Fact: Forever always ends up being shorter than you think.
Paul slides the last of his Magic cards into his deck and claps me on the back. “We’re going, man. It’s my last chance to see Eva.”
That’s right. Paul “The Perpetual Bachelor” Kravitz has a girlfriend. Unfortunately, she’s moving to another state.
“What if I just stay here and look at all the pictures you guys take? It’ll totally be like I was at the party.”
“Yeah, no.” Paul grabs one of my arms, and Traven grabs the other. “You’re going, and I will force you to have fun if I need to. Senior year is supposed to be our year.”
I gesture to our Magic card empire. “Are you sure you want to leave all this?”
“Yes. Have you seen Eva?”
Traven nods. “I’ve seen her. She is pretty hot, dude.”
They drag me out of my house and down my driveway.
“It’s just the next street over. You can always walk home if it’s awful,” says Paul.
I let them cajole me over to Ethan and Jace’s house, but I stop on their front porch.
“But—”
“Dude, it’s going to be fine,” says Traven, as he opens the door. “Everyone in school is here. What are the chances you’re even going to—” He stops walking. “See her.”
Jayla is standing with Sheree and Emily just inside the front door. Our eyes meet. Our friends scatter. Which, super helpful—thanks, guys.
“Hi,” she says.
“Hi.”
Long, terrible seconds pass. I’m not ready for this.
“Well, I’ll see you around, okay?” I go to leave, but she touches my shoulder.
“I hope you’re doing okay. You’re a good guy, Spencer.”
She’s wearing the pity face utilized by dumpers everywhere. I decide it is time for this dumpee to flee.
“Thanks. Um, you, too.”
I squeeze past her, so I can find my friends. And that’s it. Two years, and half my high school memories, just, poof, gone.
I look around the living room. Paul is already making out with Eva. Traven has completely disappeared. Dean, Ethan, and Bella are sitting on the couch drinking beer and catching up because Dean and Ethan just got home from college for Thanksgiving break today, which is nice for them, but honestly? They are totally being Those College Students Who Come Back to High School right now.
I try the kitchen. Still no Traven, but Hudson and Jace are in there trying to figure out what you have to mix with gin for it to taste good. I grab a two-liter bottle of Diet Coke because wrestling season is already a go. I tic-sniff a few times as I unscrew the cap, and just as I’m about to pour, my shoulder shrugs start up. I sigh and set the bottle down. We’ve been easing back on my meds all semester, because I’m older now, and maybe it’ll be okay, and the meds make me foggy. Which means sooner or later my tics will probably get worse. But that doesn’t mean that’s what’s happening here. I mean, this could be a completely unrelated bad-tic day. I sniff again.
“You okay, man?” asks Jace.
“Yeah, I’m good.” I wait for him to make fun of me or start mimicking my tics or something, but he doesn’t.
“I heard you and Jayla broke up,” says Hudson.
“Yeah, that freaking sucks,” says Jace. “That girl is hot as hell.”
We all stare at my ex-girlfriend, who is currently in the living room talking to my brother.
“Thanks. Yeah, she’s pretty amazing.” I tic as I’m bringing my cup to my mouth and almost spill Diet Coke all over myself, and again, nothing from the peanut gallery.
I don’t know if they’ve had some sort of empathy awakening or if they’ve decided I’m one of the guys now, but—
“That ass,” says Jace.
“I bet she’s really flexible,” says Hudson. “Is she? You can tell us, man.”
I give him the deadliest of side eyes. “Why would you even ask that?”
“Whoa, sorry.” Hudson nudges Jace and says in a stage whisper, “Someone’s still taking the break up hard.”
But it’s not even that. It’s like, would they really be talking about Jayla like that if she was white? And it kind of makes me feel sick because I have this awful feeling that my friends and I do the same thing. Maybe I’m not as bad as Hudson and Jace, but isn’t “hot” or “sexy” the first thing that pops in my head when I see her?
I think about saying something else, but they’ve already moved on.
