Below Deck

This is exactly why I pull the covers up tighter around me and burrow deeper into them. I know after the things he told me last night that he’d want to help me. He’d put his life on hold. He’d change his plans so completely for me, forgetting about everything he’d worked so hard to achieve, and I couldn’t let him do that.

I hear a soft knock on my door and mumble to Brooke to answer it since I’m sure it’s Ben sneaking down here to get a little morning action. When she doesn’t reply, I pull the covers off my head and see that her bed is empty.

Flinging the covers the rest of the way off, I get out of bed and quickly throw a short, silk robe over my tank top and shorts before answering the door.

“We need to talk.”

My dad brushes past me into the room, not making eye contact as he enters. I close the door and turn to find him pacing back and forth at the foot of my bed.

“Dad, what’s—”

“How could you keep this from me?!” He cuts me off with a shout, halting his pacing to throw his hands in the air, staring at me with a mix of anger and irritation.

He’s never looked at me like this before, and a flutter of nerves ricochet around in my stomach as I stand completely still by the door, unable to move.

“I knew something was wrong, but I thought it was just the usual stress at work and you having a hard time with me getting remarried and not getting along with Allyson and Arianna,” he tells me with a huff of annoyance. “That’s why I went along with this vacation idea of Allyson’s. She thought it would be a good way for everyone to bond and relax.”

He starts pacing again, running his hand through his hair until the neatly styled, salt and pepper strands are sticking up all over the place, and still, all I can do is stand here staring at him. I’ve been worrying myself sick about how I was going to tell my dad what I’d found out, and I should be relieved I don’t have to think about it anymore. I should be happy he somehow found out on his own, but I’m not. All of the worry, all of the stress, all of the sadness I’ve been feeling, it’s written all over my dad’s face right now and I feel horrible.

Until he opens his mouth again.

“How could you keep this from me?!” He yells. “All these months you knew, and you didn’t say one word!”

I immediately stop feeling sorry for myself and let my anger take over.

“Are you kidding me right now?!” I shout back, moving across the room until I’m standing right in front of him. “I DID try to tell you. FOR MONTHS. I told you there were numbers that weren’t adding up. I told you to stop avoiding meetings with the accountants. I told you to pay attention, but you didn’t listen! You brushed me off, told me things would work themselves out. Told me I needed to try harder to get along with my stepmother. Yes, I finally got proof a few days into this trip that my suspicions about Allyson were correct, and yes, I decided to let you have your peace for the rest of our vacation until I shared it with you and broke your heart, but don’t you dare stand here and put the blame on me.”

I watch my father’s anger quickly fade, turning into sadness and remorse, but now that I’ve started, I can’t stop. Now that I’ve found my voice, I can’t keep it quiet.

“I put my life on hold the last six months for you, and you didn’t even notice. I didn’t eat; I barely slept. I handled all of the meetings and phone calls with the board and the accountants. Hell, I even stopped taking a salary! I did everything I could to protect you and help you and YOU DIDN’T EVEN NOTICE!” I scream, my eyes filling with tears. “You didn’t even care.”

He quickly closes the distance between us, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me to him.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Mackenzie. I did care, I did notice. I just…I just didn’t want to accept it. I didn’t want to believe it. I thought if I ignored the problems, they’d just go away. I’m so sorry you had to deal with this on your own.”

I sniffle, pushing out of his arms to swipe away the tears that have fallen down my cheeks.

“Why? Why would you ignore this? She bled you dry, dad. Everything you worked so hard for, it’s gone. She took all of it, and you let her. You put her name on everything, you gave her the power to ruin you, and she did,” I whisper.

With a heavy sigh, he sinks down onto the edge of the bed, resting his elbows on his knees and his head on his hands.

“Do you know how lonely I’ve been since your mother died?” He asks after a few quiet moments, dropping his hands between his legs to look up at me. “I was a computer nerd. A single father living in a tiny house in the suburbs of New York. Women never looked at me twice, and they certainly wanted nothing to do with me when I couldn’t even afford to buy them a drink. Then, suddenly, I had money. I had power and I had status. Allyson came along, beautiful and half my age, and she looked at me twice. She fed my ego and she made me feel good. I’m not stupid, Mackenzie. I know why she was attracted to me, and I know why she agreed to marry me, but I didn’t care. I just didn’t want to be lonely anymore, and I stupidly thought she would grow to care for me, but it never happened. And then everything snowballed and I didn’t know how to stop it. I was in too deep and I didn’t want to admit I’d made a mistake. I let you down; I let all of my employees down. I let my need to feel like a man and to stop feeling so lonely ruin everything.”

The pain in his voice replaces all of my anger with a sadness so deep I don’t know if it will ever go away. I sit down next to him on the bed, grabbing one of his hands and holding it in mine.