TEN
Violet
I wake up to my phone going off. Hollyn’s still asleep but Charlotte’s on her way. Checking the clock and doing some quick math, I’ll have time to shower before Cullen comes once Hollyn is on her way back home. I’ll go as slow as possible and be as relaxed as I can. Cullen and I will just have to talk about how to play this out in front of my family and their friends before we get there.
I catch Charlotte on the stairs before she heads up to get her daughter. “Hey, sis, hold on. I gotta tell you something,” I put my hand on her arm so she pauses. Charlotte’s face reflects concern.
“What’s up, Vi, are you ok?”
“Yeah, no, I’m good. But, um, I kinda did something stupid and invited someone to come to Hollyn’s party with me today.”
“Oh, great! Who? Renee? Wait, no, you said ‘stupid’?”
“Uh, no, a guy. From school. Cullen.”
Her mouth drops open and she gives me a slow blink. “The one that’s hotter than hell and coaches football, also known as Thor? That Cullen? What the shit, Vi? Are you like, dating him?”
I glance down at the floor and shift my stance. Looking back at her is like looking in a mirror. We have the same giant brown eyes, the same baby doll lips. The only difference now is that she’s the one smiling and I’m so nervous I could puke.
“I don’t know what we are exactly,” I hesitate.
“Did you fuck him?”
“Damn, Charlotte, don’t hold back or anything. I mean, just say what you’re thinking. Jesus.”
“I did, and I wanna know.”
“No, I didn’t.”
“Ha! You mean, not yet,” she playfully shoves my arm and I glare at her. Of course, an image of Cullen’s naked torso immediately comes to mind and I can’t help but grin.
“So why is it stupid, Violet?”
“I feel guilty, really guilty. It hasn’t been that long and…”
“Oh, bullshit,” she interrupts. “You were married to that ungrateful bastard for two years and God knows what he was doing to you that you won’t even tell us. He’s dead, and it was his fault for being a dumbass, not yours. You enjoy your football coach, player, teacher, whatever and if anyone has a problem with it, tell ‘em to go fuck themselves. You put in your time with a loser already, and it’s none of their business what you do with your time now.”
I just stare at the whirlwind that is my sister.
“I’ll take that as agreement that I’m right. So, I have to go get my baby and make her look like a princess for her party. See you and Thor, the God of Thunder, in an hour or so. You can bet Mom’s gonna drool.”
She stomps upstairs to retrieve Hollyn. I hear baby commotion and soon the two of them are trotting down the stairs. Charlotte blows kisses to me via Hollyn’s little hands and I wave goodbye. This is going to be interesting.
***
Cullen arrives and he’s lucky I don’t jump him right there in the doorway. The man is seriously good enough to eat; I’m literally frozen in place. I scan upwards from his tan muscular calves to his khaki shorts then continue on past his white button up with blue pinstripes hiding a matching blue t-shirt beneath it. The sleeves of the white cotton are rolled up, exposing his taut forearms. Still his dark beard is neatly trimmed, and he’s got his short hair spiked towards the center rather than all over his head.
“Damn, you look good,” I step up on my toes for a kiss.
“Not nearly as good as you, Beautiful,” he replies against my lips. I step into his kiss. I’ve missed his perfect lips and his sugary tongue pressed into mine.
Cullen doesn’t miss a beat and returns my kiss with just as much fervor. He wraps an arm around my waist and backs us into the entryway so he can shut the door with his other hand.
I pull back a little, running my fingertips along the hair on his face. I can feel how turned on he’s getting through my sundress, and I can’t help but smile. If he only knew how much of an effect he already has on me.
“Let me get my bag and Hollyn’s present, Hot Stuff.”
He coughs into his hand and adjusts his shorts. “Need a minute?” I toss over my shoulder.
Cullen winks at me, “Nah, I’ll just carry the present.”
I laugh and hand it to him, “Whatever you say.” We head out to his Silverado, still chuckling. He opens the door for me and puts the present on my lap.
“I like that dress on you. It’s stunning.” He gives me a quick kiss before closing my door, and I’m smiling like an idiot as he rounds the front and gets in.
“Where to?”
