CHAPTER FIFTEEN
IF YOU COULD READ MY MIND,
Jesse splashed water at Grady. “Who the hell pissed in your Cheerios?”
Grady wiped the warm droplets from his face and shot a glare at Jesse. “I have a lot on my plate, okay?” He stepped into the hot tub on the other side of Jesse, wishing Arabella was in the tub and not his brothers. They’d rehearsed so much yesterday that they’d decided to take a well-deserved day of rest to save up energy for the concert, which was set to go off in two days.
Grady needed a soak in the bubbling water, but he wanted Arabella in his arms more.
“I think we all really know what’s making you cranky, bro,” Oliver said. “Why in the hell have you been keeping your distance from Arabella?”
“I’ve been busy!”
“Not in the middle of the night,” Oliver said. “We know you’ve been staying here instead of the beach house. What gives?”
“None of your business,” Grady growled.
“Uh, it’s my business when you don’t have your head screwed on straight two days before we perform,” Oliver said. “Not to mention that we all care about you.” He hesitated. “And Arabella too.”
“Want to talk about it?” Jimmy asked.
Grady sighed but shook his head. “No.” He couldn’t tell them what Arabella had revealed to him. He was still trying to wrap his head around the loss of a baby he hadn’t known about. And it wasn’t just the loss—it was the realization that he hadn’t been with Arabella while she went through what had to have been a horrific event. So young . . . damn, he should have been at her side.
“Is she gonna leave after the concert?” Jimmy persisted. “I thought she sold her business and wanted to stay here.”
“She did. I don’t think she’ll leave,” Grady said, wishing he had a beer in his hand. He knew his brothers loved her, but it hit him hard how much they’d missed her too. She was the sister they’d always wanted and now they had her back, and he could tell that they didn’t want to lose her again either. She was a bright spot of energy and brought laughter with her.
“Grady,” Oliver said, “if you’re stressed about the concert, don’t be. We’ve got the show down pat. We could do it with our eyes closed . . . backward and sideways. The sound system is perfect. I’ve checked it, like, a million times. Our suits are super smooth and so are the hats. I know we’ll sell out of them at the concert.”
“They are pretty sweet,” Jesse said. “Just when I thought I couldn’t get any sexier . . . bam.”
Jimmy rolled his eyes. “You’re a piece of work. Just don’t fall off the stage.”
“You mean get pulled off,” Jesse insisted, then turned to Grady. “The weather forecast is sunshine, breezy, and mild. Perfect for an outdoor concert at the Sea Breeze amphitheater. The merchandise has all arrived and looks badass, by the way. We’re sold out! I mean, we couldn’t squeeze one more body into the venue without getting in trouble with the fire marshal. Media coverage has been awesome. And you said that we already have more donations to the Susan Heart Lupus Foundation pouring in. This is even more than we’d hoped for. Our handsome mugs have been plastered everywhere. Yesterday, after the Entertainment Tonight piece, we were trending on Twitter. I think we still are.”
“And look at how cute I am.” Jesse drew a circle around his face and then flexed a muscle.
Grady had to chuckle despite his mood.
“We’re all pretty damned ripped, even Jimmy,” Oliver said. “All that rehearsing Arabella made us do whipped us into shape.”
“I know how hard you guys have worked,” Grady said, trying not to react to Arabella’s name. “And I’m stoked over how much money we’ve already raised. Donations really are pouring in on the website. It’s more than I imagined.”
“Then what the hell is wrong with you?” Jesse asked. “Come on, spill.” He looped his arms over the side of the hot tub and waited. “At least give us something to chew on. And don’t tell us it doesn’t have anything to do with Arabella.”
Grady shifted on the slippery seat. “I guess it still gets to me sometimes that Arabella ran off, thinking the worst of me,” he said, and his answer was partly true. But now he knew that she had been pregnant and hadn’t told him. A whole lot of maybes started skittering through his brain and wouldn’t stop.
“You’ve got to get over that,” Oliver said. “Damn, I thought you’d worked that shit out. Grady, leave the past where it belongs.”
