Chapter Nine
Millie
There were no tearful reunions, no introductions, not even a damn Hallmark card. My uncle was nothing, but ruthlessly practical upon learning he had a secret niece, and a new goddess to add to the Vanir pantheon.
Not that he wasn’t pleased to learn about me. Oh, no, he’d been thrilled. I was the political capital he needed to secure an alliance with the frost giants. He had sent us to them with an offer that he knew Thrymr couldn’t refuse. Me. He was sending me to a giant who’d held a torch for my mom for the better part of two millennia, with a dowry and an offer of marriage.
This sort of shit was why I was a feminist.
I should have told my dear uncle where he could shove the proposal. I should have told him that I wasn’t ‘unattached’ as he’d put it. I should have set the dress he’d sent to me on fire.
But I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. If I didn’t marry Thrymr it was possible the frost giants would remain a neutral party during the war, as humans, shifters, and Gods alike fell and died. Add to that the fact that the outrage had spread like wildfire through the American populous after the new legislation had been announced. The whole nation was on the precipice of civil war.
The only way to stop it was to put an end to our war, once and for all. And this was a significant step in that direction. That, and only that, was the reason that I was walking up a steep slippery incline in three inch heels.
Jay had the worst end of the deal. The stairs that led to the glittering spires of the city were no picnic to navigate in the dress. They were hell on Jay, who carried an enormous chest full of gold and gems. My dowry, though he didn’t know it. I felt bad about not telling him. But if I had, I would have had to make this journey alone or, God forbid, with Loki, who would have made this experience even worse than it already was.
“Are we there yet?” he asked, trying to lighten the mood. I hadn’t found it in myself to smile much on our three day journey to Norfolk and the portal within the city that had taken us to Jotunheim. We could probably have made the journey in less time, but I’d wanted to spend the precious hours I still had left as a free woman with the man I loved. It hadn’t been difficult to guilt him into stopping for additional food, sleeping in late, or having sex in the backseat instead of driving our rental car.
“Nearly.” We were close to the top and above our heads I could see the procession that awaited our arrival. They hadn’t been kidding when they’d called them giants. The shortest had to be at least eight feet tall. I was terrified to think about how large their leader must be. If I hadn’t felt small and insignificant before, I certainly did now.
They knelt when I reached the top and stood before them. That put most of them at my height if their heads were bowed. How was I supposed to rule these people if I couldn’t even look them in the eye when we were standing? I just couldn’t get used to any of this. I didn’t like being bowed and scraped to. The concept of monarchy was completely foreign to me, something I only saw or read about. It seemed fantastical when described in books. A lot of festivals, costumes and falling in love. Hollywood didn’t tend to romanticize political marriage, the compromises and stresses that the leaders of a nation faced. The transition from mechanic to Vanir Goddess was really making my head spin.
Thank God for Jay. He was the only bright spot of normalcy left in my world.
“C’mon, get up,” he told the giants. “You’re going to make the gal blush.”
He’d kept making snarky comments during the whole journey, letting me know that he wasn’t going to treat me any differently, goddess or not. The teasing had helped me cope more than anything else. Stopped my brain from churning at night trying to figure out the whats and the whys of this situation. One of my particular favorite comments had been that he thought it wasn’t fair that everyone had to bow to me now because ‘no one should be on your knees before you except for me’. I could indeed feel color rising to my cheeks at the thought of that sunny afternoon, where he had indeed gotten on his knees for me.
At a nod from me, the giants stood reluctantly and began escorting us through the city. It was sort of what I thought a metropolis should look like. The buildings soared as high as sky scrapers, bustling bridges and roadways and enormous horses that made Clydesdales look like Shetlands. Everywhere there was light. Living in the country most of my life, I’d always been able to see the stars at night. Here I doubted I ever would, because the city seemed to constantly be bathed in midday sunlight.
The gold filigree on my dress glinted prettily in the warm amber glow. My carefully arranged curls seemed to shine. The circlet still felt uncomfortable on my head. I caught my reflection in a mirror as we passed through the halls of Thrymr’s palace.
The deep green of the dress was flattering, and I suspected, carefully chosen by Freyr. The waist drew in dramatically, giving the illusion I had the ideal hourglass figure that I’d so envied in Lucy. My skin had been scrubbed clean in the hotel shower the night before. My hair fell around my face in sleek ringlets, and my lips were a lush red.
I looked nothing like myself.
Where were the dirt smudges across my nose? Where were the oil-stained jeans, the frizzy hair, the callouses on my hands and feet? Where was I in any of this?
“Don’t worry,” Jay muttered, giving me a gentle prod forward. “It’s temporary. I’ll get you some frumpy clothes when we leave.”
