Sofia

Since I’d kept Ryan up until almost sunrise, he slept most of Sunday before he had to go to work.

As much as I wanted to see him, especially after sleeping together, I needed to ease him into our lives carefully. The last thing I wanted was for Matson to feel like some guy had shown up out of nowhere and never left. Even though he asked no less than five times on Sunday where Ryan was and if he was coming over, I felt like the preservation of our mother-son relationship was important and vital.

When I dropped Matson off at school on Monday morning, I thought I noticed Derek’s truck parked across the street, but I couldn’t be sure. Convinced that I was being paranoid, I tried to let it go. But when I mentioned it to Sarin, she convinced me to call his school, just to be safe.

After talking to the vice principal and ensuring that the only people on Matson’s approved pickup list were my parents and me, I hung up feeling somewhat better. Derek showing up at Ryan’s work or mine was one thing, but the idea of him showing up at Matson’s school was a horrible prospect that took my breath away.

I planned to see Ryan during my lunch break, but my boss’s meetings ran over and I couldn’t leave. Being forced to eat lunch at my desk happened sometimes, but I never complained because it meant overtime pay.

I typed out a quick text to Ryan.

 

Sofia: Sorry I can’t make it. Maybe tomorrow?

 

He immediately responded, making my heart race.

 

Ryan: It’s okay, angel. But just for the record, I miss you terribly.

Sofia: I miss you too.

 

“Texting with lover-boy?” Sarin teased as she passed by my desk.

“Shut up,” I said, knowing that stupid smile I couldn’t control was plastered on my face.

She stopped, turning around to come back and lean on my cubicle’s wall. “Sofia, in all honesty, you deserve to be happy. You know that, right?”

“I do.” I believed that everyone deserved to be happy. I was no exception to that, but I wasn’t sure it was meant for me before Ryan came along.

“Good. Because happiness looks good on you. I bet Ryan looks good on you too.” She laughed before tapping my cubicle and hurrying off.

After work, I was on edge as I walked out of the building and to my car in the parking garage. When Derek was nowhere to be seen, I thanked God as I got into the driver’s seat.

Derek seemed to be growing more and more confrontational, and fear of what he might do next weighed heavily on me. I found myself constantly looking over my shoulder, expecting him to be around every corner. It was exhausting.

When I pulled up to my parents’ house to pick up Matson, I thanked God again that Derek wasn’t lurking. The same gratitude returned as I parked my car at home and we walked safely through the back door.

“Mama?” Matson tugged at my shirtsleeve.

“Yes?”

“Can we go see Ryan at his work?”

I choked on a small laugh. “Why do you want to go see Ryan at work?”

“Because he hasn’t been here in forever, and I drew a picture at school today. I wanted to give it to him and you said he’s always at work, so I thought we could go there.”

Matson dug through his backpack and pulled out a purple folder. I watched as he opened it, clearly searching for his drawing.

“Here it is!” He sounded so excited as he retrieved the drawing and pulled me toward the kitchen table.

I sat down and he sat next to me, placing his picture on the table and pointing things out.

“That’s Ryan,” he said, pointing at a stick drawing he’d made with big arm muscles, a giant smile, and blue eyes. “Ryan has blue eyes just like mine. And he has a cape on because he’s a superhero. He fights the bad guys. Remember the bad guy from the beach?” He pointed at a stick drawing that had a frowning face.

“I remember,” I said, my heart breaking at the fact that Matson’s villain was his father, and he had no idea.

“That’s you.” He pointed at a stick figure of me smiling with long brown hair. “And that’s me.” He’d drawn himself holding on to Ryan’s waist, the same way he had that day. “Do you think he’ll like it?” His head cocked to the side as he waited for my answer.

“I think he’ll love it. Especially the muscles,” I said with a smile as I pointed at them.

“I think he’ll like the cape best.” Matson rolled his eyes at me before hopping away from the table.

“You might be right.”

“Probably. Because I know what boys like.” He grabbed a magnet off the fridge and used it to anchor his drawing. “It can stay here until we give it to him, okay?”

“Sounds perfect.” I smiled, my heart warming. “Hey, I have an idea.”

“What?”

“How about you hold up your drawing, and I’ll take a picture of it and text it to Ryan so he can see it right now.”

“Okay!” Matson immediately took the drawing down and held it in front of his chest, a huge grin on his face.

