Chapter One
It wasn’t my fault, I swear.
I know, everyone always says that, but seriously, there was nothing I could have done in this situation. Not that I know of, at least.
I mean, sure, I was the media coordinator/PR director for the town, but really, who would have expected the mayor to have done that? Scandal? Oh yeah. Totally. Lots of scandal, everywhere. And of course, as the PR person I got caught up everywhere in it. But again, really, I did nothing. It wasn’t a matter of following orders — I hadn’t been given any orders to follow. Along with the rest of the town council and the town management, I was painted with the same brush as the mayor.
And that was rather unfortunate.
I mean, instead of living in a very nice, quaint apartment behind an old Victorian home — I loved that carriage house, it was the best place I ever lived — now I’m living in the back of my Honda Civic. I love my Civic, but if you’ve ever been in a Civic, you’d realize that if you were on the tall side, it’s a little difficult to get a night’s sleep stretching your legs out. As in, you can’t.
So yeah, I lost my job. And my really cool apartment. And I couldn’t show my face around town. Or the next town. Or the town after that.
So you know how it is, when you get into a situation where you want to run and hide, and dig a hole so deep you never get out and people can’t see you, you run. And if you’re living in your car, it’s much easier to run. Or in this case, drive.
So I drove a couple states away, hoping there no one would know what was going on.
I did have a membership to a twenty-four hour gym. And since it was one of those national chains that you can never get out of a contract, I was still stuck in that contract. Which worked out well, because while I didn’t have a place to sleep, I did at least have a place to shower.
So one day I was sitting there, doing the whole ten minutes on an exercise bike because then i didn’t feel as bad for using the shower. And while I’m on the bike, I ended up spending a lot more than ten minutes on the bike because I got really carried away staring at the television.
Yes, they actually still had a television that not only was on, but actually had the sound on.
And I saw this ad. A commercial. I mean, who watches commercials anymore, right? But I did. And it was a very intriguing commercial.
It was for this uReten matchmaking app. I’d heard about it, of course. The whole aliens coming to Earth, wanting women to be their brides. I mean, who hadn’t? Even me, in the middle of all this mess, heard of that. Because hello, aliens. And honestly, I kind of thought that aliens would distract the town from everything the mayor did, but apparently not, because aliens coming to Earth wanting our women is not enough to offset what the mayor did. Which is really, really saying something. Never underestimate the power of small town gossip. Ever.
So anyway, I see this ad, and it’s about how you can sign up for this app. To be a bride. And really, what’s the downside for me? I’m already living in my car. I don’t have a house (obviously, because of the whole living in the car thing). So I’m living in my car, I don’t have a job, I really don’t have many job prospects at this point because who’s going to hire a public relations person that was just in so much PR disaster-ness? And when you’re only three years out of college, you really need to start looking at a new career.
And I didn’t think I was going to be able to get a new career just sitting in the back of my Civic.
But I was from Earth, and I am a female, and well, I could be a bride. Right?
So, I went to the library in the current town, because I didn’t have the money for internet access on my phone. So, I filled out the app using the library’s free wifi, and made up some stuff to put on my profile. Sure, my name is on there, along with a decent headshot I had taken since it was needed for my job. And I did put some interesting points of reference to make myself sound good on the app. PR stuff I know — that was my career for a whole three years before it went down in flames, kinda like the mayor did. Or rather, the mayor’s ex-wife’s house, but we won’t get into all of that.
When I was filling out the application I saw that if you get selected, then you leave from Las Vegas. The aliens had set up a portal to their world in the desert outside of Las Vegas. Because hey, what doesn’t say Vegas like an alien landing platform. Fits right into the town, really. So since I would have to get to Nevada anyway, I might as well start driving there.
So I started driving. Because again, I’m living in my car, and don’t have a whole lot of other stuff I can do. I drive towards Vegas, and every time I pull over at a truck stop or McDonald’s, I use the free wifi there to check my email. And finally when I’m around St. Louis, I get the email that I’ve been chosen. That I have a husband waiting for me on an alien planet.
I just need to get there.
Which, that was easy enough, so I pop my car into high gear, because it is a manual and I can put it into top gear, and hit the road. I drive through the night to get to Vegas so that I can go to another planet and meet my husband.
From the application, from what I saw, you could be matched with a bunch of different guys. They don’t have enough women, and they need brides so they can have future generations. So what happens is you fill out the application and they’ll let you know if there’s a guy that chose you. And I hate to toot my own horn here, but hello, I know how to market myself decently. I never really had time for dating apps before this because I was too busy trying to make something of myself in my career, thinking I’d get around to that whole husband and kids thing later on. But I did know how to sell myself.
So I sold myself in my profile on all my good points. So I wasn’t really all that surprised that I got picked up by someone, and so quickly. Okay, yes, I expected to have a bunch of men to choose from, but I found before I went too far in my drive that the “national” gym I was a member of didn’t have locations west of Ohio. So I was having long days’ drives with no shower in sight. Which was nice and fun.
So at that point, when I got the notice that I had a match, I took it. I kinda paid attention to his name — Relek — and glanced at the photo. He looked handsome, and really, that was all I looked at, because yeah. I was desperate. I’d take the first guy that showed interest in me.
I mean, I considered doing the whole couch-surfing thing. I had spent a few nights on friends’ couches until they heard the story of what the mayor did and decided they didn’t want their own names dragged in the mud for hosting me. There were some guys that offered to put me up, but only if I put out. I wasn’t that hard up.
But yet, I was considering changing my mind on that, what with the whole becoming an alien mail order bride. I guess it was a different story, though. And really, I have no idea what I am getting myself into. But I’d give it a try anyway.