Chapter 24
Our next cycling group meeting was the last before the Tour people came to visit. When we met at the pub, everyone was in a state of high anxiety.
‘I just wish we knew what they were looking for,’ Cameron said for about the fourth or fifth time.
‘We can take a fair guess,’ Stewart said. ‘Stuff that makes good telly. Scenery, history…’
Gerry drained the last of his pint. ‘What I wish we knew is how far to sell them on the viaduct. We can’t guarantee it’ll be open for the Tour.’
‘I think we should just go for it,’ Stewart said. ‘We don’t need to mention the bats, do we?’
‘Oh, they’ll know all about it, darling,’ Yolanda said in her usual affected drawl. She had her chair so close to Stewart’s, she might as well just climb up on his lap. ‘It’s been in the newspaper, hasn’t it? I’m sure these people do their homework.’
Stewart shrugged. ‘We can mention it as a possibility anyway. It’s a waste not to capitalise on it after all our fundraising.’
Tom and I were silent. We were still waiting for the report on the viaduct’s barbastelle population and until we got it, we’d decided it was best to keep quiet. Just in case we got everyone’s hopes up only for there to be a last-minute hitch.
‘Right,’ Gerry said. ‘I’m off to get another round in.’
‘No, it’s my turn,’ I said, standing. ‘Same again, everyone?’
There was a hum of agreement and I headed to the bar. I’d just put our order in for the usual when I felt a tap on my arm.
‘Come to give you a hand,’ Stewart said.
‘No need. Billy’ll sort me a tray.’
‘Well, thought you might like some company.’ He went silent for a minute, watching Billy pouring Yolanda’s G&T. ‘Good date the other night?’
‘Er, yeah. Jasmine went home ill though so I had to end it early and cover her shift.’
He laughed. ‘So that’s why Harper was on my doorstep at nine demanding booze and a listening ear for an in-depth analysis of his BAFTA prospects.’
‘You were home then?’ I said, trying to sound casual. ‘Thought you’d gone to Yo-yo’s.’
‘I didn’t stay long. She was heading out so I took my shepherd’s pie back to the flat.’
‘Oh. I thought you two were having a meal.’
‘No, she just cooks for me sometimes. I think she likes having someone to look after.’ He leaned round to look into my face. ‘Did I do something to annoy you, Lana? You seem a bit off with me lately.’
‘We’re fine. Same as always.’
He looked awkward, like he was struggling to put something into words.
‘Look, is this about the other day?’ he said after a second.
‘What other day?’
‘At the flat. You know, when the shop got vandalised. I was wondering if you might’ve maybe… got the wrong idea. About me and Yo-yo.’
I shrugged. ‘Why should I care who you have in your flat?’
‘I’d hate for you to think – she only came over to help me with the painting.’
‘Right. Painting the shower, were you?’
‘We had a shower afterwards, yeah. Got a bit dirty. One each, I might add.’
‘You expect me to believe that?’
His lips curved into a half-smile. ‘Ok, so I’d be lying if I said she didn’t take a whack at it. I was a bit suspicious when she had a bottle of gin and her dressing gown stashed in her handbag. But come on – Yolanda? You can’t think I’d go for her.’
‘Why not?’ I felt illogically offended on Yolanda’s behalf even as I felt pissed off at her for putting the moves on Stewart. ‘Yo-yo’s a good-looking woman. Trust me, she’s always done all right for herself.’
‘It’s nothing personal. Yo-yo’s lovely – in her way – but she’s old enough to be my mum.’ He shuddered. ‘She looks a bit like my mum, too. We’re on safer ground with shepherd’s pie.’
‘Hmm.’
‘Would it’ve bothered you if there’d been more to it?’ he asked, in the familiar fake-casual tone I recognised from my own voice.
‘No. Why should it?’
‘Well, absolutely. You’ve got Harper now, right?’
‘Um, yeah.’ Stewart didn’t need to know I’d spent the last few days not taking Harper’s calls.
‘He’s filthy rich, you know,’ Stewart observed nonchalantly.
‘So he tells me.’
‘And handsome.’
‘Lots of women seem to think so.’
‘Did he show you his Rear of the Year award?’
My mouth started to quirk into a smile and I willed it back into deadpan mode. ‘Not yet. We have to save something for the second date.’
‘Well, I’m happy for you. He’s… some catch.’ Stewart’s face was a picture of studied sincerity. ‘Funny though, I got the impression at the calendar shoot you weren’t a fan.’
‘He grows on you.’
‘Come on,’ he said, smiling. ‘Let’s stop messing about, Lana. I think you know I – ’
‘Cheers, Billy,’ I said to the landlord as he dumped the last drink on the bar. ‘Perfect timing. Stick it on our tab, yeah?’
Grabbing the tray, I hurried back to our table. I badly needed time to think and process before I could respond to what I suspected Stewart might’ve been about to say.
‘About time,’ Gerry grumbled as I handed drinks round. Stew slid back into his seat, shooting me a meaningful look I pointedly ignored.
‘What’ve you two been chatting about?’ Sue whispered when I’d sat back down. ‘Your head looks like a radish.’
‘We’ll talk later, ok?’ I whispered back. ‘Stewart’s being confusing. He’s good at that.’
