CHAPTER 5

NIPPLE SHIRT

BEN

“On the plus side, that was a very nice hospital.” Dad, Jacob, and I walk into Dad’s house. I snag an apple out of the bowl and sit on the couch. I made Jacob come with us to this appointment because I learned my lesson at the last one. We can take turns once he starts treatment and we all know what we’re supposed to do.

“It’s highway robbery is what it is. There’s no way it costs that much for a little surgery and some chemo. I could buy ten cars with that amount of money.” Dad flops into his recliner and kicks up the leg part.

Dad hasn’t bought a car in I don’t know how long. He couldn’t tell you the current cost of an average car. He has no idea how any of this works for normal people. Normal people don’t get consultations with the heads of departments at the hospital. Normal people don’t get a detailed estimate of their costs up front when there are so many variables. People off the street don’t get told things like “We can take care of the surgical portion for $15,000.00.” I saw the insurance’s explanation of benefits for Mom. Just one round of chemo for her cost more than three times what they’re charging Dad. But she had insurance to pay for all of it. I’m not sure I want to know what kind of favors Barry had to promise to get this treatment for fifty grand and some change. It’s probably not legal.

On top of that, they offered a payment plan. They want to do the surgery right away and then aggressively attack any remaining cancer cells with chemo. They diagnosed him with stage two colorectal cancer. As far as cancer goes, that’s the second-best stage there is. He’s not bad, but they want to kill the cancer before it gets bad.

“I thought they had to treat you whether you could pay or not,” Jacob asked.

Jacob hasn’t broken his shoulder doing a keg stand. He didn’t learn about hospital bills the hard way. “This is a private hospital. If you can’t pay, they transfer you to the county hospital.”

“What’s wrong with the county hospital?”

I look to Dad for help, but he’s already flipping through his TV Guide. He’s the oldest fifty-three-year-old ever. I didn’t know they still made TV Guide in print form, but he finds it somewhere.

“The county hospital is okay, but a lot of people don’t pay at the county hospital and, well… You get what you pay for.”

Dad speaks without looking up from his magazine. “None of this should cost money. Barry doesn’t charge money and look at him. He lives in a nice house and drives a nice car. He’s doing fine. They shouldn’t get to charge money unless they offer a valuable service.” He thumps his magazine. “Like this TV Guide. They offer a valuable service for only $5.00 a week.”

I turn my back to him and face Jacob because Dad has worked himself up and he’s not going to be a productive member of this conversation anymore.

I can’t ask Dad to pull money out of his retirement savings. He lives off his tiny salary and Mom’s social security. He doesn’t have much extra. Jacob and I will have to pay for this.

“How much do you have in savings, Jacob?”

He looks at the ceiling for a second. “Well, it’s less of a savings account and more of a change jar.”

That’s what I thought. I take a bite of my apple to help me think. I had savings, but I used it to start my business. I have about $500.00 in there now. It’s not much, but it’s one-one hundredth of what we need.

“I could get a night job.” Jacob puts his foot on the couch and immediately puts it back down when Dad glares at him.

“That’s a good idea. I’ll get one too. And I can pound the pavement a little harder to get new clients.” Even if we both work a few hours a night, it’s still going to be years before we save that much money. I have a small 401K I can borrow from. Jacob might be able to cut a few expenses, but that won’t get us far.

Dad puts down the TV Guide. “As much as I like seeing you both wanting to do extra work and not be a drain on society, all of this is unnecessary. I’ll call the hospital tomorrow and barter with them. You two cut me off every time I tried to make a deal today.”

I wonder if we should get a psych eval for him while we’re already racking up debt. “Dad, they made a deal with us already. This is the deal. It costs fifty smackers to keep you from getting sicker. Jacob and I can help you pay for it.”

Jacob leans back on the couch and puts his hands behind his head. “We got this, Dad. Ben and I will get the money you need. No problem. Just try not to get ass cancer again.”

I wish I had his confidence. I don’t know where we’re going to get this much money, and fast. I take another bite of my apple. I could maybe sell some of that designer pot or cocaine. I don’t know what the profit margins are on that, though. Miami has been so saturated with drugs for so long that I doubt a newcomer can break into the business. Plus, there are the turf wars and I don’t want someone to make an example of me. Hanging upside down from a tree with my severed dick in my mouth doesn’t help my dad.

Dad picks up his magazine. “I better not find a half-eaten apple laying around my house again.”

***

I go into my client’s management office the next morning. I’m hoping they have some other buildings I can take care of. I’ve got to make money somehow.

The receptionist waves at me and smiles when I walk in. “Hi, Ben! Is there anything I can help you with? Anything at all?”

I know she has a crush on me. I’m only twenty-six, but she’s barely legal and I’m not going anywhere near that. I’m not one of those guys who pretends I don’t know women like me. Yes, I use that to my advantage. Yes, I might have flirted with whatever-her-name-is at the front desk to get my foot in the door here. Women use boobs to get stuff all the time. Hell, I’ve given all kinds of things to women because of their boobs. I believe in equality. I want to cash in on the same sexist benefits women get.

