If Ash had thought before that time was flying by, he wasn’t prepared at all for the way that the days began to blow past. It was as if a storm was nearing and the wind was picking up, sending fragments of memories whirling past him.

After he and River were capable of standing again, they picked themselves up off the floor of the foyer and headed out to the U-Haul trailer to bring the boxes and various pieces of furniture inside. A few neighbors wandered over, some of whom seemed more accepting than others when it came to the idea of a gay couple moving in beside them. One woman promised to bring over a batch of cookies as soon as she had time to bake them, while another had asked nothing but what Ash considered to be intrusive questions. She really had no right to know where they worked or how long the two of them had been together. River handled her expertly and admirably, fielding her questions while Ash stood off to the side and pretended to fiddle around with something in the back of the trailer.

He was very glad for his long hair in those moments when the neighbors interfered with their plans, because it hid the bite mark on the back of his neck. There wasn’t much he had been able to do for it in the empty bathroom except wipe away the few trickles of blood; he was a fast healer because of his shifting abilities but the mark was still there and out in the open for the time being.

Once they finished moving all the boxes inside, they made another trip back to the house that now officially belonged to only Jeanine. Though Ash kept an eye out for her, she didn’t make a reappearance. That didn’t mean she had vacated the premises, because he could hear her shuffling around in a room near River’s office. The door was shut and there was no way that he was going to open it to see what she was doing, so he only shrugged and decided to leave it as a mystery. Wolves mated for life with only one individual, so she had no doubt felt whatever thin bond she had with River be severed when he and Ash were united as mates.

He didn’t need to imagine how terrible that would feel, to be connected with someone at the soul only to feel nothing but an absence a moment later. The same damn thing had happened to him. Ordinarily, he wouldn’t have wished such a torturous experience on anyone but if he was honest with himself, he thought Jeanine was just one of those wolves who didn’t deserve to have a mate.

Once the U-Haul was packed again with the very last of the boxes and other assorted odds-and-ends, they took their separate cars back to their pretty little new house. After that, they romped around in the living room as wolves, a playful tussle of fangs and fur that gradually morphed into a quick round of human sex. Ash, let River push him up against the wall, grinding against the cock buried in his ass until they were both replete.

After that, they headed out to lunch and then visited River’s storage unit to start shuttling the rest of his belongings to the house. That took them well until the evening, after which they focused on getting all the boxes into the right rooms, as well as setting up the most important items. The bed, for example, so they wouldn’t have to sleep on the floor.

When night came around, they were both so tired out from the events of the day that they fell asleep in the middle of a good night kiss. It was the best damn sleep that Ash had had in ages, and it was also the best awakening, tangled up in River’s protective grasp.

The next several days were spent setting up the house, punctuated by a visit to the furniture store to pick out a couch and a couple of tables. One of their new neighbors helpfully lent them their truck to bring these huge items home, with the promise that the favor would be returned whenever it was needed.

They also took their first trip to the grocery store together, and discovered that they both had the same tastes when it came to their preferences for meals and snacks. River seemed amazed by this, and his excitement was both adorable and contagious. What was once a boring task became an adventure, and Ashton didn’t think he would ever look at another grocery bag the same way again.

An unpleasant surprise awaited them when they returned from their grocery trip, throwing a wrench into their fun. Ash detected it first while bringing in the bags, a disturbing copper tang in the air. He exchanged a glance with River, and then they held hands and went to investigate.

There was a dead dog in the middle of their bed, stabbed through the neck with a butcher knife from their kitchen. Scrawled on the wall in blood was a dripping message, still fresh and wet.

“This could be you.”

River went and called the cops while Ash continued to bring the groceries in. The police seemed to consider it a hate crime and promised to patrol this street more often, but other than taking statements and removing the body, there was nothing that could really be done.

For the rest of that day, Ash and River never left the other’s sight. There was no doubt that this was a warning from Vinny and it made them both afraid that there would be more things like this in the future. However, they weren’t about to live their lives in fear and resolved to move on as best as they could.

