Chapter Seventeen

Joslyn

As Troy and I climb out of my truck, I realize that for the first time in a long time, I’ve had fun. I wouldn’t exactly call my life joyless – between teaching the girls at Tribe of Amazons and working hard to become the next American Ninja Warrior, I feel very fulfilled. But while training hard and working out feels good, it doesn’t always make me smile.

You know, that soul-deep joy that comes from doing something that lights you up. Not because it’s something you should do, but something you want to do. Part of me resents my self-defense work and domestic violence volunteering because I never would have felt compelled to do it if I hadn’t been kidnapped. It’s soul-fulfilling work, but it can’t be denied that it comes from the victim inside of me and not from my personal power.

Troy gives me a goofy look that makes me wonder how long I’ve been grinning.

“What’s up with you?” Troy asks, smirking. “You look like a kid in a candy store with fifty bucks to burn. Pixi Stix anyone?”

I giggle. “Make it Sugarfina, and now we’re talking. Although those champagne bears would throw me off my diet for at least a week. I can’t remember the last time I had solid sugar.”

“Ah, champagne bears, a treat of the most refined warriors.” Troy leans in close and kisses me. His kiss tastes of beer and hot sauce from the wings we gorged ourselves on, but somehow, it’s strangely enticing. I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him close as our bodies press urgently together in my driveway.

“Of course,” I say in a faux-snotty voice, breaking the kiss and tossing my head. “Why, you think the most refined warriors eat off-brand gummy bears? I think not.”

“Pardon me, madam,” Troy echoes, nodding his head and looking at me like I’ve got a screw loose. “How could I ever have thought otherwise?”

I lick my lips. Now it’s the awkward moment where in any other case, I’d ask Troy to leave. But we had such a good time together pigging out on bar food and playing classic Rolling Stones pinball that I don’t want the night to end. And judging by the way Troy devours my body with his eyes, I don’t think he wants it to end, either.

“So,” I croon, running a suggestive finger down Troy’s chest. I stop at his heart and hold my palm over his strong organ. Thump. Thump. “Feel like coming inside?”

Troy chuckles and stretches. “I don’t know.” He taps a finger to his temple and pretends to think it over. While he yanks my chain, I inhale his citrusy man-scent. I want to drink him in. “I’ve got a long, long day at the Armónico tomorrow.”

I grin and kiss Troy again, nibbling on his lower lip and pulling him close. I run my hand down his muscular chest, over the hard bulge in his jeans. Feeling his hard cock makes me ache for him, and I can tell Troy enjoys the intimate attention by the way he groans.

“I think you can probably get up early and still make it to work on time.” I cock my head to the side and nibble Troy’s earlobe. “I mean, I’ll set an alarm.”

“Oh,” Troy growls, the sound twisting my belly. “Well, if you’ll set an alarm, then by all means. That gives you plenty of time to put your delectable mouth all over me.”

As I lead him inside, I’m glad a cloak of darkness surrounds us. I like Troy – much more than I should – but I don’t want him to see me grinning like I’ve suddenly won the lottery. Before the front door clicks closed, I jump into Troy’s arms. His tongue slips into my mouth, and I moan, arching into him, needing more. Troy breaks the kiss and buries his face in my neck, nipping and biting at my throat just hard enough to make me squirm with pleasure. Arousal and lust have completely taken over my body, and I swoon, lacing my fingers behind his neck. We stagger backward and crash on the couch – we haven’t initiated it yet – and I grin as I slide my hands under his shirt and pull it over his head before tossing it to the floor. Moonlight streams in through my living room windows and Troy’s brawny body looks silvery-pale. I crawl on top of him and straddle his hips, leaning down to nuzzle his neck. Troy groans and tangles his hands in my hair and yanks as delicious pain mingles with the pleasure flowing through me.

“God,” Troy grunts, arching his back.

He puts his hands on my waist and pulls my shirt over my head in a single motion. Before I can move, he reaches behind my back and unclasps my bra. It falls to the floor and Troy cups my breasts in both hands, rubbing my nipples and rolling them between his fingers until I moan with pleasure. I’m so turned on that I can feel the soaked crotch of my panties rubbing against my body with every breath, and I suddenly can’t wait to be naked. It’s a herculean effort to push his hands away and climb off the couch, but I do it.

“Where are you going?” Troy growls in a husky voice. “Come back here.”