A lump formed in my throat and threatened to choke me. He didn’t know that there was no leaving this place, at least not for me. I walked forward jerkily, a puppet that hadn’t adjusted to strings. No, that wasn’t right. I did have choices. Not good ones, but I had choices. Freyr could play me like a pawn, but he couldn’t make me betray myself entirely. No matter what fancy getup he put me in, no matter what man he married me off to, he couldn’t stop me from being Mildred Allbarn, tomboy, mechanic, and small-town girl. I raised my head, straightened my shoulders and marched forward.
I stopped, skidding a little on the ice when I saw the man seated on the throne. He was massive. Dwarfing even Chance, the biggest man I’d seen up to that point, in height. When he stood, he was head and shoulders above his fellows. Twelve feet tall, at least, with broad shoulders and a big barrel chest. I couldn’t help but swallow thickly as my mind involuntarily leapt to what came after the wedding. How would we negotiate physicality? I’d had sex only a handful of times in my life. I was pretty sure that Thrymr’s mighty, meaty hammer would split me in two.
Of course, the sex was what had gotten me into this plight in the first place. Jay had unwittingly unlocked the first trickle of goddess powers when he’d finished inside of me and had unleashed the full force of them when he’d fed me Idun’s apple. Because my mother had been a fertility goddess, I had to wonder if it was more than nerves fluttering in my belly.
Thrymr bowed at the waist when he spotted me, smiling broadly. I tried to do the same, but merely managed not to grimace at him.
“Mildred, daughter of Freya, welcome to my hall.” His voice echoed around the hall like the crash of thunder. I racked by brains, trying to recall the courteous response.
“I thank thee, King Thrymr for your hospitality. It was very generous of you to grant me an audience on such short notice.”
His eyes swept up and down me in that way men seemed to have, judging my worth by what he thought of my body. He nodded approvingly, apparently liking what he saw. I shuddered. It wasn’t that he was bad-looking. He was handsome, in a classical sense, like the statues of Roman emperors you saw in museums. He had a high, aquiline nose, nearly black eyes and a head of dark hair as curly as mine. No, the thing that bothered me was the clear, business-like feel of it all.
I didn’t like being a transaction or investment on this man’s part.
“You may speak. Freyr has sent you with more gifts, I see.”
He knew damned well what Freyr had to offer. Why couldn’t he skip the formalities? He was going to make me say it out loud in front of all these people, and there was a part of me that hated him for it.
“Yes, My Lord,” I said, trying to keep the rising ire out of my tone. “He sends his regards, a measure of his wealth and,” I took a deep steadying breath and tried not to look over at Jay. “And my hand in marriage, if you desire to strike an alliance with the Vanir.”
A murmur ran through the giants assembled in the hall. Thrymr gave me a lecherous little smile. “The last time a goddess agreed to marry me I was tricked by Loki and Thor. Perhaps I should check to see that Mjolnir is not hidden beneath your skirts.”
The giants in the hall laughed uproariously, hooting and stomping their feet. It felt like I was in a minor earthquake. Heat rose to my face and I struggled not to avert my eyes. If he was trying to embarrass me, I wasn’t going to give him that satisfaction. The worst reaction, though, was Jay’s
An honest to God growl rumbled from his chest. I finally had to turn to face him, because the rest of the hall had.
“You can’t be fucking serious.” Jay’s voice was low and fury rang in every syllable. “He’s auctioning you off like livestock? This isn’t he Dark Ages, Millie. You can’t do this.”
The panic I’d been struggling to contain since we’d set out three days ago bubbled to the surface. I wasn’t sure what the protocol was for interrupting the king was here, and I didn’t want to find out. From the look on Jay’s face, he was seriously considering regicide.
“Not here,” I hissed, pressing a hand to his chest.
“Where then?” The venom in his tone was obvious even at a whisper. “When? After you agree to marry this prick?”
“Yes,” I said vehemently. “When there’s not a hall full of giants listening in, you and I can talk.”
He fell silent, fuming. His anger was like a blistering heat at my back, scorching me as I turned back to face Thrymr.
“I apologize. He’s very protective of me,” I murmured. I hated this demure little girl act.
“It’s understandable. I don’t see how anyone could fail to love a goddess of such radiant beauty.”
Now that was just laying it on a little too thick, wasn’t it? The apple had erased my old acne scars, and quite a few of my freckles, to my dismay. My hair behaved a little better and old burns had faded to non-existence. The only mark that was left on my skin was a pale pink line just above my heart.
I forced a smile. “You’re too kind, Your Grace.”
“You may send word to your uncle that I accept his proposal. I will send him my aid when we are married a fortnight hence.”
That wasn’t good enough. We needed those men now, before homeland security decided that the best thing to do to stop the dwarves was to nuke Roanoke.
“My uncle needs aid now, Your Grace.” I said, willing my voice not to shake. If I was going to trade my future for the safety of others, it needed to happen immediately.
“You think I ought to send my men out now? What guarantee do I have that you will not simply leave?”
