Chapter Two

 

The music kicks in again and Ethan and Gear finish off another pitcher while Ally sips her drink, not wanting another. By the end of the set, I tell my brother, “We’ll be right back.”

Holding tight to Ally’s hand, I make it clear I want her with me. Hopefully she wants the same. People start clearing out, so it’s easier to reach the stage. “Hey, Tulsa,” I call out.

I met Tulsa Crow a few years back when we both took Psychology 101 back in college. We’ve been friends ever since.

When he looks up with an amp cord in his hands, he says, “Well look who came back to our old stomping grounds.” Walking closer, he hops down. “Good to see you, fucker.” Eyeing up Ally, his dirty thoughts about my girl are written all over his face. He lowers his voice and holds out his hand. “Tulsa Crow, guitarist and vocals. And whom might you be?”

“Fuck off,” I tease, feeling possessive and stepping closer to Ally. She’s with me. I don’t have to say that to him, but the thought crossed my mind. I know Tulsa well. He’s a good friend. He abides by bro code, so the only logical deduction I can make of my reaction is her. “This is Ally Edwards.” Bothered by feeling this way, I flex my fingers before wrapping them around her waist again.

She used to be softer, her face a little fuller, her hipbone less obvious. It’s been months since we’ve seen each other. Complications and stress are eating away at her. When she didn’t come to Houston, I tried to move on. Tried.

But here I am, back in Austin after one of our coded text conversations.

Me: Saturday

It took her two days to reply, but when she did, I started breathing a little easier. Her: 4th Street

She knew to look up where the band was playing.

She liked the mystery, the intrigue, and finding me. She liked pretending we didn’t know each other, at first anyway. She loved to flirt, but never with another man. She liked me. Or so I thought.

I want to ask her why my chest feels tight when I hold her, and I swallow harder. My throat thickens with all the questions I want to ask her. I want to ask her to be mine.

We don’t do that. We don’t confess our feelings, not the real ones. We get by with courtesies and compliments, surface conversations that never stray too far into deeper waters. Tonight is different. A hurricane of truths is brewing. I can sense it. I can feel it. I can see it in her eyes.

“Good to meet ya, Ally Edwards. So you’re with this guy?”

“Save it, Crow,” I say, laughing.

Her head leans against my arm, her hand flattening across my stomach, and she nods. “I am.”

“That’s cool. He’s a good guy.”

“He is,” she adds.

To me, Tulsa asks, “You guys hanging out a while or heading off?”

“We’ll hang out for a drink or two. Can I get you a beer?”

“Grab a pitcher at the bar for me and my brothers. Tell the bartender to put it on our tab and add a round for you guys.” He goes back to clearing the equipment off stage.

Ally’s hand slides down my arm and into mine. Our fingers fall together, entwining.

When we reach the bar, I look back. “Do you want another?”

“No.”

I’ve had a few beers today, but only two since arriving here. Something tells me I should be sober for whatever’s about to come. We sit at a table Gear and Ethan nabbed once the place cleared out.

When the guys from the band come over, we scoot around to fit the extra chairs. Jet and Rivers are Tulsa’s older brothers and bandmates. I’ve met them plenty of times but the others haven’t so I do the introductions and pour them a beer. “Great show.”

Jet’s always been a bit intimidating. He reminds me a lot of my brother Max. He’s not moody, but there’s a weight of responsibility that older brothers seem to carry. Maybe that’s why Tulsa and I, as the youngest, get to be more carefree.

Jet says, “Thanks. We’ve been working out a few songs.” Looking to Rivers, he adds, “I think the crowd liked them.”

“Yeah, it was a good response. They didn’t even notice when Tulsa screwed up the chorus.”

Tulsa chimes in quick, “Hey. Hey. I can’t help it when there’s a little honey in hot pink distracting me from the front row.”

Jet rolls his eyes. “Try harder next time.”

Ethan says, “You guys were great. Hutton’s tried to get me out to a show for a few years now.”

Rivers says, “Glad you finally did. Where are you in from? Houston?”

“New York. My company is expanding. I’m spending more time up north these days than down south . . .”

They keep talking but I notice Ally looking down at her phone. Leaning over, I ask, “Everything okay?”

“Fine. I just . . .” She looks up at me as her hand slides onto my thigh. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Me too, but why do I get the feeling I’m missing something?”

She lifts and kisses my neck. With her lips on me, she whispers, “I want to be alone with you, Hut.”

Rubbing her thigh, I turn and kiss her mouth. That craving she stirs deep inside me is aroused. “We can leave.” I stand. “We’re cruising out.” I shake the band’s hands and then Gear’s. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yeah, just text me. Not before noon, dude or I’ll hurt you something fierce. We’ll leave for Houston around two.”

Ethan says, “I leave at noon. Text me when you’re up. Let’s grab something to eat before I fly out.” I want to crack a joke about him having a flight schedule when he owns the damn jet, but I don’t. He’s outgoing in many ways, but when it comes to his millions he likes to keep things low key.

“I’ll text you.”

After a few more minutes, Ally and I are out the door. Out on the sidewalk she shivers and leans against me when the wind whips by. “Where are you staying?” she asks, huddling closer.

“Omni. You don’t want to go to your place?”

“No.” I notice that she looks away when she answers.

We always go to hers. She has a downtown condo overlooking Lady Bird Lake. “What’s going on?”

