Kita

I should be studying, but I can't. What happened between me and Daniel was… well, it completely blew my mind. I’ve never felt anything like that before. Of course I touch myself, of course I’ve had orgasms but… his tongue is so soft. So warm. Something about having him licking me there was like…

Oh my God. It was amazing.

What else have I been missing?

That same map of Southeast Asia swims in front of my eyes again. I swear, I'm never going to get this thing memorized. Instead, I find myself picturing him over and over again, the way his eyes were half-closed, the vibrations he made deep inside me as he groaned against me. He seemed so hungry, so excited to be doing what he was doing that I got over my shyness very quickly. Obviously, he was having a pretty good time. But not as good as I was.

No, I have to memorize this map. Where was Formosa again?

The little orange shape shimmers on the map. Beautiful girl. Surrounded by water, a place empires fought over. Eventually Formosa came to be known as Taiwan, and no longer considered independent. The people who live there still consider themselves a sovereign nation, but China disagrees.

I scowl at the map until it goes foggy again. Foggy like early morning light through the sheer curtains in Daniel’s room, the morning I walked in on him masturbating. It took me a moment to really see him through the glare. His beautiful, heaving body. That thick erection in his fist, the rough way that he handled it. I always thought that they were delicate things, the way guys are always trying to protect themselves from getting kicked in the nuts all the time. But that was something else. Aggressive. Masculine. It makes some dark part of me sit up and pay attention. Some deep need swells and twinges.

And it also makes me wonder, how would I go about giving him the same kind of pleasure? I mean, people do it all the time, right? It can't be that hard.

I think he is gone for the night, so I switch over to YouTube to see if I can find an instructional video or something.

What. I'm doing research.

This is important. It's a life skill, like looking up home repair or a recipe or something, right?

But this first video looks... impossible. A young couple position themselves in front of the camera. He drags a pair of sweatpants off, and his erection springs out. The look on his face is sort of annoying, not smooth and masculine like Daniel, at all. The girl licks her lips suggestively and kneels in front of him on the floor, pushing his knees apart with a flirty coo.

I am not sure this video is the one for me. First of all, that penis looks like a soup can or something. How is she even going to be able to…

Yep. She gets it in there. First she opens her mouth, letting her tongue come far out. She swirls it around his swollen tip until it glistens. Then she licks the shaft from the tip all the way to the bottom, sometimes, flicking back and forth.

After a little while of this, he places his hand on the back of her head. I guess this is her cue to try to fit the soup can in there. She shifts her weight, lifting her chin. Her cheeks puff out, then suck in. She bobs up and down slowly as he guides her. He moans almost constantly, sometimes panting, sometimes muttering commands or encouragement.

I can hear her breath coming roughly out of her nostrils, so that's a trick. I wondered how people kept breathing. And she seems to be using a lot of spit. Like a lot. It's kind of dribbling down her chin.

But, could I do this? I don't know… looking at the pictures seems sort of different than being there in real life. I mean, you never see sex from this angle, right?

But still, it seems possible. I mean I could try it, right? And I'm happy to see that in this video and the next one, the men are not too shy or tender. They don’t flinch or look like it hurts at all. The girls sometimes touch their balls, and sometimes don't. Sometimes they take the whole thing in their mouth, but sometimes just the tip while holding the shaft in their hands. That's good. I don’t think I’m going to be able to fit a whole one in my mouth.

The next morning, I wake up thinking about it again. I'm back in my bed and Daniel is just down the hall. He is probably still asleep, relaxed and beautiful. A mountain of masculine energy.

No. I should go take shower. I should get to class.

I get up and grab a dark pink, a-line dress from a hanger. I pull a fresh pair of panties off the stack in my drawer, and a clean cotton bra. It fits nicely in my shower caddy, folded between the shampoo and conditioner. I’m all set. I should definitely get ready to go to class.

But standing in the hallway, I notice that he has left his door open a crack. That's different. He usually doesn't do that.

I wonder if he's asleep. Maybe I woke him while moving around and getting ready. I should probably check.

I push his door open slightly with my fingertips and stand there, almost holding my breath. He is still asleep, his forearm over his head, one knee lifted. He's wearing boxer shorts — charcoal gray, of course — and no shirt. I watch his abdomen rise and fall slowly, staring at the light dusting of hair that spreads out over is thick pecs. His jaw is almost blue with beard stubble and I want to touch it, to run my fingers against the rough texture. Instead I gnaw on my thumb knuckle, glad to have something hard in my mouth.

He definitely looks different than the guys in the videos. Those guys are practically hairless, and they seem somehow smaller in every way. Even the guy with the soup can.

Their muscles are tight and sort of different. Daniel’s muscles look thick, solid. I guess there's a difference between young men muscles and older men muscles. This is the sort of body I could lay on top of without worrying that I would crush him. This is the sort of person who would stand in front of me if something bad ever happened. I could climb him like a tree.

As he is breathing, I notice the way his jockey shorts tent out at the center and remember that men get erections in the morning sometimes. Totally normal physical response. But it has me overwhelmingly curious.

Padding over to the bed, I bite my lip hard. I can't stop looking at it. With each slow breath, his cock strains against the cotton fabric of his jockey shorts. Taking a chance, I drag my fingers along the waistband of his shorts, just slipping my fingertips below the fabric. It's so warm there, and his skin is so soft, yet firm.

I hear his breathing change and realize I have woken him up, but he doesn't say anything. I slide my hand the other way, pushing my hand deeper below the fabric, feeling the wiry patch of hair, following it down to the base of the shaft. He draws breath sharply with a shuddering sound.