I shake my head to get rid of the flighty feeling in my brain over his compliment. I give him directions to Charlotte and Aaron’s house, which isn’t far from my place. Soon, we pull into the driveway of a modest two-story.
Cullen unbuckles but before he can hop out, I grab his hand. He looks at me with his big brown eyes, soft and expectant.
Turning fully towards him, I ask, “Cullen, my family is going to be at this thing, and so are some random friends. How are we doing this?” I move my hand back and forth between us.
“How do you want to do this?”
“Ugh, don’t ask me that. I’m asking you. I mess everything up, so you decide.”
He looks at me intently. “Why do you think that?
“Because I just do.” I sit back in my seat and look out the window.
Cullen watches me for a minute. “Violet. Look at me.”
I take a big inhale and turn my head his direction. He reaches across the center console, cups one side of my face, and strokes my cheek with his thumb. “You can say ‘This is my friend or my colleague or my boyfriend or my lab partner’ for all I care. I just want to be with you. It doesn’t matter how, ok? Well, I mean, don’t introduce me as your hookup. That would be weird and we’re better than that, don’t you think?”
I can’t believe he’s serious right now. I don’t even know why he likes me.
“Lab partner? Really?” I smirk.
“Of course that’s what you’d hear out of that list, you Science Geek,” he pulls me in for a kiss. “I’m serious, Violet, you pick.”
“I’m sorry. This is just hard for me,” I confess.
“Why, Beautiful?”
“Because I like you so much and these people haven’t seen me with anyone since...”
A lavish smile stretches across his face and crinkles the corners of his eyes. He begins to speak, then--
“Are you gonna make out with Thor all day or come in here for my daughter’s party?” my sister bellows from the porch.
I drop my head in defeat. “Ugh. Cullen, meet Charlotte. Charlotte, Cullen.”
“Did she just call me ‘Thor’?” I laugh loudly as we get out of the truck.
***
Pink. It’s everywhere. Pink table cloths, pink flatware, pink plates and cups. There’s pink tulle wrapped around the backs of the Windsor chairs in the kitchen and pink pom-pons hanging from the ceiling at all different heights. Every stand holding a platter of food is decorated like a ballerina’s tutu and the cake, holy shit, the cake is pink inside and out. Even Hollyn is head to toe pink. She looks like an angel.
Cullen takes my sweaty hand and the birthday present to lead me past the main rooms of the house out to the deck where all the noise is. The backyard, also a blast of pink, is where the real party is apparently, along with all of my relatives and some unknown friends of Charlotte and Aaron. My walking speed slows down to a crawl, and Cullen has to back up or have his arm pulled off.
“I kinda want to hide in the bouncy house.” Which is shaped like a castle, no less.
He lightly brushes his lips along my ear, “No way, you promised me a sugar high.”
I roll my eyes, “Selfish.” I’m rewarded with a husky laugh.
My mom strolls up and gives me a huge hug, “Hey, my baby girl, who’s this handsome man?”
I can feel the red burning up my neck when she lets me go. “Ugh, Mom, so embarrassing. This is Cullen. He’s…”
“Incredibly sweet, I’m sure,” she interrupts. Cullen offers her his enormous hand and charming smile of perfection. I’m positive she’s swooning. “I’m Laura and so glad to meet you. Now come with me so we can find Tom, Violet’s father. You look athletic. What’s your sport?”
Cullen flashes me his smile over his shoulder as Mom walks away with him, arm in arm no less. I’m standing on the back deck dumbfounded with my mouth hanging open.
“I guess I’ll see if Charlotte needs help,” I mutter to myself.
***
After singing, cake, and presents, I’m rewriting the gift list into a more legible script on a lounge chair out back when Dad and Cullen saunter up. Cullen is a good four inches taller than my dad and has him beat in the muscle department for sure, but despite the size difference, neither one could ever make me feel safer than when I’m with them. With that thought, I give them a satisfied smile. It’s been a good day.
“So, you finally decide to come back around to me, huh?”
Dad claps Cullen on the back before Cullen comes to pull up a chair and sit beside me. “We were talking about my game last night.”
“Apparently, it was quite the home opener and a certain someone who loves football didn’t go,” Dad tilts his chin down at me making a tsking sound.