The days went on and more time passed. Ash experienced more things with River that caused his perspective to change. This made him feel sad for the other man until he eventually figured out that this was a good thing. These discoveries they made with one another were special in a way that no one else would understand, and it was part of the bond that they shared. They had the same general decorating preferences and liked certain rooms to be laid out in approximately the same ways. They tended to agree on what lamp would look best in what room, and what curtains would go best with the living room or the kitchen.

These agreements were all small and would have been almost meaningless to an outsider. Yet, to them, these small things were perhaps the most important.

Before very long, the house was really theirs. Not River’s, but theirs. There were still quite a few bare places in all of the rooms but they figured that those could be filled in as time went along. River had his office in one of the spare rooms, and Ash set up a studio in the other. They could often be found in their separate work areas throughout the day, when River wasn’t away for his job, but in the evenings they liked to cuddle and watch horrible movies that their television service provider so helpfully gave to them for free.

Meanwhile, Ash spoke to his landlord and was able to end the rental contract for his apartment without a fee. He wouldn’t be getting his deposit back but that was just par for the course when it came to inconveniencing the person who owned the building he lived in.

After that, he found a small office tucked away deep in the bowels of the business district. The company who owned the property was willing to allow him to turn it into a gallery as long as he didn’t do any painting on site, as they would consider the paint fumes and any potential splatter to be damaging. Since Ash now had his studio with River, he accepted these terms and set himself up in the tiny space.

It wasn’t what he wanted, but he did have to admit that the smaller walls made it seem as if the entire gallery was just bursting at the seams with art.

And there were smaller things which needed to be done. They had to change their addresses so that bills and other various assorted pieces of mail would come directly to them.

Ash contacted a newspaper and a week after that, a small column in the daily paper detailed an interview with him. It wasn’t much of an article and it damn sure wasn’t front page news, but it did help get word out about his new location. He printed out business cards and handed them out to all his new neighbors, giving them extras to pass around.

For a short time, he was business card crazy, bringing them out at the slightest hint of an opportunity. It turned into an inside joke between himself and River, so that they often took turns reaching for their pockets for pretend business cards in the middle of their conversations. Surprisingly, the joke didn’t get old. They laughed each time.

As well as making more of an effort to get word out about his gallery, the smaller, new and improved Dust to Dust, Ash started sending out applications and requests to various programs around Portsmouth. In no time, he was accepted to several events and shows where he would have his own tables to fill with his art. It wasn’t much and he had to go against the artist inside him to play to the theme of the event by crafting seasonal paintings, but it was better than nothing.

A lot better than nothing, was the thought he often consoled himself with when he started to question his choices. It wasn’t selling out. It was playing the crowd.

As days turned to weeks, more and more people took notice of his art. Eventually, he had to take a step back from everything to ask himself why this was happening. It couldn’t only be because he was trying harder to sell himself. There had to be another reason why.

And one night, he figured out what it was. He had just finished a humble little snowman painting and was cleaning up his brushes when he realized that he was humming.

He was not a hummer by nature. This behavior took a bit of figuring out but eventually he pinned down the reason: he was happy. Happier than he had ever thought possible. Despite the pressure of time hanging over his head like a thunderhead, he was happy.

And his paintings showed it.

He had to go back to his gallery the morning after his realization just so that he could confirm this for himself, and it was true. Before, he had been striving to capture an emotion that had long since passed by, which was the dreamy wonder he had felt after visiting the well. Now, he was putting his happiness into each and every brush stroke. His work had a vibrancy like never before, filled with motion that drew the eye around the canvas like a dance.

And so, for a time, Ash was blissful. Everything seemed to be going right. The money was adding up, gradually but exponentially. River was guiding him up out of debt with excruciating care, getting him involved with investments and stocks; he had no idea how to handle either of those things but with River telling him what to do and when to do it, he couldn’t go wrong.

It seemed as if he just might be able to do this. He was going to make it. He was going to have all the money for Vinny when six months was up, and then he could live out the rest of his life in peace.

And then everything came tumbling down on December 26^th, the day after Christmas.

