I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I was losing my fucking mind.
Yeah, she’d been busy with work and the wedding, and I hadn’t wanted to add to her stress.
Yeah, I’d been swamped the past few weeks too.
Yeah, she claimed that there wasn’t anything wrong when we had talked those few, short times, but I knew better.
Yeah, she was avoiding me, and I had no one to blame but myself—and possibly Reuben. I was putting a stop to that thought before the weekend even got started. I’d already wasted too much time.
I’d given him my word, and in many ways, I’d broken it. On the other hand, in some ways, I’d kept my word with him and thrown all to hell things I’d promised myself a long, long time ago.
When I found the right girl, I’d always told myself I’d jump. Dive right in. That if it was right, I’d know. Then I’d do everything in my power to give her the best. That I’d be ready.
I’d failed myself and Dana in the process.
It had taken me way too long to realize how fucking backward I’d made things.
I was tapping out, hours before my agreement to Reuben would be fulfilled. The wedding would be over in two days, but after how things went the last time we were around everyone, and how awkward it was, I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t risk it working out on its own, that it would all be fine later.
Ha. Fuck later.
Hell, up until that very second, I’d still been hell bent on making good on my word. Right up until I saw her car pull into the parking deck from my room. The minute when I wanted to run down and help her.
See her.
Touch her.
Kiss her.
There was no fucking way I could hold back any longer. Not for Reuben or anyone.
So I sent him a message to meet me. And a few hours later, as I waited on the rooftop bar for one of my best friends, I prayed that coming clean would only make things better. For everyone.
Dana deserved to know how I felt and what I wanted, and she deserved it as soon as possible.
That, or I was going to lose any chance I had with her, but even though I loved Reuben, Dana was the one. You’re not supposed to fuck around when the one comes along, and I been fucking around so much that it might have been too late.
“Jim Beam on the rocks,” Reub said from behind me when he pulled up a barstool. The bartender had just dropped off my beer and nodded taking Reuben’s order.
It was time to man up, if not for myself, for her.
Reub pulled the dish containing some kind of pubmix stuff closer and took a handful, popping it in his mouth.
“You ready for all of this?” I asked him, meaning the wedding. And, to myself, meaning here goes nothing.
Here goes everything.
We sat side-by-side, each facing forward.
“Oh yeah. I’ve been ready,” he answered and took another palm-full from the bowl. “When you find a woman like Becca, you keep her. I’m just glad it’s finally here before she figures out how much better she could do.” He slapped me on the back. “You know?”
I was getting familiar with that same type of urgency. Things couldn’t move fast enough.
“I hear ya. Listen, I’m not going to beat around the bush.” I was coming right out with it. I tipped the sweaty bottle, finding my balls, and then placed it back onto the coaster. “I’ve been seeing Dana, and, if I haven’t fucked everything up, I’m going to date the fuck out of her.”
He shook his head and spun the ice in his glass. “Dammit, Cord. I knew this was going to happen.”
“No, you didn’t, and neither did I. And I’m sorry, but I don’t give a fuck what you think. I want her.”
“I guess that’s why you wanted a drink before rehearsal. To warn me? Right?” If fucking laughs could sound like sarcasm, his did. “Uh. So out with it. You said you fucked everything up. What kind of mess are we walking into?”
I kicked off the wall below the bar top and turned in his direction. “I said if I haven’t fucked everything up. I should’ve never told you I’d leave her alone. Fuck. I know it’s your wedding, and she’s Becca’s friend, but, dude, it was never any of your business. And I can’t do it anymore.”
After a long sip of his drink, he rocked his jaw as he took a deep breath through his nose. Nostrils flared, his eyes narrowed.
I’d done my best to keep the edge out of my tone, but it was there. I wasn’t fucking around, and that had got across to him—I read it on his face. He was taking me seriously.
Maybe, for once, he wasn’t going to dish out the usual sermon about my history with women.
He cocked his head to the side, “Do what?”
“Pretend.”
“Pretend what?”