I snapped the picture with my phone and sent it to Ryan, wondering how my life had changed so quickly. My phone pinged out a notification, and Matson reached for it.

“Is it Ryan? What did he say? Did he like my drawing?”

I read the message out loud. “He says that’s the coolest drawing he’s ever seen. He loves the cape.”

“Told you he’d like the cape best.”

Matson sounded satisfied, so I kept the rest of his message to myself. Ryan had also said that I made one hell of a sexy stick figure.

About an hour after Matson had gone to bed, I sat on the couch catching up on my shows, and jerked with surprise when someone knocked on my door. I wondered who could be here this late, and hoped it was Ryan, showing up to collect his drawing in person.

My smile dropped when I opened the door to see Derek standing there, looking shifty. His tie was loosened, his shirt unbuttoned at his neck and wrinkled. Although he always maintained appearances, Derek looked uncharacteristically disheveled, his eyes wild.

“We need to talk.”

“You can’t be here,” I said, but there would be no point. Arguing with an irrational person was like banging your head against a wall.

I started to close the door when his words stopped me.

“Since your boyfriend is too stupid to listen, maybe you will. I know he was here last night. Stop seeing him, Sofia, or he stops breathing.”

Pulling the door back open, I stared at Derek, standing in the glow of my porch light. His normally clean-cut face was unshaven, his hair scraggly and uneven.

“What?” I shook my head, knowing there was no way he could have said what I thought he had.

“You heard me.” His eyes were wild again.

“Why are you doing this? What do you want?”

I stepped outside and closed the door behind me in case Matson woke up. I didn’t want him to see or hear Derek, especially not after seeing his drawing from earlier. Plus, whatever Derek wanted to say or do would have to be done out in the open. There I could scream bloody murder, if I needed to, and have a better chance that one of my neighbors would hear and come running.

“I need to have Matson in my life.” He ran his hands down his face, his fingers raking his jaw.

“Need?” I pulled my head back at his word choice. Derek didn’t say that he wanted Matson in his life . . . he said that he needed him. There had to be some ulterior motive behind his behavior, and I wanted to know what it was.

“Yes, Sofia. Need.”

“Why?” I crossed my arms and stood on the porch step above him, making us almost eye level with each other.

“You really want to know?”

“You show up here after eight years, demanding to be a part of Matson’s life, acting crazy and threatening my boyfriend. Of course I want to know.”

“My father’s been trying to get me to make amends with you for years.”

At his disgusted tone, any part of my body that had relaxed instantly tensed again. “He has? Why?”

“Because you gave me an heir.”

I swayed a little, feeling light-headed. Derek seriously considered Matson his heir?

“And he says I’ve shamed the Huntington name.”

“An heir? You can’t be serious.” I scoffed at him with as much disdain as I could summon. My head spun as I tried to wrap my mind around how asinine this all sounded.

Derek glared at me. “One day Matson will be the rightful CEO of the Huntington firm. You know that all the men in the family work in the company. My father took over for his father. I’ll take over for mine. And one day, Matson will take over for me.”

I stopped myself from spitting in his face. “Matson will never be a part of that world.”

“He won’t have a choice.”

“My son will always have a choice,” I cried out, feeling my insides burn with the fierce protectiveness only a mother could feel.

“No, he won’t. And he’s my son too.”

“Since when?”

“Since my dad said that I can’t have the company if I don’t fix this shit between us,” Derek said, the confession spilling from his lips without apology.

My mouth dropped open. “So this is all about the company?”

“It’s about money, Sofia. Money and power.”

“You don’t really care about getting to know Matson?”

My stomach twisted as the sound of his sick laughter filled the night air.

“Care about getting to know him? No. I never want to know him.”

“Can’t we just tell your dad you’ve made amends without actually doing it? I’ll send him an email, call him, whatever he wants.” I was practically begging, but I’d agree to almost anything if it meant Derek would get the hell out of our lives and leave us alone forever.

“You know he’d never take me at my word. And he wouldn’t believe you either. He’s probably having me followed right now.” He glanced around, scanning the street behind him.

I huffed out a sound of disgust. “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”

“I know he’s having you followed. He probably always has. He knows about Ryan. It was actually his idea to get rid of him, said it would help you see who you really belonged with . . .”