Ashton and River spent their first Christmas together as any new couple would, cooking a simple meal before cuddling up on the couch underneath a throw blanket to watch the usual seasonal movies. They had both decided not to buy presents for the other some weeks before, but it turned out that they had gone against that promise. Ash presented River with what he had been working on in secret, which was an exquisite painting of two wolves lounging together in a splash of sunlight that had managed to fall through the boughs of a pine tree canopy. One brown and one gray, there was no doubt as to who the wolves were.

And River gave Ash a brand new easel, exactly the model that he had broken in the fight with Vinny’s goons, and a book called Managing Your Money For Dummies. The latter was clearly a joke gift but Ash pretended to be mad, and they wrestled on the couch. At some point, wrestling turned into wonderful sex.

The morning after, Ash woke up as sick as a dog. As awful as it was to be so unwell in general, he knew deep down that this day had been coming for a while. He had ignored it so valiantly, wanting to pretend that he was reading into signs that weren’t really there, but there was no denying it now.

The weight gain, the occasional bit of moodiness, the sluggishness, and now this sickness.

For an omega wolf, there was only one diagnosis that could be drawn from that handful of symptoms. It shouldn’t even really have come as a surprise, what with all the unprotected sex they’d been having, but he had been hoping that they were both too old for this sort of thing. Too old to get pregnant.

But it was foolish to have thought that at all, because they really weren’t all that old and he knew it. He just didn’t want to have to deal with this.

It didn’t matter what he wanted. It was here, and he was powerless to keep it from happening.

Shivering, Ash drew the heavy coverlet up over his chin from where it had been folded down at the foot of the bed. Nausea roiled in his stomach and he closed his eyes to try and fight it down, but all he succeeded in doing was making it feel as if he was headed down a dark spiral. Opening his eyes again, he just settled for watching the room spin around his head. The rotation was lazy and slow and smooth, looping and looping while he searched for some way to ground himself. There weren’t many options since everything in the room was moving and nothing was where it once had been, so he gave up after a time and just settled in to enjoy the ride.

Gradual sounds intruded on his spiral. The shower, spraying a constant beat against the floor of the tub. Occasional thumps against the wall as bottles were lifted and set down again. Then, the sharper sound of the shower being turned off, followed by a swear, a pattering of damp feet, and the sound of the master bath closet being flung open.

Forgot his towel, Ash thought, examining the way the ceiling fan’s blades rotated without moving at all. Such a brilliant man. Can never remember his towel.

He listened still, to the sound of soft fabric rubbing on skin as River dried himself off. Water ran in the sink once and then twice as River brushed his teeth, and then there were a great deal of muted rustles and clinks as he finished getting ready for the day.

The bathroom door finally opened and River stepped out, looking as dapper and handsome as ever even with his hair still slightly damp. Humming softly in the back of his throat, he approached the dresser by the bed and started pulling open the drawers. They really needed two dressers but had only found the time to bring home the one, which meant they were constantly and playfully warring for space. A wolf in this household never knew where his shirts might end up, or his socks, in this case, as that could only be what River was searching for.

Suddenly, there was pressure on the bed beside him. Ash turned warily to look at this new development, only to find himself looking very deeply into River’s silver eyes. They glistened like liquid metal, shining and warm.

And also concerned.

“Normally you’re up and about by now. Do you feel okay? You don’t look like you feel okay.”

Judging from what he was seeing of his reflection in River’s gaze, Ash would agree with that assessment. Neither one of them was a beauty queen in the morning but he looked worse than simply sleep-addled. He looked like a man who really had been spiraling around a room for the past twenty minutes, like he’d been tossed in a blender and dumped out again only a few moments ago.

His hair looked about the same as it usually did, but he could tell that his face was paler than normal. Everything about his own body felt pale, weak and unsubstantial.

“Ash?” River’s voice rose up a notch or two from its normal deep tone, worry getting the best of him. He reached out to pat at Ash’s cheek, perhaps hoping that would jostle him out of whatever fugue state he had fallen into.

Ash very much didn’t want to be patted. He didn’t think that his body would be able to tolerate being jostled around, even at such a small scale. Stretching out his arm, he caught River’s wrist on the second try while pretending there hadn’t been a first attempt. Holding those warm fingers, he pressed them against his cheek because the warmth felt good.