“That I don’t care about her. That she’s just someone I know when we’re around other people. I should have never agreed to not seeing her when I wanted her from the start. Fuck, Reuben. My mom is going to be here tomorrow night. I’ve told her about Dana.”
“You told your mom?” That sent him back in his seat. He shook his head like he’d been smacked.
“Yes. That’s what I’m saying.” I took a drink and got what I wanted to say in order so he’d understand. “Hey, maybe you were right after all, and I needed to take more time getting to know women. I was too fucking picky in the past, but none of that matters now. It’s killing me to not tell her how I feel about her, and I’ll be damned if I have to spend the whole goddamned weekend trying to pretend I don’t want her as badly as I do.”
Patiently he listened, and his eyebrows rose, as if he thought I’d had more to say, but he finally countered. “And how do you feel about her?”
“That’s my point. She should be the first to hear this. I shouldn’t even be discussing any of this—with anyone—before I’ve discussed it with her. That’s the position I put myself in when I agreed to not pursue her until after your wedding, and it was a huge mistake.”
“And…”
I stretched my neck and looked at the orange and purple sky. The colors of the fading sun reminded me of her hair and my favorite pants on her ass.
She was mine.
“And fuck it,” I surrendered. “I need her. And if she wants me too, nobody’s going to stop us. I’ve been spending the last month or so getting to know her—really know her—and instead of letting her know what she’s meant to me, I’ve been waiting. And it was the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever done.”
He tossed the last of his drink in his mouth. The cubes clinked against the glass when he set it down, wiping hand over his face. The tension in his shoulders fell slack. “Do you know how she feels?”
“Huh.” I could only imagine. “Probably like I’ve been stringing her along. Because I have, waiting for this wedding to be over.”
“Do what you have to do.” He stood and pulled his wallet from the pocket of his sports coat. “I know you’re a good guy. Fuck, you’re one of my best friends. My best man. You’re family. If you’re serious about her, Cord. Go for it. That was the whole damn point.”
“What?”
He blinked and looked over my head, scrambling for words. “Oh. I don’t know. It’s like—when you love a woman, you’ll fight with a friend if it came down to her happiness. That’s all I was doing. Don’t you get it? It’s my job to make sure Becca has the wedding she’s always dreamed of. No glitches. No foul-ups. No problems. I want the best for her. If you care about Dana—like that—then I’m sure you understand. That’s it. She’s the most important thing. You’d fight for her, and—for the record—you just did.”
Fuck if that didn’t make perfect sense. For the fucking record.
He looked at his watch and said, “Now finish your damn beer on the way down. I’m not going to start this weekend by showing up late.”
I threw cash down next to his and grabbed the bottle. Picking my phone up from the bar top, I saw the time. He was serious about giving Becca the best because there was still twenty minutes before we were supposed to be in the ballroom for the practice run.
We’d be extra early because he gave a fuck.
Yet, out of nowhere, that made perfect sense too.
The guys and I stood at the front with Reuben as the ladies filed down the decorated path between the empty chairs in one of the ballrooms they’d rented for the weekend. It was decorated to the nines, and aside from most of the seats being empty, and the clothes we were wearing, it felt like the real thing.
I won’t bore you with how fucking incredible she looked. With how I wanted to throw her over my shoulder and pack her off to the nearest private room. How I let the thought of her walking down the aisle to me, at a wedding of our own one day, flash through my mind. Consider yourself spared and your time saved because I could have gone on and on.
As Dana rounded the corner to stand in her spot, I was gifted with the perfect view of her ass in a body-hugging pale yellow dress. She wore her hair in a thick braid that started over her right shoulder but hung over the left. It reminded me of our motorcycle ride, and I spend most of the rehearsal replaying some of the best times of my life.
Thinking back, how had those few short weeks managed to seem like such a long time? Like we’d known each other longer than just since some stupid day a month ago when I’d asked her for just the tip. I’d been such a Grade-A fuck-up that I couldn’t believe she ever spoke to me again after that.
Still, in that short amount of time, we’d made memories. Some so good, I barely believed I’d been that lucky.