“Dude, Hudson, check it. That My Little Pony kid is wearing leather pants.”
Hudson leans into the doorway so he can see better. “What the fuck, dude?”
Jace laughs. “Oh, man, now he’s talking to Ashley. You better watch out. He’s gonna get a piece of your ex-girlfriend.”
“That kid is going to be a virgin for the rest of his life.”
My fingers clench and unclench at my side. They move on to doing impressions of what Ashley sounds like when she calls Hudson crying. Which apparently used to be every other day.
Okay, so that’s a definite no on the empathy. I guess they really are being nice to me because they see me as one of them now. But instead of feeling good, it just feels gross.
I go outside and sit on the diving board with my feet skimming the pool cover. (Mr. and Mrs. Wells already closed it for the winter. Not that that’s going to stop a house full of intoxicated high schoolers from ripping off the cover at three am.)
I mostly alternate between staring through the wall of windows at the people dancing in the living room and reading an article on my phone about controlling the behavior of fruit flies with optogenetics. I am basically the coolest guy at this party and possibly in the entire universe.
I don’t notice Hope walking down the brick pathway or standing behind me, but I do notice when the diving board jiggles, and she peeks over my shoulder at my phone.
“Whatcha doin’?”
I shove my phone in my pocket. “Nothing. Reading.” I point at the window. “Thinking about how I don’t fit in with the aquarium of dancing drunk people.”
Hope smirks. “I’m pretty sure that’s a good thing.”
But my mind is in serious mode right now. I slouch lower on the diving board.
“Hey.” She bumps her shoulder against mine. “You fit with me. You’re the only person I know who knows we’ll never be too old to climb pecan trees.”
I can’t help but smile at that.
“Who cares that you don’t fit with the rest of them? The rest of them don’t know how to make me laugh after Janie, and the rest of them aren’t going to visit all seven continents or go to New Zealand to see the coolest glowworms ever or live in a great big house on a hill with trees that grow right up through the inside.”
I raise my eyebrows, and she shrugs. “It’s a thing. I’ve seen it.”
I could get on board with that. “And a secret passage?”
“Obviously, a secret passage. It can lead to the library, which will be big enough to need those ladder things that you ride around on.”
“Oh! And a dumbwaiter. I’ve always wanted to try to ride in one of those, too.”
She nods. “And a hedge maze.”
“YES.”
“You see? We’ll do things they couldn’t even dream of.”
She said “we.” At first I thought she was talking about our separate futures, or maybe things we both wanted, but not necessarily together. But now that she’s said it, I realize I want it. I want us to be a we.
She’s waiting for me to say something. But, no. I can’t like her. It wasn’t all that long ago that we almost lost each other for good. It may feel like she likes me right now, but I’m probably just imagining it. There is no way I’m ruining things again.
“That sounds great.” It’s all I can manage.
“Yeah,” she says, and her cheeks go pink.
I look back at the window. If I squint, I can just make out which one of the dancing aquarium people is my girlfriend dancing with another guy. Ex. Ex-girlfriend.
“Do you want to get out of here?” I say. “I kind of feel like walking home.”
“Sure.”
I don’t want to fit with these people who make fun of other people. It’s one thing when they’re making fun of me, but being on the other side makes me sick to my stomach. I imagine a taxonomy of this party—I don’t want to be on any branch that includes Hudson and Jace. Why did I feel like this was something I needed so badly? And how much life did I miss out on while I was beating my brains out trying to make them like me?
Traven pops outside. “Oh, sorry,” he says, like he’s interrupting something.
“No, you’re good,” I say.
“Oh, good.” He literally sighs with relief. “Because some guys in there are being real assholes, and I kind of want to go.”
Hope smiles. “We’re going, too. To an asshole-free zone.”
I walk home with my friends, and I don’t even worry about who’s doing what inside that house and what they might think about me. If it’s a matter of us vs. them, I always want to be on the side of people who choose kindness over hate.