Chapter 5
“Hey, you! Get outta there.”
The black and tan pup, head buried to his neck in the kitchen trash can and tail wagging ninety miles an hour, didn’t pay the least bit of attention to Dennis Bigelow.
Smart dog, Matt thought, not for the first time since the stray had taken to hanging around the fire station, mooching, or occasionally stealing, food scraps. From the looks of it, their visitor had found something interesting.
“I said beat it!”
Dennis kicked the pup in the haunches, hard enough to warn him off the trash can, but not harsh enough to injure him. With a high-pitched yelp, the pup flipped sideways, knocking the trash can over and strewing the contents across the floor.
“Hey!” Matt stepped forward. “Was that really necessary?
“Damn it to hell!” Dennis stomped his foot hard, making a loud noise. Ears flat and tail low, the pup ran from the kitchen, through the common room and straight to Emilio Chavez’s office, a candy bar wrapper stuck to his nose. “If everyone would stop feeding him, he’d go away.”
Matt chuckled. The little scamp had befriended the two people on their shift who could help him the most; the captain and Lindsay. As if hearing her name, she stormed into the kitchen, prepared to give Dennis a piece of her mind.
“You didn’t have to hurt him.” Fists planted on her hips and fury in her eyes, she sent Dennis a stare so chilly, Matt swore the room temperature dropped twenty degrees. “He’s young, he’s hungry, and he doesn’t know any better.”
“He’s a pain in the butt. And so are you.” Dennis held his hand out, level with his forehead. “I’ve had it up to here with the both of you. Him chewing everything in sight and you on a chronic PMS rampage.”
Difficult as it was, Matt kept quiet. He disliked the snide remark Dennis directed at Lindsay, but firefighters, by unspoken agreement, stayed out of personal disputes unless tempers escalated to the danger level. In some ways, they were like an extended family, and a certain amount of bickering was expected and tolerated. Neither Lindsay nor Dennis would appreciate Matt’s interference, each for their own reasons.
“Isn’t that just like you, Bigelow,” Lindsay shot back. “When you can’t come up with an intelligent remark, you resort to sexist insults.”
Dennis’s face turned a dark red. “I’m calling the pound right now and having that stupid mutt picked up today.”
“Nobody’s calling the pound.” Emilio Chavez walked into the kitchen. The dog, sans candy wrapper, followed faithfully, his long, pink tongue lolling in a playful canine grin. “You’re seasoned pros, both of you. Quit acting like a couple of booters.” He jerked his thumb at the toppled trash can. “Dennis, get this mess cleaned up. And Lindsay. You take care of the puddle the dog left in the hall by the utility closet.
Bending to his task, Dennis grumbled under his breath. Lindsay ignored him, reaching across the sink and snagging several paper towels from the holder. She was halfway out the kitchen when Emilio stopped her.
“I’ll see you both in my office when you’re through.”
The unspoken agreement to not interfere obviously didn’t apply to captains.
“Yes, sir,” they said in unison.
Matt watched Lindsay go, the straight line of her back conveying her mood more effectively than words. He felt for her, for Dennis, too, imagining the scene in Emilio’s office. Lindsay and Dennis had been at odds more than usual lately and the captain, Matt was sure, planned to end it.
While he didn’t always agree with Dennis, Matt did in this case. Ever since the morning two weeks ago when Joey walked in on him and Lindsay, she hadn’t been her usual pleasant self. Truthfully, she’d become darn near impossible to be around.
Matt told himself to be patient and that she needed time to come to terms with the idea of them being together.
Well, she hadn’t come to terms, and his patience was fast running out.
As promised, he’d gone to see Lindsay that morning after he and Joey talked, expecting to find her distraught but glad to see him. She hadn’t been home. Neither had she been home that night, or the next day. The voice mail and text messages he’d left weren’t returned.
Okay. He got the hint. She didn’t want to see him or talk to him.
Their first day back at work together went badly. When he cornered her alone in the workout room, she’d fed him some line about there being too many complications. What complications? He and Lindsay were on, she and Joey were off. Simple.
He, she’d insisted, didn’t understand.
No, he didn’t. Could she please explain it to him?
