“WHAT THE FUCK IS UP with you, Unc?” Alex asked.
Calder heard the unmistakable sound of genuine concern beneath the sarcastic question.
“Stephanie’s leaving soon,” he muttered.
Alex tossed the prospectus he was reading onto the desk and joined Calder at the wet bar just as he was pouring Maker’s Mark into a tumbler. He caught his nephew’s quizzical look and probably shouldn’t have been surprised when he drawled, “It’s serious, then, I take it,” as he looked pointedly at the distinctive bottle with the red wax drip. “Converted you, she did,” he quipped. “Taken the Dirty Bird to the dark side, she has.”
Humph. It was true. Shit was serious. She’d most definitely converted him. And as far as that dark side stuff? If the seething anger he was feeling over his powerlessness in this situation was any indication, then—yes. Yes. There was some dark side shit going down.
Alex reached for the Glenfiddich and poured a couple of fingers out then fixed him with a mocking smirk. “Now you see with me and Red? I didn’t pussy out like someone else I know did and start changing my ways.”
Her knocked back a healthy slug of the golden liquid then banged the glass on the bar for emphasis. “But unfortunately,” he admitted in a conspiratorial tone, “the lady can drink my ass under the table so that’s a bit of a problem. But I’ll be damned if I’m going to give up my whiskey so she can housebreak me into drinking that Jameson shit.”
“Fuck you, Alex,” Calder muttered with a chuckle before he took an enormous mouthful of his drink, swallowed it, and tracked the slow burn all the way down his throat into his stomach.
“Feel better? Want me to get you a blankie? You’re not gonna cry, are you?”
“No. No, and fuck no, you little shit. Stop making fun of me. This is serious, dude.”
“As someone who at one point lost his damn mind and drove the best thing that ever happened to him away, I have to ask you this. Why is she leaving?”
“Jesus fucking Christ! I don’t know. Some bullshit about needing to know where her life’s going and a bunch of crap that has nothing to do with anything that she insists she has to take care of.”
“Humph,” his nephew grunted. “Sounds like she’s running. What did you do?”
Calder flinched. What the fuck did that mean? “I didn’t dooooo anything,” he bit out.
Alex studied him for a moment and shook his head. Was that sympathy he saw in his expression? “You haven’t told her, have you?”
“Told her what?”
“That you’re in love with her, of course. Stupid ass.”
Calder groaned. “Aw shit, Alex. Come on. Cut me a break. We’ve only known each other a month. Am I in love with her? How the fuck do I know? It’s all so new and fucking confusing as hell.”
“I guess it’s harder as you get older, and I don’t mean that like a jab. There’s so much more to consider when you have two successful grown-ups. Houses, careers, families. Is that what’s causing the bump in the road?”
Snorting in disgust Calder jeered, “Bull’s-eye, dude. I can take care of her till the wheels come off, y’know? But it’s not about money. I get it. I do. She has a career she fought for and built over many years.”
“Yeah,” Alex agreed, “but that kinda leaves you fucked, right?”
“A month, Alex. I’ve known her for a fucking month.”
“That’s a shitty argument. Get a better one.”
Calder glowered at his nephew but knew he was right. Love didn’t have a calendar or a stopwatch. It came when it came and could leave that way, too.
“Look, Unc,” Alex said. “All I know is this. If you don’t tell her how you feel and she gets on that plane, you’re a damn fool and get what you deserve. If you tell her and she still gets on the plane…”
Calder had trouble breathing at the mere thought
“Then you have to decide what you’re willing to do to get her back.”
TORI WAS BESIDE HERSELF. HER mother was upstairs packing to leave and nothing, none of the well-crafted arguments she and Draegyn had come up with to persuade her to stay, seemed to be having any affect.
With every day that ticked on by, her mom became more tense and anxious. Adamant that it was time for her to go. Tori could sense her reluctance. Suspected it had a lot to do with Calder but didn’t know how to broach the subject. No daughter ever expects to get involved in her mother’s love life so she didn’t know what to say.
New Year’s Eve was a quiet, stay-at-home affair. She and Draegyn invited her mother and Calder to join them for a late dinner. They’d agreed and came as a couple, but it was easy to see there were cracks in the relationship. When her mom started making departure noises less than a week later, Tori figured some sort of personal Rubicon had been crossed.