That was a tempting thought, but I knew better than to follow through with it. My mother had plunged an entire civilization into war. It was my job to end it. Running, marrying Jay instead would make me happy, but it would end in ruin for everyone. We wouldn’t be able to escape the consequences of that indefinitely.
“I propose that we marry by the end of the week so that you are sure of our commitment to this alliance.”
Still more muttering from the assembled giants. I wasn’t sure if it was excitement or I’d just made a huge gaff by suggesting we hurry the wedding along. Thrymr leaned back, relaxing into the cushions on his throne. He wore a pleased smile. After the noise died down, he spoke again.
“Very well. I will send one thousand of my best men with your valet while we prepare for the wedding. I will send additional forces after we are wed.”
I let out a shaky breath. The easiest part was over. The offer had been made and accepted. There would be hope for the poor souls who’d fought at Roanoke. Jay’s hand closed around my arm and I could feel tremors rocking through his body.
“Thank you, Your Grace,” I managed a small curtsy, despite his grip on my arm. “If you’ll excuse me.”
Jay didn’t wait to be excused. He all but dragged me out of the hall, still carrying the chest full of riches. For a scary half second, I thought he was going to take the money and me and run off. But, finally, he skidded to a stop on the frost-covered marble of the foyer.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he demanded after he’d checked that we were alone.
“Would it have mattered?” I felt weary. Bone-tired in a way I hadn’t since I’d run track in high school. It felt like I’d run a marathon in the last few minutes.
“It matters to me,” he said, stepping closer. We were chest to chest. He was warm, so warm. I’d miss that when he had to leave. I’d miss the kiss of summer on his skin, the spicy smell of him as he slept beside me. My chest ached dully as I thought about our imminent parting. I didn’t want it to end like this. I wanted a loving goodbye, a moment I could take with me into my new life.
But, of course, he was right. He had every reason to be angry with me. I’d strung him along, lay beside him after every night of passion we’d shared. I’d let him imagine a future where we could be together so I wouldn’t be alone when the time came to crush that small hope for happiness altogether.
“I’m sorry.” Tears welled in my eyes and I had to fight to keep them from spilling over. “It doesn’t have to end though, Jay. You can stay. After the battle is over, you can stay with me.”
His normally handsome face was twisted into an ugly sneer. “Stick around like a dog begging for scraps? I don’t think so.”
The vitriol in his voice stole my breath. My reply sounded weak and wooden, like I was reading from a script. “It’s a political marriage, Jay. It will save lives. I don’t love him.”
“So what? You want to keep me? What would I be to you, oh, goddess? A kept man? Your concubine?”
The words were ugly but true. We couldn’t have any meaningful connection while I stayed here. Any children I fathered with Jay would enrage Thrymr. His presence in this hall would be an insult to my soon-to-be husband. That only left backroom trysts and one night stands left open to us. We could be nothing and I knew it. It pissed me off that he was throwing my sacrifice back in my face.
“Okay, say we run off.” I said, my tone clipped. “Say we fuck over the whole world and leave it to the Aesir. What then? We settle down somewhere and I have to live with the ghost of your ex-wife casting a shadow over everything we have?”
“You leave Val out of this.” He growled. “This is about you and me.”
“Oh, is it?” A note of hysteria had crept into my voice. “I know what losing a mate does to a bear. Loki and Chance say it should have broken you. There’s nothing left for you to give me. We wouldn’t have a life, Jay. You’d be using me to fill a gaping hole in your life. I’m not willing to be your Band-Aid.”
He flinched back, releasing me. Circulation returned painfully to my arms. His dark eyes were wide and anguished. His mouth was open, though no sound came out. He looked like I’d punched him in the gut.
“I’ll always be second best,” I whispered. “Maybe it’s better this way. At least here I’ll be doing something useful.”
“Millie…” he began in a choked whisper. “Don’t. Don’t do this.”
“Go.” I jabbed a finger at the huge oak doors and the mountainous slopes beyond. “I’ll have the Jotun army meet you at the bottom. Save Roanoke. That’s an order.”
He was shaking hard. For a frozen instant I thought he’d shift into a bear and charge past me into the hall in defiance of my edict. Instead, his shoulders slumped. His eyes fixed on the floor and he bowed at the waist.
“As my lady commands,” he intoned hollowly. Then he turned his back to me and shuffled from the foyer and out of sight.
A breeze from the open doors ruffled my skirts and sent goosebumps up my arms. It was freezing without his warmth beside me. I stared dolefully at the chest that he’d left behind. All that was left to quantify my worth to what little remained of my family.
I twisted the faux-gold band off my finger. I’d kept it on after the incident, vainly hoping that Jay would someday be allowed to replace it with the real thing. I set it gently inside the chest. It looked battered and common next to the beauty of what Freyr offered. Maybe it would insult my new husband.
But then again, I hadn’t been Thrymr’s first choice, either. Perhaps he liked fool’s gold.