If he didn’t already understand her feelings, nothing she said would make a difference.
Failing once again to comprehend her logic, Matt had left, more confused than angry.
Not realizing Lindsay was shutting him out, Joey filled Matt in on the details. She’d taken the news of Joey’s reconciliation with his ex-fiancée well, and they’d parted on good terms, agreeing to remain friends.
Upon learning this, Matt made another totally-male-and-thereby-wrong assumption; he and Lindsay would slide into a comfortable dating relationship.
She corrected his erroneous thinking the next day at work.
Too stubborn for his own good, he’d stopped by Lindsay’s place one evening, peace offering in hand. For thirty minutes, his hormones waged war with his brain cells, the latter winning by the slimmest of margins. They’d sat on her couch, making awkward conversation over two cups of her favorite Starbucks coffee when what he really wanted to do was push her down onto the cushions and dribble Mocha Frappuccino onto her bare nipples.
While barely managing to keep his obvious erection under control, he’d listened to her explain why her breakup with Joey didn’t automatically imply she and Matt were a couple.
Translation: she felt guilty.
Finally. Something Matt understood. He, too, had suffered a fleeting twinge of guilt. But seeing Joey and Karyn back together and deliriously happy pretty much alleviated it.
Lindsay wasn’t still bothered by what happened, was she?
Yes. They’d been wrong to sleep together and should have waited.
Reminding her that Joey had been with Karyn at the same time he and Lindsay were together only earned him an exasperated huff, followed by a that’s-not-the-point argument. Three days later, he still hadn’t sorted it out.
“Callahan,” Emilio barked. “Don’t you have something else to do besides stand around here taking up space?”
“Yes,” Matt said, giving his head a quick shake to clear the cobwebs. “As a matter of fact, I do.” With a friendly salute to his captain, he strode off in search of Lindsay. There had to be something else bothering her besides the thing with him and Joey. She wasn’t one to let her personal life affect her job.
“Oh, by the way.” Emilio’s sharp call brought Matt to a standstill. “Word from Fire Administration is that the test results will be posted this afternoon. Good luck.”
The test results for engineers. Of course! How could he have been so dense? That’s what had Lindsay on edge. In the midst of everything else going on, the test had completely slipped his mind. He’d even forgotten to study and winged it during the final session last week.
“Thanks, but I’m not holding my breath.” He nodded at Emilio and left.
Truthfully, Matt didn’t care if he made engineer or not. He’d tested only because he thought a promotion might impress his father. A mistake, he realized in retrospect. Advancing through the ranks in a career his father didn’t approve of in the first place wouldn’t alter the older man’s opinion. Lindsay, however, wanted the promotion and had worked harder than any of them to get it. Matt didn’t doubt she’d be the next engineer for the City of Glendale Fire Department.
He found her at the dumpster behind the station, discarding the soiled paper towels. The plain uniform did a poor job of hiding the sweet curves of her figure. The shorts, meant to be functional, accentuated her narrow waist and the slope of her hips, hips he’d held firmly in his hands while racing in a mad frenzy toward release. At the sight of her bare, tanned legs, his heart rate accelerated.
Letting the heavy lid on the dumpster drop, she tracked his approach with wary green eyes. In his mind, he saw those green eyes widen in surprise when he entered her, warm with pleasure as he moved in and out, then squeeze shut at the moment of climax. Every muscle in his body involuntarily tensed.
“Hi.” Leaning his back against the brick building, he shoved his fists inside his front pockets, hoping to appear casual and not like he’d purposefully sought her out. “Don’t let Dennis get to you.”
“I’m not.” She kicked at a pebble, sending it skipping across the blacktop.
“That wasn’t his butt you just mentally kicked into the next county, was it?”
She cracked a tiny smile, and the last residuals of tension between them dissipated.
“I know Dennis can be a jerk sometimes,” Matt said. “But he has his good qualities, too. Next to you, there isn’t anyone else I’d rather have in the field with me.”
Lindsay studied him, wondering if she should take his compliment at face value.
“It’s true,” he reiterated.
“Thank you. That means a lot to me.” He probably didn’t realize how much. Lindsay’s struggle for acceptance by her male peers had been an ongoing battle since her first day at the academy. “I’m mad at myself mostly,” she admitted. “Sometimes, I think I play right into Dennis’ hands.”
