All I Want

“Uncle Wuke!” Nolan yells again, letting go of the candy diversion and re-focusing all his excitement. “You’wre hewre!”

Luke bends down, places a hand on Nolan’s shoulder, and leans in close to whisper something in his ear.

Nolan moves back and nods proudly, training his eyes on me. His crooked grin appears, smearing across his face as if he’s in on some big secret.

I want that secret.

The doors leading out to the main hospital burst open, gaining everyone’s attention. Luke straightens up, spinning around toward the noise and Nolan squeezes between his legs to peer through.

“Daddy!”

I follow Nolan’s body as he runs straight at Ben, who quickly wraps him up into a hug. He carries Nolan over to the group. Well, the group, minus me. I’m still glued to the floor about ten feet away from everyone.

“You made it.” Ben walks up to Luke, shifting Nolan in his arms to shake Luke’s hand.

I know Ben wasn’t happy about Luke leaving either. He wouldn’t talk about him, and if he heard Nolan bring him up, he’d quickly change the subject and scold Nolan for doing it. Plus, he’d turned into Mr. Broody as of lately, edgy and always on the attack. The only person he seemed to have any patience for was Mia. But you wouldn’t know he was affected at all by the way he’s looking at Luke.

“I knocked an hour off my time, doing eighty all the way here,” Luke replies, dropping his hand to his side. “I figured if I got a ticket, I’d just make you pay it.”

Ben laughs, hearty and genuine, moving Nolan again when he starts to wiggle. “You’re the one pulling in detective pay. I should send you this hospital bill.”

“Son,” my dad says, stepping closer to the men, “how is Mia? What’s the update?”

Luke turns his head, brushing his gaze over me. My hands grip the paper cup tighter as I lock my knees, keeping myself upright. He looks at me almost the way he’s always looked at me, but there’s something different about it this time. There’s nothing gentle about the way Luke looks at you. He’s cocky and self-possessed at all times, baiting you to make that move toward him. Owning you before you even know it. There’s a hidden promise behind his eyes. A quiet threat.

No one else will exist to you after me.

But something’s different. He doesn’t hold my stare the way I’m accustomed to. There’s no danger lying dormant, sparking my curiosity with an assurance of something I’ll never forget. What has my skin ignited into a slow burn is the tender caress his eyes are giving me. Like he’s examining my soul for any signs of trauma, silently whispering to me while he moves over my body.

I did this, and I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.

I don’t know how I do it, but I break the contact and look over at my brother. Mainly because I can’t handle a gentle Luke right now, a Luke who looks as broken as I feel.

Ben smiles, his two dimples sucking in prominently as he looks between the four of us. “You guys ready to meet him?”

I finally move, my legs remembering why I’ve been in this hospital all night. I drop my cup into the trashcan I walk past and keep my attention on Ben. “Is Mia okay?”

His cheeks hollow out even more as he looks unashamedly awestruck. “Yeah, she’s perfect. She was amazing, but she’s completely wiped out. This visit needs to be quick so she can get some rest.”

Nobody argues with Ben. He’ll always do what’s best for Mia, and I love that about him.

Luke hangs back as my parents move through the doors behind Ben. I go to follow, but Luke halts me with a hand on my arm.

“Tessa.”

“Not now.” I pull out of his reach, my skin tingling with the loss of contact. Our eyes lock. “I’m here for Mia, and the baby. I can’t.”

He nods his understanding, but his eyes burn with conflict, and regret, so much that it steals the breath right out of my lungs.

I force myself to keep moving, going against every fiber in my being that wants me to stay still with Luke. I focus on Mia, and Chase, burying my pain deep down, creating a deeper hole inside me. Luke stays by my side, walking with me in silence, but his thoughts are so loud the sound seems to echo off the walls around us. My body begins to pulse with a reaction I haven’t yet acknowledged. I’ve been too numb to feel anything besides empty, but this flares to life inside me, curling my hands into fists.

Anger. There you are.

“You left me,” I spit through gritted teeth. His response comes to me in the form of a sharp inhale, seething into a hiss. I keep my eyes straight ahead, focused on what I’m here for. He doesn’t get my glare, fueled with resentment, or the punch I’m ready to throw.

But he is about to get my mouth.

“I had to,” he quietly replies.

My control breaks, snapping completely in two. “No, you didn’t!” I stop in the middle of the hallway as Luke stumbles to a halt, eyes wide and wild, on me. We’re only a foot apart, and I quickly close the gap, stealing his personal space out from under him. I get as close to his face as my tiptoes allow me, and I don’t hold anything back.

“Don’t you dare act like you didn’t have a choice! You left me because you wanted to! You chose this, and you were a fucking coward about it because you didn’t even tell me goodbye. You knew… you knew I wouldn’t let you leave. You should’ve stayed and fought for us, Luke! I will always fight for us.”