At the end of the rehearsal, the officiant said, “This is where I’ll pronounce you husband and wife, and then you’ll kiss your bride.”
Reuben asked, “Like this?” before he made a huge show of dipping Becca, to the applause and laughter of the handful family and friends who were present.
That was when her eyes finally met mine, and we shared a second that was promising. We’d been disconnected for the past several days, but the genuine happiness in her blue eyes spurred me on.
I tipped my chin at her and gave her the look—the one she’d always responded to.
Then she laughed outright. I wanted to make her laugh like that all the time. Her happiness was crucial to mine.
We filed out of the decorated room. She walked with Nolan behind Jyl and me. Everyone stopping in the main hall to await further instruction, but there’d be time before the dinner, and I hoped I could steal Dana away for a few minutes to talk first.
Funny thing was, I wasn’t nervous about it. It was freeing, the idea of getting everything straight, getting everything out in the open. It was within reach.
Being about a head above everyone else, I looked around for her. I scanned for red. My ears preened to her voice. I inhaled hoping to catch her sweet flowery scent.
She wasn’t there.
Surely, she hadn’t gone far. It was her best friend’s wedding too. She wouldn’t leave, even if she was trying to avoid me.
Was she really avoiding me?
“That was good,” Becca said over the voices around us chatting. “Now we’d like to invite all of you to dinner. We’ve reserved the room to the left of the bar in the restaurant here at the hotel. They should have appetizers and things out for us already.” She beamed up at her fiancé. “I think that’s it. Have some cocktails and mingle around. They’ll take dinner orders around eight. There’s no seating arrangement or anything like that. Just have fun and help us celebrate.” She hopped a little in his arms, and he pulled her closer. “We’re getting married tomorrow.”
Reuben kissed her on the temple and said something into her ear. Then, with a hand on her back, he steered her down the hall to the restaurant.
Lucky fuckers. They were already there.
I hoped that was it. Maybe Dana had gone down the hall ahead of us.
I walked with the crowd, Trevor and Mia in front of me. He laced their fingers together, then lifted them to his mouth and gave them a kiss.
That was my move.
More lucky fuckers.
Inside the private party room, there was a large well with ice and beer of all kinds, a table with hot wings and different finger foods, and a sign on the bar that read: Please enjoy. Tonight’s meal and drinks are courtesy of our wonderful families and us.
I pulled an icy Boulevard Wheat from the trough, opened it, and then went looking for Nolan. They’d been paired to walk out of the ceremony together, and I’d heard her laugh at something he’d said when they linked arms behind me.
I spotted him, loading a plate with food, so I stole a bacon wrapped shrimp from his plate. “Hey fuckbreath, have you seen Dana?”
He slapped my hand away from his dish and scanned the room. “Why? Is Becca looking for her?”
“No. I’m looking for her.”
His face said it all as his head tipped back, eyes on the ceiling. “That didn’t take long.”
“It took too fucking long. Where’d she go?”
He grabbed the next pair of tongs and continued loading up. “I don’t know. After the thing, she grabbed her purse and went out the exit on the other side of the room. Haven’t seen her since.”
Shit.
As I tried to figure out what I was going to do, I wandered around and made small talk, but I wasn’t into it. I couldn’t have cared less about Reuben’s mom’s new Jetta. I didn’t give a single fuck about meeting Matt, Jodi’s husband. He kind of seemed like a dick to be quite honest. I watched as he held two bottles of beer, and then passed Jodi the empty one to throw away for him. No please. No thank you.
Who knows? Maybe I just wasn’t in the mood to socialize. I was preoccupied.
All I wanted was to talk to Dana, and, after a few drinks, I headed to the lobby.
The woman working the desk was young, and she smiled warmly at me as I got closer.
“Good evening, is there something I can do for you?” she recited and lifted her over-plucked eyebrow. Hospitality and flirting looked rather similar.
“There is. I’m with the wedding party.” I turned on the charm, and grinned back at her, hoping to get what I wanted, and that she couldn’t tell how fake I was being. “I’m the best man, actually. And I need some assistance.”
