Chapter 8
“Okay, spill it,” Kate demanded as soon as she placed the cups of latte, tea, and coffee in front of each of them. Arianna, Kate, and Natalie stared at Hayden, but she was looking down at her herbal tea, not looking up at anyone else.
“Hayden, what happened?” Natalie asked, laying a hand on her friend’s arm.
“Nothing,” Hayden replied. “Absolutely nothing.” Which was the truth. For three days, she hadn’t heard anything from Viktor. The workers kept showing up at the house, but she didn’t care what they did anymore. She didn’t have the energy to give them instructions or guidance. As of yesterday, they’d stopped coming.
But worse, Viktor hadn’t called. He hadn’t stormed into her house or stomped up to her out in the garden area. He’d just…left after that one fight. He hadn’t understood, and he’d told her with his silence that she’d lost him. One battle and she’d lost.
“Did you talk to him?” Kate wanted to know. Natalie and Arianna had told Kate what they’d suggested to Hayden and all three of them had agreed that it was a good plan. But Hayden looked worse now.
“When was the last time you slept?” Arianna asked worriedly.
Hayden looked at each of their concerned faces, then forced herself to smile. “I’m sleeping,” she lied. She slept, but it was more along the lines of a nap. She’d climb into bed each night, stare up at the ceiling until about five or six in the morning thinking about Viktor, missing him, wanting him so badly she ached. Around the same time that the sun started to rise over the horizon, she fell asleep for maybe an hour or two. At that time, Hayden knew she wouldn’t get any more sleep. Each morning, she dragged herself out of bed and into the shower, trying to warm herself with the water. But it was pointless. She was cold everywhere. Viktor had sparked something deep down inside of her, an anger, a passion, a fire…she wasn’t sure what. And now that he was gone, so was the spark. She didn’t want to want him, but she couldn’t help but think about the times they’d shared together.
Kate leaned forward. “Honey, you have to get some sleep. Why don’t you…”
“I can’t sleep,” she whispered, then lifted her cup to her mouth. As she carefully placed the ceramic cup back down to the table, she knew that all three of her friends were watching her carefully. “I’ll be okay,” she told all of them. “I just need…time.” Yes, time would heal everything, she told herself.
“Did he do this to you?”
Hayden laughed softly, shaking her head and patting Kate’s hand. “No. Viktor didn’t do anything to me. I told him what I needed and he couldn’t give it to me,” she explained. Her fingers shook slightly, so she kept her cup in the saucer until she regained control. Turning to Arianna, she smiled. “The transfer of the plants is happening pretty fast. You’ve done a good job.”
Arianna glanced at Natalie and Kate, all three of them concerned. But they nodded, following Hayden’s lead. “Well, you’ve done an excellent job too, you know. You bumped up Teddy Manor’s order just yesterday, almost doubling the plants he thought he would need. He walked away happy with what you suggested.”
Hayden smiled, thinking about the man who was trying to build several houses on the outskirts of town. “Yeah, those balconies will look pretty with the new evergreens underneath them.”
Silence. Hayden hated the silence. She’d always tried to fill silence in the past, but right now, she couldn’t think of anything to say. She also knew that her friends needed some reassurance that things would get back to normal, but Hayden wasn’t sure that would happen. She was still hurting inside, so cold, all she wanted to do was sleep. But every time she curled up on her bed, memories of the times she’d spent in that bed with Viktor haunted her and she couldn’t sleep.
“I’m going to be fine, ladies,” she promised. Grabbing her purse, she pressed it against her chest, hoping the gesture might hold her heart inside of her chest. Because right at this moment, she wasn’t sure she could do it all on her own.
Walking out of the coffee shop, she looked up and down the street, almost forgetting the way back to her house. It was only a mile, she thought, then turned to the left to make the trek home.
Before she knew it, Arianna was by her side and she knew that Natalie was behind her, with Kate looking out the door of her coffee shop. “I’m fine. Really,” she assured all three women.
“You’re not fine!” Natalie hissed. “And why aren’t you driving your cute little sports car? Did that jerk take it away?”
“No. I just…” she closed her eyes against the pain that poured into her in that moment. “I can’t drive that car. It isn’t mine. It’s Viktor’s and he’s….” She didn’t finish that statement either. She wasn’t sure what to do with the two cars. They had been parked next to her house ever since Viktor had walked away that morning.
“I’m going home,” she told her friends.
