Below Deck

“You didn’t let me down,” I reassure him.

He shakes his head and squeezes my hand.

“Yes, I did. You are the most important person in my life, and I lost sight of that. I should have listened to you. I shouldn’t have let you shoulder all of this on your own, and I’m so sorry.”

Resting my head on his shoulder, I clasp his hand tighter in mine.

“We’ll fix this, dad. I promise, we’ll fix this,” I tell him quietly.

He yanks his hand out of mine and quickly turns to face me on the end of the bed, pressing his hands to either side of my face and holding it in place.

“No, we won’t.”

I open my mouth to argue, but he quickly cuts me off.

“This isn’t your problem to deal with, Mackenzie. It was never your problem, and you’ll never know how sorry I am that I made you feel like it was,” he tells me. “I made this mess, and I need to deal with the consequences. On my own. You’ve shouldered the burden for too long. I let my foolish need to feel wanted and to have someone to take care of again blind me, and I won’t let you suffer because of that.”

Reaching my hands up, I press them against the top of his that still gently hold onto my face.

“Dad, you still have me. Just because I’m an adult doesn’t mean I don’t still need my father and need him to take care of me every once in a while.”

He laughs, shaking his head at me.

“Honey, you’ve never needed someone to take care of you. You still won’t let me pay off your student loans or buy you a car,” he smiles.

“Those student loans are MY debt, not yours. And I live in New York City. No one needs a car in the city,” I scoff.

“You’re strong and independent, just like you’re mother. It’s one of the things I love the most about you. I know working for the company wasn’t want you wanted, but I was selfish. I was afraid to let you go and spread your wings because I didn’t want you to fly away and never come back. So I kept you close and I broke your wings, and I ruined both of us,” he says, his voice cracking with emotion.

“You didn’t ruin anything. We just got off track for a little while. I’m sorry you were lonely, and I’m sorry that made you jump at someone like Allyson,” I whisper.

“I should have listened to you. You didn’t like her right from the start, but I figured you’d never approve of anyone who wasn’t your mother. I thought it would just take time. But this trip showed me how completely different we are from them. Our families were never meant to be merged and I’m going to rectify that as soon as we get home,” he explains.

“You can’t just leave her and move on, dad. She has to be punished. She stole everything from you. From your company. She put you in hot water with the board and the IRS. We have to make sure she pays for what she’s done. I’ve been going over a plan of action with your accountants. I have meetings scheduled with—”

He cuts me off by pressing one of his fingers against my lips.

“I know. I finally pulled out my laptop this morning when I couldn’t sleep and read through all of the emails I’ve been ignoring. I know how hard you’ve been working, but it stops now, Mackenzie. No more. I love you, and I adore you for trying to protect me. I’ll never be able to forgive myself for sticking my head in the sand all these months. But this isn’t your job or your burden to carry anymore.”

His words are like a soothing balm to the wounds I’ve been carrying around inside me all this time. I hate that he’s going to have to deal with all of this on his own, but he’s right. I can’t let it be my problem anymore. I can’t put my life on hold for him any longer.

“What am I supposed to do now? Just go back home and pretend like everything is fine?” I ask, suddenly unsure of how exactly I’m supposed to let all of this go, let him go down in flames and just stand back and watch.

“You’re supposed to live your own life, be happy, and let me clean up my own messes. I might have turned a blind eye to a lot of things over the last year, but did you think I wouldn’t notice the way you’ve been looking at a certain deckhand who works on this ship?” he asks.

My entire body heats with embarrassment and mortification and he laughs at my expense.

“He seems like a nice, hardworking young man. Obviously no man is good enough for my daughter, and the way he looks at you all the time makes me wish I would have been one of those fathers who threatened a boy with a shotgun when he came sniffing around, but I think he might be just what you need to be happy, and help you live your own life, if you’d let him.”

All of the reasons I’ve been holding back from Declan suddenly melt away. As much as it pains me to let my father handle everything on his own, I have to do what he says. I have to let go, live my own life and find my own happiness.

I know it’s crazy, and I know it’s a risk, but I don’t care. Declan had the guts to open himself up to me and lay his heart on the line, and now it’s my turn. I no longer have to worry about distracting him with my problems.

There’s nothing holding me back from taking what I want and jumping in with both feet, and that’s exactly what I plan on doing.

“Are we there yet? Can I take this thing off now?”

“You sound like a toddler. And no, you can’t take the blindfold off yet,” Declan laughs as he continues to walk behind me, holding onto my hips and guiding me where I need to go.