I roll my eyes, “Well, if that’s the rumor, then I guess it’s true.”
I look back down at my notebook. Dad laughs and heads back up on the deck, pinching my toes in passing. Cullen’s eyes follow Dad’s retreat, because surely that’s what it is, and then looks back to me.
“Wait, what does that mean? You were at the game last night?”
“I was.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“You didn’t ask. You assumed I didn’t come,” I bite my cheek trying not to smile. Clearly, Cullen doesn’t know what to do with this information.
“Why didn’t you come see me?”
I drop my pen and roll my head side to side. “Seriously? What was I going to do? Skip down to the fence, shouting your name, hoping you’d let me blow your whistle?”
He leans in and utters thickly, “You wanna blow my whistle?”
I whack him with my pen, “Good God, Metz! You know what I meant.”
“Yeah, I did!” We’re both laughing now, and I can see Charlotte eyeing us from the bouncy house. “So, you were really there, huh?”
“Why are you so surprised?”
“I just—you keep me sharp in the pocket, Violet.”
I smirk at his quarterback reference. My pen drops to my notepad when I angle more in his direction.
“I have to say my favorite play was in the middle of the third when Hart faked like he was going to hand off to Boone, but dropped back in the pocket instead. But then no one was open to throw to. Then that big number thirty-four came barreling through our line and you started flipping out. You ripped off your headset, screaming along the sideline. It was really exciting! But, I tried to focus on Hart to see what he was going to do, right? Scramble? Get sacked? Who knew? But then he looked towards the bench—over at you—nodded, and just ran for it. He got twenty eight yards before anyone brought him down. It was amazing! I don’t know what happened to that thirty-four that was coming or what you told him, but it worked!”
I keep from bouncing in my chair recalling the energy from the game, but it doesn’t mean I don’t want to. The whole crowd was screaming and cheering, stomping on the bleachers and waving banners. I’ve never missed a home opener; I love football games.
Cullen’s staring at me like I’m from another planet. “I told him to move his ass.”
“Oh, well, like I said, it worked.”
The glimmer in Cullen’s eyes holds me captive. He grabs my hand and holds tight. I smile up at him, butterflies taking flight in my stomach.
“Thank you for coming to our game. It really means a lot, even if I didn’t know you were there.”
“Well, it just so happened that two of my favorite things were on the same field last night, so I just couldn’t stay home.”
“Cheerleaders and popcorn?”
“No, dummy. Football and your whistle.”
***
We get back to my place stuffed with pink cake, pink icing, and all kinds of other ballerina-themed goodies. I rush upstairs to brush my teeth before I need to make an emergency dentist appointment. I hear Cullen’s footsteps on the stairs and then he appears in the bathroom just as I spit out my mouthful of foam.
“You wouldn’t happen to have another toothbrush would you?”
“I have a baby toothbrush. Hollyn’s never used it, not yet anyway. It’s still in the package. You want it?”
“That would be great. I’ll buy her a new one.”
“No biggie,” I say as I pull the teeny purple toothbrush from the drawer and hand it to Cullen. I have to bite my tongue to keep from laughing as his giant hand wraps around the handle. It’s ridiculous and I can’t look away.
“Are you gonna watch?” Cullen’s voice cracks as he tries not to laugh at himself and the itty-bitty brush.
All I can do is shake my head and retreat to my room to look for something more comfy to wear. I’m staring at the clothes in my closet, lost in thought, when I feel Cullen approach the doorway of my bedroom. He’s walking in, and I can feel each step like my nerves have been looped through the carpet fibers. His warmth radiates into the space behind me. He smooths his hands down my shoulders, then down my arms. He kisses the sweet spot on my neck right below my ear. I shiver. Goosebumps form all over my skin despite the heat that’s churning inside. The air becomes heavy. Saturated.
“I had a lot of fun with you and your family today. Hollyn is lucky to have you.” He kisses the other side of my neck and my head starts to spin.
My voice is low. Thick. Trembling slightly like my insides. “Hollyn really likes you; she doesn’t usually take to strangers like that. They all liked you.”
“I like you,” he confirms, nibbling at my ear. Sweet Jesus, what were we talking about?
