I woke up alone, in more ways than one. The sun was already high in the sky, so it must have been closer to lunch than breakfast. My neck was killing me, as I’d had to sleep on the couch after my dramatic display last night.

By the sound of it, everyone had already gone out to work. I felt bad for sleeping in. It meant everyone had to tiptoe around me when they got up. I’d have to borrow a car and head into town to get a mattress if there wasn’t a spare lying around.

I stretched, ran a hand through my hair and rubbed a knot that had formed in my shoulder blades. Of course I was sore. My heart couldn’t be the only thing that hurt, right? And it was hurting. The pain was similar to what I’d felt with Adam, only ten times worse.

This is what I was afraid of, I thought.

Someone was moving outside on the porch. Breakfast would be a good idea, but the last thing I wanted was food. I seriously doubted whether or not I’d be able to keep anything down. Getting to my feet, I stepped outside to find Jamie leaning against one of the posts, watching the truck heading out to one of the new fields.

“Hey, Tiger,” she said with a smile. I tried forcing a smile, but probably ended up looking like an idiot. I was actually glad Jamie was the only one around. She had quite a sense of humor and wasn’t one to press on sensitive issues.

“Hey,” I replied, leaning against a post beside her.

“You look like you’ve been rode hard and put up wet,” she chuckled.

“Feel like I’ve been squeezed through one of those things that makes noodles out of zucchini,” I replied with a sigh. I felt strange as I looked out at the farm. It had become my home, a place that I could picture myself living with Scotty for the rest of our lives. But now it seemed like part of the huge mistake that was my life.

“I should have just stayed in California,” I said.

“Why’s that?”

“I ever tell you how I ended up out here?” I asked her. Jamie shook her head. “I was in love with a guy—Adam. I thought he was in love with me too. But he had…ulterior motives.”

“Ahhh…”

“When I found out, I hit the trail,” I continued. “Left my old life behind and came out here searching for something new.”

“Sounds like a plan to me,” she nodded.

“It was stupid,” I replied. “It was brash, immature and naïve. I thought I’d find some new world where people were…different. I thought I’d keep my heart closed and never fall for the same shit again.”

“And then you did?”

“And then I did,” I scowled.

“I dunno about that, darlin’,” Jamie said. I looked over at her. “I mean—this guy, Adam? He had other motives, but is that what happened here with…”

“Scotty,” I said, finishing her sentence.

“Scotty,” she nodded. “Is that what happened here?”

“Hmm…” I thought. She had a point. It wasn’t like Scotty had gotten to know me in order to get something out of me—unless of course he was just looking for an alpha to know him up so he could have a baby. But that didn’t seem like him. Even after his betrayal, I still felt like I understood him, and that just wasn’t something Scotty would do.

“Maybe he felt like he had no choice,” Jamie went on. “Or have you forgot what kind of shit the Vandertons put us through?”

“Of course I haven’t,” I growled, feeling myself starting to get angry. Jamie was to the point, and she was definitely pushing me on this one, and I wasn’t sure I was ready to go there just yet.

“Well, they were out here again,” she went on. “Maybe he felt like leaving was the only thing he could do.”

“But he—he didn’t even turn around to look at me,” I told her. “He didn’t say anything. He just left! He didn’t even look back.”

“Maybe it was too hard for him,” she suggested.

“Yeah…” I muttered, mulling over her words. My head was killing me and I was still stiff from my night on the couch. I glanced over at the charred remains of my mattress and bedding, still smoking slightly.

I tried to think about what Scotty was doing at that moment, but I realized I had absolutely no idea. Part of me couldn’t help but believe that he was doing just fine—that he was sitting in his apartment, laughing with the rest of his family and friends as they plotted world domination or whatever it was the Vandertons did in their spare time. But another part of me still wanted to believe that he felt bad about what he did, thought it was a mistake. Jamie obviously thought so.

“I mean, hey,” she laughed. “If you want to avoid this shit all together, you could come over to the dark side and gimmie some of that sweet dick of yours.”

A smile forced its way onto my lips. “What do you know about my dick?”

“I got eyes don’t I?” She asked, raising her eyebrows. “It’d take a blind person to miss that massive bulge in those jeans of yours.”

“So that’s all I am?” I asked, playing along. “A walking big dick?”

Jamie shrugged and laughed. “I’m just sayin’. If you need something to take your mind off this shit—there’s nothing better than pussy.”

“I wouldn’t know,” I chuckled, looking back out at the farm. “But I appreciate the offer.”

“I’ll crack one of you boys one day,” she laughed. “Or die trying.”

I stepped off the porch and walked over to the remnants of my bed. I’d never felt more lost in my life. I’d ran away from one problem only to run smack into another that I had no idea how to solve. I didn’t even know how to approach it. I’d tried to go talk to Scotty, but that didn’t happen, and there was no chance I’d be let into his building again. Tracking him down was impossible. I didn’t even have his phone number.

There’s nothing you can do, I thought as I stood there, feeling Jamie’s gaze on my back. Nothing to do but keep on keeping on…

“Hey, Jamie,” I called out. “Can I borrow your truck? I need to buy a new mattress.”