***
‘Right,’ Sue said when we’d finalised arrangements for the Tour people’s visit. ‘Me and Lana are going to get off so we can talk about you all. You lads stay and have another drink. I’m sure Yo-yo can provide female company for the three of us.’
I glared at her as we made our way to the exit. ‘Did you have to say that? Stew might not know it’s a joke.’
‘Good. Let him think we’re talking about him. First rule of keeping men on their toes, lass: always make sure they feel nervous. Once they know what you’re thinking they get complacent.’
She shouldered open the door and we made our way into the night. It was a balmy early autumn evening, or as balmy as it ever was that many feet above sea level: warm with a warning tang. The Dales liked to remind you that, however far you’d lapsed into a false sense of security, it was never wise to go out without a coat.
‘God, Sue, you’re like the talking 1950s,’ I said. ‘Don’t you tell Gerry what you’re thinking? You’ve been married a trillion years.’
‘If I did he’d have left me yonks ago.’ She slipped her arm into mine as we started making our way up the cobbles. ‘So. We’ve all noticed you making cow eyes at Stewart McLean.’
I frowned. ‘I don’t make cow eyes. Cows make cow eyes. I make… lady eyes.’
‘Trust me: as someone who spends most of her day with farm animals, those’re cow eyes. Thought I’d give you a few weeks to get over it, but since you seem to be getting worse it’s time we had some girl talk.’
I sighed. ‘He’s just confusing. He’s a confusing man. An irritating, confusing man.’
‘Hunky though,’ she said, watching my face carefully.
I shrugged. ‘He’s all right. I could take him or leave him.’
‘Good. Because trust me, when all that’s heading south, all you’re left with is the pillock underneath.’ She gave my arm a squeeze. ‘He hurt you before, chicken. Buggered if he’ll do it again on my watch.’
‘That’s what’s so confusing,’ I said. ‘Every time I start to warm to him, I remember how upset I was when he disappeared out of my life before. Then I think, is it safe to let myself get close?’ I sighed. ‘I’m… fragile, just at the moment. And this is strictly between us, but he actually did break my heart just the littlest bit.’
‘I know he did,’ she said gently.
‘I can’t put myself in that position again, Sue. Not after everything I’ve been through in the last six months.’
‘Does Stewart know any of this?’
‘What, you mean did I tell him that after one date I was in pieces because he didn’t call, like a pathetic schoolgirl? Course he doesn’t know.’
Sue skimmed my body approvingly. ‘Still, at least you’re losing weight.’
I frowned. For a big woman she didn’t half take a lot of interest in my figure.
She must’ve read the thought in my eyes. ‘Well, when you get to my age you can afford it,’ she said with a smile. ‘So what did Stewart say before to turn you all radishy?’
‘He… well, nothing, I ran away before he could finish. But I think he was going to tell me he likes me.’
‘Been seeing a lot of him lately, haven’t you?’ she said quietly.
Sue would’ve made a great counsellor. She always gave just the right prompts, getting you to spill exactly what was bothering you before you even properly knew what it was.
I had been seeing a lot of him. More than I realised, now I thought about it. Apart from the last week, when I’d suspected him of having a fling with Yolanda and gone out of my way to avoid him, I’d actually seen him most days: either outside his shop, at the group meetings or in the restaurant when he came in to eat. Sometimes, when Tom was out with Cam and I was feeling particularly lonely, I’d even called at his flat and invited him to walk Flash with me. Slowly, gradually, I’d got used to Stewart McLean being there when I needed someone.
‘Yes,’ I said at last. ‘Hard not to when he’s right in front of me.’
‘Do you like him a lot, my love?’
‘I… think about him a lot,’ I admitted. ‘All the time.’
‘So you’re falling for him.’
She was very matter-of-fact, but the words sent a jolt through my stomach.
‘No,’ I said, my brow lowering. ‘I can’t let myself do that.’
‘Then why spend time with him?’
‘He makes me laugh. He’s kind when I need someone to be kind, and funny when I need someone to be funny. I guess it all comes down to…’
‘Your dad?’ she said in the same quiet voice.
‘Yes.’ I was speaking half to myself now. ‘I get lonely. And now Tom’s with Cameron… it feels like it’d be nice, you know? To have what they’ve got.’
‘Not jealous of your brother, are you?’
‘Course not, I’m happy for him. But…’ I sighed. ‘It must be wonderful to have something like that. To fall in love.’
‘And you never have, have you? Not properly.’
I looked at her in surprise. ‘How did you know that?’
She shrugged. ‘Worked it out. You were only a lass when your dad got sick, and it’s not like you’ve made much time for boys since then.’ She took her arm out of mine and nodded to the restaurant door. ‘This is you.’
I was home. I wasn’t even sure how we’d got there. It felt like I’d been in a trance.
Sue kissed my cheek. ‘Don’t fall in love because you’re lonely, chicken,’ she said gently. ‘Fall in love because he’s worth it.’
‘I’ll try. Thanks, Mum.’
‘Give us a hug then.’ She threw her arms around me, crushing me against her comforting bulk. ‘Shame really, he seems a nice lad otherwise. But who could do that to our little girl, eh?’ She gave my back a hearty slap. ‘Call me or the old man whenever you’re lonely, all right? The sooner you free yourself of Stewart McLean, the better.’