Chapter Thirteen
He heard her words as if from a long distance away, as if she were trying to catch his attention with a whisper across a crowded room.
This couldn’t be real. Any moment Olivia would come around the corner wearing that big smile he was beginning to see more frequently. He held his breath, but she didn’t magically appear simply because he wished it.
Cold fear settled in his gut, achingly familiar. He couldn’t lose her. Not after working so hard to get her back these past few months.
“We’ll find her, Flynn,” Celeste said again, the panic in her voice a clear match to his own emotions.
She cared about his daughter, and he had been so very mean to her about it. He knew he had hurt her. He had seen a little light blink out in her eyes at his cruel words.
Her progress or lack of progress is none of your business. She’s my daughter. I get to make those choices for her, not some small-town librarian who barely knows either of us.
He would have given anything at that moment to take them back.
He didn’t even know why he had gotten so upset seeing Olivia up onstage—probably because he still wanted to do anything he could to protect her, to keep her close and the rest of the world away.
He didn’t want her to become like her mother or his, obsessed with recognition and adulation. At the same time, he had been so very proud of her courage for standing in front of strangers and singing her little heart out.
None of that mattered right now. She was missing and he had to find her.
He hurried to find his coat, aware of a bustle of activity behind him as Rafe jumped up, followed by Hope and Faith.
The instant support comforted him like a tiny flickering candle glowing against the dark night in a window somewhere. Yeah, they might be temporary visitors in Pine Gulch, but he and Olivia had become part of a community, like it or not.
Celeste’s brother-in-law stopped for an instant to rest a hand on Flynn’s shoulder on his way to grabbing his own coat off the rack. “Don’t worry, man. We’ll find her. She’ll be okay.”
He wanted desperately to believe Rafe.
He couldn’t lose her again.
* * *
They would find her.
A frantic five-minute search of the lodge revealed no sign of one little girl. She wasn’t in any of the bathrooms, the kitchen area, the closed gift shop or sitting beside any of the senior citizens as they enjoyed their meal, oblivious to the drama playing out nearby.
Rafe texted Celeste that he had searched through the barn with no sign of her. Faith and Hope had gone up to the house to see if they could find her there. Rafe told her he wanted to take a look around the reindeer enclosure for a little blond angel next and then head for some of the other outbuildings scattered about the ranch.
As soon as she read the word angel, something seemed to click in her brain. Angel. She suddenly remembered Olivia’s fascination the other night with the angel above the little chapel in the Christmas village.
Excitement bubbled through her, and she suddenly knew with unshakable certainty that was where she would find the girl.
She grabbed her coat off the rack—not for her, but for Olivia when she found her—and raced outside without bothering to take time throwing it on.
Though Hope and Rafe had elected to close the rest of the ranch activities early that night—the sleigh rides, the sledding hill, the reindeer photography opportunities—because all hands were needed for the dinner and show, they had chosen to keep on the lights at the Christmas village for anyone who might want to stop and walk through it.
She nodded to a few families she knew who were enjoying the village, the children wide-eyed with excitement, but didn’t take time to talk. She would have to explain away her rudeness to them later, but right now her priority was finding Olivia.
When she reached the chapel, she nearly collapsed with relief. A little angel in a white robe and silver tinsel halo stood in front of it, hands clasped together as she gazed up at the Madonna, the baby and especially the angel presiding over the scene.
Before she greeted the girl, Celeste took a precious twenty seconds to send a group text to Flynn, her sisters and Rafe to call off the search, explaining briefly that she had found Olivia safe and sound at the Christmas village.
With that done, she stepped forward just in time to hear what the girl was saying.
“Please tell my mom I don’t want to be sad or scared all the time anymore. Do you think that’s okay? I don’t want her to think I don’t love her or miss her. I do. I really do. I just want to be happy again. I think my daddy needs me to be.”
Oh, Celeste so remembered being in that place after her parents had died—feeling so guilty when she found things to smile about again, wondering if it was some sort of betrayal to enjoy things like birthday cakes and trick-or-treating and the smell of fresh-cut Christmas trees.