“Hey, you!” God, I am such an asshole for not knowing her name. “Is Solana in?”

I’m wearing a tight shirt today that shows off all the crunches I do. It’s bordering on pathetic, but I’m whoring myself out for my dad. That has to count for something.

What’s-her-name giggles. “She’s in her office. You can go in.” She giggles again. Wearing this shirt isn’t fair to the poor girl.

I wink at her and walk into Solana’s office. “Good morning, Solana. How are you?” I’m second-guessing the shirt. I’m trying to sound professional, but all I can think about are how my nipples must look like headlights.

She stops typing and turns her chair toward me. “Good morning, Ben! This is a nice surprise.” She makes eye contact with my nipples first and points to the chairs in front of her desk. “Have a seat.”

I sit down and try not to think about how much I need more business. I don’t want to sound as desperate as I feel. “It’s been a few months since we’ve talked.” I decide to just dive right in. “I love working with your buildings. I was hoping you had more opportunities for expansion.” That sounded professional. Despite my nipple shirt.

Her smile falls a little and I already know the answer. “Ben, you’re doing a great job for the company. All the tenants love you. Unfortunately, we don’t have any other buildings that need your services right now. If that changes, you know you’ll be the first one I call.”

Shit. I was really counting on her to toss me at least one more job. That’s the fastest way to bring in more money. I have a couple of credit cards I can use to get Dad’s treatment started. That’s supposed to be a last resort, though. Steed talked me into freezing both the cards in blocks of ice. I should probably pull those damn things out tonight and start thawing them.

I put a fake smile on my face. “I appreciate that, Solana. I’m always happy to have your business.”

She matches my fake smile because everything is awkward now. “And we’re happy to have you. Please come back anytime.” She pulls her fake smile wider across her face. It’s not a good look for her. I can’t get out of here fast enough. I’m like the guy who gets shot down at a bar but doesn’t take the hint and leave.

I get up and walk to the door. “Have a nice day, ladies.” I can’t think of anything else to say, especially since I don’t know the name of the girl winking at me while I exit. I can’t lie—that stung. I need fast cash. Sometimes it doesn’t pay to be an honest person. Plenty of people in this city snort all their money and manage to get along just fine. Steed is a hedge fund manager. I don’t even know what that means, but he says most of his co-workers could finance a revolution in a small country with the money they put up their nose. I wish those assholes would write my dad a check instead. That would make this whole thing a lot easier.

I go back to the van to get my watering can and the utility belt that holds my pruning shears and such. Putting a belt around this shirt only brings out my nipples more. I’m never wearing this shirt outside the gym again. I decide to save Elite Entertainment Services for last. That’s Stephanie’s office and I can’t go in there feeling sorry for myself. I haven’t given up hope on picking up one of her employees when my life is back to normal. And I don’t know why, but I have the feeling I should never show Stephanie weakness. The image of being gagged and tied to her bed pops back into my mind.

I have to get my head back in the plant business. I can look for places with help wanted signs on the way home. I stop in the first office suite and see my fern sitting on the corner of Martha’s desk. It’s brown. There’s not one speck of green left on it. I had no idea you could kill a plant that fast.

Martha pops up as soon as she sees me. “I don’t know what happened, Ben. I did everything you told me to do.” She’s wringing her hands.

I touch a leaf and it breaks off. “Did you mist it with water every couple of days?”

“I think so.” She wrings her hands faster. “Do you think you can bring it back?”

Jesus couldn’t bring this plant back. “I don’t have those kinds of powers, Martha. This one’s a goner.”

Her face droops like a cartoon dog. I don’t know how to deal with sad women other than to give them whatever they want. “How about we try an aloe vera plant? That might be more your speed.”

She instantly smiles. At least I know how to fix Martha. Give her a plant to kill and she’s happy. I wish all women were this easy to please.

“I don’t have one with me today, but I’ll bring one next week. I promise.” I hate that I think about how her $2.00 plant will cut into my profit margin when I need every cent I can get.

“That sounds great, Ben! Thank you so much!” She looks like she won the lottery. All she’s getting is the closest thing you can get to a cactus without being a cactus, but she’s happy.

“Sure thing. I’ll see you next week.” I take the dead plant with me so I can put it in the outside trashcan. No need to dispose of it near its murderer.

I work my way through the other offices in the building and the routine helps me clear my head. I’ll find a way to pay for Dad’s surgery and treatment. I started my own business at twenty-five, so I know I’m resourceful.

I stop in the bathroom before I go into Elite Entertainment. I like to look my best. The first thing I notice when I look in the mirror is my stupid nipples. I wash my hands and rinse my face. My tan is fading. Steed and I haven’t been to the beach in a few weeks. I usually stay pretty dark. I know what they say about staying out of the sun, but it’s Miami. How am I supposed to live in this city and not go in the sun?

My dark blond hair is doing whatever it wants, like always. I gave up on product in high school. It has a mind of its own. It got that from my dad. He still has a full head of thick hair while most of his friends are balding.