I move my hair to the side, exposing the single button at the top of my Boho dress. It’s an invitation. I’m asking Cullen to anticipate this next play. In a few seconds, the charcoal-colored fabric loosens across my back. Cullen’s warm hands slide under the lining and gently push it off. It silently hits the floor; a poof of air the only confirmation it’s made it.
I close my eyes and try to breathe as he minimizes the gap between us, his impressive erection presses into my back. He puts his fingers under each of my bra straps and drags them down, kissing the exposed flesh on one side, then the other. I feel the clasp release between my shoulder blades and I move my arms just a bit to help the satin meet my dress on the floor. I turn and tilt my head back to look up at Cullen and expose myself to him fully for the first time. He stares into my eyes, though, instead of my full breasts, and I reclaim a few lost pieces of my self-worth.
I start unbuttoning his shirt, and it’s slow torture for sure. He’s watching me with amusement, and I swear he wore it just to make me crazy. Finally, I get all of the buttons undone, and I slide the cotton back over his shoulders, off his arms. I tug on the bottom of his t-shirt but it’s unrelenting. I blow out a breath, working it again. When did undressing get so complicated? Sensing my frustration, Cullen takes mercy on me, grabs hold of the back of his shirt, and pulls it forward over his head. All of his muscles bunch and tighten with the movement, and I almost tell him to put it back on then take it off again so I can see it one more time. His torso is gloriously naked and this time around, I’m going lower than just his belt buckle.
I’m aching for Cullen to touch me, so I grab the waistband of his shorts and pull him into me. He takes my face in his hands, fingers in my hair, and slants his mouth over mine. He tastes like fresh toothpaste as his tongue dips in between my lips and takes what he already knows he can have. I get busy undoing the button and zipper of his shorts; I slide them off, hands grazing his ass. I tug him closer and slide my hips across his boxer briefs. His cock pulses and he groans deep in his chest. He starts walking us over towards my bed until the backs of my knees touch the mattress.
His mouth releases mine. “Tell me now if you want to stop…I will stop.”
“Don’t you dare stop.”
I press my mouth back to his, sliding my tongue along his lip, and we tumble to the bed. With one more kiss, Cullen lets go to stand at the edge of the mattress between my knees. Very slowly, he peels my panties down off my hips, over my thighs, past my feet, and onto the floor.
“Goddamn, you’re fucking gorgeous.”
I can’t speak because I’m trembling again.
He crawls so that he’s above me, and I run my fingers through his hair. He kisses me softer this time as if he’s savoring every movement of our mouths and flavor that our tongues have to offer. One arm is between me and the mattress, but the other is roaming free. As he kisses along my jaw and then nibbles at my neck and collarbone, the roaming hand finds my breast. Sparks fly as he cups its weight and then his tongue finds my nipple. He circles around it while alternating with tugging at the center with his teeth, and the sensation hits me like an arrow shot to my core. He licks his way to the other one, teasing and playing. Rolling the little pink marble between lips, teeth, fingers—I don’t even know anymore—it all feels so insane. I arch my back and moan out his name.
Cullen chuckles, vibrating my skin, and sinks lower down my stomach. His fingers find my wetness and after a few strokes of my smooth folds, slip inside. I gasp and fist the comforter. His beard tickles my skin as he slides past my hip bones and finds my hard bundle of nerves. His tongue circles my clit and I’m sure the bed just caught on fire. He pulls it between his lips while pumping and swirling his fingers. Desire builds until it overwhelms me and I come hard, rocking my hips, until there’s nothing left to give.
Cullen slides back up to kiss me and I taste the salty sweetness of myself on his lips. I shove at the waistband of his underwear, nudging them down while my lips tease his. Cullen easily takes them the rest of the way off, and I bite back a groan that his cock looks more massive than it felt pushing against my body. My heartbeat is chaos; the nerve relays throughout my body are in anarchy.
He comes down to me, but I wrap my arms around his neck and push up with my feet. He holds me tight as we roll over. I sit atop his thighs and run my hands up his abs to his chest, then back down. I lean forward to trace his pecs with my tongue. I get to his nipple and do my own bit of teasing and nipping. His eyes roll closed and he lets out a low groan, tangling his fingers in the hair at the back of my head.