“That’s not as easy as it sounds,” Grady said.
“You were both so young,” Jimmy reminded him. “Don’t tell me you’re going to blow this second chance with her. I don’t get it. You’re not one to hold grudges.”
“This goes way deeper than a grudge.” Grady felt a stab of pain at the thought. He knew his absence over the past few days had to be bothering her. And the anguish on her face when she’d revealed the pregnancy haunted him when he tried to go to sleep at night. He loved her so much, but this new revelation was so damned difficult to get past. More what-ifs banged around in his brain.
“Is there something you’re not telling us?” Jimmy asked, always the intuitive one.
Grady gave him a long look, wanting so much to spill his guts, but this wasn’t his story to tell. If Arabella wanted them to know, it was up to her.
“What goes down in the hot tub stays in the hot tub,” Jesse said.
“Dude, that doesn’t work for this situation,” Oliver said. “You’re such a tool.”
“I just pissed,” Jesse said.
“You better not have,” Oliver sputtered, but Jesse only laughed.
“And I farted too.” He pointed to the bubbles. “Fart bubbles.” He waved them in Oliver’s direction.
Jimmy laughed. “You’re both a couple of tools.”
Grady chuckled and felt himself relax just a little bit.
“I still think it sucks that we can’t drink,” Jesse complained. “I don’t know what harm a few beers could cause.”
“No toxins in the system!” Oliver shook his head firmly. “We can party after the concert,” he said. “And I plan on it.”
Jesse groaned. “No beer. No shitty food. You’re killin’ me.”
“You’ll live,” Oliver said.
“Really?” Jesse asked. “Because that kale salad you forced on me for lunch nearly did me in.”
“It’s a superfood.”
“Yeah, super gross.” Jesse made a gagging sound. “Those fart bubbles are kale fart bubbles.”
“You sound like a five-year-old,” Jimmy said with a laugh. “There’s more to life than pizza and beer.”
Jesse groaned. “Beer . . .” he said in a voice of longing. “Pizza . . . how I love you so.”
Grady listened to the banter with half an ear. All he could think about was Arabella. His mind wandered until he felt another splash in his face. “Who the hell just did that? Jesse?”
Jesse held his hands up in surrender. “I confess, it was Jimmy.”
“No, it wasn’t.” Grady looked at Jimmy, who shook his head but then said, “Grady, just go on over to the beach house. Whatever is going down between you two needs to be resolved before the concert. You’re miserable and you’re out there somewhere, not able to concentrate. And I’m sure Arabella is miserable too. Just do it. We’ve all worked so hard toward Saturday. It would be a damned shame to have something screw it up at this point. And she deserves to have this moment in the sun too.”
Grady inhaled a deep breath, knowing they were right. “Okay,” he said, and then stood up. “But when I find out who splashed me in the face, I’m gonna kick his ass.”
“It was Jimmy,” Jesse said, but Grady knew damned well it had been the other twin.
On the drive over to the beach house, Grady decided he needed to stop for flowers. His arrival at the Main Street florist caused a bit of a stir. The recent media coverage and a visit from Entertainment Tonight had renewed the interest in what had become a rather quiet life for the Heart brothers in Sea Breeze. But now, instead of autographs, people wanted selfies. Lots of selfies.
Although Grady wasn’t really in the mood, he posed for several cell phone cameras before escaping with a big bouquet of red roses.
When Arabella failed to answer the front door, he walked around to the deck. She stood at the railing with her back to him. Her hair blew in the breeze, and she tugged a hair tie from her wrist. He had to grin, remembering how she could lose a million hair ties in one day. She swore there was a planet Hair Tie where all the lost ones lived in peace and harmony. Orbiting Planet Hair Tie was the Hair Clip Moon; planet Hair Tie itself revolved around the Sun of Socks. The Milky Way of lost items.
During the few days without her, he’d had to rely on random memories, often of heart-pounding moments like this one, right now. She’d changed physically over the years, her voice huskier, her body curvier, her hair longer, but if anything, she was more beautiful, more alluring. Her quirky sense of humor remained intact, along with her determination and work ethic. She was right. She’d made her own way in life, and he could see how giving up her independence, leaning on someone, could be both a blessing and frightening at the same time.