She swallowed down her emotions and stepped forward to wrap her coat around Olivia. As she did, she noticed something that made her break out in goose bumps.
“If it means anything,” she murmured, “I think your mom heard you.”
The girl looked up. Surprise flickered in her eyes at seeing Celeste, but she gave her a tremulous smile and took the hand Celeste held out. “Why do you think so?”
“Look at the star.”
Sure enough, the star above the chapel that had been out the other night flickered a few times and then stayed on.
Celeste knew the real explanation probably had to do with old wiring or a loose bulb being jostled in and out of the socket by the wind. Or maybe it was a tiny miracle, a sort of tender mercy for a grieving child who needed comfort in that moment.
“It is working,” Olivia breathed. “Do you think my mom turned it on?”
“Maybe.”
The star’s light reflected on her features. “Do you...do you think she’ll be mad at me for being happy it’s Christmas?”
“Oh, honey, no.” Heedless of the snow, Celeste knelt beside the girl so she could embrace her. “Christmas is all about finding the joy. It’s about helping others and being kind to those in need and holding on to the people we love, like your dad. I heard what you said to the angel, and you’re right. It hurts his heart to see you sad. Dads like to fix things—especially your dad—and he doesn’t know how to fix this.”
“When I cry, he sometimes looks as if he wants to cry, too,” she said.
Celeste screwed her eyes shut, her heart aching with love for both of them. She didn’t know the right words to say. They were all a jumble inside her, and she couldn’t seem to sort through to find the right combination.
When she looked up, the peaceful scene in the little church seemed to calm her and she hugged the girl close to her. “It’s natural to miss your mom and to wish she was still with you. But she wouldn’t want you to give up things like sleigh rides and Christmas carols and playing with your friends. If that angel could talk, I think that’s exactly what she would tell you your mom wanted you to hear.”
Olivia seemed to absorb that. After a moment she exhaled heavily as if she had just set down a huge load and could finally breathe freely. She turned to Celeste, still kneeling beside her, and threw her arms around her neck.
That ache in her chest tightened as she returned the embrace, wondering if this would be her last one from this courageous girl she had come to love as much as she loved her father.
“Thanks for letting me be in the show,” Olivia said. “It made me really happy. That’s why I wanted to come out here, to see if the angel could ask my mom if it was okay with her.”
Celeste hadn’t known Elise Chandler, but from what little she did know, she had a feeling the woman would love knowing her daughter enjoyed entertaining people.
“I’m glad you had fun,” she answered. “Really glad. But you scared everybody by coming out here without telling anyone. In fact, we should probably find your dad, just to make absolutely sure he got the message that you’re safe.”
“I’m here.”
At the deep voice from behind them, she turned around and found Flynn watching them with an intense, unreadable look in his eyes.
Her heartbeat kicked up a notch. How much had he heard? And why was he looking at her like that?
Olivia extricated herself from Celeste, who rose as the girl ran to her father.
Flynn scooped her into his arms and held her tight, his features raw with relief.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you where I was, Daddy.”
“You know that’s the rule, kiddo. Next time, you need to make sure you tell me where you’re going so I know where to find you.”
“I will,” she promised.
As he set her back to the ground, her halo slipped a little and he fixed it for her before adjusting Celeste’s baggy coat around the girl’s shoulders. “I’ve been worried about you, Livie.”
He didn’t mean just the past fifteen minutes of not knowing where she was, Celeste realized. He was talking about all the fear and uncertainty of the past three months.
Her love for him seemed to beam in her chest brighter than a hundred stars. How was she going to get through all the days and months and years ahead of her without him?
“I don’t want to be sad anymore,” Olivia said. “I still might be sometimes, but Celeste said the angel would tell me Mom wouldn’t want me to be sad all the time.”
His gaze met hers and she suddenly couldn’t catch her breath at the intense, glittering expression there. “Celeste and the angel are both very wise,” he answered. He hugged her again. “You’ll always miss your mom. That’s normal when you lose someone you love. But it doesn’t mean you can’t still find things that make you happy.”