“Now that you mention it...” One side of Matt’s mouth lifted in a dangerous grin.
Dangerous because it cut through her carefully constructed defenses with the ease of a knife slicing soap suds.
What am I so afraid of?
It was the same question she’d asked herself over and over since spending the night with him.
The answer wasn’t Joey. They’d resolved their differences and returned to the kind of relationship they’d always had but not admitted to: friendship. He deserved to be happy, and she was glad for him, if a little concerned. Karyn had hurt him badly in the past. Lindsay didn’t want the same thing to happen again and had cautioned him to proceed slowly. He’d assured her he would. Lindsay, however, feared he’d go off the deep end without so much as a backwards glance.
Which is exactly what she’d done with Matt.
He hadn’t slept by himself that night in Joey’s bed. She’d been with him, physically, emotionally, and in every way possible a woman can be with a man. He didn’t deserve to be shut out of her life or the decisions she was making which concerned him. But how much should she let him in and what kind of impact would that have on their jobs?
Changing the subject, Lindsay said, “Emilio mentioned the test results might be posted today.”
“So I heard,” he said, giving her a mildly curious look. “Nervous?”
“Yes.” She hadn’t intended to be so blunt and softened her response. “A little. You?”
“Naw.” He made a face. “I don’t stand a chance.”
“Of course you do.”
“I didn’t study for the last part.”
“You’re joking!”
“Afraid not.”
Lindsay couldn’t comprehend Matt’s cavalier attitude about something so important. She wanted to make engineer. Needed to. That one feat, she believed, would earn her the respect she craved. Only then would the men stop treating her as second rate, like Dennis did. “I can’t take things as they come, like you do.”
“Don’t sweat it,” Matt said optimistically. “You’re a shoo-in.”
“I’m not so sure.” Lindsay considered the other candidates testing. Even with Matt’s elimination, the competition was still stiff. She scraped the toe of her right shoe along the blacktop. Finally, she found the courage to voice her concern, one of those complications Matt didn’t think they had. “What if I’m promoted? How would you feel about that?”
“Terrific.”
“You wouldn’t resent me?”
He gave her a puzzled look. “Why would I?”
Did he not understand? “I’d outrank you.”
Matt chuckled. “Is that what’s bothering you? Well, let me put your mind at ease.”
“You don’t mind taking orders from a woman?”
“Depends on the orders,” he teased.
“Be serious.”
“I am.”
Though his tone had changed, she didn’t quite believe him. “You don’t want to make engineer?”
“Yeah. Sure.” He shifted his weight to his other foot. “Eventually. When it’s for the right reasons. I get my satisfaction from the job itself, not the rank I hold.”
“That’s very noble of you,” she said, recalling her own less than noble ambitions.
“Don’t go erecting any statues in my honor just yet. My motives are selfish.”
“How so?”
“I’m a typical guy. Into speed, action, the adrenaline rush that comes from taking risks.” He smiled wryly. “Sometimes, I think my dad’s right. I’m nothing more than a grown-up kid.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that. Besides.” She scrunched her mouth to one side and contemplated the setting sun as it dipped below the horizon. “Ambition’s not all it’s cracked up to be.”
“I think it’s great you want to move up. We could use more women in higher level positions.”
“I’d like to be Battalion Chief one day.” She didn’t realize how much until she said it out loud.
“You will. And making engineer is the first step.” Abruptly, he pushed off the wall and moved close to her, closer than was necessary to carry on a casual conversation. “Enough chit chat. Let’s talk about us.”
“That’s probably not a good idea.”
Probably? Lindsay knew full well it wasn’t a good idea. In the span of a single indrawn breath, the atmosphere changed from companionable to intimate. For two weeks, she’d managed to prevent this kind of thing from happening. And now it had, under the most mundane circumstances.
At an unexpected clicking noise overhead, Lindsay started and felt foolish for it. The exterior light had come on, activated by an automatic timer. It glowed hazily, which only served to heighten the mood. If she were smart, she’d concoct some excuse and run for safety. She didn’t, however. Her traitorous mouth and feet refused to cooperate.