He watched as she captured her long tresses with both hands and quickly twisted a lopsided bun at the top of her head with nimble fingers. Those fingers had explored every inch of his body.
Grady watched her shoulders rise and fall as if she was deep in thought. Oh, how he wished he could read her mind. She wore faded, worn jeans and an oversize dark-blue sweater, making her appear even more petite than usual. And more vulnerable. He smiled when he noticed her feet were bare. Shedding her shoes and bra were always the first things she did when entering the house. He knew so much about her, but there was still so much more to explore.
Arabella leaned forward and grabbed the railing, tilting her head down as if wrestling with her thoughts. And then she raised her arms above her and stretched, making the big sweater slip over one slender shoulder. Grady felt his blood stir. She could arouse him with a look, a smile . . . just standing there. He longed to walk up behind her, wrap his arms around her, and kiss her bare shoulder, inhale her floral scent, and make sweet love to her all afternoon and into the night.
Grady stood silently and gazed at her for a few heart-pounding moments, soaking up more of her beauty into his memory bank. He noticed a delicate wineglass perched on the wide wooden railing. She picked it up, took a small sip from it, and then sighed. When she tilted her face to the sunlight he walked closer. The sound of his shoes on the deck drew her attention and she turned around. Her eyes widened, either at seeing him or the flowers, or both.
“Hello,” Grady said, and extended the bouquet toward her.
“Thank you,” she said simply without a smile, but the slight tremble in her voice gave her emotion away. “What are they for?” She put her nose into the petals and then looked at him in question.
“Nothing in particular.” Grady cleared his throat and leaned against the railing. “I just wanted to see you smile,” he said, and she did, but it was a soft, almost sad curve of her lips. “I’ve missed you these past few days.”
Arabella nodded slowly, swallowed, and looked at him with stormy eyes. “It was your choice to stay away from me.”
“I needed some time, Arabella. I wasn’t angry . . . just . . .” He shoved fingers in his hair. “I don’t even know how to explain it. I guess it was just that things could have been different, and I’m finding that hard to get over.”
“I can understand.” Arabella placed the flowers on the nearby table and then took a sip of her wine.
“Talk to me. What were you thinking about while looking out over the sea?”
“Lots of things, but mostly about you.”
“Good things?” he asked lightly.
Arabella chuckled softly. “You were the wild one, the bad boy of the famous Heartbeat boy band when I came on the scene. I told myself, warned myself not to get involved with you or I’d just get my heart broken. Falling in love with a boy-band heartthrob was something I needed to avoid.” She paused and then tilted her head. “But you captured my heart and then you changed your wild ways . . . for me.”
“I did. I fell deeply in love with you. Bella, you were all I ever wanted. You still are.”
“I believe you, Grady, but that didn’t make having screaming girls throw themselves at you any easier. The paparazzi, the lies they told about us? And there were times when I was pushed to the side, forgotten at the end of the concert. Sat alone on the tour bus waiting while you and your brothers were surrounded by hundreds of adoring fans.”
“When all I wanted was to get back to you,” Grady said, and it was true. “The funny thing about life is that if it wasn’t for Heartbeat we would never have met, and yet it was Heartbeat that ended up coming between us. And now here we are. You came back because of the concert. We’ve come full circle,” he said, and watched her blink back tears. “We can start again.”
“I wish now that I hadn’t run away without telling you. But I can’t change that. And the miscarriage threw me into a depression that Granny York helped me claw back out of. I wanted the baby, Grady. Even after that horrible night, I still wanted the baby. Your baby. Desperately. I hope you understand that, believe that.”
“Of course I do.”
She looked up at the sky and shook her head. “It used to be that I’d be at the mall and a young mother would go past me pushing a stroller and I’d have to leave. I immersed myself in my work, finally saving enough money to start Hip, Hop, Health.”
“I can’t imagine what you went through.”