Bottom line—she didn’t want her mom to go. Calder or no Calder. At first, it was just great having her around, but now that Daniel was here, Tori viewed a lot of things differently. The baby was six weeks old and she couldn’t believe how much he’d grown and changed in so short a time. She didn’t want her mom to miss out on any of that and knew in her heart of hearts those feelings had a lot to do with losing her dad at such a young age. Time was precious and not to be wasted.
A thought exploded in Tori’s mind, sending her dropping into a chair like a lead weight. This isn’t about her. Or what she wanted. This was all about her mom. About Stephanie Caswell Bennett, the woman. Shit. She’d been approaching the whole thing the wrong way.
The deep, sexy laugh of her husband came from behind and got closer. “Look Big D, we caught Mommy all by her lonesome. Let’s sneak a kiss, shall we?”
The sight of Draegyn St. John swaggering about with a baby sling across his broad chest never failed to give Tori a case of the giggleswoons. God, he just gets sexier and sexier.
He leaned down and kissed her sweetly. They started calling these stolen moments, Mommy and Daddy kisses—quick but effective. Tori looked forward to those lovely kisses. Soon, they’d get the official go ahead to resume being fully intimate. Though they’d indulged in every imaginable intimacy that didn’t involve actual intercourse, she was kind of over all the easy does it gentle stuff.
She’d been giving this subject a lot of thought lately. It had been quite some time since she and her oversexed husband had let loose. When it came time, Tori figured a warm-up session to test out the equipment, see if any adjustments were necessary—would be a good thing. After that? Balls to the pounding. She wanted him to claim her the way he had at the beginning—something she suspected he wanted, too.
“Big D, hmmmm?” she teased quietly. “That’s an interesting nickname.”
He smiled with that arrogant smirk he did so well.
“Where’s Mom?” he asked, glancing around looking for her. “I want to show her something out in the shop.”
Hmmph. “She’s upstairs packing,” she muttered through gritted teeth.
“Oh.”
Draegyn looked at her closely, too closely, and sighed heavily. “Hon, it’s going to be okay. We have to respect Stephanie’s wishes.”
Oh, jeez. Men. He was trying to be all positive and supportive. Whatever. She had work to do if she was going to rescue this mess.
“She’s in love with him.” That was all she said. Nothing else was necessary. Draegyn’s eyebrows shot up and he grunted out humph.
“Did she tell you this?”
Tori snorted a scornful laugh. “Fuck no. She hasn’t even admitted it to herself yet.”
He gave her one of those looks that said, Really? Are you kidding?
Daniel stirred and Draegyn lifted him deftly from the sling to lay upon his shoulder. They looked like twins—same facial expressions—and lately she was noticing that the baby held his head the same was his daddy did. With this adorably arrogant tilt of the chin. Perfect.
“Look, just go with me on this, okay? I’ve been going about this all wrong. She isn’t leaving, honey,” she said with emphasis. “She’s running. Two different things.”
He slowed and considered what she’d said for a minute, deep in thought, occasionally pressing kisses to Daniel’s face and head.
“No. I get it. You’re right,” he told her with an admiring wink.
Draegyn liked the way her mind worked. They were good together like that. The calm, cool analyst and the brainy nerd.
“So, I’m taking it that we have a plan, then?” he asked.
Tori stood up and eased her son off his father’s shoulder to cradle him lovingly in her arms. Draegyn slung an arm about her and they both took a moment to gaze adoringly upon their beautiful son.
She turned toward her husband. With his head lowered next to hers, their mouths were inches apart. He closed the distance and kissed her deeply. When he pulled back his eyes were blue smoke and she felt a surge of dampness flood her panties. Yeah. Pound Town. Soon. Her one-way ticket couldn’t get here fast enough.
“Plan Stan?” he murmured with a cheeky grin. She had no doubt he read what had just been in her expression.
“Indeed, there is a plan, sir,” she informed him. “We’re going to let her get on that plane and we’re going to do it with big smiles.”
“You sure you know what you’re doing, babe?”
“Yep. Bitches like romance, husband. Memorize it and don’t you ever forget it!”
STEPHANIE CHECKED OUT HER REFLECTION in the mirror one last time before heaving a choked sigh and reaching for her purse. Calder was taking her to the homestead—an old adobe and wood framed single room building far from where the Villa sits now, on a remote corner of the Valleja-Marquez property.
They were going by Jeep, Calder having declared it too far to attempt on horseback unless they planned to camp overnight. She was flying home to Atlanta tomorrow so they’d have to be back before the sun went completely down.