“I didn’t give you permission to touch me,” Ash grouched. His voice felt raspy and raw in his own throat, and there was a distinctly metallic, bile taste on the back of his tongue. It was horrid and if he focused on it, it might push him over the edge. Rather than risk that, he went back to looking at River’s sweet silver eyes. They helped to ground him, and the spinning of the room slowed to a barely-noticeable crawl.

“I’m sorry, Your Majesty, the Queen.” River rolled his eyes but a relieved smile curved on his lips. The crow’s feet at the corners of his eyes wrinkled up in a very adorable manner. “Do you feel okay, baby?”

Though they had been tentatively calling each other by pet names for the past couple weeks, testing out how they felt, Ash thought he might never get tired of it. It was just another sign that he really and truly belonged to River.

The pet name actually seemed to make him feel better, because he felt a smile of his own coming on and the movement of his face didn’t make him want to retch from the dizziness it caused. “Just a little under the weather, I think. I’ll be fine.”

At least, I hope so. I hope my pregnancy isn’t going to be a rough one just because I’m not a 20-year-old blushing bride. The sooner this part passes, the better.

“I’m glad to know you aren’t dying,” River teased gently. His fingers moved from Ash’s cheek, sliding into his hair to soothe away a tangle. “But you still don’t look good. Maybe you had better stay home today.”

“But the gallery…”

But the money I owe…

If he didn’t open the gallery today, he wouldn’t make any profit today. His savings were actually doing quite well in the grand scheme of things and he didn’t want to jeopardize that.

“I don’t think one day is going to mean the difference between life and death.” River’s eyes gave an apologetic flash as he realized what he’d said, but he didn’t bring attention to it. Neither did Ash. His thoughts were bad enough without bringing them out into the open. “You should just stay home today, focus on feeling better. Unfortunately, I’ve got a big meeting planned but I’ll be checking on you constantly. If you don’t answer my texts right away, I’ll have to assume that you died.”

Ash laughed softly. “What if I’m just sleeping?”

“I guess you’d better turn your sound on if you don’t want me to think you’re dead. I can get one of the neighbors to come check on you every now and again.”

Most of their neighbors were nice enough folks, and those who weren’t were easily ignored in favor of the good ones. However, all of them were human. They didn’t even know if there were any other wolves in the area. They weren’t close enough to River’s old pack to be in their territory, and Ash had technically left his own as soon as he became River’s mate. They were isolated.

As much as he might like the neighbors, Ash didn’t think he would trust them around himself in this state. It was best to hide a male shifter pregnancy from prying eyes, so not too many questions were asked. It could put the whole of their existence at risk.

“I think I’ll be fine,” he said out loud, smiling for River. He hoped at least some of it reached his eyes. “I’ll just drink tea and soup all day, and enjoy my alone time.”

“I knew this was a ploy to get me to leave you alone.” River kissed his forehead, then his lips. “I hope you and whatever secret lover you’re hiding from me will have fun. Try not to tear up the furniture.”

“I make no promises.”

River chuckled, kissed him again, and then resumed the search for his socks. After finding them, it was only a matter of fetching his shoes and keys before he was ready to go. His footsteps echoed halfway up the hall, presumably with the intent of telling Ash that he was on his way out, and then receded again as he apparently changed his mind.

Ash was glad. The sooner River was gone, the better.

When he heard the distinctive sound of the front door shutting, he sat up. The entire process, from start to finish, felt like the most difficult thing he had ever done. He was as stiff as a corpse, his limbs reluctant to bend at the right angles necessary for movement.

When he finally succeeded, he congratulated himself and then rested. Once he had sufficiently gathered his strength again, he twisted around and dangled his legs off the edge of the bed. That felt better, easier, so he went ahead and stood up. The room gave a slow, lazy lurch and then righted itself. He was more or less stable on his feet at this point but he stuck close to the wall anyway while heading for the master bath.

River had left his towel on the floor, which was mostly something he did because he knew it would annoy Ash. They were constantly poking at each other like that, ever since River discovered that this sort of thing could be done in the name of fun. He was hardly recognizable as the man Ash had seen that night at the Falcon’s Nest, and that was a good thing as far as he was concerned.