I make a last-ditch effort to push my nipples back into my skin, but that’s pointless. I open the door to the Elite suite, expecting to find the usual group of fantasy women, but it’s empty. There’s no one at the front desk. I don’t hear the normal chatter from the back offices. My dick feels like the sad cartoon puppy now.

“Hello?” I call.

Stephanie pops out of her office like a sexual Jack-in-the-Box. “Benjamin, I’m so happy to see you. Your timing could not be better.”

I jump and I know she sees. Why does she always catch me off guard? “Are you closed today? Should I come back another day?” I’m twice her size, but I’m scared to be alone with her. She turns me into the biggest pussy.

“Today is perfect, Benjamin. Come into my office and have a seat.” She turns and walks back into her office. Her skirt is so tight, she might as well not have it on at all.

I think again of the film my high school science teacher made us watch on the praying mantis, and I’m more scared than ever to follow her. I’m not a religious person, but I start praying. But not like a mantis.

She’s already behind her desk when I walk in. She points to a chair. “Sit.”

I don’t even think about it. I just sit like a trained dog. I put the watering can on my lap. I don’t know if I think the plastic is going to protect my dick, or what. This woman throws me off.

Her arms make a tent on the desk in front of her. I’ve never noticed how long her fingernails are. They’re almost claws. Blood red claws. “We have all hands on deck today, Benjamin. Today is an important day for an important client. One of my male employees has come down with the flu and left me in a bad position, Benjamin. And I don’t like being in a bad position, Benjamin. I only like being in the good ones.”

This is news to me because I didn’t realize any men even worked here. I’ve only seen the finest examples of females in this office. I don’t say anything because I still don’t know what this has to do with plants.

Stephanie looks at me like she might have seen the praying mantis video in school, too. “I promised my client I would have a certain number of employees at his party tonight, Benjamin, and I’m one short. I’m over a barrel and that’s not where I want to be.” She runs a fingernail across the glass top of her desk. “Bent over a desk would be just fine, but I don’t like being over a barrel.”

I’m getting the hint that this conversation may never have anything to do with plants. Stephanie is gorgeous, but I don’t fuck scary women. I’ve fucked my share of crazy ones, but I won’t ever touch a scary one. “Is there something you need, Stephanie?”

She flattens her palms against the desk. “I need a lot of things, Benjamin. And I always get what I need. But what I would like is for you to help me out tonight with this client.”

I still don’t know what she’s talking about. I thought they planned parties and made balloon arches and shit. I’m not sure what that has to do with me. “I’m not following. What is it that you want me to do?”

She gets up, walks around, and perches on the edge of her desk in front of me. “Benjamin, my company supplies interesting, intelligent, and attractive people for events. They keep the conversations flowing and the guests entertained. My clients pay well for this service, and they expect me to provide what I’ve promised.” She crosses her long legs. “Benjamin, I think you are interesting, intelligent, and attractive.”

I liked it better when there was a desk between us. “So you want me to go to a party and…?”

“And be yourself. That’s all. I would like you to keep the guests entertained with your… assets.”

She’s looking at my nipples.

“So I just go talk to people?” This makes no sense. I have questions.

“You can do whatever you like as long as the guests are having a good time. This job pays $1,000.00 for the night.”

I can’t remember my questions. That’s one-fiftieth of what I need for Dad. Making a thousand dollars in one night would be huge. “I can do that. Hand me a W-9 and I’ll fill it out for you right now.” This is too good to be true. I don’t want her to take this offer back.

She smiles without showing any of her teeth. “I was hoping you would agree, Benjamin.” She walks back around her desk and sits in her chair. “Now, my accountant is on vacation this week. Let’s not bother with any paperwork. I’ll just pay you out of the petty cash.”

This is even better. I won’t have to pay taxes on it at the end of the year. Finally, some good news. “Sounds great. What do you need me from me?”

“So eager.” She pulls out a note pad and pen. “I like this side of you, Benjamin.”

I am eager to make money, so I can ignore her overly sexual comments. I can ignore a lot of things if it keeps me from being an orphan.

She hands me the notepad and pen. “Write down your address and phone number.”

Sticking with the trained dog role, I write down my info and hand it back to her.

“Thank you, Benjamin. I’ll have a car at your house at exactly 8:30 p.m. The driver will have a suit and accessories for you. You will wear those and only those items I send. The driver will give you his card and he will pick you up at the end of the event.” She sounds more like a robot reciting a script than a person.

I’m starting to have questions again, but I need this gig. “Let me give you my sizes.” I reach for the notepad, but she pulls it back.

“You’re a forty-two long, Benjamin. Thirty-four-inch waist and inseam. Size eleven shoe.”

My mouth opens. That’s spot on. “How did you know that?”

She puts the notepad and pen inside her desk. “It’s my job to know that, Benjamin. Now, if there will be nothing else, I have work to do. Be ready for the car at 8:30. You can come by in the morning to pick up your payment. I appreciate your assistance. I think this could be a lucrative arrangement for both of us.” She looks away and starts typing on her Mac. I think that means I’m supposed to go. At least she didn’t try to grope me this time. Maybe there’s hope yet.