I smirk and lock eyes with him as I unzip my jeans and push them down my hips. His gaze smolders, and I shudder as I step out of my jeans and toss my panties to the side. Standing there completely naked, I know I should feel exposed. I should feel vulnerable. And I do – but I don’t feel scared. I realize now that I trust Troy completely. I put him through the ringer, and he never stood down from my bullshit.

He won.

“Come on.” I turn and waltz into the bedroom, sashaying my ass until I hear an answering groan from behind me.

I’ve barely made it five paces before he scoops me up from behind and tosses me on the bed. As our tongues dance a sensual tango, I fumble with Troy’s belt and pull it away from his jeans. He pushes my hands out of the way and pushes his pants down.

“You said something before,” I tease, staring at him as he twitches. “But I can’t seem to remember what it was.”

He pumps himself a few times as my mouth waters. This man does something to me. It’s like a naughty vixen emerges to overtake the in-control Joslyn every single time he touches me.

“You know damn well what it was. Why don’t you use your mouth for something good for a change? Something that doesn’t involve bitching.”

“I love looking at your cock, Troy.” I delight in his answering groan as he pierces me with a heated gaze.

“That’s much better.”

I stroke him with my hand and tongue, taking him to the edge before I suck him in again. Troy trembles underneath my mouth and hand, and feeling his surrender causes a jolt of emotion to rumble through me. I’m doing this to him.

He’s mine.

I lash him with my tongue, picking up the pace of my hand at the base of his dick.

“Don’t stop, Jos.”

Before I’m ready, he pulls himself free of my mouth and drops to his knees to capture my lips. We fall to the bed in a tangle of limbs, pounding hearts, and whirling emotions. My pussy is wet and aching. Sucking him off turned me on so much, and I wish he’d come straight down the back of my throat.

Troy pushes a finger into my slick heat, and as he pierces my pussy with his hand, he does the same to my mouth with his searching tongue.

Troy breaks the kiss to take his wallet from his pants and remove a condom. I stare with insatiable hunger at his naked body as he rips open the foil packet and sheathes his manhood. When he takes me in his arms again, my heart throbs with excitement and anticipation. As Troy slides deep inside my body, I let out a loud moan and spread my legs wider. Wrapping my thighs around his waist, I ride him from underneath as he starts thrusting in and out of my waiting body.

Troy grunts and buries his face in my neck, sucking so hard that I know there will be a big purple hickey there in the morning, but I don’t care. It feels so good that I want more, more, more – I want all of Troy. I want him to fill me and take me and make me his in a way I’ve never dreamed of before.

“You feel so good,” Troy growls in my ear. “I’ve never felt anything as tight as you are, Jos. It’s like all your exercising has tightened your pelvic muscles into a human vice.”

He takes my chin with one hand and guides my mouth to his in a passionate, sloppy kiss that leaves me weak. As our bodies move together in the intimate rhythm of love, I can feel my orgasm building inside of me. Troy breaks the kiss and arches his back, gasping and bucking as his body starts to shake. His reaction sets me off, and I grab onto his shoulders and shove my hips against his. My back bows and my legs fall open even wider. My clit pulses, and soon, my whole body quakes with ecstasy. We cling to each other, breathing hard and shaking, until the magic subsides.

I’m reluctant to move. It feels so good to be tangled up with Troy that I’m almost sad when he pulls out of me and peels the condom off his softening erection. He tosses it to the floor and wraps a sweaty arm around my waist, pulling me close and holding me from behind.

“So,” Troy whispers. “You want me to stay?”

I swallow. As raw and vulnerable as it felt to stand naked in front of Troy, this is somehow harder. Rolling around in his arms, I stroke his face with my hand as if I need to commit every subtle nuance to memory.

“Yeah,” I whisper back. “I do.”

I stay in Troy’s arms, just like that, until my leg goes numb and I have to get up to pee. In the bathroom, I groan at the sight of my reflection. My hair frizzes in a puffy wave down my back, but somehow, I know Troy doesn’t mind. I splash cool water on my face and rinse my mouth out. After I brush my hair back, I feel a little better.

On the way back to bed, I stop in the kitchen and pull a Gatorade out of the fridge. I smirk at the bottle before twisting it open and taking a long drink. I always used to drink Gatorade after workouts when I was a teenager, and it still feels like a reward. But now, the workouts are a little different, I think with a smirk as I saunter back into the bedroom. Troy mumbles and twitches in bed, and I freeze on the spot.

