I remember.

I’m not sure if Mel does, but I think about it plenty. Even after puking her brains out, she was still so beautiful, and I was just drunk enough to not care about germs or bad breath or even rejection. Just gone enough to be brave.

It’s the closest I’ve ever come to kissing her. Which, after fourteen years of friendship and at least six of this secret crush, is pathetic.

We flip channels for a while. I think I’m doing a good job of ignoring her feet under me, or how cute she looks in my clothes, but no dice: when I try to scroll the channel guide, distracted, she laughs and points out I’ve been turning the DVD player on and off.

“Here,” I say, sliding her the remote. “You pick.”

She starts scrolling, and I hate myself for handing it over, because she’s pausing at all these chick-flick channels and sappy made-for-TV movies. She hits Info to read each one’s description.

Then, I hate myself even more: she’s in the porn section. Big Busty Sluts VII. MILFs Get Torn Up. Virgins in Vegas.

“Look at this shit,” she giggles. “Who watches this?”

Me, I think, my heart racing, face filling with blood. I watch this shit. I was watching it and touching myself when you rang my doorbell.

She gives me this look, the kind she gets when she has a terrible idea that could be a lot of fun, or a total disaster. Like sneaking into a movie, or stealing Dad’s booze, or chugging homemade moonshine in somebody’s basement before chugging their cheap beer.

“We should rent one,” she laughs, “just to make fun of it. Yeah? You want to?”

What can I say? I just sit there and shrug, praying to God she doesn’t pick Busty Sluts VII, because it’s mighty suspicious if pay-per-view gives you a “Resume” button instead of “Order.”

She scrolls through more titles. “Do you ever watch this stuff?” she asks suddenly, like it just occurred to her.

I shake my head, silent.

“But you watch porn, right? I mean, all guys watch porn. That’s what I hear, at least.”

“Yeah,” I manage, fumbling for the soda I left on the side table, “I watch porn.”

Mel studies me a minute. “Weird question,” she says slowly, “but what do you watch, exactly? Like, what are you into?”

Jesus, my face is on fire. Actual fire.

“I don’t know,” I stammer, spreading my free hand before choking down cola to stall. “Normal porn, I guess. Why?”

“Just curious. I’ve never seen any. I don’t know what it’s like.”

“It’s sex,” I mutter, as I sink into the couch again. “That’s it.”

She settles on Spring Break Slut Fest, laughing as she hits Order. “You think your dad will notice?”

“No.” That’s how I get away with ordering porn in the first place: the old man gets a few titles a month but can’t remember all of them, and probably doesn’t want to call the company to quibble over Busty Sluts I-VI or Bondage Babes, anyway. So either he doesn’t notice the occasional purchase on my part, or pretends not to.

“Oh, my God,” she says, about ten minutes in. It’s still building backstory, everyone spreading suntan lotion on each other, poolside. “Is the acting always this bad?”

“Pretty much. But, I mean...people aren’t paying them for their acting.”

“True,” she smirks.

This whole situation sucks. I’ve fantasized about watching porn with Mel, but not like this, where it’s just a big joke to her and I’m hiding my rager under a blanket, sweating from tequila while she giggles at the other end of the sofa.

In my fantasies, we’re a couple, watching it together in my bedroom on my laptop. Something kinky, involving role-play or toys, and we’re spooning half-naked as it plays, until she rolls over and says, “Let’s try that.”

Not this. Not some awkward, drunken afternoon in a storm, with her laughing at things that turn me on: girls oiling up other girls’ breasts, pool boys getting serviced on deck chairs.

By the time they’re into the actual sex—four girls and four guys, everyone’s swimsuit tossed casually into the water—I’m so horny that I’m almost numb, partially because I never got to finish earlier, but mostly because I don’t want to be horny. Not in front of Mel, and especially not when I can’t do a damn thing about it.

I realize she’s looking at me.

“What?”

“Nothing.” She looks back at the television. She’s stopped laughing.