“It still hits me at unexpected times. When I first came to Sea Breeze, I was having coffee and a cookie in front of Thelma’s bakery and this cute little girl was making a deal with her mother to have a treat if she would eat her veggies later. She was just so adorable . . . and I felt this longing, this pang in my chest.” She put her palm over her heart as if she was feeling the pain again. She picked up her glass and took a sip.
“I can’t tell you how much I wish I’d been with you.”
“I’ve been thinking about that for the past few days. Maybe this is just sour grapes or me trying to ease my guilt, but I don’t know that we could have made it back then either way. Heartbeat was at the peak of stardom.” She swung her hand in an arc. “The cards were stacked against us in so many ways. Even though I traveled with you, we were apart so much. And the exhaustion . . . the never-ending concerts, the frantic pace. We couldn’t ever have a real date night. . . . I guess all that bothered me more than I let on back then. But what could you have done?”
“I should have made more time for you. Whisked you off to private places.”
“Oh, Grady, fame has a price. I’m not blaming you. It’s just that we’re finally having this long-overdue discussion. And I’m glad everything is finally out in the open.”
“The fact that Mom’s health started to fail played into everything, Arabella. We couldn’t really enjoy the success the way we wanted to. But we’re not doing that again, if that’s what you’re worried about. Remember, we’ve been down this road, and you know how we feel. Oliver might pursue something, but not the rest of us. So get that out of your head.”
“Yeah, but I’ve been thinking about all of it. Oh, I don’t know, Grady, do we have too much baggage to make this work?” She gave him a level, worried look.
Grady took a step closer. “My life will never be complete without you.”
“That doesn’t really answer the question. We’ve had a few days apart to think through some of this. Away from the passion that clouds clear thinking,” she said with a smile tinged with sadness.
He looked up at the sky and then back at her. “You know, I wondered if the baby was a boy or girl? For some reason, I pictured a girl. She’d be a teenager now. The thought rocked me to the core. You had your time to grieve, to cry. I didn’t. Mom could have held a grandchild,” he said in a cracked voice. “I wasn’t prepared for how much thinking about it was going to hurt.”
She gave him a heartbreaking smile. “I’ve thought about the same things. As soon as I found out, I started writing down my favorite names. Walked around in the baby section at department stores. And I wanted to share the news with you.”
“Why didn’t you confide in your mother?”
“My relationship with my mother—my parents—has been, I don’t want to say rocky, but not as close as it should have been. But thankfully, I’m working on it.” She tilted her head to the side. “People don’t view a miscarriage as as much of a tragedy as they should. Of course, Granny York said what she thought were the right things. That I was young, healthy, and I’d have babies someday. I get that, but I wanted that baby,” she said with a tremble in her voice.
“My baby.”
“Granny tried to comfort me when I was inconsolable. And, God love her, she cried too. And you’re right. The pain of not knowing, of never getting to hold the child growing inside me . . . your child.” She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. “Life is a lot more fragile than we realize. A lot of people take so much for granted.”
“I know that far too well. Everything can change in an instant. Honestly, the only way we could carry on after they died was knowing that our parents wanted us to be happy. Being sad and in constant grief would have been the worst thing we could have done for their legacy. And so we carried on, holding one another up in the darkest of days. And even lately, when we’d been drifting apart, leave it to Mom to bring us back together.”
“I guess we both have deep scars, Grady.”
“Yeah, but we don’t own pain. Loss. Everyone has their stories. The most important thing I’ve learned working with Mom’s lupus foundation is how many other families suffered the same heartbreak, the same pain. Getting to know and interacting with families who have loved ones afflicted with such a misunderstood disease that’s so damned difficult to diagnose or treat is tough. On the surface, symptoms of lupus can mirror those of so many other things.” He blew out a long sigh. “It took a long time to figure out what was happening to Mom. And she was such a fighter, she would keep things hidden.”
“I know how frustrated you were.”
“And being away from her was torture.”
Arabella nodded.
“When you say ‘lupus’ to the average person, they usually give you a blank look. That’s got to change.”