“Troy?” I whisper. “Are you okay?”

Troy thrashes and moans, and I realize he must be having another nightmare. About the trauma he suffered as a kid. Biting my lip, I gently sit on the side of the bed and put my hand on his shoulder.

“Troy?” I stroke his arm. “It’s me, Joslyn. You must be having a bad dream.”

Troy groans and shakes. It frightens me – as intense as he is, I’ve never seen him like this before.

“Joslyn,” Troy grunts. “I…I can’t…”

“Wake up.” I raise my voice this time. Even though I read somewhere that you should never wake someone in the middle of a bad dream, I can’t stand to see him in agony. “Troy, you’re having a nightmare.”

“I’m sorry,” Troy says in a small, weak voice that reminds me of a little kid. “Joslyn, they hurt you. I couldn’t save you. Protect you.”

A numb feeling spreads from my heart through my body, all the way to the tips of my toes. Something is wrong – very, very wrong – and I suddenly have the feeling Troy’s been keeping secrets from me. Grabbing his meaty shoulder with both hands, I shake him.

“Troy, wake up!” I snap. “It’s me!”

Troy bolts awake. Drenched in sweat, his hulking body trembles underneath the softness of my touch. The foreign look in his eyes scares the shit out of me, like he’s never seen me before in his life. After a moment, he takes a deep breath and swallows.

“What was that? Troy, what were you dreaming about?”

“Nothing.” Troy’s normally strong voice is reduced to a shaky whisper.

“You’re lying.” I grab the sheet from the bed and wrap it around my naked body. “Why are you withholding the truth?”

Troy hangs his head, avoiding eye contact for what feels like an eternity. “I…”

“You need to tell me right now,” I demand, my heart pounding in my skull. “What is it?”

Troy wrings his hands as he stares at the wall, avoiding eye contact. “I met you, a long time ago. In the warehouse.”

The shock hits me like a sonic boom, and for a moment, I can’t breathe. I know what he’s going to say, and bright spots swim inside my pupils.

“I’m sorry. Joslyn, once I figured it out, I wanted to tell you. I–”

“You shut your fucking mouth!” Molten-hot rage fills every pore of my body, and I can feel myself starting to shake. “It was you. Was it you?”

I wait for him to look at me. I need to hear it from his mouth. “Yes.”

That moment floods back into my mind. That moment that made me realize I could never trust anyone. “How could you? How could you do that to me? You left me. You had no way of knowing they’d ever let me go. You fucking left me to die.”

The muscle in his jaw pops. “Joslyn, I was a little boy. I tried to–”

“And I was a defenseless, weak little girl who got her toe cut off with a pair of garden shears!”

By now, tears stream down my face in a torrential downpour of pain, but I can’t make them stop. It’s too late – the floodgates have been opened, and I’m feeling every bad emotion there is to feel. He did this! He turned me into the cold, bitter, man-hating bitch that I don’t even recognize anymore.

He betrayed me.

“And I’m sorry.” The gentle quality in Troy’s voice, his pain, his yearning for absolution, doesn’t register. White-hot rage strangles me. “Joslyn, I really am. I wanted to help you. After–”

“But you didn’t,” I wail, flailing my arms around my head. I want to hit him. I want to pummel him with my fists until he stops talking. “You let them hurt me, and you knew! And you didn’t tell me! And you…you…” I can feel myself slip into the ugly cry, and as much as I want to run away, I know I have to stand strong, or I’ll never respect myself ever again. “You acted like it was nothing!”

“Maybe if you didn’t have some kind of Amazonian fetish, I would have found it easier to tell you!” With an uncharacteristic yell, Troy jumps to his feet and puffs out his chest, putting his hands on his hips. “But no, you had to make everything so fucking difficult!”

“What the hell does my gym have to do with anything? I’m a strong, independent woman! That’s more than I can say about you, you fucking pussy! Oh, look Troy! A spider! Are you gonna piss yourself?”

His expression turns glacial. “Yeah, well, I could’ve told you if you weren’t such an unapproachable, frigid bitch!”

Before I can even think about the ramifications, I wind back and slap Troy hard across the face. For a moment, he looks at me, clearly stunned. Then his face hardens, and he grabs his clothes before storming out of my house.