Derek continued to talk, but my shock and disbelief drowned out his words.

“Stop,” I whispered, then raised my voice. “Stop. Stop!” When Derek’s mouth snapped shut, I looked directly into his cold, dead eyes. “This is insane. Madness. I don’t belong with you. I never did.”

“Well, dear old Dad doesn’t see it that way.”

“What does he want? For us to be some big happy family?”

“In a nutshell.”

“How are we supposed to do that?”

“We’ll have to convince him. Together.”

I shook my head, refusing to believe this was happening. “No.”

Derek leaned toward me, his posture threatening. “He’s going to give the company to my cousin, Sofia. My worthless fucking cousin who couldn’t count out a hundred pennies if his life depended on it. I’ll be the laughingstock of the firm. The first Huntington son who didn’t take over for his father in sixty years.”

“I don’t care,” I said, my tone cruel. If Derek thought for even a second that he’d have my sympathy, he was batshit crazy. “I’m not doing this for you.”

“If you take away my future, I’ll take away yours.” He looked me dead in the eye, his expression cold.

My body chilled with his threat. Stunned, I stood there with my head swimming, my eyes watering, as I wondered what to do. Would he really hurt Ryan?

Derek gave me a sly look. “Remember what happened to that boy in high school? What was his name again?”

I searched my memory, and Joseph Bray’s image appeared in my mind. I was surprised I could still stand upright once I connected the dots with the memories that flooded through me.

“Joseph,” I said in a whisper, and Derek nodded.

“That’s right. Joseph. Shame what happened to him. Ended his football career, didn’t it?”

I refused to move, or answer the questions he clearly remembered the answers to. After all this time, I finally knew the truth.

Part of me had always suspected that Derek had either caused Joseph’s car accident or was involved in it. I had heard the whispers in the hallway and seen the stares from my classmates, but I never knew for sure, and no one was brave enough to tell me what they also suspected. Over time, the whispers stopped and the suspicion seemed to die down.

Derek had become distant from me a few days before the crash, and I remembered asking him what was wrong. We’d only been dating a few months, and I thought he’d grown tired of me already and was planning to break up with me. I continued to ask him but he blew me off, insisting that I was being paranoid. But after Joseph’s accident, Derek walked around school like he was untouchable, his arm wrapped possessively around my waist, everything between us back to normal.

Guilt flooded my veins, as if the accident had happened yesterday rather than almost a decade ago. It killed me knowing it was my fault that Joseph’s legs were broken and he would never play football again. If Derek hadn’t found out about Joseph asking me out during lunch one day, the crash never would have happened. Joseph would have had a completely different life than the one he ended up living.

How could I ever forgive myself?

“I know what you’re thinking, Sofia, but I didn’t do it because of you.” Derek sounded disgusted that I could even contemplate being the reason for his actions.

“Then why did you?”

Derek glared at me. “He embarrassed me in front of the whole school. He disrespected me by asking you out. Joseph knew you belonged to me. Everyone knew. I was humiliated, and had to teach him a lesson.”

“But he always blamed himself for that crash. You know how much he hated himself for it. He said he never knew why he fell asleep at the wheel that night,” I said, trying to put together all the pieces from that night so long ago. “That he didn’t remember even being tired before he got into the car.”

Derek smirked. “That’s what happens when something gets slipped into your post-workout drink. Knocked him out cold in less than ten minutes.”

My mouth dropped open. “You drugged him? He could have died that night, or killed someone else!”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. How could Derek have been this unhinged when we were dating, and I had no clue? How had I ever loved someone so manipulative, someone with such a cold heart? And how could I make sure that Matson turned out nothing like him?

Derek pointed a finger in my face. “Stay away from Ryan until my father gives me the company, or else his blood is on your hands. You know I follow through with my threats, Sofia,” he warned before he started to walk away.

Stopping abruptly, he turned back toward me. “And don’t even think about going to the cops. I have a solid alibi, and they’d never believe you anyway. I’ve already told them that you’re a scorned ex-girlfriend who had my baby when we were kids, and you’ve never gotten over my decision to leave you. I’ve filed a report saying you’ve been trying to extort money from me for years. And that I’ve refused to pay you a dime until you provided me with a test proving paternity, which you never have.”

He scanned my face, his expression smug at the shock that must have been plastered there. My face had turned cold, probably because all the blood had drained from it.

