressing my lips to hers. A gentle kiss that she’ll never know about.

The last one I’ll ever have.

I pull my phone out of my pocket as I walk to my truck. The call connects after three rings.

“Yeah? Hello?” a gruff voice answers.

“Captain Kennedy, this is Luke Evans. I’m sorry to be calling this late, Sir.”

“Luke. That’s all right. Hadn’t meant to fall asleep. I’m hoping you’re about to give me some good news.”

I open the door of my truck, looking over my shoulder one last time at the apartment building. “Yes, Sir. I’d like to accept the position.”

***

I knock on the door, trying to be as quiet as I can in case the kid’s asleep. My efforts to be discreet either failed or wouldn’t have mattered as the door opens and Nolan pops his head around the side.