Bending over to pick up the towel didn’t exactly seem like it was the smartest thing to do right now, so Ash settled for kicking it in the direction of the closet. They kept a laundry hamper in there, beneath the shelves of towels and extra bathroom supplies, so he figured it would get taken care of eventually.

Then, gathering his strength, he went to take a look at himself in the mirror.

On the one hand, he was delighted to find that he didn’t look as much like a zombie as he felt.

But, on the other hand, he still looked pretty damn bad. His skin was gray and his cheeks seemed sallow, and there were brown smudges under his eyes that said his sleep hadn’t been particularly restful. And had he thought his hair wasn’t all that bad? It was a goddamn travesty.

There wasn’t really anything that could be done for his appearance, as he didn’t exactly feel like he had the strength or tolerance for a shower right about now. He seemed to have beaten back the nausea for now, though.

Grabbing the hem of his shirt, Ash struggled with it until he managed to lift it up over his head. He dropped it down on the floor, then regarded himself in the mirrors above the sink.

He could only see his reflection from about the waist up, but that was really all he needed. He had been watching his weight rise for a short time now, pondering the numbers on the electronic scale tucked away in the corner by the air vent, but he had been avoiding really looking at himself.

But he did that now, turning this way and that in his inspection. His stomach was definitely rounder than it had been but no one would have been able to tell that if they didn’t know what he looked like before. And apparently it was still so subtle that his observant mate hadn’t noticed, but Ash had grown up living inside this body and he knew. There was a roundness, a soft convex slope that hadn’t been there before.

And perhaps it was more than that. The rest of his body also seemed rounder, except that wasn’t quite the word he would have used. He seemed…softer. He hadn’t been the most muscular man to begin with but now it seemed to him that the sculpted curves and ridges of his body were even less defined than before.

Pregnancy weight, all of it. I’m growing soft. Pudgy. Ugh. This won’t be attractive to River.

At the thought of his mate, a wave of dizziness overcame him. He had to sit down quickly on the closed toilet seat lid, or else he was going to fall over and he couldn’t risk that when he was toting around a passenger.

The shock of the cold toilet lid against his underwear-clad ass helped to revive him a little, not that it was any more pleasant to be fully conscious of the situation than it was to be in a daze

River already had six kids with Jeanine. There was no way in hell he was going to want a seventh, even if it belonged to Ash and not that horrible wretch of a wolf. They were too old to be new parents. This just wouldn’t work. It wasn’t planned. They didn’t have room for it. They would have to reorganize. And oh god, he didn’t know how far along he was. He couldn’t have been more than two months, maybe three, which meant the baby probably wouldn’t be born before Vinny and his goons came back for the rest of their money. He couldn’t risk an unborn child’s life like that. He wouldn’t risk anyone’s life like that. And…

“Ash?”

Before he could even register who that voice belonged to -and who else would it be but River?- he was twisting around, trying to hide the burden of his stomach. His heart pounded in his chest and he really couldn’t breathe very well, and the nausea was swelling up inside him again. Crossing his arms over his stomach, he frantically tried to think but his thoughts were drowning underneath panic. This was it, then. River had seen or else he was going to see very soon, and then the secret would be out before Ash could think of a way to put it that didn’t sound as if their lives were about to go down the drain.

Then, from behind him, footsteps approached. Warm arms wrapped around him, holding onto him with tight familiarity. River’s chest was very broad and comforting, and Ash couldn’t stop himself from leaning back against it. His legs didn’t feel as if they could support him on their own. At the same time, he hated himself for being so weak as to willingly take comfort that he didn’t deserve.

“Stop it,” River whispered against the back of his neck. The heat of his breath stirred Ash’s tangled hair, caressing his skin.

For some reason, he relaxed when those words were spoken. He certainly didn’t deserve to relax and this situation wasn’t one that should be conducive to it, but he couldn’t resist that tone in River’s voice. It was at once commanding and soothing, like a hand that he knew would guide him in the right direction.