Smirking at me, he said, “Don’t push me,” and turned to stride off into the darkness.

I stood there alone with my thoughts, now as dark as the night’s sky.

Derek meant everything he said, every word. That much I was sure of. If he was crazy enough to hurt Joseph back in high school because of his ego and pride, then he was certainly crazy enough to hurt Ryan now if he thought his inheritance and family name were at stake.

I knew what I had to do, and I hoped with all my heart that Ryan would be able to hear me out rationally. His life literally depended on it.

• • •

Stepping into the protective warmth of my house, which suddenly felt a little less of each, I walked toward my room, stopping to check on Matson first. He was sleeping peacefully in his bed, and I took a few moments to stand there and watch him, my heart full of so much love and protectiveness for him.

After pulling his door closed a little, I headed into my bedroom and pulled my cell phone from its charger. I’d missed a call from Ryan.

Perfect.

Sitting down on the edge of my bed where Ryan had been inside me only a couple of nights earlier, I dialed his number. I had to call him before I lost my nerve, before Derek’s threats settled somewhere into the recesses of my mind where I could wish them away and pretend they weren’t real. The memory of Joseph’s accident replayed in my head as I pressed Call and waited, knowing Ryan might not be able to pick up if the bar was busy.

“Hey, angel,” he answered, sounding so happy that a lump formed in my throat.

“I need to talk to you,” I said, getting straight to the point. I couldn’t delay or pretend everything was fine when it was anything but.

I heard a door close in the background, muting the background noise, then Ryan said, “What’s up? You okay? You don’t sound okay.”

Dear God, please help me do this. I know it’s something I have to do, but I need your strength and your guidance right now. And please, please, please, help Ryan understand.

“We have to stop seeing each other.” I forced the words out matter-of-factly, stripping the emotion from them, and Ryan cut me off before another word could leave my lips.

“Don’t move. I’ll be right there.”

“No, Ryan, don’t. It won’t change anything, and you’ll only make it harder.” I gripped the phone so tightly in my hand, I thought I might crack the screen.

His voice dropped, sounding so defeated. “Tell me what’s going on. I know you can’t possibly want this.”

I couldn’t tell Ryan the whole truth, but I could tell him parts of it. I refused to be the girl who fed him lies about my heart, telling him things like I don’t really want you or that I have no feelings for you in order to get him to stay away. Especially when none of that was true, and he knew it.

However we ended our situation tonight, I didn’t want it to be because of miscommunication. If anything, I wanted it to be the opposite. Part of me knew that the only way to get Ryan to accept what I was about to ask of him was to be forthcoming.

“Derek was just here.”

“He came to your house?” Ryan’s tone sharpened.

“Yes.”

“Did he tell you the same things he’d told me the other night?”

“Basically. He knows you were here, though. After he told you to stay away from me, he knows you came here that night anyway.”

“So what?” Ryan said, not understanding what was truly at stake.

“So he’s pissed. And he’s unstable. And capable of anything,” I reluctantly admitted.

A crash like a fist slamming into something reverberated through the phone.

“Did he hurt you?” Ryan asked.

“No.”

“Are you lying?”

His question made my heart ache. “No. He didn’t hurt me.” But he wants to hurt you, I stopped myself from saying.

“How did he convince you to end things? What hold does he have over you? Please tell me something that makes sense, Sofia, because right now, nothing does.”

“He threatened to fight me for custody of Matson.”

I hadn’t planned on lying to him, but it slipped so effortlessly from my lips that I couldn’t have stopped it if I tried. Ryan would never do anything that would hurt my son, and I knew it. It was a low blow, but I felt like I needed the help it gave me.

“He’ll take Matson from you if you don’t stop seeing me? Why? What does he gain from that?”

I fidgeted on the bed before standing and pacing back and forth. What else could I say? “He needs you out of the picture, or else his dad won’t give him the company.”

“Why? I know I keep asking you why, but I don’t understand.”

I pictured Ryan in my head, pulling at the strands of his hair, his eyes tired, his heart aching.

“I know this all sounds crazy, but his family is insane. And until things settle down and Derek goes away for good, we have to stop seeing each other. I don’t want to fuel his anger, and I’m afraid that something will happen to hurt Matson. I have to make sure my son’s okay. I have to give him all my attention right now, and if I’m worried about you or about us, then I won’t be worrying about Matson. You’re too distracting, Ryan.”

