Fourteen
By the time Ruth, Annie and Bethanne left Las Vegas, it was almost noon. They’d slept in until after ten, eaten a late breakfast, packed up the car and were now on their way. This was the new rental and once again they’d opted to do without a navigational device. They had their map and an atlas; that should be enough.
No one seemed to be talking much, and the tension inside the car remained high as Bethanne headed toward Henderson, Nevada, and then over Hoover Dam south on Highway 93. It went without saying that Annie and Ruth were upset with her for staying out so late with Max, but neither commented. Just as well. Her relationship with Max was none of their business, regardless of what they might think. Soon the map directed them toward the cutoff for Grand Canyon National Park.
Finally, Annie broke the ice. “Will you be seeing Max again?” she asked from the back seat. Although the question was thrown out casually, Bethanne could see that both her daughter and Ruth were keenly interested in her answer.
Would she see him again? That depended on what she decided about Grant—a decision that was hers alone. She’d told Max she’d contact him after Andrew’s wedding. The beginning of August, he’d suggested, but that seemed so long to wait. Even after she’d slipped into bed beside Annie, all Bethanne could think about was the kisses she’d shared with Max. No man had affected her the way he did, not since she was in college and first met Grant.
“Mom?” Annie prompted.
“I...I don’t know,” she said. “Will you be seeing Jason again?”
“Probably not,” Annie admitted reluctantly, “but he has my cell number.”
Max had hers, too, but he wouldn’t use it, wouldn’t phone until she’d called him. That was how they’d left it.
“We’re in a different time zone,” Ruth announced, changing the subject as they crossed the state line. “Arizona isn’t on daylight savings.”
Bethanne knew that her mother-in-law had always been uncomfortable with conflict and tried to avoid it whenever possible. Bethanne had been much the same for most of her married life. But that had gradually changed; she’d reinvented herself as a businesswoman, which had required her to negotiate, to compete and to promote her services. A woman who lacked confidence couldn’t do those things.
The tension in the car eased, and the silence became companionable. Bethanne turned on the radio, filling the car with ABBA and the Fifth Dimension. It wasn’t long before Ruth and Bethanne were singing along and Annie’s voice harmonized with theirs.
“That’s just plain good music,” her daughter said, apparently surprised that she’d be enjoying the same songs as her mother and grandmother.
They drove out of range and lost that station after half an hour or so. Bethanne snapped off the radio, and they lapsed back into silence.
“How are the wedding gloves progressing?” Ruth asked after another lengthy period when no one seemed inclined to talk.
“When has Mom had time to knit?” Annie joked. “Frankly, I never imagined I’d see my mother on a Harley.”
Her daughter didn’t know her nearly as well as she thought, but Bethanne didn’t say anything. Annie’s vision of her was a contradictory one—including both the independent businesswoman of today and the complacent wife of years past.
“This is all too weird for me,” Annie was saying. “My mom and Mad Max? It’s just...odd, you know.”
“Odd?”
“Don’t get me wrong, Mom. I realize this is your life and everything, but a guy on a bike? Really? My mother?”
“I don’t find it odd at all,” Bethanne muttered. But it was a moot point, since she likely wouldn’t see Max again, although the prospect saddened her.
Ruth broke into a half smile.
“That reminds me of my family’s opinion of Royce and me.”
“Who’s Royce?” Annie immediately asked.
“I think he’s another friend your grandmother hopes to see in Florida.”
“Oh-h-h,” Annie said, dragging out the word in a meaningful way.
Bethanne could only assume her mother-in-law wanted to discuss this man—or else why bring him up?—but she had to grin at Ruth’s blush.
“So, tell us about Royce,” Bethanne said, taking advantage of the change in subject so she wouldn’t have to answer questions about Max. She wasn’t so different from Ruth, after all, trying to maintain the peace and avoid discord. Perhaps she hadn’t changed as much as she thought...
“Oh...” Ruth stared down at her hands. “As you’ve already guessed, we dated during our senior year. We broke up after I went to college and he became a marine.”
“So he’s attending the reunion, too?”
“Yes.”
“And you’re hoping to reconnect with him?” Bethanne asked.
Ruth nodded. “We had a...nasty falling-out, so I’m a bit apprehensive.”
“Oh, Grandma, he’s probably just as excited about getting together as you are.”
“Do you really think so?”
Ruth’s question was so sincere and charming that Bethanne wished she could lean over and hug her.
“So it’s been years and years since you last saw him?” Annie asked.
“Oh, yes...so many that I can hardly believe it. I heard he lost his wife a few years back, and Richard’s gone, and, well, I hoped... Oh, I don’t know, other than that this would give me the opportunity to resolve things between us. We parted on such bitter terms.”
“Does he realize you’re coming to the reunion?”
