CHAPTER NINE

Carly

Captain James: Merry Christmas, Beautiful!

Me: Merry Christmas, Captain. ;)

Captain James: What are you and my boy up to today?

My heart literally jumps when he calls Jack his boy. I know he doesn’t mean his son, but I also know he means it in the fondest way.

Me: Waiting to eat breakfast while we watch Christmas Vacation, then we’ll open a few presents. Pretty quiet day.

Captain James: Oooh, a classic. One of our favorites. Would you mind any company? Lily would like to meet you two, and I may or may not have a couple gifts Santa dropped off here with your names on them. ;)

My heart that was simply jumping moments ago now skips then lodges in my throat, causing a lump to form. And I feel incredibly grateful that Jack asked me if we could pick up a gift for James, as both a Christmas present and a thank you for everything he’s done for him since we met. We found a place that creates wooden signs and brands anything into them. We got the logo for Balance and included his name at the bottom. It turned out really cool. I also picked up two pair of leggings that I thought were cute when a friend was having a Pop-Up sale. And, from what James has told me about Lily, I think she’ll love them. I wasn’t sure if we’d see them on Christmas, or even if I would ever have a reason to give them to her, but I’m really glad I have them at the ready. I always have gift items in my closet for last-minute times. The one and only good thing my mother taught me.

Me: We would love to meet her! Come over around 6?

The second I hit Send my stomach begins to ache. Lily is the single most important person in James’s life. The idea of meeting her makes me happy, but at the same time makes me feel like I could vomit. James and I might not be dating, but there’s that lingering hope that one day — hopefully soon — we could be more than what we are now.

Captain James: That’s perfect! And tell Jack to plan on helping me in the kitchen. I’ll bring over what we need. He told me he’s been hungry for seafood chowder, and I plan to deliver. ;)

Me: James, you know you don’t have to cook for us.

Captain James: I’m hurt! You don’t want my cooking? Sad :(

Me: What? No! I didn’t mean that! I’m sorry! You’re welcome to cook for us any time!

Captain James: Ha! You’re so easy to tease.

Me: Turd. You’re asexual.

Captain James: Uhhhhhh ????

Me: Oh. My. Gosh. Stupid autocorrect! WTH was that!?

Captain James: Been spending time around Tess’s phone? It seems to contain a texting virus.

Me: LOL — hers are the best.

Captain James: That they are. What did you even mean to say?

Me: You’re awful. I’m pretty positive you’re not asexual.

Captain James: Absolutely not.

I start to blush, and he’s not even here, speaking to me directly. Time to redirect this conversation.

Me: So six? Dinner?

Captain James: Can’t wait.

I toss my phone on the couch and look over at Jack, relaxed and lounging back on the oversized chair. He’s still in his plaid pajama bottoms and a long-sleeve blue shirt; his phone is sitting next to him while his eyes are trained on the TV.

“James?” he asks, not pulling his eyes away from the movie.

“Huh?”

“Was that James? On the phone?”

“Oh! Yeah.”

“Figured. He coming over?”

He pauses the movie just as Eddie is getting ready to empty the shitter, turns toward me, and I can feel my face go soft at the hopeful expression on his face.

“Yeah, bud. He’s coming tonight. Bringing Lily with him.”

“Cool. I’m excited to meet her in person. He gonna cook? Can I help him?”

I smile at that. The mutual bond they share over their love of cooking and food is something I didn’t realize my son needed. At least not from a man. For a tiny, weak moment, I feel a pang of guilt for leaving the only man my son has ever known as a role model. This moment is so fleeting, so quick, because I realize that had I not left him, not only would Jack have continued to be exposed to a man like Vince, but we also wouldn’t have met the man who’s changing us both in ways we didn’t even realize we needed.

In this exact moment, a heavy pressure settles on my chest when I realize that I want, more than anything, to move forward. With James. Just like the arrows I have on the walls of my bedroom symbolize.

“I’m sure he’d love that.” My voice is soft.

“Cool. Ready to eat?”

He and I had made a quiche this morning for breakfast, another one of our traditions. By the smell coming out of the kitchen, it’s ready.

“Sure. Then gifts?”

“Want to wait for James tonight?”

I choke back tears when I realize how important James is to Jack. He would willingly put off opening his Christmas presents so James could be a part of it. With great effort, I say, “Nah. We’ll do our own thing this morning.”

“I can wait.”

Oh damn. We’re both so invested. It happened without us realizing it. James has taken both our hearts, obviously for different purposes. From the look on Jack’s face, he doesn’t want it back any time soon, and damn it all if I don’t want mine back either.

Where we both go from here, I have no clue.

“Let’s do us now, okay, kiddo?”

He watches at me for a few moments, looking as if he’s going to protest, but I need to have this with him. I can’t hand over the last little bit just yet.

“Alright. But tonight we can give him the present we got him, yeah?”

“Yeah, bud. You go get the quiche out of the oven. I’ll grab Lily’s present from my room so we can wrap it before they come.”

I stand up from my place on the couch and look down at my son who seems to be growing up too fast.

“Re-gifting? That’s tacky, Mom,” he teases me, a sparkle of happiness in his eyes.

I playfully narrow my eyes at him and reach over and pinch his cheek lightly. “Not re-gifting. I have a few things on hand. You know me. Besides, this is actually something I picked out for her.”

“Always have something ready, right?” he repeats the one and only bit of advice I’ve handed down to him that isn’t my own.

“That’s right.” I wink. “Now, get that out of the oven before it burns. It smells delicious, and I’m starved.”

“On it. And Mom?”

“Yeah?”

“Tonight? When James comes over? Remember that it’s a good thing. What he is to us? It’s more than a good thing.”

I swallow the lump in my throat and nod a few times. “I know. You’re right. It’s a very good thing.”

He smiles his still boyish smile and stands up. He gives me a hug then murmurs into my hair, “Love you, Mom. You’re my favorite.”

“Love you, Jack. You’re my favorite, too.”

“Merry Christmas,” he says then kisses me on the top of the head and makes his way into the kitchen to finish preparing our breakfast.

Such a good kid.

“Merry Christmas!” I shout back.