Matt leaned in, reducing the space separating them by another few inches, and reached for her hand. Every nerve ending in Lindsay’s body came instantly alive, humming with anticipation. She took a cautionary step backwards, afraid if he touched her, she’d snap, crackle, and pop like a severed live wire.
“I want to see you, Lindsay. Be with you.” He countered her retreat with a large stride forward. “Let’s have dinner tomorrow night.”
She rubbed her arms, trying without success to erase the goose bumps erupting there. “We can’t.” One of them had to be sensible.
“You’re right. Tomorrow night’s too far away. “We’ll go for breakfast in the morning after our shift is over.”
“Impossible.”
“You have plans?”
“That’s not the reason.”
“Why then?” He bent down and pressed his cheek to hers.
True to her earlier prediction, the contact set off a series of tiny explosions throughout her body. Fearing he’d kiss her—or she’d kiss him—she averted her head. “We always eat breakfast here. Together.”
“Let’s skip it.”
“Emilio and Dennis will wonder why.”
“That doesn’t wash and you know it. What’s the real reason?”
He was right. She had been making excuses. “The problem is we work together.”
“Other firefighters date.”
“Not many.”
“Rhonda and Lee Schaeffer are married.”
“They’re not assigned to the same station.”
“They were at first. He wasn’t transferred until after they became engaged.”
For one completely insane second, Lindsay pictured an identical scenario with her and Matt. Ridiculous, she chided herself. He was asking her out, not proposing.
“It would be awkward. And Emilio won’t approve.” Not to mention Dennis. He’d never give her a moment’s peace if she and Matt were to openly date.
“There’ll be obstacles,” Matt conceded. “I won’t disagree with you on that.” He pressed his mouth to her ear and spoke in a husky whisper. “But I promise you, the benefits will outweigh them.”
“I-I—”
“Callahan! Pfeiffer,” Dennis hollered from inside the apparatus room, the large open area where the engine was parked. “Where are you?”
Lindsay sprang back as if she’d been stuck with a hot poker. Her heel caught on a rough patch of blacktop, and she teetered unsteadily.
Matt looped an arm around her waist and reeled her in. “I’ve got you.”
Naturally, Dennis appeared through the side door at that exact moment.
“Hey!” He frowned suspiciously. “What’s going on here?”
Where was a good hiding place when you needed one?
She’d forgotten about the meeting with Emilio, and now Dennis had been dispatched to fetch her. Great. More ammunition for him to use against her.
“She stumbled,” Matt answered blithely and dropped his arm, acting as if he cared less. The wink he gave her when Dennis glanced the other way implied differently. “What’s up, Dennis?” he asked.
“The captain wants to see the two of you in his office. ASAP.”
Confused, Lindsay said, “I thought he wanted to see you and me.”
“Guess he was sidetracked when he checked his email.” Dennis smirked. “The test results have been posted.”
Matt placed a hand on the small of Lindsay’s back and propelled her forward. “Go.”
He didn’t have to tell her twice. She was already on the move. She’d been waiting weeks for this. Matt and Dennis were right behind her, their heavy footsteps echoing off the walls. Even the pup joined the fray, trotting alongside Lindsay, tongue lolling comically.
Lindsay clenched her fists into tight balls. The trip down the corridor seemed to take forever, during which a whole series of negative ‘what-ifs’ ran through her head. She mentally pushed them aside, reminding herself she’d studied hard and knew the material inside and out. At the end of each test session, she’d walked away confident she’d done her best.
She’d make engineer. She simply had to.
At the entrance to Emilio’s office, Matt briefly touched her arm in a small gesture of support. She smiled over her shoulder at him in return.
“Come in, come in,” Emilio bellowed when he spotted Lindsay standing in his doorway. He sat at his desk, the computer screen showing the department logo at the top.
Lindsay’s hopes escalated at the sight of him. He stared straight at her, grinning like he’d just won the lottery. She and Matt squeezed into the compact office, crowding together in front of the desk.
“Dennis, you wait outside.” Emilio motioned Lindsay and Matt nearer. “Look there.” Beaming, he pointed to the screen and tapped it with the tip of his index finger.