“I’ll drive you,” Arianna announced, taking Hayden’s arm and pointing her towards the coffee shop parking lot.
“I can walk.”
“I know you can,” she said firmly. “But since I’m heading back to the garden center myself, there’s no reason why you can’t ride with me.” And with that, she opened the passenger side door and motioned for Hayden to step inside.
On the drive home, Hayden stared out at the passing landscape, trying not to think about Viktor at all.
As soon as they pulled up into the parking lot, Hayden stepped out, walked over to the front door and tossed her purse inside. After that, she walked over to the neat, lines of plants and started working. She talked with the customers, answering questions, showing them the plants, how to care for them, the pots, the soil, the fertilizer…and when there weren’t any customers, she worked on the computer, ordering new inventory, grabbed clippers to snip off any fading blooms, trimming the bushes to look more appealing…anything she could to get her mind off of Viktor’s absence.
She couldn’t really blame him, she thought as she turned an arborvitae around to snip off a couple of brown limbs. She’d asked him for emotions, to feel something for her other than sexual desire and he couldn’t do that for her. She might have only told him that she loved him, but they both knew that she’d been asking him to love her back. Better to know that now rather than later when she’d really fallen in love with him.
Yeah, she thought as she dead-headed an entire row of rose bushes. Better to get out early and know what the man was capable of before she truly loved him. Before she’d grown used to having his arms around her, feeling him kiss her, make love to her. Yes, this was better, she told herself.
Arianna stopped at the end of the row of bushes. “Hayden, you need to stop.”
Hayden was crouched on the ground, ignoring the sharp gravel that was biting into the tender skin of her knees. “I do?”
“Yes, honey. It’s dark outside. You can’t even see what you’re clipping any longer.”
Hayden looked around, realized that it was dark now. Where had the day gone? Hadn’t she just had coffee with her friends only a half hour ago? Looking down at her watch, she realized that it was well past dinner. “Why are you still here?” she asked, standing up and dusting off her jeans.
“I was finishing payroll and some reports that…” she stopped, looking at Hayden warily. “I just have some financial reports to finish up.” She paused for a moment, then looked around. “Why don’t we go out for dinner tonight?”
Hayden shook her head. “No thanks. I’m not really hungry.”
Arianna’s lips twisted slightly as she thought about something, then she shifted. “Well, I’m hungry. But I guess I’ll just skip dinner tonight. I don’t feel like eating alone.”
Hayden laughed softly. “You’re just trying to trick me into eating dinner with you because you think I’ll skip another meal.”
The other woman shrugged. “Well, you didn’t have anything for breakfast or lunch, and it’s past the normal dinner time, so I’m guessing you’ll just go into your dark house, take a shower and…” She tilted her head slightly. “What do you do at night?”
She sighed, walking over to the gardening center so she could clean her clippers and lock up for the night. “Oh, different things. I read, watch a movie or…”
“Just sit in the dark, moping about that man?” she asked gently.
Hayden smiled slightly, blinking back tears, because she was sick of crying over a man who didn’t care. “Or that.”
They both walked into the house and Arianna pushed Hayden into a chair. “You’re eating,” she announced. “What do you have to eat?”
She shrugged. “I’m not exactly sure. I haven’t been to the grocery store since…” she stopped, biting her lip because she couldn’t finish that statement. She hadn’t been grocery shopping since Viktor had filled her fridge up with food.
Arianna understood without being told. “Right. Got it,” she announced and pulled open the freezer. “So, you haven’t really been eating much, but you have all of these wonderful meals.” She pulled two boxes out of the freezer and read the instructions. “This looks easy enough,” she decided and popped them both into the oven, then turned on the heat.
“Thanks. But don’t you need to head home to study?”
“Nope,” she said and sat down on the opposite side of the table. “I had my final exam yesterday. So tonight, I’m going to sit here with you and eat. Then you and I are…”
The kitchen door opened up and Kate walked in. Her chocolate brown eyes looked at the two women sitting at the table, then glanced back at Arianna. “Is she eating?”
Arianna smiled in welcome. “We just put something into the oven.”
“Excellent!” she exclaimed. “I’ll join you ladies.” And with that announcement, she walked over to the freezer and pulled out another box, sliding it into the oven next to the other two. “So, what are we drinking?” she asked.
At that moment, Natalie stepped in with Alejo, who came running in like a whirlwind ahead of her. “Hayden! You’re sick! We need to feed you!” he announced with relish. “Momma got donuts for dessert! You’re gonna have a donut with us, right? Momma said I can’t have a donut unless you eat yours. So, you gotta eat yours, okay?”