I walk out to the van in a daze. I can’t wait to tell Jacob I made a small dent in the medical bills. I call him on the way home. He sounds more excited than I am. I know we agreed to split the bills 50/50, but there’s no way he can come up with twenty-five grand in short order. Hell, I don’t know if I can do it. But Jacob’s not done being a kid yet. He’s more at a loss on how to be an adult than I am. But I have a ferret with birth trauma, so I’ve had to step up my game.

I walk in the door and Mr. T skitters from his miniature hammock to his food bowl. I put him in his Thug Life shirt today. The tight shirts have helped with the anxiety. I know there’s a badass ferret in there somewhere. I wonder if there are ferret dating sites. If he could stop gnawing off his fur, I bet he would slay all the ferret pussy.

“How’s it hanging, Mr. T?” It’s not time for him to eat again, so I walk by his food bowl like I don’t see him. I grab a bottle of water out of the fridge. “Did you sleep all day? You’ll probably sleep while I’m gone tonight and then keep my ass up all night running around. I’m already pissed off at you.”

Mr. T runs a lap around the living room and comes back to his bowl. He’s such a shit. I don’t know why I like him so much.

I hear my front door unlock and Steed walks in. He’s freakishly tall. I’m 6’2” and he makes me look like his little brother. All the women assume he’s a basketball player and he lets them. I love when they follow us out of clubs, expecting us to hop in a Lamborghini, and the valet pulls up in my Plant Doctor windowless van. Steed never thinks it’s funny, but I literally live for that moment. It’s the price he pays when I’m the designated driver and can’t afford a cab.

“What are you doing here?” I toss a new bottle of water to him because I know he’s going to ask for one in two seconds anyway.

He catches it with his left hand because he probably could be a basketball player if he tried, and lays down on my couch. His legs stick out way past the armrest. “I’m here to pregame, fucknuts. Why do you think I’m here?”

I sit down on the old chair next to the couch. “Pregame for what?” I honestly can’t remember having plans.

He grabs the remote and turns on the TV. “What do you mean for what? I told you I’m taking you out tonight to get laid. You’ve been super stressed about your dad and you need to bust a nut before you go crazy.”

Oh, that. I totally forgot. “About that… I’ve had a change of plans.”

Mr. T must’ve heard Steed’s voice because he comes running into the room and skids into the coffee table. He scampers up the couch and curls up on Steed’s chest. The little shit.

“I don’t know why he likes you better. I’m the one that rescued him and gives him food and shelter.” I glare at the back of Mr. T’s head.

Steed pets his head. “Dude, you didn’t rescue him. You bought him at a pet store. Stop making it sound so dramatic. He probably likes me better because I adopt, I don’t shop.”

I knock his legs off the armrest and onto the floor. “Don’t quote bumper stickers at me, you idiot.”

“Dude, you got him from a store.” Mr. T looks traitorously blissed out on his chest. “Do you know how socially irresponsible that is, man?”

I can’t deal with him right now. “How many times have you pissed in my bushes after drinking all night, and you want to talk to me about social responsibility? I saw you throw up in a recycle bin last year.”

He sits up and leans his head on the armrest. “So why can’t you go drinking with me tonight?”

I pat my lap and whistle for Mr. T. He just looks at me. “I got a job. It’s just for one night. I have to go to a party and be interesting.”

He sits up more. “What does that even mean? What kind of job is this?”

“I think it’s like when celebrities hire models for their parties to make them look cooler. One of the models got sick. So I’m the backup.” I need to go shower and shave soon. It sounded serious if I’m not ready when the driver gets here.

“Bro, I hate to break it to you, but those gorgeous chicks aren’t models; they’re hookers. Are you gonna be in the back of a rap video, or something?”

He’s such an idiot. “And I hate to break it to you, but I’m not a gorgeous chick. I’m supposed to go and be charming to the guests. It’s probably going to be a bunch of bored wives of rich guys trying to build a golf course together. I just have to keep the conversation flowing.”

He flips between the ESPN channels when a commercial comes on. “And how much does being charming pay?”

I smile and cross my ankle over my other knee. “A grand.”

He sits all the way up. “You bastard. You’re going to make that from talking to some old ladies for the night? You’ve always been a lucky son of a bitch.”

I almost choke trying to swallow the water in my mouth. “When have I ever been lucky?”

He pretends to throw his water bottle at me. “Are you kidding me? You’re the luckiest person I know. Have you forgotten about when we went to Vegas and you won $300.00 in the airport slot machine right off the plane?”

“Oh, yeah. I forgot about that.” I don’t think that should count since I lost it all and them some before the end of the day.

“What about the time you won free pizza for a year?”

“That was pretty cool.” I get up and toss my empty water bottle into the bin under the sink.

Steed puts Mr. T down and follows me into the kitchen and Mr. T follows him. “Oh, and let’s not forget about the time your car broke down in front of Selena Trevino’s house and your phone was dead, so you had to go inside to use their phone. Do you remember what happened? Is any of this ringing a bell?”