His erection is full, mighty, and begging for attention. A little bead glistens at the tip as I curl towards it, giving the smooth head a slow swipe with my tongue. Cullen’s eyes flash open as he moans and releases my hair, gripping the blanket instead. I wrap my lips around him fully and slide down as close to the base as I can get. I gently squeeze and pump the rest with my hand as I swirl my tongue and suck his shaft. Rising and falling from tip to base, I feel his cock pulse and jump. With my other hand, I lightly stroke the insides of his thighs, massage his tightening skin, feeling his body respond to every lick and tug I give him. With extraordinary contact, I bring my lips back up to the head of his rod and swirl my tongue over it one last time before Cullen pulls me up and flips me onto my back.
“Jesus, Violet, you’re gonna kill me like that.” He bites my earlobe and pulls on my lower lip with his teeth. Then he reaches over the side of the bed to dig around in his shorts’ pocket. A second later, he comes back up with a foil packet.
My legs start shaking a bit wildly as the break in intensity allows the nerves to catch up. I press my eyes shut trying to hold off the flashbacks from the last time I had sex. Shit.
Cullen is with me in a second. Brushing my hair away from my face, Cullen murmurs, “Hey, are you ok? Do you want me to stop?”
I can’t tell him about Anden, so instead, I just reassure him about us. “I’m fine, perfect. I’m a little nervous; it’s been awhile. That’s all.”
I kiss him to cover up anything on my face that might signal fear.
Blindly, he reaches out for the condom, tears the packaging, and rolls it on. He settles between my legs. I feel the pressure of his tip and there’s an ache in my center that begs me to grab his ass and push him in. I just need him inside. I wiggle slightly.
He nibbles at my chin, “So impatient.” Then he pushes all the way in with one long slide.
I tilt my hips up to get everything. I want it all. He rocks his hips and I match his rhythm. Despite his size, our bodies fit perfectly. He hits just what he needs to inside while his pelvis rubs delightfully outside. I’ve got sparks hot enough to ignite fireworks in every particle of my body. Cullen is nothing like anything I’ve ever had before.
I dig my fingers into his hips and coax him to go faster. Instead, he sits and brings me up so that his knees are bent and I’m straddling him. His cock sinks even deeper into my core as we wrap our arms around each other and meld our bodies together. We bite and nip, lick and suck, all while I ride his length hard and fast. My breathing gets erratic when I feel Cullen start to throb inside me while he reaches between us and pushes on my clit. That’s all it takes for me to lose control for a second time. I bite down on his shoulder as my muscles clinch around his cock, riding out my orgasm. Cullen growls low as he comes, pulsating and pumping into my wetness. I’m tingling all over, and I have no energy left to even think about sliding off his body.
We wait a beat just breathing raggedly together, but I have to be killing his legs. I kiss below his ear and begin to inch back. I can’t resist dragging my nails down his chest and stomach again, though, and he smiles and tenses his muscles like it tickles.
Cullen reaches up to cup my face and nips at my lip. “Hey, I’ll be right back, ok?” he says softly.
“I’ll be here,” I respond with a small smile. My limbs are like syrup as I scoot to the top of the bed and crawl under the covers. Cullen backs off the bed, watching me, then heads out to the bathroom, smooth and naked. I sit curled up with blankets and watch as his muscular thighs carry him away.
“Mmm,” I hum to myself in appreciation.
He returns quickly and as he stalks across the room towards me, I can’t help but think about how extraordinary he is. His presence fills my room, beyond his size. He emanates strength and tenderness; they roll off him in waves. It’s like I’m all he sees and I don’t really understand it.
He pulls the covers back, giving me a little thrill, and climbs in beside me. Scooping me into his chest, we’re half-propped against all my pillows. I sigh.
“Do you want anything? Need a water or something?” He strokes my bare back with just his fingertips. I arch into his hand and try not to purr.
I start running my fingers across the definition of muscles along his ribs. I trail down his obliques and circle around his hipbone.
“No, I’m good,” I draw out the words.