Hayden laughed and braced herself moments before he threw himself into her lap. “Grab a couple more boxes of food from the freezer and slide them into the oven next to the others, Nat.”
Natalie plunked a box of wine on the countertop and nodded. “Great minds think alike,” she commented to Arianna and Kate, both of them laughing as Kate grabbed the corkscrew from one of the kitchen drawers, then tossed it back in when Natalie twisted the plastic top off of the box of wine she’d gotten from the grocery store on her way over here.
“Wine from a box?” Arianna asked, looking amused and horrified.
“All we can afford, my friend,” Kate explained.
“Box-O-Wine it is!” she laughed and extended her hand to take a glass filled with the red liquid. “To getting over horrible men!” she said, lifting her glass of wine into the air.
The other three women did the same, clinking their glasses together. Even Alejo lifted his glass of milk up, thoroughly enjoying the process. “To jerky men!” he joined in.
Viktor stared out the window of his office, a crystal glass in his hand filled with one hundred year old scotch. Normally, the smooth, complex flavor soothed him at the end of the day. Normally, he enjoyed savoring the success of each day with the amber liquid, enjoyed the way it burned down his throat as he contemplated the night ahead.
But normally, he didn’t have this aching void in the middle of his chest.
Even as he stood, looking out at the world, he didn’t want his old “normal” back, he wanted Hayden.
Because he wouldn’t be holding Hayden in his arms tonight. And that obliterated any enjoyment of the day’s successes. He couldn’t even remember what he’d accomplished today, other than terrifying half his staff. The only reason the other half hadn’t felt his wrath was because they’d heard about his bad mood and had hidden from him.
Hayden wouldn’t cower, he thought, taking a sip of the scotch but not appreciating it. Not even tasting it. Hayden would be storming into his office, demanding to know why he was acting like an ass.
But if Hayden were here, he wouldn’t be acting like…no, not an ass. He was acting like a wounded animal. Yes, he had a wound that only her gentle touch could soothe. He hated this pain. He didn’t want to feel it any longer. But after three days of avoiding her, avoiding even thinking about what she’d asked for, he knew that he needed her. He needed her and he worried about her.
The sudden smash of crystal against steel echoed through the evening and he braced his arms against the glass window. Breathing in huge gulps of air, he tried to hold off. He couldn’t go to her. He couldn’t give her what she needed. He didn’t have it in him to give her the emotional connection that she craved. The connection that she deserved.
He wasn’t good enough for her. Viktor knew this, but the desire to take her, to hold her and protect her, to make love to her until she gasped out his name, was more intense than any feeling he’d ever fought. Fighting his way out of the gutters of Russia as a child was less difficult than fighting his need for Hayden and her soft, blue eyes that seemed to glow when she smiled up at him.
“Sir?” his assistant asked from his office doorway.
Viktor didn’t even bother to turn around. “It’s fine,” he replied. “I’ll clean it up later,” he said, referring to the shattered crystal glass now lying in shards all over the carpet.
There was a long moment of silence and he could feel the questions running through her mind, but he ignored her. “That will be all,” he snapped, then sighed. Turning around, he nodded his head slightly. “Thank you for your help today.”
The woman’s startled look told him that he had indeed been a monster over the past few days. With a wary return smile, she stepped out of his office. A moment later, he saw her walking down the hallway, her bag over her shoulder as she hurried out of firing range.
Smart woman, he thought. If he could get away from himself, he would too.
Turning back, he stared out at the night, wondering what Hayden was doing now. Had the contractor he’d hired replaced the back door? The old one was too warped to be any protection against either intruders or the elements. Was the heat still working? Was she warm enough?
With a muttered curse, Viktor turned away from the window and stomped out of his office. Ten minutes later, he was in his penthouse, pouring himself another scotch, wandering over to the windows that looked out over the Potomac River. Damn! He couldn’t get her out of his mind!
There were about ten social events he could attend tonight, maybe find another woman. Someone to get his mind off of Hayden’s gentle smile or those glowing, blue eyes. He needed a woman with brown eyes. Maybe blonde hair. Anything that was the exact opposite of Hayden!
But he didn’t move. He stood there, thinking about her. Wanting her. Needing her touch and her smile and her warmth.
Viktor didn’t love her. He couldn’t love her. He just…Hell. He wasn’t sure about anything at the moment.