I roll my eyes. “I remember what happened.”

“You lost your freaking virginity to Selena’s mom, who is the hottest single mom to ever live.”

I punch his arm lightly. “I was there. I don’t need you to recap it for me. Plus, I was seventeen. Don’t make it sound creepy.”

He pushes my shoulder. “Creepy? Hell, no. That is some shit you brag about. She was hot as hell. I still jerk off to her.”

I punch him harder on the arm. “Don’t jerk off to people I’ve slept with! What is wrong with you?”

“Man, can you blame me? She had tits that would make you…”

“That’s it! I don’t want to hear your creepy fantasies about Ms. Trevino.” I point toward the door. “Go! I need to get ready anyway.” I walk behind him and pretend Mr. T is following me and not him.

He turns around right as he opens the door. “Don’t forget to shave your balls. I hear the old ladies love that.”

He ducks out before I can punch him again. “Asshole.”

Mr. T goes back to his hammock in the corner. I shower and shave. I almost look respectable. I heat up some leftover takeout because I have no idea if there’s going to be real food at this thing. Rich people always have that tiny food that looks like it’s just enough to make you angry. At least that’s what I’ve seen on TV. I don’t know any rich people in real life.

My doorbell rings at exactly 8:30 and I wonder how much this poor sap is getting paid to be my man servant. But, he probably has his job for more than one night, so I might need to ask him how I can get in on that.

I open my door to see my driver standing there in a freaking tux. At least I think it’s a tux. It’s a black suit and a black tie. That’s formal wear to me. I’m in a tank top and gym shorts. He looks like he’s ready for the Oscars just to drive a car.

“Good evening, Mr. Wright. I’m Javier and I’ll be your driver tonight.” He hands me a large box with a garment bag slung over the top. “My card is in the inside pocket of your jacket so you can call me when you’re done for the evening. I’ll be in the car when you’re ready.”

He sounds so formal. I feel out of my weight class here. “Um, thank you, Javier. I’ll be out in a few minutes.”

He nods. “Oh, and Ms. Blakely wanted me to remind you that you are only to bring the items provided to you.”

“Ms. Blakely?” Who the fuck is that?

“Ms. Stephanie Blakely, sir.”

I’m an idiot. I never knew her last name. “Right. Stephanie. Got it.”

Javier walks off without another word and I wonder if he’s also wondering what he got himself into. I walk inside and set the things on the bed. The garment bag is pretty straight forward. Black suit, red tie, white shirt. Opening the box, I find shiny black shoes, socks, and underwear. What the fuck, Stephanie? I can’t even wear my own drawers? Underneath all that is a slim business card holder. I open it and find white cards that are blank except for “Benjamin” and a number I don’t recognize. I’ll call that later to see what’s up.

There’s a cell phone next to the card holder. A note is stuck to the front. “This is only to be used to call Javier.” The fuck? I’m having second thoughts. But I need the money. I need it so much. And, to be honest, I’m hella scared of Stephanie. I’m afraid she’ll cut off my freshly shaven balls.

If I’m going to do this, I better just do it. I strip down and put on Stephanie’s underwear, which sounds all kinds of wrong. I put on the clothes and almost have to look up a YouTube video on how to tie a tie. It’s been a little while. I tuck the random cards and the burner phone into the pockets. I find Javier’s card in the pocket he mentioned. I do a last check in the mirror to make sure my tie is straight and my fly is zipped. I clean up pretty good. No one would suspect I drive a windowless van.

I stop for a second when I grab my keys off the counter. Am I allowed to bring keys? I’d have to break a window to get back in. My landlord won’t be happy. I grab them, lock up, and decide I’ll deal with the consequences later.

Javier jumps out of the car when he sees me walking up. He runs around and opens the door for me. It feels like we’re on a date and I’m the woman. It’s dark, so I can’t tell what type of car this is, other than it’s black and looks expensive. Javier slides back in the front seat. I wonder if he’s expecting me to put out after our date.

“I’ll hold your keys for you until I drop you back home tonight, sir.” That dude is fast. I didn’t even see him turn around. His open palm is right in front of my face.

I noticed he didn’t word that as a question; it was a statement. I don’t like this. “Why do I have to give up my keys?”

He keeps his hand in my face. “Ms. Blakely prefers it this way.”

That doesn’t answer my question, but I guess the time to ask questions was over a while ago. Now we’re in the Just Go With It phase. I hand him my keys. I’ve only known him for a few minutes, but I’m praying he’s a model citizen. He has keys to my home and is the only transportation back here since I have no money or wallet. I must be out of my damn mind.

It doesn’t take long before we pull up in front of a nightclub. The line to get in is halfway down the block. My door opens and I jump before I realize it’s just Javier and his lightning speed.

Before I can take more than one step toward the end of the line, the bouncer opens the door to the club. This is a first. I didn’t catch the name on the door, so I don’t even know where I am. They all look the same on the inside, though. Dark, flashing lights, pumping music, skin everywhere. I have on more clothes than anyone here. Why would Stephanie put me in a suit?