I continue my pattern—back up to his ribs, down to his hip, and repeat—while we small talk about absolutely nothing either of us gives two shits about. One more day till school starts… football practice… ice cream… pets… It continues for what seems like an eternity. We fall silent when the motion of my hand changes. I’m following his trail of dark hair up and down now, lightly sliding my fingers over it. He’s breathing quite a bit heavier. I wonder if he’s recovered enough from our first round to try again. I know I have; I’m practically dripping. The sheets pop and I have my answer.
“This path right here,” I smooth it down as he exhales hard. His hand grips low on my hip. “Is my favorite.”
“Everyone’s?” His voice hitches like it’s gone dry.
“No…just yours.”
I peer up at him. Cullen’s heavy-lidded, slow to blink, and breathing ragged. He’s fully erect beneath the covers, so I crawl onto his hips, his hard length resting on the crack of my ass. I lean onto his chest, pressing my pebbled breasts onto his scorching skin. His arms automatically wrap around me and push my butt down harder onto him. There’s pressure and friction on my nerve bundle and it sends a heavenly jolt of fire into my belly. I let out a low whimper as Cullen leans in to assault my mouth. There are still traces of me on his lips, but his own taste of sweetness is overwhelming and fills my senses.
My breasts ache for his skilled lips, so I lean back for him to get his fill. Cullen partially rises, palming one, teasing the pink pearl while licking and nipping at the other. I cry out with the intensity and then fall back with him to the pillows. My core is literally throbbing and my folds are swollen and aching. Gripping his thighs with my knees, I reach over the edge of the bed for Cullen’s shorts and bring them back up with me. He searches in the pocket and pulls out another foil. I throw the shorts somewhere on the floor and take the packet. I make short work of it as Cullen rubs my thighs. Lifting up, I position his hot, swollen tip at my entrance and rub it back and forth a few times just to play. Cullen’s umber eyes turn nearly black as he squeezes my legs hard, “Oh, God… Violet…”
“Now who’s impatient?” I give him a wicked smile before sliding down his entire shaft, filling myself with his thick goodness. Sparks ignite and shoot out every which way inside my body. Cullen palms my ass as I swirl my hips in slow circles. I feel like I’m dying and being born again in the same moment.
He reaches down to my center and begins to tug and push on my clit. I never knew that could be so erotic, but mixed with grinding on his cock, I’m ready to come again after just a short while. He has me so amped up with just who he is. I want him with me, though, so I lean back and stroke between his legs until I feel him draw up. I ride him harder, faster until I gasp and cry out. Cullen arches his back and bites his luscious lower lip, groaning deep and low, thickening and pulsing as he falls over the edge. He pulls me forward and I fall to his chest. Our bodies are spent, and I can’t feel anything but his heart pound beneath my cheek.
Eventually, Cullen slides out from under me with a kiss to my shoulder. When he returns, he voices aloud while getting under the covers, “If you keep making me have to get up and run to the bathroom, we’re just gonna have to take all this in there and stay.”
I giggle and snuggle into his side again. I’m sated and content, even pretty damn happy. I let the safe envelope of his arms wrap around me and tuck me in close. There’s nothing like the feeling of his hold on me. I wouldn’t be able to describe it to anyone who’d ask, but I know there’s nowhere safer, nowhere I’d rather be, and nowhere more astounding.
***
In a haze, I feel the covers being pulled away from my chin, down off my back, and my eyes flip open. It’s so dark in here; I can’t see but I know the covers are gone. Immediately adrenaline races through my body and the terrifying sensation of fight or flight causes me to scramble up to the headboard among the pillows. I’m naked.
“NO!” I shout. My heart is thudding in my ears and chest. Nothing sounds right as I grab for pillows as a measly shield.
The light comes on. I squint in blindness. My hands are out defensively and my ears feel like I’m in an airplane on a quick descent. There’s a voice, and it’s deep and rough.
“No! Stop!” I scream again.
“Violet! It’s me! It’s Cullen!”
I swipe at my eyes and clutch a pillow. Cullen is standing by the bed, looking about as distressed as I feel.
“Oh my god, Cullen, I’m so sorry.”
“What the hell, Violet?” He comes to me and wraps me in his arms. He kisses my hair. I cling to him, ashamed.