“It’s just,” she says, a minute later, “I feel like you don’t think it’s funny. Do you...like this stuff?”

I’m at a loss, now that she’s got me on the spot like this. “I don’t know.” On screen, a pool boy makes a bad pun about pH balances. “It’s porn. Guys like porn. People like porn, you know?” I take a breath to stop rambling. “It’s sex, so yeah, I like it. But I’m not into it, into it. I don’t go around imagining gang bangs by the pool.”

Mel laughs, but it’s different than before. Softer, through her nose.

“What about you?” I ask, almost a challenge, like I want to embarrass her as revenge. Maybe I do. “What do you like?”

It’s rare to see Mel blush, but she does now. I forgot how much I liked it.

“I don’t watch porn,” she mutters.

“Right, but like, what do you fantasize about? And don’t say you don’t think about it, because everyone does. Even nuns.”

She reaches for the tequila, but instead of pouring herself another shot, she tightens the lid and slides it under the couch. “I’ve never even, like, done that.”

“Done what?” I ask, nodding to the girls on screen, one of whom is screaming her way through an orgasm. “Had sex? Not even with Felix?”

She glares at the way I say his name, like I’m spitting food on her face. “No.”

“Carl Linkheart?”

Another glare. “No.”

“Bastian Dubois,” I say, because I just can’t believe, of all the guys Mel’s dated the last couple years, she hasn’t hooked up with a single one beyond making out. Especially Bastian, the exchange student from Strasbourg. Mel fawned over him for weeks before he asked her out, much to the jealousy of every other girl in our school, but they’d broken up just two weeks later.

Still: Mel is beautiful, so I know guys must have pressured her. And she seemed to let them get pretty far during the makeout sessions I was forced to witness, playing pathetic chauffeur to her carless dates.

“No,” she says, firm and a little angry. “I’ve never had sex. But I was also saying I’ve never done that.” She points to the screen, where another girl is panting that she’s close.

“Wh— Orgasmed?” I look at her so fast, my neck cracks. “You’ve never had an orgasm?”

If she was blushing before, she’s close to spontaneous combustion right now. “No, okay? I’ve never....” She can’t even make herself say the word.

“So...so hold on,” I sputter, sitting straight up, trying to wrap my head around this news. “You’ve never orgasmed. Okay. But...you’re a teenager.”

“Yeah, so?”

“So, you know...don’t you masturbate? Eighteen years and you expect me to believe you’ve never touched yourself?”

“God, Blake,” she says, pulling a face.

“You’re the one that brought it up,” I remind her. I point to the porn. “You’re the one who wanted to watch Spring Break Slut Fest, remember?”

I can’t tell if she’s more embarrassed or angry. “Fine,” she snaps, slamming the remote on the coffee table. She sighs. “Look, I...I’ve touched myself before, yeah. But no. I’ve never orgasmed. I don’t know why. I’m just one of those people that can’t, I guess.”

“Everyone can orgasm.”

“No, they can’t,” she counters. “I read it in Cosmo.”

I roll my eyes. This isn’t the first time she’s used that magazine as definitive proof in an argument, but whatever. That’s not important right now.

“At least,” she adds, “I don’t think I have. How do you know?”

I laugh. “Oh, you know.”

This, apparently, is not the answer she was looking for. I clear my throat and stop laughing.

“I meant what does it feel like, when you.... Or is it different, for guys and girls?”

“I think it’s basically the same,” I say, although I’ve never actually thought about this. “I don’t know how to describe it. It’s...just this really intense, really good feeling. Probably the best in the world, to be honest.”

I expect her to laugh at my description, not believing me, but when I look at her, she’s hanging on my every word.

“Huh,” she says, sitting back against the couch cushions. We go back to the movie, and I finish my soda as a girl on screen gets her ass slapped. The noise makes us both jump, it’s so sudden.

Under the blanket, as hard as I already was, now I’m basically concrete. I promise myself a nice solo session later, after Mel’s asleep.

I can’t believe I just told him that.