“I’m cold, Hutton. Can we go?” I try to catch her eyes but she walks toward the corner before I have a chance. As if she wills herself to not look back at me, she says, “We can walk if you want.”

Hurricane . . . “Okay.” I pick up my pace until we’re side by side walking north. Shoving my hands in my pockets, I keep it light. Weather is always a good non-confrontational topic. “It’s gotten cold. You sure?”

“Yeah, walk faster.” She crosses her arms over her chest.

The winds of her emotions are picking up. We cover two blocks before I get tired of the silence. Quiet is not usually a factor between us like it has been tonight. “What’s going on with you?”

“What do you mean? I’m just walking.”

“I mean all night. You’re quiet, more reserved. I’m starting to think you’re doing this as if you’re ready to get it over and done with.”

Stopping, she looks at me as if I’ve touched a raw nerve. “I don’t mean to. I like my time with you. I wish we had more time together.”

“We can,” I reply, moving to her. “I’ve had hookups before but surely you can tell I want more with you.” Her long hair blows across her face, so I reach forward and slide it behind her ear.

“What do you want, Hutton?”

What am I doing? Am I being impulsive? A year is a long time to be faithful to a person who I’m not sure is committed to me. We don’t have rules of dating to abide by. We haven’t ever defined what this is between us. I just like it. Maybe I’m a fool, but I don’t want to hide how I feel about her any longer. “I want you to be in my life. Everyday. I want you to think about moving to Houston, or fuck, I’ll look into moving here to Austin.”

“No.” The word comes fast like a spear to my chest. She realizes the wound she’s inflicted just as quickly. Wrapping her arms around me, she leans her head on my chest. “Don’t do this, Hutton. Let’s just have a good time like we always do and—”

“And part ways like we always do around four a.m.?”

“That’s not fair.”

“This isn’t fair.” I remove her arms from my body and walk ahead. I only make it about ten feet before I turn around, needing her like I need air to breathe. My chest feels tight again, but I push down these fucking ridiculous feelings that are lumping inside me. “Let’s just go. We’ll fuck and say our goodbyes before sunrise.” That’s not what I want, not at all, but I’d forced the vicious words out and now they lie on the pavement leading me back to her. My index finger and thumb part ways, sliding across my eyebrows. “Fuck. Is there someone else?”

“No. There’s not been anyone since I met you.”

I try to walk away, but when she stayed behind I realized I wasn’t willing to lose her. “What do you want from me, Ally?”

“Nothing.”

“You’re lying to yourself. I know you care about me. I see it in your eyes. I feel it in the way you touch me. But you’re over there like we just met and decided to fuck on a whim. Is that what you want from me? Just a fuck?”

Standing there near the curb, she looks around as if the whole world has become her cage and she’s trapped. “I should go.”

“I don’t want you to go.”

The somber tone of her voice seconds earlier is replaced with a new rage of gale force winds. “But I can’t stay. Don’t you see? This is all of me I have left to give. Tonight is it. No more texts. No more games. No more hooking up when you’re in town. No more of anything. Tonight is it.”

I don’t want to lose her. I finally found someone who makes me want to make commitments like coffee in the morning and pizza in bed. Cuddles. Fuck, she made me want to fucking snuggle like I’m a fucking wuss. But damn if I didn’t love cuddling with her. “Why? Why is this the end when we never even got a real start?”

She’s looking down at her shoes like she’ll find the answer there. “Please,” she starts, her voice so soft that I automatically move closer just to hear her speak. When I take her hand and bring it to my lips to kiss, she looks up and has tears in her eyes. “I’m sorry, Hutton.”

“Don’t be sorry. Just be honest.”

“We only have tonight.”

With that last swath of words from the sword of her tongue, she’s won, mentally bringing me to my knees. My irritation over losing a woman that isn’t mine seeps into the question. “One night and that’s it?”

“That’s all I can give you.”

“What do you want because I’ll give it to you if it means we have a tomorrow?”

“I want tonight to be like our other nights—fun, free of outside worries, and peaceful.”

Peaceful? What the fuck is going on?

She stands in front of me, strength found in her shoulders. “I can’t tell you anything more, Hutton.”

“Funny. I feel like you haven’t told me anything at all.”

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come out tonight. I never meant to hurt you. It was selfish for me to continue like nothing is wrong, like my whole life hasn’t changed since that first time we met out at Barton Springs on that hot summer day.”

“It was fate.” We went for the music festival, partying, and swimming. I didn’t expect to find my dream girl in a white bikini sitting on the edge of the water with a cheap can of beer in her hand.

I forgave her for the bad choice in beer and used it as an opportunity to talk to the sunbathing beauty. After digging a cold indie brew from my cooler, I sat next to her. As soon as she smiled, I was a goner. I just didn’t realize it until eleven months later when she didn’t show up at my place in Houston like we planned.

The winds die down and she licks her lips. “Mmm. I’m not sure. I just remember that you took my breath away.”

“You stole my line.”

“You’ve stolen more from me, but I don’t want it back. My heart’s much happier with you.”

“Ally—”

“Look. I can catch a cab home, but I’d rather spend a few more hours with you. I know what I’m asking is totally selfish, but I’m asking you anyway. Will you be with me one more time?”

I’m not going to say no to her. I’m not even going to pretend I can. I want more than one night, but I’ll take just as selfishly as she is this last time. I have tonight to make this right, one night to make her see how good we are together, how good we can be.