I don’t respond which causes him to pull back and study my face. “Seriously, Violet, what just happened?”
“You’re dressed. Are you leaving?”
“Well, I was but I don’t think I should now. I mean, I was coming to kiss you goodbye but the covers were pulled up so far, I couldn’t hardly get to you. I went to tug them down a little and, well, here we are.”
I sigh and look down at my hands.
“Was it a nightmare like before?”
I shake my head.
“Ok, then I don’t understand.”
I sit still and pick at the pillow’s seam. I don’t know what to say.
“Talk to me, Violet. Please.”
I venture a peek up at his face and just crumble inside. He’s pleading with me to tell him what’s wrong with me but how can I? I can’t tell anyone the extent to what Anden did or how defective it makes me.
“Cullen, I…” His chocolatey eyes have me drowning in the illusion that I might be able to fight through this and put all my pieces back together without having to explain the whole story. I cling to that thread as I do what I usually do and swallow down the shame of the tale I’m about to tell. The truth of what happened and the lies I use to cover it up are starting to blend. Pretty soon, neither one will matter anymore.
I give him a weak smile and swallow thickly. I start again, “I’m fine. I was just disoriented when I woke up so fast, and I freaked out. It’s really nothing; I’m good.”
He sits beside me, face to face, where he has full access to studying all of the features that can betray me and tell him what a liar I am. Cullen squints and leans in so close that our noses are almost touching. My heart is racing.
“You know I know that’s bullshit, right? You weren’t disoriented, you were scared shitless. I won’t push you, but we need to talk about whatever is haunting you. Maybe it’ll help.”
“You don’t want my story, Cullen,” I whisper in protest.
“I do want it, Violet, and I think you’ll tell it to me. You’ll trust me and you’ll tell me.”
Without another word, Cullen puts his lips over mine for a searing kiss that makes me see moonbeams. His honeyed tongue sweeps under my lip and rips my heart in two because I can’t. I can’t tell him. He puts all he has left for tonight into this kiss—I can feel it. He wants me to talk to him, trust him with the truth that I can barely handle myself.
Cullen offers me his hand when he gets up to go. I take it and draw the blanket up around myself as we walk out the bedroom door. We make the journey downstairs in silence, our joined hands insisting that there’s enough here for trust to stand on. Still, I hesitate.
“I really don’t think I should go. You still don’t seem right to me.”
“That’s really great, Cullen, thanks,” I grumble sarcastically.
Cullen ignores my sassiness. “This sucks. Either way I’m an ass. Staying means I don’t think you can handle whatever it is that’s bothering you and leaving looks like I don’t give a shit.”
He smooths his hands down his face and then runs them through his hair.
“Ugh, I’m fine. I promise. You’re only an ass if you make me stand here wrapped up in a blanket till the sun comes up. It’s ok to go home. Text me later.”
Hesitation keeps him a minute more, but he relents and sighs, “Fine, I’ll text you.”
With a final kiss, he’s out the door. I lock it, double check it with a tug, and scurry upstairs where I collapse back into bed.
I purposely think about Cullen’s hands on me, his body on mine, in mine, to avoid facing the near catastrophe I just caused. I figure I am going to have to explain myself—the nightmares, the flashbacks—but Cullen and I just got started. He just thinks he wants my story; he doesn’t really want all this heavy shit right now. Besides, we have school starting and he’s got the new football season on top of that. Why would he want to take on more than he’s already got going? That thought deflates me quite a bit. I wish I wasn’t such a burden, that my past wasn’t quite so severe that there is fear in sharing it. No, I need to keep it to myself and let it fade away.
I flip over thinking a new position might give me a new train of thought, but my covers still hold the scent of a gorgeous, sexy offensive coordinator, so no such luck. My mind wanders to what Renee would think about my mental rambling and then I start to panic about school. How is this going to work with students and teachers around? Do we tell our coworkers? Our principal? I don’t know if I can handle all the judgement. I mean, my family turned out to be great, but they knew some of the things about what a dickwad Anden was. Work is different. For all they know, he was a saint! They’ll see me as some kind of tramp getting it on with Cullen Metz!
