“Hey, what’s up with you? I haven’t seen you in ages!” Annie took a sip of the peppermint latte she’d just ordered and winced when it scorched her tongue. “Damn things are always so hot. They need to learn how to steam milk at a more moderate temperature.”

Normally Star would have smiled along with her friend but she dreaded telling Annie the news. She knew she couldn’t keep it a secret. Soon enough someone was going to find out and then it would get back to Annie. She would feel utterly betrayed if it wasn’t Star herself who told her.

“You look like the cat that just swallowed someone’s favorite pet bird. What’s up?” Annie set her latte aside. Her eyes locked on Star’s face.

“Oh, well…” Star stared at her own paper cup. She glanced around the small café nervously. There was only one other couple there. They sat at a small table well across the place, chatting quietly and staring into each other’s eyes.

“Just spit it out.” Annie grinned, obviously expecting some kind of news that wouldn’t take the wind right out of her sails.

“I… I don’t know how to tell you this Annie so I’m just going to spit it out and pray that you don’t hate me. It’s the last thing that I ever wanted to happen… truly…”

Annie paused. Those all too knowing eyes of hers studied Star intently. They’d been friends for far too long for her not to know. A sharp intake of breath told Star it was all over. “It’s Millar! Please, oh god, please tell me you didn’t sleep with him.”

“It’s worse than that,” Star mumbled, perilously close to tears.

“What could be worse than that?” Annie’s hand clutched her cup so hard one of the sides dented inwards. “No! You haven’t fallen for him?”

Star couldn’t nod. She couldn’t shake her head. She certainly couldn’t look at Annie and see all that wretched disappointment in her eyes.

“Break it off,” Annie said thickly. Star stared hard at her paper cup, wishing it could open up and swallow her whole. “I say that in the nicest way that I possibly can. I know this can’t be your fault. You’re an amazing woman. Smart, talented, so loving and caring and giving. Not at all like Lukas Millar. He can be damn convincing and damn charming when he wants to be. He might seem like he’s changed or like he’s different but I promise you, he’s the same old devil underneath whatever skin he’s put on now. He’s just going to break your heart.” Annie’s hand moved to cover Star’s on the table. Star nearly jumped at the contact. She finally looked into her friend’s face and saw only love and compassion there, not the harsh anger or judgement she half expected and knew she deserved.

“I… I don’t know what to do. I’m so confused. I feel so lost. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. I don’t like it. I want it to stop but I can’t make it go away. I don’t have time for this and I don’t want to leave myself vulnerable. With my dad sick and the kitchen taking up as much time as it ever has, I know that it can’t go anywhere.”

Annie just nodded. Star finally took a shaky sip of her own black coffee. She tasted nothing at all but acrid regret and self-doubt. Her heart felt like it was being wrenched out of her chest, bleeding and beating violently.

“Can I ask you one thing?”

“Of course.” Anne’s response was echoed with a nod.

“Did Lukas ever tell you, when you first started dating him, that he wasn’t looking for anything permanent? Like a no strings attached relationship?”

Annie stared back blankly. “No. Of course not. I wouldn’t have been so upset if he had.” She glanced away quickly but not before Star the raw pain in the depths of her friend’s eyes.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry that he hurt you. That I hurt you by doing this. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“He always finds the nice girls. That’s what Millar does. He finds them and he fucks them up. He preys on people who are vulnerable. That’s how he gets what he wants. He makes you think that you’re the most special thing in the world. He sucks you in when you need someone to rely on. He’s kindness itself until… until he isn’t. Then he’s gone and your head and heart are left in one big mess.”

Star sighed. She blinked away the tears that gathered in the corners of her eyes. Oh god, this is a mess already. I never should have got involved with him.

Annie squeezed her hand. “It’s not too late. You can still salvage this. Be the one to end it. Millar isn’t used to women taking control of the situation. Turn the tables on him. Rip his heart out. Transfer his volunteer hours and don’t talk to him. Don’t have anything further to do with him.”

Jesus, that’s harsh. Star started. She’d never heard her best friend speak like that before. She had an inkling of the hurt Annie still felt over what had happened between herself and Lukas but she didn’t know that the bitterness ran so deep.

“I… I can’t just do that to him. He likes the people who come to the kitchen. Everyone loves him there.”

“You can do it. You have to. If you don’t want to end up broken by him, get rid of him before it’s too late. He’ll make new conquests. Believe me.”

Star’s heart beat harder with every passing second. Her blood surged through her veins. She felt like she was being ripped in two and it was every bit as painful as she’d anticipated.

“Alright,” she whispered. “You’re right. I know that you’re right, it’s just so… hard.”

“I know it is. I, of all people know it is. I’m glad you told me. I understand completely. I’m here for you. We’re survivors, you and I. Survivors of the Millar Disease.”

Star giggled despite herself. “Oh wow. The Millar Disease. That’s kind of catchy.”

Annie winked at her. “Don’t worry. I’ll be here for you whenever you need it. We’ll go out, have a girl’s night. Do something fun. Maybe dinner and a movie or shopping.”

Everything I detest. “Yah. Sure.” Star nodded slowly. She took another sip of her coffee and forced the lukewarm liquid past her too tight throat. “Thanks Annie. I needed this more than you know. Thank you for being the best friend in the world.”

“Anytime. Anytime at all.”

Annie leaned back and sipped at her latte as though nothing had happened. As though Star hadn’t confessed the dark secret that haunted her, hadn’t just poured her heart out and left it bleeding all over the table.

Something about this is wrong. It was too easy. She’d expected Annie to at least be upset but she seemed as cool and collected as ever now that Star had given her word she’d get rid of Lukas.

Despite the fact that the situation felt off, forced or contrived or something, Star knew that Annie was right. She never should have become involved with Lukas. It wasn’t right. She didn’t have time. She’d always said she was married to the kitchen and it was as true as ever. She didn’t have time to give to someone. With her other responsibilities, her visits to her dad and everything else, she certainly didn’t have time to pencil Lukas in, no matter how badly she wanted to.

Add to that the fact that he was going to be done with his volunteer hours in a few weeks and she wouldn’t see him during the day. The thought hurt far worse than it should. He was going to set up his own practice. He would be busy looking after his clients and his cases. As busy as she was. They would have no time for each other.

It was best just to get it over and done with. A clean break as adults before they drifted apart or began to hate each other.

Star took another pull of coffee. All the bitterness of the bold roast hit her full force, like the implications of her actions. She already knew she would transfer Lukas’ hours to another kitchen or shelter. It was like sticking a knife in her chest.

That was the thing about irrational emotion. Even if you told yourself not to feel it or that it wasn’t right, it didn’t change the fact that it was there and as real and poignant as any sane, justifiable feeling in the world.