I’ve never told anyone that before, actually, but I damn sure never thought I’d tell Blake. It can’t be the tequila, only two shots in. Maybe the rain is making me tired, screwing with my brain.

The wind whips the tall oaks outside. Suddenly, it’s dark, and we’re both so shocked we don’t even get up to find a flashlight.

He’s quiet; I think he’s fallen asleep. But then, in the weird silence of his house, that undertone of the storm, he says, “Truth or Dare.”

“We’re a little old for that, don’t you think?”

“You’re never too old for Truth or Dare.”

My eyes start to adjust. I can see him picking at the tab on his soda, his mouth open just a bit as he concentrates. I’ve never noticed how full his lips are for a guy’s. They’re like this perfect shade of pink, the kind of pink you’d order if you were painting your house or something. A pink you’d never get sick of seeing.

“Truth,” I say, shrugging. Why not? We might as well have fun while the power’s out.

“Okay.” Blake sits up. In the dimmest glow from the skylight, I see him smile. “Was Bastian really bisexual, or was it just a rumor?”

I laugh. “I don’t know, but I think it was true. He stared at a lot of guys when we were going out. He’d pretend he was reading their T-shirts.”

He cracks up, and I feel good that I’ve made him laugh. It’s weird, because normally, I wouldn’t even think about it.

“My turn.” I take his soda and sip. “Truth or Dare.”

“Dare.”

This is typical. When we were kids, I chose Truth because it’s easy and painless: you just rip off the Band-Aid and say it. With Dare, you never know what’s going to happen, and the anticipation alone is a killer.

But Blake is still shy, like when we were kids, and doesn’t like divulging secrets. He can’t even lie if someone asks a question he doesn’t want to answer; he’s got a terrible poker face.

“Okay, I dare you to....” I pause, thinking. “I dare you to show me that boner you’ve been trying to hide since I put on the porn.”

I can’t see his skin turning red in the darkness, but I know it is. “I’m not showing you my dick,” he balks, like I’m breaking the rules of the game or something.

“Not your actual dick,” I laugh, “just quit covering up like it isn’t obvious. It is.”

He grumbles something and throws the blanket onto the floor between us. A flash of lightning shows me that, yes, his shorts are seriously tented. And I’ve got to admit it to myself: that bulge is way bigger than I would’ve guessed.

Shit, I think, realizing I’m staring right at it. I tear my eyes away as he says, “Right. My turn.”

“Truth.”

“Would you ever let me give you an orgasm?”

I have to stare at him, searching for his expression in the dark, trying to decide if he’s serious. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear he was wasted. “What?” I whisper.

He shifts his weight around on the cushions. “Orgasm,” he repeats. “Would you ever let me give you one?”

To be honest, just hearing Blake say the word “orgasm,” not to mention in the context of giving me one, turns me on. I’m shocked, but not as much as I probably should be.

I feel a warmth begin between my legs, then even more so at the realization that I’m wearing Blake’s sweatpants and no panties. All of a sudden I get a chill, this electric sensation all through my body, at the thought of him actually giving me an orgasm, whatever that feels like. The thought of him undressing me, touching my bare skin....

“I’m not answering that,” I say softly, then, louder, “That’s an unfair question.”

“What? How is that unfair?” He gets up and grabs a lighter, passing over each of the tealights on the coffee table and mantle. One by one, they cast a gentle glimmer across the room, making the shadows sway and jump.

It’s romantic, I realize, but shake it off.

“Because...because you’re really asking two questions,” I say, bullshitting as I go along. “First, you’re asking if I’d ever let anyone give me an orgasm, besides myself, which I already told you I can’t, so...whatever. And second, you’re asking if I’d let that person be you.”

“And? Would you?”

“You can’t ask two questions. I change my mind, I want Dare.”

“Fine.” He falls back onto the couch, only this time, he’s much closer. Our legs are touching. Our shoulders are touching. The armrest is on the other side of me, and I’ve got nowhere to go.

I’m not sure I want to.

“I dare you,” he whispers, “to let me give you an orgasm.”