It was the voice of an alpha at his best, strong and nurturing, caring for what belonged to him.

“I can still feel your thoughts racing,” River murmured. His hands were on Ash’s rounded stomach, stroking slightly. “It’s okay. I already knew, so you can calm down.”

He already knew?

Rather than slowing, his thoughts were now doing double-time. How long had he known? And how had he known, when Ash was only just now allowing himself to face the consequences of that realization?

Somehow, impossibly, his mate must have found it amusing because he was laughing. There was no cruelty in his humor; in fact, the sound brimmed with love. “I’ve had six kids, baby. I know exactly what it looks like. I wouldn’t say that I knew actually, but I had some strong suspicions. I know your body just as well as you do.”

That was true, and it was also a very important detail that he had forgotten.

“At first, I thought you were just putting on a little weight and I wasn’t going to comment on it. We’re both happy. We’re both eating better. And it looked good on you.” River continued to caress Ash’s stomach, as if attempting to memorize all over again every single part of his anatomy. Somehow, that gentle touch was soothing away the worst of his sick feelings. “But then your scent started to change.”

Most animals had an awareness of their own scent, as well as the scents of other things, but that was a little bit like being aware of your own nose. You weren’t really aware of it until it was brought to your attention. Ash hadn’t even considered that he might be changing in other ways besides just the physical.

“And I thought I recognized that scent from Jeanine and then you started getting cranky. And you’ve been sluggish in the mornings. All the evidence was there.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Ash murmured. “It would have saved us both a lot of stress.”

“I’m not stressed about this at all,” River said. He made talking about this seem so easy and natural. Ash couldn’t believe it. How was he not stressed? He was more than smart enough to comprehend the severity of this situation, so why wasn’t he panicking, as was rightful for him to do?

“However,” River continued gently, “I could tell that you were extremely stressed by it, even if you were pretending nothing was wrong. I didn’t want to force you into talking about it when you weren’t ready. That would have been wrong.”

“I kind of thought your morning sickness would come sooner, but I’m not really surprised. You really don’t like to do things in the order that you’re supposed to.”

Ash gave a tiny little smile. Yes, that was true. How very like him.

“I wasn’t even going to say anything today but I was waiting for the car to warm up, and I could feel that you were in distress. I couldn’t bear that.”

How like River, to be so thoughtful and kind. He might be a wolf shifter, but he was really just a cuddly little teddy bear on the inside.

Turning around, Ash gripped River with both arms and tucked his head against his chest. “What are we going to do?” he whispered. “There’s so much that could go wrong.”

River held him back just as tightly. His voice was soft, soothing. “I’ll tell you what we’re going to do. We’re going to get through everything life throws at us, and we’re going to do it in the best way we possibly can. We aren’t going to let this stop us.”

“But…”

“Quiet, Ashton.” There was that gentle-but-commanding tone again. “I know pretty much every concern you’ve got right now because I’ve had them, too. We’ll discuss those at some other time but you had better know I’ve been working on them.”

He didn’t want to, with his nerves still racing, but he couldn’t resist the impulse to just relax. He had to remember that he wasn’t alone in this. River was on his side, and there was no one else in the world that he would rather have.

“Okay,” he sighed. River stiffened slightly against him as Ash’s breath hit his neck, and a bulge appeared between them, but the other wolf restrained himself and didn’t act on his clear arousal. “But we’ll have to do it soon.”

“How about tonight?”

Tonight sounded both too soon, and not soon enough.

“I wish I could stay home to take care of you. I will if you want me to.”

“You said you have a big meeting planned.”

“I do. But you are by far the most important thing in my life.”

Ash hesitated. There was a part of him that desperately wanted River to stay, so that they could spend time together after this discovery. He very much wanted to be taken care of, to be pampered and loved on until he felt better; he just didn’t think he would be able to forgive himself if he cost River an important deal. And there was always tonight.

“I think I’ll be fine,” Ash said. He took hold of the comfort River had given him and tried to use it to bolster his attitude. “The game plan hasn’t changed. Tea. Soup.”

“Good.” River was pleased, which made Ash feel much better. “I’m going to be late but there’s one more thing we need to talk about.”