If anyone was paying attention, their adventure looked innocent enough. They were going off on a day trip to enjoy the rugged countryside. Have a picnic. Blah, blah, blah.
But Stephanie knew they were headed out alone, out into the desert, to say good-bye. Good-bye to the little fantasy they’d been indulging in. Good-bye to the only time she could remember when she felt completely whole and not a mishmash of separate parts forced together.
She made her way quietly, trying to keep moving—put one foot in front of the other, remember to breathe in and out and do what was necessary to make it through the day.
Stephanie sort of wished she could just be numb—not feel the anxiety and confusion up close and personal. But that wasn’t her style. In every way that mattered, she was a survivor and this situation would be no different.
Tori and Drae were on the front porch with Daniel in the stroller, playing a game of fetch with Raven, who was becoming quite adept at Frisbee and tennis ball chasing.
“Hey, Mom!” Drae called out as she stepped through the door. “Watch this,” he yelled excitedly. After cuing the dog with some hand signals, he threw the ball straight up into the air with an Ooomph. Raven tracked the object. As it started to come back down, she wiggled her butt and dug her hind legs into the ground then leapt up at just the right moment to snatch the ball in mid-air as it hurtled to the ground. Impressive.
She laughed cheerfully and clapped her hands in applause. Tori joined in and Daniel rounded out the family moment with a goofy grin as Drae bowed then scratched the dog’s head.
Right on cue, Calder came down the drive in a big black, full-package all-terrain, Jeep that had a black ops feel to it. Was a reminder of where they were and who these guys actually were.
Stephanie hurriedly scooted up to the vehicle before Calder could get out to help with her door. She wasn’t in the mood to stand around while everyone did the happy schmooze dance.
Quickly hauling ass into the passenger seat, she slammed the door, hooked her seat belt, shoved her sunglasses on, and waved out the window to Tori and Drae.
“See ya,” was all she said. Turning to Calder, she muttered, “Let’s go.”
He put the vehicle in gear, politely waved to the St. Johns and started to pull away. “Hello to you, too,” he pithily bit out.
She deserved that but didn’t react outwardly to the dig. She was taking the low road and didn’t want to get into it.
“Hi. Nice Jeep.”
Silence. Great. They were going to drive for an hour in silence. Why in the hell not?
Calder wanted to hit something. This was not going the way he envisioned. He was practically boo-hooing into his cornflakes because she didn’t lean over and kiss him when she got in the Jeep. Was she starting to pull away from him? Dammit. He was too old for this shit.
Silence has a way of multiplying. The longer it goes on undisturbed, the louder and more troublesome it got. The option of saying something was always there, but they were up against it now with her set to fly out tomorrow. Filling in the empty spaces with inane chatter during the time they had left wasn’t going to make things better.
So…he let the quiet hang on. And ignored the heaviness in his chest.
At the homestead, she perked up and excitedly toured the old building and grounds. Nobody ever came out here but Alex and the boys. It had been their hidey-hole over the years…where they could get naked, drunk, and howl at the moon if they wanted.
Stephanie was busy taking pictures as he lugged a huge basket out of the rear of the vehicle and started setting up a picnic with a huge blanket and an umbrella on a tripod stand that didn’t need to be jammed into the hard-packed earth. When he put everything together, he thought he was making a romantic statement. Now, though, in the face of their awkward silence, his efforts looked a little desperate.
Fucking, eh. Why was she leaving? He didn’t get it. All that shit about running a business wasn’t what was really going on. He just knew it but for the life of him, Calder couldn’t figure out where she was really coming from.
In his mind, she didn’t need to work. He was more than capable of taking care of her, but when he’d stupidly made that observation, she ripped his idiot head off for being a male pig. It wasn’t about money, she said. It was about this career she had and some bullshit about self-worth that he promptly ignored.
“It’s so quiet out here,” she murmured. Surprising the fucking shit out of him when she silently approached from the rear.
“What?” He jumped. “Oh yeah. It is. Different from the mountains but also sort of the same.”
She smiled timidly at him. That too was different. If he was reading her right, she was parsing every fucking word and action. The last thing he wanted was her walking on eggshells.
“I’ve never actually been in Aspen,” she told him. “Is it very beautiful?”
He motioned for her to sit as he dropped to his knees and started uncorking the bottle of wine he pulled from a cooling bag.