I thought he was going to say something, but when he didn’t, I continued. “You’re distracting in the best possible way, but it’s still a distraction I can’t afford to have right now. Matson has to be my first and only priority.”

“How can I argue with that?” Ryan’s voice was so sad, it nearly broke my heart.

I knew that he couldn’t argue, knew he wouldn’t fight me on this. “I need you to know that this has nothing to do with the way I feel about you and what I want.” I stopped pacing and held my breath as I waited for him to say something.

“I know that. I wouldn’t have believed you if you tried to tell me otherwise.” His tone softened. “I want to be with you, and I hate agreeing to this. I feel like I’m walking away and leaving you to fight alone when it’s the last thing I want.”

“This is a fight I have to handle by myself. Having you by my side will only make it worse. I know that doesn’t make any sense,” I said, and it didn’t. “But we’re not dealing with a rational person here.”

“It doesn’t feel right, and I need you to know that this goes against everything I believe in and everything I feel. It’s killing me to even think about agreeing to this.”

The pain in Ryan’s voice ripped through me, tearing my heart to pieces. But I convinced myself to stay strong, because anything less could end up with him getting hurt. Really hurt.

“It’s just until his dad gives him the company,” I reminded Ryan, hoping he would see that as the silver lining in this crappy situation.

“I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be right here when this is all done. You just make sure you come back to me.”

My eyes instantly welled up with tears. What if Derek’s dad never gave him the company? Or what if it took years? Was I supposed to stay away from Ryan for that long? Who in their right mind could expect me to do that?

“I don’t know how long it will take.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“I don’t deserve you.”

“Yes, you do. We both do. We deserve each other. What you don’t deserve is this drama, and this asshole having any say in your life.”

“I feel like all I do is bring you pain.” Suddenly, I felt unworthy of Ryan’s adoration or respect. All I’d done since meeting him was judge him, avoid him, and bring a level of drama into his life worthy of a television series. It was embarrassing.

“That’s not true. You bring so much joy to my life. You and Matson both,” Ryan said, his words aiming straight for my heart and hitting their mark.

“I’ll be back, Ryan. I promise I’ll be back for you.” I swallowed my emotions and wiped at my falling tears.

“You know I’d never let you stay away,” he said, but I could hear the smile in his voice.

I moved to end the call, but pressed the phone back to my ear instead. “One more thing.”

“I’m listening.”

“You can’t contact me. You can’t come over or call or show up somewhere, okay?” I needed him to agree to this because I knew that Derek would be watching. “I need you to promise me. It’s important.”

“How will he know if I do?”

“Derek thinks his dad is having me followed, so he’d know if we saw each other. And knowing him, he probably has access to my cell phone logs, so he’d know if we talked.”

“So I really do need to disappear?” Ryan’s voice cracked, a lot like my heart was doing right now.

“For now, yes. I can’t lose Matson. That would kill me.”

“Literally breaking my heart here, angel, but you know I’d never do anything to mess up your custody with Matson. I wouldn’t fucking allow it to happen either. I need you to know I’d do everything in my power to stop him from taking your son. Derek’s dad might be powerful, but my dad is too.” He paused before adding, “In his own way.”

Ryan’s words were a reminder that I knew very little about his parents or what they did. But that part of getting to know each other would have to wait.

“I can’t even think about that right now. But thank you. And please know how much I hate all of this. I promise it won’t be for forever, and I’ll make it up to you.”

“You and Matson coming back is all the making up I need. Just make sure you do that,” he said, and it sounded like he was fighting off tears. I prayed that he didn’t cry, because if Ryan broke down on me now, I’d never recover.

“’Bye, Ryan.” I pressed End before he could say anything else.

Everything that needed to be said had been, and if I stayed on the line with him any longer, I couldn’t trust myself not to take it all back and beg for his forgiveness. I’d promised him that we’d work through this and fight Derek together, but I knew that we couldn’t. At least, not yet.

So I told him good-bye and left the pieces of my heart dangling somewhere between his house and mine. And I prayed to God that Ryan would know they were there so he could pick them up and keep them safe. I’d been so difficult with him for so long, and now that I was ready to be with him, we were being torn apart. It wasn’t fair.

But then again, life so rarely was.