“Like singing. I love to sing.”
He nodded, even though he did it with a pained look. “Like singing, if that’s what you enjoy.”
The two of them were a unit, and she didn’t really have a place in it.
She thought of his words to her. She’s my daughter. I get to make those choices for her, not some small-town librarian who barely knows either of us.
They stung all over again, but he was right. For a brief time she had been part of their lives, but the time had come to say goodbye.
“Since you’re safe and sound now, I really should go,” she said with bright, completely fake cheer. “Why don’t you hurry back to the lodge and change out of your angel costume, then you can grab some dinner?”
“I am hungry,” Olivia said.
She smiled at the girl, though it took all her concentration not to burst into tears. A vast, hollow ache seemed to have opened up inside her.
“I’m sure Jenna McRaven can find both of you a plate. It all looked delicious.”
“Good idea.”
“I’ll see you both later, then,” she answered.
Even though they would be heading in the same direction, she didn’t think she could walk sedately beside him and make polite conversation when this ache threatened to knock her to her knees.
Without waiting for them, she hurried back toward the lodge. As she reached it, the lights gleamed through the December night. Through the windows, she saw the dinner still in full swing. Suddenly, she couldn’t face all that laughter and happiness and holiday spirit.
She figured she had done her part for the people of Pine Gulch. Let her sisters handle the rest. She needed to go home, change into her most comfortable pajamas, open a pint of Ben & Jerry’s and try to figure out how she could possibly face a bleak, endless future that didn’t contain a certain darling girl and her wonderful father.
* * *
By another Christmas miracle, she somehow managed to hold herself together while she hurried through the cold night to her SUV, started the engine and drove back to the foreman’s cottage.
The moment she walked into the warmth of her house, the tears she had been shoving back burst through like a dam break and she rushed into her bedroom, sank onto her bed and indulged herself longer than she should have in a good bout of weeping.
She was vaguely aware that Linus and Lucy had followed her inside and were watching her with concern and curiosity, but even that didn’t ease the pain.
While some part of her wanted to wish Flynn had never returned to Pine Gulch so that she might have avoided this raw despair, she couldn’t be so very selfish. Olivia had begun her journey toward healing here. She had made great progress in a very short amount of time and had begun regaining all she had lost in an act of senseless violence.
If the price of her healing was Celeste’s own heartache, she would willingly pay it, even though it hurt more than she could ever have imagined.
After several long moments, her sobs subsided and she grew aware that Lucy was rubbing against her arm in concern while Linus whined from the floor in sympathy. She picked up both animals and held them close, deeply grateful for these two little creatures who gave her unconditional love.
“I’m okay,” she told them. “Just feeling sorry for myself right now.”
Linus wriggled up to lick at her salty tears, and she managed a watery smile at him. “Thanks, bud, but I think a tissue would be a better choice.”
She set the animals back down while she reached for the box on the table beside her bed.
She would get through this, she thought as she wiped away her tears. The pain would be intense for a while, she didn’t doubt, but once Flynn and his daughter returned to California and she didn’t have to see either of them all the time, she would figure out a way to go forward without them.
She would focus instead on the many things she had to look forward to—Christmas, the new book release, the movie production, a trip to New York with Hope to meet with their publisher at some point in the spring.
With a deep breath, she forced herself to stop. Life was as beautiful as a silky, fresh, sweet-smelling rose, even when that beauty was sometimes complicated by a few thorns.
She rose and headed to the bathroom, where she scrubbed her face in cold water before changing into her most comfortable sweats and fuzzy socks.
The mantra of her parents seemed to echo in her head, almost as if they were both talking to her like the angels Olivia had imagined. If they were here, they would have told her the only way to survive heartache and pain this intense was to throw herself into doing something nice for someone else.
With that in mind, she decided to tackle one more item on her holiday to-do list—wrapping the final gifts she planned to give her family members. It was a distraction anyway, and one she badly needed. She grabbed the gifts from her office and carried them to the living room, then hunted up the paper, tape and scissors. With everything gathered in one place, she turned on the gas fireplace and the television set and plopped onto the floor.