“Honestly, I wouldn’t have known much about it if it hadn’t been for your mother.”
“That’s why part of the foundation money goes to helping families simply cope. Getting educated, even though there’s still so much to learn about this mysterious disease. The scars on Seal’s face and his hair loss were from a childhood battle with discoid lupus. Toni Braxton has it, and she’s done a spectacular job of bringing awareness to it. Selena Gomez recently shed light on how the disease affected her life. Nick Cannon had kidney failure due to lupus. Lady Gaga’s family has a history with the disease, and she’s got some of the symptoms too. People poked fun at Michael Jackson for wearing hats and masks to avoid the sunlight, but he was diagnosed with lupus in the mid-1980s. This list goes on and on, Arabella.”
“Wow, I didn’t know that. Any of it, really.”
“Yeah, lupus can strike anyone, male or female, from any walk of life. Baseball great Tim Raines has it. Famous model Mercedes Scelba-Shorte has become a spokesperson for lupus.”
“Good for her.”
“I know. We’re finally starting to see some light shed on the mystery.” Grady nodded. “People with lupus can die young and in the prime of their life,” he said with a catch in his voice. “And living with it sucks. Can you imagine a damned disease that attacks your body? Your immune system?” He balled his fists in anger.
“Your parents would be so proud of the work you’re doing, Grady.”
“Using Heartbeat’s fame for something so worthwhile has definitely given substance, meaning to my life. Arabella, I was pretty damned lost for a few years.”
“That’s understandable.”
“I miss my parents. Living in the house is hard sometimes. But so was living here. Without you. When you first came here I couldn’t even come over and see you in this house even though I wanted to. I just couldn’t.”
“Then why are you pushing me away?”
“I’m not.”
“It feels like it.”
Grady took another step closer and cupped his hand over her cheek. “I think that we opened up old wounds. Not just for me, but for you too. In some ways, knowing what I know now, it’s easier for me to understand why you ran that night. And then in other ways it”—he blew out a breath—“makes it even more, sad, I guess, is the word. Pointless.”
“So what do we do?”
“Get through the concert, I guess, and then take it from there. Can you do that?”
Arabella looked over the sand dunes and stood silently for a few moments, making him worry. She ran her fingers up and down the stem of her wineglass.
“Arabella? Talk to me. Can you do that?”
“No. I’m sorry, Grady.”
Grady felt panic grip his chest. “What do you mean?”
“That’s what I used to do. Try to get through one concert at a time. I can’t do that again.”
“But this is only one concert, not a tour. This isn’t a revival,” he insisted. “You know that.”
“I know what you said, and I thought so at first.” Arabella raised her eyebrows. “I knew Heartbeat was talented, but I’m blown away by the band’s depth, the maturity. I don’t think you’re aware of how amazing Heartbeat is, especially now. Your voices are stronger; they blend better than ever. The choreography is smooth and sleek. You’ve almost got a Rat Pack vibe that’s just kick-ass. And sexy, but with electric energy and a hint of boy-band playfulness. A great combination all around. You do soulful ballads as well as the pop dance songs. Grady, Heartbeat is much more diverse than when you were young. And you’re not teenagers, but super-hot guys who the crowd is going to eat up with a spoon, both old fans and new ones. And they’ll listen this time at the reunion, and not just scream their fool heads off.”
Grady grinned. “Jesse thinks there will be some screaming. Oliver is hoping for screams.”
“No doubt there will be. Oh, and Grady, Jimmy’s song for your mother is so emotional, and you guys do it so well, I get goose bumps just thinking about it.” She rubbed her arms.
“Arabella, I get all that, but we’re not going to change our minds. Jimmy is a gifted songwriter, partially because he is so sensitive and aware. He’s happiest on his balcony strumming his guitar. He’s only going onstage for Mom.”
“I know, but Grady, I also know what’s going to happen. You’re going to get offers right and left. More than I even initially anticipated. Record deals and more. I wouldn’t be surprised if you were offered a reality show. And you know Devin would be thrilled. He’s going to press hard for a tour.”