My eyes have barely adjusted to the lights when a crazy hot woman links her arm in mine and pulls me through the crowd. I never say no to a hot woman who wants me to follow her. Ever. Unless it’s Stephanie because she’s terrifying.

The woman is talking to me as we walk, but I can’t hear a word she says. I’m already way too warm in this suit. I tug at the shirt collar and try to let a little air in there. She scans her thumb on a pad on the wall at the back of the club. The door next to it unlocks and she pulls me through. There’s a metal staircase on the other side of the door. We’re halfway up it when the door we came through clicks shut and cuts off the music completely.

“…and if you follow those rules, you won’t have any issues.” She stops talking for the first time since she grabbed my arm.

“Wait. What rules? I didn’t hear anything you said.” Sweat is beading up on my forehead. What kind of Eyes Wide Shut situation did I get myself into? “What are the rules?”

She smiles and opens the only door on this level. “Enjoy your evening, Mr. Wright.”

“What rules? I didn’t hear the rules!” This job definitely should’ve come with paperwork. Stephanie could’ve mentioned some damn rules.

The lady pushes on my back to nudge me in. She pushes harder when I don’t move. Fuck it. Nobody lives forever. The music from inside becomes a thousand times louder as soon as I walk in. It’s like someone took the club downstairs and microwaved it. The darkness, the flashing lights, the DJ’s music was pumped in. Men and women grind on the dance floor. This was not the boring business meeting I was expecting. Everyone looks like the women from Stephanie’s office. In fact, I recognize a few of them. They all looked like models. How am I supposed to know who is here to be entertained and who works for Stephanie?

“You’re new,” a blonde woman with tan skin and cheekbones sharp enough to cut you screams in my ear. I take a second to appreciate that I noticed her cheekbones when her giant fake boobs are almost all the way out of her dress. I prefer natural, but I can work with those. Natural boobs are impossible to find in Miami.

“I am.” I should say more, but she’s running her hand up and down my chest. I can’t remember what I was going to say. Probably something stupid.

“Why don’t you get me a drink at the bar?”

Why do women do that thing with their voices that’s all breathy and fake but fools my dick every time? I need to tell her this terrifying woman sent me here with no money or cards and I can only buy her a water. Our path to the bar is pretty open, but she pulls me close while we walk anyway. I wonder how much Stephanie would kill me if I laid one of her clients. This woman has an ass that stretches into next week.

I run my hand down my face when we get to the bar. I need to get my head in the game. I’m here to make money for my dad, not get my dick wet.

She pushes me onto a bar stool and sits in my lap. “I’m Juliana, by the way.” She licks from my shirt collar to the top of my ear.

Maybe I can do both… I run my hand along her thigh. “I’m Ben.”

The bartender comes over to us faster than any bartender I’ve ever seen. “What can I get you and the lovely lady to drink, Mr. Wright?”

The fuck?

“Vodka soda with lime,” Juliana tells him. She’s leaning over the bar a little and I can see the top of her nipples. They look better than my nipples.

Shit. I have no money. Fucking Stephanie. There will be no seeing the rest of those nipples now.

I motion to the bartender to come around closer to me. He leans over uncomfortably close.

“Hey, man.” I’m trying to whisper to him around the hot stranger sitting on my lap licking me. “I, uh, I don’t have a wallet.” Again, fuck Stephanie.

The bartender laughs and winks at my sort of date. “Everything is on the house, Mr. Wright.”

I’m a man. I’ve never had a free drink. Ever. I thought that was something only women could get. This night is getting better by the minute. “I’ll have a beer then.”

Juliana grabs a fistful of my hair and pulls my head to hers. Her tongue is down my throat. Like, it’s almost down my throat for real. I run my hand from her shoulder blades down to the top of her ass. Her dress has less back than it does front, so all I feel is soft skin.

She twists slightly on my lap and she’s about to feel how much I like this. She pulls her tongue out and sucks my bottom lip into her mouth. She bites down and I flinch. I know I’m going to taste blood when she lets go.

Our drinks slide up next to us. Juliana releases my bloody lip and downs her drink in one gulp. She grabs my tie in her right fist and slides her hand down. “I like you. Do you have a card?”

“What?” I’m a little dazed. This morning I was watering plants and begging for more work. Now I’m getting free drinks in a borrowed suit while a sexy woman sits on my semi. This might be a dream.

She wriggles on my lap and my semi is about to go to full hard on.

“Do you have a card? So I can request you again?”

“Oh, yeah.” I forgot about the mysterious cards. I pull the case out of my pocket and hand her one. “What do you mean, ‘request’ me?”

She tucks the card into the top of her barely-there dress. “You’re funny. Let’s go dance.” She almost dislocates my shoulder yanking me off the stool. The floor is packed. All the women are dressed like Juliana, which is typical for a club. Some of the men are in suits and some are casual. I wonder if the ones in suits work for Stephanie.