Lindsay squinted and scanned the official announcement, along with the list of names it contained. It took several ticks of the wall clock for reality to sink in. She blinked. And blinked again. Her eyes weren’t deceiving her. Emotion welled up inside her, clogging her throat.
“Congratulations,” Emilio said heartily and swung around in his chair, his hand extended across the desk. “I’m proud of you both.”
“Thank you.” Lindsay swallowed hard and shook his hand, then watched silently as the two men also shook hands. When they were done, she turned to face Matt, her smile bright.
And forced.
With a calmness that belied the turmoil inside her, she said, “Congratulations.”
“Lindsay.” He looked unhappy. Not like someone who had just made engineer.
“Who’d have believed it?” Emilio’s chair squeaked as he stood up. “The two highest scores are from my crew. I figured Lindsay for a top spot. But you, Matt?” He chuckled and thumped his chest as if jump-starting his stalled heart. “The shock nearly did me in.”
Yes. Quite a shock.
“Only two-hundredths of a point separate your scores,” Emilio went on, ignorant of the renewed friction between his two crew members. “It’s like the Olympics. The difference is so small, it’s practically nonexistent.”
For Lindsay, two-hundredths of a point might as well have been twenty.
She’d come in second. Not only that, she’d come in second to Matt. He didn’t even want to be engineer. Or so he’d said.
Emilio didn’t appear to notice he was the only one of the three talking. “I’ll be losing one or the other of you before long. You’re in line for the next engineer opening, Lindsay.”
Matt spoke for the first time. “She’s in line for this one.”
“Can’t you read?” Emilio joked, tapping the computer screen again.
Matt inhaled sharply. “I’m declining the promotion. Lindsay’s the one who deserves it.”
“No, you aren’t!” The vehemence of her denial had both men gawking at her. She waited until she could trust her voice not to betray her, then said to Matt, “The promotion’s yours. You’ve earned it.”
“She’s right, Matt. You did.” Emilio came around the desk, herding them from his office into the hall. “And her turn will be here before long.” He waved them away. “Now get outta here, you two. I’m sure there’re a few phone calls you want to make. Oh, and Lindsay,” he said as an afterthought. “I want to see you back here in fifteen minutes.”
“Yes, sir.”
Damn. Once again because of Matt, she’d forgotten about the meeting with Emilio and Dennis. Since skipping work wasn’t an option, she made a beeline for her bedroom. There, at least, she’d have a few minutes of privacy to steel herself for the upcoming emotional blow. Her second one for the day.
“Lindsay. Wait up.”
She ignored Matt. “Stay out.”
He persisted, blocking her bedroom door with his foot before she could shut it. “We need to talk.”
“Not now.” She jimmied the door.
His foot held fast. “I had no idea. You have to believe me.
The trouble was, she did. And that’s what hurt the most. She’d worked her tail off, only to lose to someone who hadn’t cared enough to study. The fight drained out of her, and she sagged in defeat.
Lightning quick, Matt pushed open the door. But he didn’t enter her bedroom. He wouldn’t, not without an invitation. And they both knew one wasn’t forthcoming.
“I’m sorry.”
She closed her eyes and sighed, wishing Matt would leave. “Me, too.”
“Challenge the results.”
Her eyes flew open. “Are you nuts!”
“Our scores were so close, there could have been a mistake.”
“Forget it.”
“I wasn’t kidding back there, Lindsay. I’ll decline the promotion.”
“No, you won’t.” She folded her arms over her chest. “I wasn’t kidding, either. I’ll make engineer. But I’ll do it on my own. Not because you disqualify yourself.”
A moment passed before he responded. “Okay. I can respect that. And like Emilio said, your turn will be here before long.”
He most likely didn’t intend to patronize her, but it still sounded that way. “Leave me alone, Matt. Emilio is getting ready to chew me out for fighting with Dennis and I’d really like some time by myself beforehand.”
“We’re still on for breakfast in the morning, right?”
“We were never on for breakfast.” She pushed the door shut.
He caught the edge of it with his hand and spoke through the narrow opening. “This changes nothing between us.”
“You’re wrong, Matt,” she said dejectedly. “It changes everything.”