Ash didn’t like the sound of that.

“Ash, all you’ve done is think about the risks of having the baby, and how I would feel about it. What about you? You’re the one having it. How do you feel?”

“Scared,” he said automatically. “I’m scared as hell.” He didn’t really think he needed to outline for River exactly what he was scared of, since the other man had been through this a time or two. However, he couldn’t go on for a moment because he was busy thinking about them on his own. There were so many things that could go wrong, even if you didn’t count all the stuff involving Vinny. The pregnancy could go wrong, or the birth could. They were going to have to raise the child and who knew how the hell that would go. It could get hurt or sick, and if something happened to them, it would be left all alone with no pack to support it.

“I never thought about having a kid. I didn’t think I was ever going to have a mate. I’m not sure I even want a baby.”

River nodded, accepting this. Ash figured that part was probably obvious.

But there were other thoughts inside him, thoughts which were much harder to express. He didn’t have the words for them. Since he was mated to River now though, he didn’t have to.

They hadn’t often used their bond to communicate, but Ash did so now. He reached out tentatively with his thoughts, his inner wolf straining towards River; as it turned out, River’s wolf was already there waiting for him. Their minds touched with a sensation like fur brushing against fur, and then they were connected.

He felt River’s tenderness and confidence and love as deeply and truly as if those emotions were his own, and he knew that his own feelings were just as on display for the other man. Closing his eyes, he opened up his thoughts and let River take a look at them without the pesky process of speaking to interfere with their meaning.

It was true that he very much didn’t want a kid, but that intense feeling was a remnant of another time before he had belonged to River. First he had been so lost in the rhythm of the world around him, a dreary state for sure, and then he had been busy exploring his personal discovery of art. There hadn’t been time for him to reevaluate his opinions on this matter.

He didn’t want a kid, but this wasn’t going to be just any kid. It was River’s baby growing inside him, growing ever stronger as the seconds passed. River was his other half, the one who completed him, and the child was a result of their union. It would be a child raised by loving parents, not by parents who would merely tolerate each other. He and River could learn from the mistakes their own parents made, and they could give this child the best chance at a truly happy life.

But there was more than that, just a seed right now. Planted deep in the dark, damp soul of his mind, it had yet to sprout but it was there. And that seed was called excitement.

How would it feel to look at something flesh-and-blood that he had created? It would be the ultimate masterpiece, his crowning achievement. Every moment with that child, whose soul was a combination of his and River’s, would be as perfect as a painting. He could imagine River holding it, dressing it, getting excited about every little accomplishment as if it was his own. The child would grow, discovering first itself and then the world around it, becoming an individual. There was no telling where that journey would lead them, through the school years and beyond.

Yes, he was excited, and he would be even more excited when all these dreadful shadows of doubt had gone away. Only then could that seed inside him start to grow.

He showed all of this and more to River, who held him tightly. In the end, his feelings all boiled down to a confirmation that he did want this child.

“Then, we’ll have this child. And we’ll get through that, too,” River murmured. “I’m an expert, after all.”

Ash knew he was being gently teased, but the fact that River was an experienced father was perhaps the thing that was helping to alleviate his fears the most. Of course, that didn’t mean he intended to slack off when it came to the whole parenting thing. He would try his hardest to learn everything he possibly could.

He felt River smile while pressing a gentle kiss to the top of his head. “So, let’s get you back to bed. Want an airlift?”

That probably wouldn’t be the best thing for his stomach but he very much wanted to feel safe and protected in River’s arm, so he nodded against his mate. In the next second, he was being gently lifted and carried back to bed. The sheets were cool and welcoming against his skin, which made him realize that now he felt a little overheated rather than chilly.

River bid him farewell with another promise to constantly check up on him, and Ash mumbled something in return about how very important people always showed up late. At least, he thought he mumbled something, though it might not have been coherent. Sleep was approaching fast, sweeping him away to a dark and dream-filled slumber. None of the dreams were bad, as far as he could remember.

They probably should have been, to keep him on his toes. He might have been able to tell things weren’t going to go so smoothly.