Juliana drops to the floor and her face is right in front of my dick. It wants to come out and say hello. I don’t think this is that kind of party, though. Then again, I don’t really know what kind of party this actually is. She slides up, pressing her body against mine along the way. Turning around, she grinds her ass on me. I realize I don’t even know her last name. Steed would be proud of me.

I grab her hips and pull her closer. I might just be releasing some stress tonight after all. She turns around and grabs my hair again. Her tongue goes back in my mouth, but I’m at least prepared this time. My hands move from her hips to her ass. It’s firm. She squats. We grind to the beat of the music.

Two more songs play while we make out and almost fuck on the dance floor. She pulls my head down so my ear is next to her mouth. “I need another drink. Come with me.”

As if I would have a choice with her. She jerks my arm and leads me back to the bar. I bet she’s an interesting lay. She might possibly kill me, but it would be interesting.

She orders us two more drinks. I never got to touch my first beer, which feels like a waste of a free drink. The bartender has barely set down our drinks when she swallows hers and signals for another. I chug half my beer because I don’t want to waste another before she wants to dance again. It feels nice to have a night where I don’t have to worry about cancer and hospitals and money, and I only have to worry about where I’m going to find a condom. Which is a big problem. Maybe she’ll want to go back to my place where I already have a box.

She gulps down her third drink in a row while I finish off my beer. “Let’s go.” She takes my arm again and pulls me back to the dance floor. Her hands go inside my jacket and she scratches down my back. I bet Stephanie will kill me if she rips this shirt.

I notice a woman with bright red hair and faker boobs than Juliana is dancing with us. She strokes my arm. This is new.

“Can I have your card?” she yells in my ear over the music.

Juliana knocks her hand off my arm. “Wait your turn, cunt!”

Holy shit! I should not be so turned on right now.

The redhead puts her hand back, but firmer this time. “You know the rules, Juliana.”

“What are the rules?” I’m yelling, but those two can’t hear me over their cat fight.

An African-American woman with short hair and damn respectable tits herself dances into our group. “Can I get a card, love?”

I would love to know what the rules are, but I don’t think anyone is going to tell me. Juliana is glaring at the two new women and they look like they want her dead. Juliana nods at me and I have no idea what that means. So I nod back. She nods again. So I nod again.

“Give them your cards,” she shouts.

“Oh.” I give the two ladies my cards, even though I have no clue what’s happening.

“I’ll be in touch, love.” The short-haired one kisses my cheek and the two new women dance back into the crowd holding hands. My phone number isn’t on the card, so I don’t know how she’s going to be in touch.

Juliana puts both hands on my ass and pulls us together tighter. “Bitches trying to get cut. I think I need another drink.” She keeps hold of my ass and walks me backwards to the bar. She pushes me onto a stool and climbs on my lap again. Drinks appear next to us, even though I never saw her order them.

She downs her drink in one swallow again. I’m starting to think she’s immune to alcohol. A full glass replaces her empty one in seconds. She picks up the new glass and twists her body so she’s straddling me. Picking up her new glass, she dribbles some of the cocktail onto her cleavage.

“Clean it up, Ben.” Her eyes are glassy, but her stare is intense.

On the one hand, this isn’t spring break and I am sort of working here tonight. On the other hand, boobs.

I lick the drops from the top of her breasts. Juliana fascinates me. She’s intense, but she’s so confident. She knows exactly what she wants and she takes it without apology. She’s like playing with fire, but everyone goes through a pyro phase.

She dribbles more into her cleavage. “You missed some, Ben. Please be thorough.” She fists my hair when I put my head back between her tits.

I lick and suck, making sure I’ve gotten all the tangy drink off her boobs. I do another pass just to be sure.

She pulls my hair so hard I yelp from pain. “Bite me, Ben. I want you to bite me.”

I freeze. She clearly likes it rough, but I don’t want to hurt her.

She jerks my hair. “Fucking bite me!” Her voice is almost a growl.

I bite her. It’s more of a nip.

She tugs my hair again. “Harder, goddamnit!”

I bite harder, but her grip doesn’t loosen. I bite again and I know that’s going to leave a mark for a while.

She lets go and sighs. “Yes!” She swallows that drink and motions for another. Her branded tits push up toward my face while she drinks that one.

“Dance!” she shouts as she climbs off my lap. She stumbles when her heels hit the floor.

I grab her around the waist and try to pull her back onto the stool with me. “Whoa, there. I think we need to get some water in you.” I might not be getting my dick wet tonight after all.

She pushes against me. “I said I fucking want to dance!”

I don’t let her go because she’s swaying all over the place. I signal the bartender and hope he understands I want water. I can’t get her back on the stool with me, so I stand up so I can support her better.

I hear the splat before I hear the puking sounds. She’s fucking barfing everywhere. I’m a bad person for thinking how freaking dead I’ll be when Stephanie finds out there’s vomit all over the shoes and pants she leant me. So damn dead.

Three women rush off the dance floor and pull Juliana out of my arms.

“I’ll call the car,” the shortest one says.