Emboldened by this, I reach even further and loop my fingers around the base, squeezing lightly to feel the pulsing veins, the velvety smooth skin. Just like in the video, I hold it in my hand and drag slowly toward the tip, exploring every ridge and bump.

He moans softly as I stroke him. When I use both hands to pull the jockey shorts off him, he pushes his hips up to release the fabric.

There it is. It's so much more beautiful than I expected, with a fat, dusky tip glistening at the slit. The shaft is paler, crisscrossed by veins and proudly jutting toward me. His balls nestle underneath, moving slightly under the roughly textured skin there.

I'm fascinated, but I don't want to just stare at him like some idiot.

“A little harder, please,” he says in a low rumble. His hand covers my hand and exerts more pressure. “Like this.”

I nod, thrilled by the instruction. Under his hand, he draws mine up to the tip and then back down with this slightly circular motion. The glistening jewel thickens, the dome so big it looks like it's going to slide right off.

Without even thinking, I dip my head down and touch my tongue to it, slurping up the thick liquid. It tastes like salt.

“Oh my God, yes,” he groans and I feel his hips buck underneath me.

He begins to thrust toward me, his other hand sneaking around through my hair to the back of my head. I concentrate on his instructions and hold the shaft in my hand as the thick head stretches past my lips and fills my mouth.

Nature just takes over, and we find a rhythm together. I pump the shaft against my palm and work my tongue in circles around the head as he presses in and then withdraws. If I relax the back of my tongue, he can press even farther into my mouth, emitting moans that rise quickly in urgency.

Just like when I saw him in alone in his bedroom, his whole body flexes as he's guiding his cock to the back of my throat over and over again, working like a smooth, mechanical piston. His fingers dig into the back of my scalp firmly, but not painfully as he thrusts into me.

Then suddenly his taste changes. He withdraws for a moment, clutching my hand against his cock at the base, pinning me there. His member slips out of my mouth and stands straight up, veins bulging. I hold my breath and watch his beautiful, shining shaft as it explodes, sending streams of pearlescent cum arcing out that land on my chin and slide down my neck. It is an unbelievable sight, like nothing I've ever seen before.

“Oh, baby, baby,” he groans as I take my T-shirt off and use it to wipe the semen from my skin. “What a beautiful surprise,” he continues. He holds his arms out. “Come here, come lay with me.”

I crawl up under the covers with him and he flings them over us, drawing me close as he shudders a few more times. Our skin is sticky, but he doesn't seem to mind. I guess this is just how people are. Sort of sticky, sort of sweaty. It's nice.

“That was such a wonderful surprise,” he sighs into my hair, kissing my head and stroking my shoulder. “What time is it? Are you going to be late?”

“I'm really glad you liked it,” I whisper against his neck, rubbing my nose along his stubbly, strong jawline.

He nods, sighing again. I love how our bodies just fit together, how we are just so comfortable like this.

“I wish you didn't have to go,” he continues. “When is your first class?”

I just shrug.

“Kita?” he repeats, pulling away from me so I have to meet his eyes. “What time is your first class?”

“I'm not sure I want to go,” I finally admit. “I feel like —”

“— come on, let's get up. I'll drive you.”

He whips the covers back, sitting up in one smooth motion. I curl onto my side, not wanting to leave our warm nest.

“No… I think I just need a little break or something.”

Pushing his hands through his hair he scowls at the wall for a moment before turning back to me. His hazel eyes are intense and serious.

“Kita, those girls… they’re just trying to intimidate you. You can't let them do that. The best way to show them is to just continue on with your life.”

“This is not the only college in the United States,” I pout, suddenly irritated that he's bossing me around like this. “And there's no deadline either. I can get a degree when I'm fifty. There's no rush, right?”

“That's an evasion, and you know it,” he counters. I'm surprised at how his eyes flash at me, like he's actually angry about it. Why does he even care so much? It's not his college degree, is it?

“I can decide if I want to evade something or not,” I snap back, startling myself. Normally I would try to be polite, but I also know what I want.

“That was our deal,” he reminds me. “Just a reminder, the deal is: free room and board while you're in school. Isn’t it finals week or something?”

I shrug one shoulder and roll my face toward the pillow.

“Then you're almost done,” he says more reasonably. I can hear that he is trying to soften his tone. “I’ll tell you what… we can renegotiate our deal, okay? But I need you to keep going to class. Finish your finals, and then we can talk about some other arrangement. Online classes or something. Maybe a transfer.”

I don't say anything for a long while. I haven't had anybody to boss me around for a long time, and I'm not sure how I feel about it. Part of me wants to resist, but part of me knows that he's right too. And part of me just wants the comfort of submitting to him.

He leans back over to me, taking both of my hands in his big hands. I stare at the union, sort of liking it in spite of sort of wanting to be super-pissed off at him.

“Kita, you know that I only want what's best for you, right?” His voice is soft and low now. It’s loving, but also…strong.

I nod slowly.

“And do you believe me when I tell you that I'm going to take care of Lizzie too?”

I look up at him, shocked. “No… I don’t want you to do anything about that. That's over,” I say in a rush. “Let’s just let that one go, please?”

He opens his mouth as if he is going to say something, but then he doesn't. Instead he draws my hands up to his lips and kisses the backs of my knuckles. Then he leans forward and kisses the top of my head, before getting up and leaving the soft bed to take a shower. I watch his butt muscles clench with every step, somehow wanting him even more. All over again.