I roll into my pillow and scream. Something has to get rid of this mind-scrambling teacup ride my brain is on. I grab the remote and turn on the flat screen. A bluish glow is cast over my room and immediately my eyes scan across the space to an object I didn’t notice before. I put the remote down and amble out of bed. Padding over, I pick up Cullen’s wadded up pinstripe shirt. As any normal, hot-blooded girl would, I pull it into my face and take a long, exaggerated breath, drawing in his masculine scent until it fills my entire sinus cavity and makes me light-headed. I take it over to bed and crawl in with it. I tuck the cotton blend under my cheek. If I can’t have Cullen here in his magnificent form, this is the next best thing, I guess.
Cullen
So, spending time with Violet was supposed to help me out, right? Wrong. Not only do I see her every time I blink but my fingers and my clothes smell like her—some sort of lilac and sandalwood soap. Yeah, I looked in her shower. The smell was driving me mad. I had to know. I’m a problem-solver.
I’m driving home and I keep running through this afternoon in my head. It’s like Madden’s doing a play-by-play in my fucking brain. First she opens up the door wearing that little grey dress, swinging from her curvy hips every single time she moved. Are all her summer clothes tiny? All I had to do was stroke my tongue against hers and a rocket of heat went straight to my dick, waking it up, announcing: “Game day! It’s go time!” But I really don’t have to touch her, do I? No, I got that trick worked out to where I just have to think about her, or smell her, or know she’s nearby.
Fuck, is the air conditioning on in here? Sweat drips between my shoulder blades and I forcibly hit the button for the seat coolers. I turn up the radio, too. Maybe it will distract me from the heat.
I squint out the windshield. Oncoming lights seem unexpectedly blinding tonight, but maybe I’m just amped up on a smart little brunette who tastes like Pixi Stix and has my heart doing funny things inside my chest.
My shorts are tight by the time I pull into my driveway, round the back to the garage, and park my truck. I automatically head upstairs to shower, cool my shit down some, but hesitate midway up because it’s going to wash off Violet. I close my eyes and sink to the cold wood for a minute. Damn if she doesn’t love football. I rest my head in my hands. She came to our home opener. My elbows are digging into my knees. She came to see me for shit’s sake. Oh. My. God. I could fall for this girl. I might be already…
Twisting a hundred eighty degrees on the stairs, I run up the rest of the way and stumble into my bedroom. Screw a shower. I need some sleep.
My shirt gets tossed in the corner where the rest of my shit goes until I do laundry; I pull off my shorts and underwear and toss them in the pile, too. Grabbing some gym shorts, I slide them on and coast into the cool, crisp sheets on my bed. Gotta love clean sheets.
Then, the real fucking begins because I can’t shut my mind down. I close my eyes and see her pert, pink nipple in my face, taunting me, telling me to pull it in, and bite it just a little. I lick my bottom lip and taste her sweet, soft skin sliding over my tongue as she pants for more. My fingers buzz with the memory of her hot, tight sex.
I turn on my side, my dick beyond hard as a rock, and curl my pillow over my face. Flashes of Violet’s mouth sinking over me and then her hips grinding out yet another orgasm stretches the limits of the seams in my shorts. I growl loudly into my pillow, refusing to work on my own arousal because it’s not going to help anyway. He only wants one person and honestly, so do I.
Throwing back the covers, I grab my playbook from the dresser and start working out offensive plays. I’ve got a plan to get some of our backups primed in practice for getting off the bench and busting out some unexpected game-winners if we’re in a situation where our asses are getting handed to us. It’ll take some time, sweat, and probably some blood and vomit, but our guys want it and they can make it happen.
I’m drawing out the slant void, trying to determine which wide receivers are quick enough off the bench to break early. I stare at the circles for offense and the horizontal line of squares representing where the defense will be. The lines blend and blur. I just see Violet, feel her skin sliding over mine, hear her soft breaths and little gasps wherever my fingers or mouth find a new spot to tease.
“Fucking hell!” I choke out a laugh and scrub my hands down my face. This is hopeless. The book gets tossed to the side as I grab my TV remote and slide back down into the covers. The best I can hope for tonight is to drown out my thoughts with some dumbass show and maybe salvage a few hours of sleep before work tomorrow.