The bartender hands one of the others a stack of cocktail napkins and a bottle of water. This must not be his first night. They drag her out the door without a word to me.

The bartender hands me a stack of napkins as well. “Life comes at you fast, man. Better luck next time.”

What a weird damn night. I wipe the chunks off my pants and shoes, trying not to puke myself. I pull the card out of my pocket and text Javier to come get me. I had titties in my mouth less than ten minutes ago and now I just want to shower and put these clothes in a trash bag. This is some bullshit.

I walk back downstairs and through the club to the exit. Javier is already out front. He’s good. He jogs around to let me in the back door. He gets in the driver’s seat and pulls into traffic.

“Your evening ended early, sir. I can smell why.”

I roll down my window. The smell is too much and I don’t want to boot it in this car. Stephanie would seriously chop off my balls. “It’s not mine, if it’s any consolation.”

“I didn’t assume it was, sir. Tough break.”

We don’t talk again the rest of the way home. I thank him for driving and start pulling off my tie as soon as I’m out of the car. I put all the clothes into a trash bag and put that bag inside another bag. Mr. T won’t come near me. I scrub everything twice in the shower. I better get paid for this still.

I don’t even want to talk to anyone tonight, so I decide to call Stephanie in the morning.

***

My phone ringing wakes me up from a dead sleep. I fumble around on my nightstand to find it. The phone screen is dark when I pick it up, but I still hear ringing.

“What the…?” Then it hits me. It’s the other phone. I tear open both trash bags and dry heave at the smell. The phone doesn’t show any caller ID, but I doubt it’s Javier.

“Hello?” My voice is hoarse from screaming over the music.

“Good morning, Benjamin. I’m glad you’re awake.”

Stephanie. Of course.

I rub my eyes as I walk to my nightstand and check the clock. “I wasn’t awake. Good God, it’s 5:30 in the morning, Stephanie! Why are you calling this early?”

“You can’t make money if you sleep the day away, Benjamin. I’ve received very positive responses regarding your performance last night, Benjamin. Would you be amenable to attending another party tomorrow night? The compensation would be the same.”

I can’t even process words like “amenable” at 5:30 in the fucking morning. “Is it the same thing as last night?” I yawn through the last two words and I know she’s annoyed as hell.

“Yes, Benjamin. This will be a much larger party, but your duties will be the same—ensure the guests have a good time.”

Last night was crazy, but making two grand in a few days would be a huge help. I don’t want to sound too eager, though. She doesn’t need to know she has me by the balls. “I’ll do it, but I have some questions first.”

She huffs. “Benjamin, I’m a very busy woman. If I toss in another $500.00, will you forget the questions?”

She knows she has me by the balls and I suddenly don’t care as much. “No questions. Got it.”

“Good. I need you in my office in an hour, Benjamin, to discuss the details.”

An hour? What the fuck? I look at the suit fermenting inside the two bags. “About that. I need to take the suit to have it dry cleaned.” And maybe burned.

She huffs again. “Benjamin, I have a preferred dry cleaner and I don’t want anyone but him laundering the clothing. Be here in an hour.”

I’m going to have to tell her. I’ll miss my balls. “See, the thing is…”

She cuts me off. “I know about the vomit, Benjamin. You have fifty minutes now to get here. I don’t like to be kept waiting.”

She hangs up. I wonder who told her about Juliana puking on me. I guess there were enough of her employees there that anyone could’ve told her. Hell, they probably all did.

I throw some water on my face and put on some clothes. Driving in the van isn’t as smooth of a ride as the chauffeured car last night. I wonder if I’ll see Javier again tomorrow, or if it will be someone different. I won’t know because I agreed not to ask questions like an idiot.

I can’t stop wondering about one thing. Pulling out the business cards with my name, I dial the number on my phone. It rings once.

“Benjamin, you have fifteen minutes to get here. I hope you’re not still at home.”

Stephanie. I feel stupid for being surprised.

“Benjamin? Hello? Are you almost here?”

“Uh, yes. I’ll be there in five.” For some reason, I feel like a little kid who got caught doing something bad.

“Good.” She hangs up. Not much for pleasantries, that one.

The building is locked because no one in their right mind is at work this early. Stephanie lets me in and then opens her office suite for me. She doesn’t say a word until she sits behind her desk. She opens a drawer and pulls out an envelope.

“Thank you for your assistance last night, Benjamin.” She pushes the envelope across the desk to me. “Here is your payment. Please count it to verify.”

I pick up the envelope. “Oh, I trust you.”

She has no expression. She looks crazier than normal. “This is business, Benjamin. Count it.”

I open the envelope and count the ten hundred dollar bills. “Yep, it’s all there.” Psycho.

“Good.” She looks back to her computer monitor. “Your driver will arrive at 8:30 p.m. tomorrow. The routine will be the same. Put on the clothing you are given and only take the items provided to you.” She looks at the trash bag I dumped on her floor. “I trust my phone and the other items are in the bag?”

I nod. “They are.”

“That will be all then. Good day, Benjamin.”

I guess we’re done here.