Lucy instantly nabbed a red bow from the bag and started batting it around the floor while Linus cuddled next to her. She had just started to wrap the first present when the little dog’s head lifted just seconds before the doorbell rang.
It was probably one of her sisters checking on her after her abrupt exit from the dinner. She started to tell them to come in, then remembered she had locked the door behind her out of habit she developed while away at school.
“Coming,” she called. “Just a moment.”
She unlocked the door, swung it open and then stared in shock at the man standing on the porch. Instantly, she wanted to shove the door shut again—and not only because she must look horrible in her loose, baggy sweats, with her hair a frizzy mess and her makeup sluiced away by the tears and the subsequent cold water bath.
“Flynn! What are you doing here?”
He frowned, concern on his gorgeous features. “You didn’t stick around the lodge for dinner. I tried to find you to give your coat back but you had disappeared.”
“Oh. Thanks.”
She took the wool coat from him, then lowered her head, hoping he couldn’t see her red nose, which probably wasn’t nearly as cute as Rudolph’s.
Though she didn’t invite him in, he walked into the living room anyway and closed the door behind him to keep out the icy air. She should have told him not to bother, since he wouldn’t be staying, but she couldn’t find the words.
“Are you feeling okay?” he asked.
Sure. If a woman who was trying to function with a broken heart could possibly qualify as okay. She shrugged, still not meeting his gaze. “It’s been a crazy-busy few days. I needed a little time to myself to get ready for Christmas. I’ve still got presents to wrap and all.”
She gestured vaguely toward the coffee table and the wrapping paper and ribbon.
He was silent for a moment and then, to her horror, she felt his hand tilt her chin up so she had no choice but to look at him.
“Have you been crying?” he asked softly.
This had to be the single most embarrassing moment of her life—worse, even, than crashing her bicycle in front of his grandmother’s house simply because she had been love struck and he hadn’t been wearing a shirt.
“I was, um, watching a bit of a Hallmark movie a little earlier and, okay, I might have cried a little.”
It wasn’t a very good lie and he didn’t look at all convinced.
“Are you sure that’s all?” he asked, searching her expression with an intensity she didn’t quite understand.
She swallowed. “I’m a sucker for happy endings. What can I say?”
He dropped his hand. “I hope that’s the reason. I hope it’s not because you were upset at me for acting like an ass earlier.”
She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “You didn’t at all. You were worried for your daughter. I understand. I was frantic, too.”
“Before that,” he murmured. “When we were talking about Olivia’s solo in the show. I was cruel to you, and I’m so, so sorry.”
She didn’t know how to respond to that, not when he was gazing at her with that odd, intense look on his features again.
“You were a concerned father with your daughter’s best interests at heart,” she finally said. “And you didn’t say anything that isn’t true. I am a small-town librarian, and I’m very happy in that role. More important, I don’t have the right to make decisions for Olivia without asking you. I should have told you about her solo. I’m sorry I didn’t.”
He made a dismissive gesture. “That doesn’t matter. While she was missing, I prayed that if we found her, I would drive her myself to acting lessons, singing lessons, tap-dancing lessons. Whatever she wants. As long as she’s finding joy in the world again and I can help her stay centered, I don’t care what she wants to do. She’s not my mother or Elise. She’s a smart, courageous girl, and I know she can handle whatever comes her way. These past few months proved that.”
In that moment she knew Olivia would be fine. Her father would make sure of it. It was a great comfort amid the pain of trying to figure out how to go on without them.
“I realized something else while we were looking for Olivia,” Flynn said. He stepped a little closer.
“What’s that?” she whispered, feeling breathless and shaky suddenly. Why was he looking at her like that, with that fierce light in his eyes and that soft, tender smile?
Her heart began to pound, especially when he didn’t answer for a long moment, just continued to gaze at her. Finally, he took one more step and reached for her hand.