“I like it. Moved there for the solitude and the scenery. The beachfront towns in California are too commercial these days.”
She chuckled and his mood lifted. “So what? It’s mountains or ocean?”
Calder glanced around where they were sitting. As far as the eye could see, there were blue cloudless skies, rugged hills, rock formations, and Southwest views. “Forming a fondness for the desert these days, too.”
“Not a city boy, then?”
He watched her face, trying to gauge every word and expression.
“Spend loads of time in the city. On business. I like that it’s my choice.”
“I hear that,” she muttered.
Calder was intrigued by her tone. Sooooo. It wasn’t Atlanta per se that was drawing her away. Sounded to him like where she lived was a take it or leave it.
They picked at lunch, lolling on the blanket, talking. An hour flew by. Then another. Finally, with the stranglehold of time working against him, he didn’t feel like there was much choice but to just say what was on his mind.
“Stephanie.”
She looked at him, even removed her sunglasses. The time had come. Honesty was all they had left.
“I wish you wouldn’t go. We, uh…we haven’t had enough time to see if this thing between us has legs.”
Her eyes flashed then shuttered.
Really? You stupid fucking dumbass. See if it has legs? Holy shit. What an asshole thing to say.
“That came out wrong.”
He didn’t like the mocking smile she tried on for size. “No, I get it Calder. Really, I do. We’ve had…fun. But it’s time to get back to the real world. For me, anyway.”
The use of the word fun felt like a punch in the gut. It was her way of pushing back on the see if it has legs comment. Would have been easier and probably less painful if she’d simply hauled off and smacked him across the face.
Shit. Shiiiit. Say something that isn’t dumb or stupid.
“Would you stay if I asked you to?” Seemed like a semi-reasonable question to ask.
“Stay and do what exactly? Hang around and sleep with you while you decide if we have legs?”
Ouch. Apparently, even at middle age, guys still said the wrong shit.
Grousing with a frown, he told her, “I didn’t mean it like that and you know it.”
All of a sudden, she fell apart right in front of his eyes. Sitting cross-legged on the blanket, she lowered her face into her hands and shook her head.
In a voice he hardly recognized it was so clotted with emotion, she groaned. “I know. I’m sorry. I don’t even know what I’m saying.”
They were at an impasse. He could feel the walls around them growing higher. Pretty soon, they’d need an Atlas rocket to get over it.
“I don’t want to lose you, lady. You say you can’t stay. Where does that leave us? How do you see this playing out?”
Calder felt cold gathering around his heart and didn’t like it. He did feel something—maybe more than just something. But he wasn’t kidding about them only knowing each other for so short a time. Was he in love with her? He was starting to suspect the answer to that question was a growling yes. But he just wasn’t ready to declare himself.
She thought she needed direction and to know her own shit? Well, so did he—just in a different way. Unlike her happy marriage, his had been a shit show. Relationships were tough work. Compatibility in bed wasn’t the only thing to consider. And though he knew he was overthinking things, he just wasn’t there yet.
Stephanie completely surprised him when she climbed onto her knees and crawled over to him—pushing him flat on the blanket and laying her torso over his.
With heart-wrenching sincerity, she looked into his eyes and said, “I don’t want to lose you either, Calder. But my life is in Atlanta. I don’t know what to do and I certainly don’t have all the answers.”
He cupped her neck with his hand and drew her onto his mouth for a soulful kiss.
“I don’t know how this plays out, but I suppose…” she admitted hesitantly, “that I’m hoping somehow we find a way.”
He made love to her then—because he had to. On that blanket out in the desert, naked as the day they were born. It was intense and bittersweet and in the end, they both choked back tears.
The ride home was as silent as the drive they made earlier; only this time, her hand stayed on his thigh, where he covered it with his own.
By the time they arrived at Drae’s, the sun had just set and Calder was sure his heart was breaking. This wasn’t what he wanted. Not at all.
Saying good-bye to her was like…well, it was excruciating. He felt like a man about to serve a jail sentence, saying his farewells to the real world so he can curl into a ball and live in an emotion-free box so he didn’t die from the devastation to his spirit.
She clung to him. He sensed her reluctance and though it wasn’t a lot to go on, he kept that knowledge—that she didn’t really want to go, close to his heart.
“Stay in touch,” she murmured, then kissed him, turned, and ran into the house. He heard her choking sob and almost lost it.
Fuck. Nothing about this was okay with him but what was he supposed to do?