“We won’t take any offers, especially a reality show. The only thing we’re going to do is record Mom’s song live at the concert for download, but the proceeds will go to the foundation.”
“I don’t think you’re remotely prepared for the reaction you’re going to get. Trust me, Vegas will be after Heartbeat. Everyone will be. I think you’re forgetting how popular you once were too.”
“Vegas won’t get us. This isn’t about money or fame. We don’t care.”
“You say that now. . . .”
Grady felt frustration and a flash of anger. “So you’re leaving? Here? Where am I on your list now, Arabella? Am I even on the list?”
“I just want to head to Cincinnati for a while. Spend time going through the attic at Granny York’s house. Sifting through my childhood. Wrap my brain around all that’s happened over the past few weeks, especially the past few days. Grady, my life has been turned upside down.”
“But in good ways.”
“I have to think things through.”
“Wait, so let me get this straight. You’ve suddenly decided to leave in anticipation of what you think might happen?”
“I have to be prepared.”
“Even after I promised that touring won’t happen? In other words, we’re back to trust issues? Arabella, I won’t go on the road or move to Vegas. It isn’t going to happen.”
“I know you’ve discussed this with your brothers. But, like you said, you didn’t get to enjoy the world tour for so many reasons.”
Grady stood there wondering where she was going with this. “You’ve been overthinking. You do that way too much. Worry too much. No wonder your stomach goes bonkers.”
“No, I’ve just been thinking. Just like you’ve been doing.” She swallowed hard and gave him a level look.
“And? There’s more?”
“I can’t believe I’m going to say this.” She took a deep breath and then let her shoulders fall. “But I will.”
His heart pounded. “Go ahead, then. I guess I’m ready.”
“Consider the offers.”
Grady was shocked at her request, and his heart raced. “No. Why would I do that?” he asked, struggling to keep from shouting. “Why would you want me to do that?” Taking a step back, he shook his head. “Now you’re getting unreal. You’re taking overthinking to a new level, Arabella.”
“The first time around you weren’t given the recognition you deserved. It happens with boy bands. But you guys are so talented. You’re the real deal, and you should get the experience of being appreciated for your musical talent. It used to piss me off when we couldn’t hear you sing over the damned screams.”
“We can use our musical talents in other ways. We don’t need to be up onstage.”
“Grady, I think you’re also going to be surprised at how good it’s going to feel to perform for a big crowd. The adrenaline rush is going to be huge. You forget that I worked with some big talents after I left Heartbeat. I know this industry. And right now, especially, older boy bands are touring and doing really well. And having fun doing it. Look at the Backstreet Boys. New Kids on the Block.”
“We’re looking forward to the concert. I won’t deny that. We love performing. But that’s where it ends. Right here in Sea Breeze.” He pointed down at the deck. “I have my hands full running the foundation.”
“I think your brothers will feel differently after this Saturday. You too.”
“No, Arabella, we’ve already talked about it. We settled this from the beginning. Jimmy flat-out refuses. It will never happen,” he insisted, but in truth, the interviews, the music, performing together, did feel better than he’d anticipated. He didn’t realize how much he’d missed singing with his brothers. What if she was right? They were born performers. No . . .
Something of what he felt must have registered on his face, because she nodded. “You deserve to consider any opportunity that comes your way. And I don’t want you to include me in that decision.”
“You know that’s impossible.”
“No, it’s not.”
Grady took a step forward and put his hands on her shoulders. “Arabella, just stay. The concert is two days away. And you’ve worked hard too. You deserve recognition. Can you do that? Please? Seriously, you can’t miss this event.” He felt panic rise in his chest. He hadn’t meant for it to come to this. If she left again, Grady feared she wouldn’t come back. “I’m sorry, I handled this all wrong.” He gave her shoulders a gentle squeeze.
“No, you didn’t. I put myself in your shoes for the past few days.”
“You hardly ever wear shoes,” Grady said with a slight smile. He looked down at her cute red toenails. “And mine would be way too big,” he added, trying desperately to lighten the mood.
She just couldn’t leave.
“Arabella . . .”