“I...I don’t know.”
“Are you going to fall in love all over again and marry him, Grandma?” Annie teased.
“Annie,” Bethanne chastised. “Come on. Don’t put your grandmother on the spot like that.”
Ruth twisted around to look at Annie. “Honey, remember we haven’t seen each other in over fifty years and—and there’s a lot we have to say.”
“Can’t you say it on the phone?” Annie asked. “You should call him.”
“Call him? When?”
“Now. Or before you show up at the reunion, anyway.”
“I don’t think I can do it,” Ruth murmured, pressing her palms against her cheeks. “What I need to tell him—well, it’s the sort of thing I’d rather do face-to-face.”
“Oh,” Annie said as though she understood. “You loved him, right?”
“Yes. Very much. And then I met your grandfather and...everything changed.”
“Do you still love Royce?”
“How could I possibly know? I was eighteen when we dated. He came from a poor family, and my father never really approved of our relationship. In retrospect, I know Daddy only wanted the best for me. He liked Richard and, well, it was such a long time ago...”
Ruth was so quiet all of a sudden that Bethanne glanced in her direction, shocked to see tears making wet tracks down her cheeks.
“Ruth,” she whispered. “What is it?”
Shaking her head, Ruth buried her face in her hands and started to weep in earnest.
“Grandma?” Annie leaned forward, touching her grandmother’s shoulder.
“What is it, Ruth?” Bethanne asked softly. Whatever it was must have to do with Royce.
“You don’t understand,” Ruth managed between sobs.
“We will if you explain it to us,” Annie said in a gentle voice.
Ruth shook her head again. “I don’t know if I can face Royce after what I did to him.” Ruth’s hands trembled and she took a gasping breath. “I hurt him deeply.”
“Ruth, you were young. I’m sure he’s gotten over it.”
Ruth refused to make eye contact. “He might have, but I’m not sure I ever can.”
Annie handed Ruth a tissue, which she clenched as if it were a lifeline.
“We promised to love each other and be true...” she choked out. “That’s what we called it back then—being true.” She closed her eyes.
“And...you weren’t?” Bethanne probed.
Ruth looked down at her purse, winding the strap around her hand. “I went to a party with friends soon after I got to college. I’d never drunk anything stronger than beer. Someone brought vodka and mixed it with orange juice and gave me a glass. I remember how good it tasted and I had more of them...and the next thing I knew, I was necking with this boy and I didn’t even know his name.” She tried to stem the tears, swiping at them with the crumpled tissue. “I told him I needed to get back to my dorm and he offered to walk me there. He seemed friendly and nice, and when we arrived, I let him kiss me again.”
“Ruth, you were on your own for the first time,” Bethanne said. She found it painful that after all the years, her mother-in-law still couldn’t forgive herself for a youthful indiscretion.
“Grandma, so what if you let a boy kiss you?” Annie said. She rubbed her grandmother’s shoulder with soothing strokes.
Ruth continued in a ragged voice. “I told him I already had a boyfriend and...and he said that was fine.”
“Did you see him again?” Annie asked.
“I couldn’t help it. We were in the same history class. We talked after the lecture a couple of times and went for a Coke. He was always nice to me. I wouldn’t let him kiss me again and he respected that. I wrote Royce every single day but I never told him about Richard.”
“Richard?” Bethanne repeated, stunned. That was Grant’s father.
“Yes. Then one night we attended another party. He and I went together. I thought I’d be all right because I was with Richard, but someone gave me a spiked drink and we...we—” She paused and once more hid her face in her hands. “We made love in the back seat of his car and a few weeks later I realized I was pregnant.”
“Oh, Ruth.” Bethanne looked away from the road long enough to reassure her mother-in-law that she was the last person who’d think badly of her. How strange that they should be having this conversation, which was probably the most serious and honest of their entire relationship, while driving down the freeway.
“Richard took the news like a gentleman... He said he loved me and would marry me. But we hardly knew each other and I hadn’t even told Royce I’d met anyone else...and then I had to tell him I was marrying another man and that I was pregnant—and all of this happened while he was still in basic training!”
“Ruth, my poor Ruth...”
“Oh, Grandma, how awful for you.”
“I broke his heart,” Ruth said with finality. She gazed at Bethanne, her tears drying as she resumed her story. “He said if I could be unfaithful so soon after leaving home, I wasn’t the person he thought I was. He said he was happy to be rid of me.”
Again Bethanne looked away from the road. “I’m sure he didn’t mean that. He was speaking from his pain.”
Ruth went on as if she hadn’t heard. “Richard was a good husband. We were both determined to make the best of the marriage, and we did, but through the years...” She hesitated. “I often wondered what might’ve happened if I’d stayed home that night instead of going to the party. I wonder if Royce and I would eventually have married.”
