CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
- NOW -
I WOKE UP TO the amazing feeling of lots of small kisses being placed down my neck. It was a slightly ticklish, yet sensual sensation, and I relaxed into it.
The kisses came to a stop at the base of my throat, the soft lips replaced by the gentle grazing of teeth.
I was suddenly a lot more awake.
"Are you giving me a hickey?" I asked, the words slightly muffled by my pillow. I turned around and glanced at Kellan. He looked tousled and sexy, a lazy smile on his face.
"One more to add to the rest won't make a difference," he said, eyes turning wicked.
"What?" I said a little sharply. Slipping into his shirt, I padded over to the dresser in the far corner of the room. Kellan watched me through the mirror with heavy-lidded eyes.
I felt warm all over, remembering every single detail of the night before.
Moving my hair back from my face, I saw a scatter of hickeys on my neck that went all the way down to the curve of my breasts. The sight of them caused a flush to rise to my face as I recalled how they’d gotten there. "I can’t walk around like this! How am I supposed to cover them all up?"
"Don't." He shrugged, self-satisfaction clear on his face. "You're an adult. It’s nobody else’s business."
"And if we get Dad back today?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.
He paused, a line forming between his brows. "You can wear a scarf?" he suggested.
"All day?" I rolled my eyes, walking back to the bed. His eyes grew darker with each step I took closer to him. I felt a bout of feminine pleasure at the heady look in his gaze. "What time is it?" I asked, sitting down on the bed. I would have liked nothing better than to just lie back down and snuggle close to Kellan, but the light filtering through the window stopped me. I hadn’t forgotten about the importance of today.
"Noon. I need to leave for the briefing soon,” Kellan said, a somber mood settling in the air. After a momentary pause, he pulled me down next to him, kissing me sweetly on the mouth. "Don't worry,” he whispered.
"That’s impossible," I said. Kellan sighed, falling back onto the bed. It had been less than a day since I'd heard Dad’s voice, less than twenty-four hours since I'd received clear confirmation that he was alive. Worry and concern for him began to eclipse any lingering desire I had to stay in bed. "You want breakfast?"
"Sure–" Kellan started to say, stopping when we heard another door open and close down the hall.
I stood, remembering that Poppy was supposed to come over for lunch.
"April?" There was a knock on the door, and I froze.
Axel?
No, no, no, I chanted. What was Axel doing here? I couldn’t... this wasn’t supposed to be how he found out.
I looked at Kellan, still entwined in my sheets, and back to the door, feeling a lump rise in my throat. What did I do? Axel was my best friend, and as much as I didn’t want to admit it, as much as I would love to claim obliviousness, I knew that this would hurt him.
Kellan got out of bed and slipped on a pair of boxers. Before I could protest, he'd opened the door.
I met Axel's eyes, my stomach twisting. He looked at Kellan, and then he looked at me. He swallowed hard, his baby blue eyes conveying a mixture of pain, jealousy, and hurt before he turned around and walked away.
"Axel, wait!" I said desperately, knowing even as I spoke that it was stupid; he wouldn't be able to hear me. I shoved past Kellan and all but ran down the hallway. Axel had moved fast, and was opening the front door as I caught up with him. I touched his arm, tugging gently. He wouldn’t look at me. 'Please can we talk?'
'We have nothing to talk about,' he signed. His hands were stiff, his eyes not meeting mine. 'You didn't answer the phone, and you were so vague about what was going on. I thought I'd come and see if you were okay. I can see that you are, so... I should go.'
'Please don't,' I signed miserably. He had called yesterday when I'd been focused on the conversation coming through the speakers. I couldn't remember if he'd called again. I couldn't remember where I'd left my phone for that matter. Calling him back had completely slipped my mind.
'I knew. God, I knew, but I still had some foolish hope–' He shook his head.
What could I say? That I hadn't known how he'd felt? That would have been a lie. I hadn't dwelled on it, had refused to even think about it, but some part of me had known. We hadn’t discussed it. At first, I hadn’t wanted to bring up something that might embarrass him. Then, I came to rely on him, to love him, and I hadn’t wanted to risk losing him.
'You're my best friend,' I started, my hands dropping to my sides when he turned back to the door. He opened it, and I followed after him, stepping in front of him. He side-stepped me and carried on walking. "Please," I said desperately. Grabbing his face with both hands, I forced him to look at me. "You know I love you," I started, but Axel’s eyes slipped away from my mouth, hardening as they looked sideways.
I turned to see Kellan standing behind us. He'd pulled on a pair of jeans, his arms crossed over his very naked, hard chest. His eyes were shadowed, his expression unreadable. I looked at Axel, almost involuntarily, when I saw his hands moving.
'I know you do. But it was foolish of me to wish that you loved me as more than just a friend,' he signed. "I wish my sixteenth birthday could have meant more to you than it did to me," he said aloud, the words leaving me feeling cold. He'd brought up the unspeakable. He turned then, taking deliberate steps towards the path. I didn't try and stop him again, sensing that he needed the escape.
Kellan had disappeared by the time I looked back. I walked inside slowly, my heart feeling incurably heavy.
Kellan was in his room, the door slightly ajar. He was pulling a black t-shirt over his head, a gun holster strapped to his side. Normally, I'd have been distracted by the way his shirt stretched across his taut stomach, but I only felt fear at the sight of the gun.
"I need to go," he said, picking up his jacket. "Don't worry. I'm sure lover boy's probably well out of here. Still, I'll take my time going down the path." His voice was stiff as he shrugged into the jacket. “See you later.”
“Kellan–“ I started, but he was already out the door.
How had things gone so terribly wrong?