“Only that I just happen to be in love with a certain small-town librarian who is the most caring, wonderful woman I’ve ever met.”
Nerves danced through her at the words, spiraling in circles like a gleeful child on a summer afternoon.
“I... You’re what?”
His hand was warm on hers, his fingers strong and firm and wonderful. “I’ve never said that to anyone else and meant it. Truly meant it.”
She took a shaky breath while those nerves cartwheeled in every direction. “I... Exactly how many other small-town librarians have you known?”
He smiled a little when she deliberately focused on the most unimportant part of what he had said. “Only you. Oh, and old Miss Ludwig, who had the job here in Pine Gulch before you. I think my grandmother took me into the library a few times when I was a kid, and I definitely never said anything like that to her. She scared me a little, if you want the truth.”
“She scared me, too,” she said. You scare me more, she wanted to say.
He leaned down close enough that only a few inches separated them. “You know what I meant,” he murmured, almost against her mouth. “I’ve never told a woman I loved her before. Not when the words resounded like this in my heart.”
“Oh, Flynn.” She gave him a tremulous smile, humbled and awed and deeply in love with him.
He was close enough that she only had to step on tiptoes a little to press her mouth to his, pouring all the emotion etched on her own heart into the kiss.
He froze for just a moment and then he made a low, infinitely sexy sound in his throat and kissed her back with heat and hunger and tenderness, wrapping his arms tightly around her as if he couldn’t bear to let her go.
A long while later he lifted his head, his breathing as ragged as hers and his eyes dazed. She was deliriously, wondrously happy. Her despair of a short time earlier seemed like a distant, long-ago memory that had happened to someone else.
“Does that kiss mean what I hope?” he murmured.
She could feel heat soak her cheeks and all the words seemed to tangle in her throat. She felt suddenly shy, awkward, but as soon as she felt the urge to retreat into herself where she was safe, she pushed it back down.
For once, she had to be brave, to take chances and seize the moment instead of standing by as a passive observer, content to read books about other people experiencing the sort of life she wanted.
“It means I love you,” she answered. “I love you so very much, Flynn. And Olivia, too. I lied when I told you I was crying over a television show. I was crying because I knew the two of you would be leaving soon, and I...I didn’t think my heart could bear it.”
“I don’t want to go anywhere,” he said. “Pine Gulch has been wonderful for Olivia and for me. She might have been physically wounded, but I realized while I was here that some part of me has been emotionally damaged for much longer. This place has begun to heal both of us.”
He kissed her again with an aching tenderness that made her want to cry all over again, this time because of the joy bubbling through her that seemed too big to stay contained.
She didn’t know what the future held for them. He had a company in California, a life, a home. Perhaps he could commute from Pine Gulch to Southern California, or maybe he might want to take Rafe’s advice and open a branch of his construction company here.
None of that mattered now, not when his arms and his kiss seemed to fill all the empty corners of her heart.
A long time later, he lifted his head with reluctance in his eyes. “I should probably go find Olivia. I left her with Hope and Rafe at the lodge. I’m sure she’s having a great time with the other kids, but I hate to let her out of my sight for long.”
“I don’t blame you,” she assured him.
He stepped away, though he didn’t seem to want to release her hands. “I doubt Rafe was buying the excuse when I told him that I needed to return your coat. Something tells me he knows the signs of a man in love.”
She could feel her face heat again. What would her family say about this? She didn’t really need to ask. They already seemed to adore Olivia, and once they saw how happy she was with Flynn, they would come to love him too.
“Do you want to come with me to pick her up?” he asked.
She wanted to go wherever he asked, but right now she still probably looked a mess. “Yes, if you can give me ten minutes to change.”
“You look fine to me,” he assured her. “Beautiful, actually.”
When he looked at her like that, she felt beautiful, for the first time in her life.
“But if you have to change—and if I had a vote—I’m particularly fond of a particular T-shirt you own.”
“I’ll see what I can do,” she answered with a laugh. She kissed him again while the Christmas lights from her little tree gleamed and the wind whispered against the window and joy swirled around them like snowflakes.