She leaned forward. “That’s what I’m here for. What can I do?”
Casandra, according to her name tag, was definitely flirting.
“One of the bridesmaids needs help carrying a few gifts down, but I forgot what room they said she was in. Can you look that up for me?”
She started typing, and her eyes bounced back and forth from the screen to me.
I rapped my fingers across the marble and told Casandra, “Rogers is her last name. She’d be in the event block of rooms. Dana Rogers?”
“I see it right here,” she said, but paused before giving me the information I wanted. Long enough for me to pick out superficial, and completely insignificant, flaws that I’d always noticed with women before the feisty red head stole all my attention.
Unintentionally, I began comparing them.
She didn’t have Dana’s perfect lips—no one did. Casandra had goop at the corner of her mouth and wore way too much make-up, which Dana never needed. Her hair looked kind of crunchy, pulled back into the tight bun she wore. Dana’s long waves always seemed so silky and touchable.
I could have done it all night. There were thousands of things I admired about Dana, things I’d never find in anyone else, ever again.
“So, can you give me the room number? I simply don’t want to interrupt the bride and groom.” I looked at my watch. They’d be taking food orders shortly.
“Room 707,” she said, but didn’t seem too deterred. She ran a hand over her neck and blinked slowly. “And that’s a very nice tie.”
I looked down and flattened my hand along the narrow, black fabric. I was about to say thanks and hightail it out of there when she asked, “Will you need a key?”
Whoa.
My first instinct was to say yes, but I could use all the karma I could get, and asking for her room number was already causing enough guilt.
“No,” I answered. “Thank—
“—what are you doing later?” she interrupted and bit her lip, but it wasn’t sexy. Casandra leaned over the counter as much as she could.
“I’m with someone.”
The sound of heels clicking behind me, followed by a familiar flower in the air, jolted me. I turned, and her eyes were turned down as she briskly walked through the lobby, loaded down with gift bags.
I hopped into step with her.
“Hey, give me some of those. Let me help.”
“Thanks, but I can manage,” she said, short of breath. When we rounded the doorway to the restaurant, she looked up at me and gave me one of her fake smiles—like the ones she’d given me when we first met.
I trailed her into the separate room where our party was, but in seconds, Becca was on her. Hugging and kissing her as she set the bags down on an empty table. The two started sorting them.
I’d have to wait again. It was totally killing me.
The wait staff emerged, and the crowd found seats at the handful of tables set up for us in the private room. I found an open spot, three empty seats, hoping she’d come sit by me, but I didn’t expect her to. The two seats on my right went to Trevor and Mia, and Dana sat beside Becca at a completely different table, in a chair that didn’t even offer me a view.
The food looked delicious, but I didn’t taste much. The beer was cold but didn’t do the trick to make me relax.
Becca and Reub made toasts and thanked all of us for being a part of their wedding, and then they passed out gifts. The guys got personalized cuff links and baseball tickets, I’m not sure what the bridesmaids got, but everyone seemed pleased.
Blah. Blah. Blah. Wedding shit.
Finally—fucking finally—people mingled again, and when Dana walked to the bar for another drink, I followed.
“Captain and Coke, please,” she requested.
Beside her, I lifted my bottle and allowed the server to get me another as well.
“Are you having a good time?” she asked and faced me, putting a barstool between us. Her voice was cool but friendly.
I didn’t know what the fuck to say because the answer was no, but that was rude.
“Yeah, they’ve thought of everything, I think.” I scratched the back of my neck, certain I was about to be awkward and blunt. “If you’ve got a minute, can we talk?”
She took a deep breath and fidgeted with her necklace. “Yeah, sure.” Her blue eyes scanned the room. “But I’ve got a lot to do, and you’re probably busy later. It’s not a good time.”
I wasn’t busy later, and Becca and Reuben would be sneaking out any minute. What could she possibly have to do?
“It’s important, Dana.”
She picked up her new drink and held it between her hands. When her eyes met mine again, she said, “Please, not tonight.”