“It’s only natural to wonder,” Bethanne said.
“You were pregnant with Dad when you married Grandpa?” Annie said. “Wow. I never added up the dates before.”
“Annie.”
“Grandma.” Annie ignored Bethanne. “I meant what I said—I bet Royce is just as anxious to see you again. You’re probably the reason he’s attending this reunion.”
“I hope so, but I can’t be sure.”
“You should call him and at least let him know you’ll be there.”
“I can’t,” she said adamantly.
“Why not?”
“For one thing, I wouldn’t know what to say. Besides,” she said as though this was a more convincing excuse, “I don’t have his number.”
“That’s easy.” Annie pulled out her cell phone. “Tell me his full name and I’ll get it for you.”
Frowning, Ruth turned to Bethanne, her face creased with doubt and indecision. “Do you think contacting Royce before I arrive is a good idea?”
“I don’t think it would hurt,” Bethanne said. “If you chatted briefly, then your mind would be at rest. You’d know what to expect.”
Ruth’s shoulders sagged. “Maybe later. Okay?”
“Of course it’s okay,” Bethanne assured her.
“You do what you feel is best,” Annie echoed. “But I’ll look up his number for you, anyway.”
“Okay,” Ruth said. “I’d like to have it...in case I do decide to call. In case I can figure out what to say,” she added under her breath.
* * *
It was afternoon when they entered the national park. The sights were as spectacular as Max had promised. They walked across the Grand Canyon Skywalk and marveled at the twisting, curving Colorado River far below.
Later, Ruth was in the gift shop and Annie was speaking to one of the park rangers, a young woman who didn’t look much older than her daughter, when Bethanne’s cell phone rang.
Digging in her purse, she located it just before it went to voice mail.
“Hello.”
“Bethanne, where are you?”
She groaned inwardly. “Hello, Grant.” She almost wished she hadn’t answered—or that she’d taken the time to check call display. “We’re at the Grand Canyon.”
“Sounds like you got a late start.”
“We did, but we drove straight here. Your mother’s eager to get to Florida.”
The words were barely past her lips when Grant asked, “What’s this about you taking off with that biker?”
Apparently, Annie had told Grant, which Bethanne didn’t appreciate. “Is that what Annie said?”
“Well, some variation of it. I’m sure she’s exaggerating.”
“I’m sure,” Bethanne echoed, unwilling to discuss Max with her ex-husband.
“So what happened?”
“What do you mean?”
“You took off with this biker and according to our daughter you spent the night with him.”
“What?” Bethanne nearly exploded with outrage—and then laughter. “You’ve got to be joking!”
“Okay, well, I hear you were gone until three.”
Bethanne neither confirmed nor denied the report. Let Grant think whatever he wanted. She didn’t owe him an explanation or an excuse.
“Did you have a good time?”
“The best.” And she meant it. The night with Max was one she would long cherish. He made her feel more alive, more feminine, and he’d brought back the thrill of newly discovered passion. Yet he hadn’t done anything other than kiss her and hold her. The desire was there; the need had felt urgent.
“You sound like you’re falling for this guy.”
“Do I?” She turned the question around, wanting him to form his own opinion.
“Yes.” The amusement was gone from his voice. “We’ve already had one rather unpleasant discussion about this man. I’d hate to have a repeat of that.”
“So would I.” She had no intention of defending herself to Grant.
“Do you plan on seeing him again?”
She didn’t answer.
“Bethanne?”
“I don’t believe that’s any of your business,” she said. “I don’t mean to be rude, Grant, but my relationship with Max has nothing to do with you.”
His silence spoke volumes. “True, but you have to know I’m working as hard as I can to rebuild our relationship. It doesn’t help that every time I turn around, I hear about you and this biker.”
“His name is Max.”
“I don’t care what his name is.”
Bethanne sighed, unwilling to get into an argument with her ex-husband over a man she’d dated once. Arguing put her on the defensive and she wasn’t going to allow that.
She heard Grant exhale as though struggling with himself. “I imagine women are easily enthralled with that kind of guy.”
“You mean the way middle-age men fall for younger women?” That small dig apparently went right over Grant’s head.
“True enough,” he agreed, and his voice was back to that cajoling tone she knew so well. “On a completely different subject, how’s my mother holding up?”
Bethanne was grateful to talk about something other than Max. “She’s doing great.”
“And you?”
“Annie and I are fine.”
“Good. Listen, I have some news I thought I’d pass along.”
“What is it?”
“I found out there’s a real estate conference in Orlando the same week as Mom’s class reunion.”
“Oh.” She already knew what Grant was going to say. “You’ve decided to go.”
“What could be more perfect?” Grant asked.
Indeed, Bethanne mused. What could be more perfect?