Chapter 5

 

The next day was on the depressing side. Seeing Tessa like that and thinking about the sucktastic life for us ash … well, it had shaken me.

Seeking some sort of comfort, I found myself ditching my guards—they thought I was just ducking to the feeding room—so I could take a minute to myself outside in the garden. My new badge was all kinds of awesome, allowing me access to areas I had never been allowed to go alone before. I began wandering aimlessly, bypassing—avoiding—the many groups of ash scattered around. I couldn’t be bothered dealing with the males of the Hive today. I was still the unicorn ash, and the only thing which kept me from being harassed a lot was the fact that my wolf pack was a bunch of killer enforcers.

Knew those guys would come in handy for more than brooding and chiseled abs.

I traveled further than ever from the imposing Hive building. The grounds were quite extensive, and I knew from the “welcome” package, which was as dreary as the ones you probably got in prison, that there was about ten acres of land here. A large chunk was taken up by the enormous building, but still plenty of nature remained. The government had forbidden the vamps from building more housing or extending the Hive. They were trying to keep the numbers contained.

I found myself in a section of the forest which I’d never been before, the canopy thick and dense, and it was dark and cold on the ground level. Winter was so damn close I could feel the chill in the air, smell the fresh scent which usually meant ice or snow was around the corner. As I strolled further through the tightly-packed forest, I fought for a sense of … something. I was lost. On the other hand, things were actually okay in the Hive. I had Ryder and the guys, I was going to be an enforcer— which was a hell of a lot better than “hello, can I take your call”—but still, this feeling of unease remained.

As the trees thinned, I emerged out into a large open space. I could see the high, wired fences in the distance, and hear cars, so I was probably close to the front entrance. It took me about five seconds to recognize where I had ended up. Since arriving here I’d tried to avoid this particular spot, consciously and subconsciously. I really hadn’t wanted to deal with it. But of course, like all suppressed things, something eventually forces them to the surface.

Sucking in a deep breath, I squared my shoulders, got all brave and stomped across to the very spot where I had been dragged and almost raped. Everything looked a little different now. The ground was rough, the grass browning off and starting to die. The last time it had been dark, the shadows casting the entire world into something that seemed sinister and petrifying.

Crouching down, I dropped both of my hands into the grass, scraping across the hard dirt below. I had fought my attackers, but there were two of them and they were so much stronger than me. I knew at the time there was no way for me to escape, and that if I just lay there and accepted my fate, they might let me live.

But of course, I would have preferred death over letting those two animals think they had broken me. I was a fighter.

I had to squeeze my eyes tightly as images and emotions flashed through me. It was disorienting and overwhelming, mostly because I had refused to let myself dwell on it too much. After it happened I wouldn’t speak on it, only giving my mom and Tessa the very barest of information. I had gotten very good at suppressing that night, and instead had focused on becoming physically stronger. Emotional strength, as always, was a lot harder.

It took me a while, sitting there on that cold, hard ground, eyes closed, emotions a mess, tears leaking from my eyes. Eventually the ache in my chest and stomach started to abate, until I could finally open my eyes and see the world around me again.

On the rare occasions I allowed myself to remember that night, it was only to wonder who the male was who had saved me. At the time I’d been out of it, overcome with fear, and the entire thing came back in flashes. But the Viking male, with his broad, strong and kind face, was permanently imprinted on my mind. A vampire who was actually caring enough to stop a human female from being raped. Seemed as if Lucas wasn’t the only one I could trust, but Viking vamp had completely disappeared.

It kind of made me sad that I would never know his name.

My legs protested as I straightened. I wondered how long I’d been crouched there for. Probably long enough that someone in the Hive was looking for me. No doubt the enforcers had realized I was not with Jayden and were probably storming the place searching for me.

Shit! I hadn’t meant to stay out this long. It was a real asshole move to make them worry about me. Stupid memories.

I spun around, preparing to sprint my butt back through the trees, knowing I was going to get majorly ass-kicked by Ryder, which I totally deserved. But before I could even take a step, the figure standing about three yards from me had me grinding to a halt. The enforcer looked kind of pissed off, and yet at the same time he didn’t.

I cautiously approached Ryder, wondering if he was going to throw me over his shoulder and spank me or something. More importantly, did I want him to and was that even a punishment?

“I’m sorry,” I said, as I stepped closer. “I really just wanted a minute by myself. Some fresh air. I got a bit … distracted.”

Ryder’s eyes flicked across to where I’d been crouched, before coming back to rest on my face. “It’s okay, you’re not a prisoner. I just don’t want to see you hurt.”

Those were surprisingly calm and reasonable words from my hotheaded boyfriend. Yeah, I totally used the B-word. Couldn’t think of what else to call him, and I liked having the claim on him. I paused inches from him, my body doing that thing where it gravitated toward him, like he was the magnet pulling my metal form straight into his grasp.

“What happened here, Charlie?”

Both of our gazes shifted back to the spot behind me. He must have been standing there for some time. He had seen my little breakdown. His hand brushed across my cheek, and I felt a slide of wetness.

“You were crying.” His voice went a little low and growly, and I knew that the calm, collected dude was about to disappear.

I pressed my cheek tighter to his palm, allowing his warmth to eliminate some of the cold which had seeped into my skin. I lifted my eyes to meet his blaze of swirling silver. The black was almost gone at the moment.

“I should have told you this a while ago, but there never seemed to be a good time to bring it up.” I shrugged a little, trying to make it seem less intense than it was. “The day that I woke up in the hospital wing was not the first time I was in the Hive. The first time was about a year before my ash genetics kicked in.”

If I hadn’t been watching so closely, I would have missed the tightening of his features. He was working very hard to remain calm, but I was starting to get a good read on him, and I knew he was upset.

I didn’t want to be there any longer, I didn’t want the negative energy seeping into me and Ryder. I laced our fingers together and led him away, back through the forest and out into a small patch of sunlight which had some flat rocks scattered around for us to sit on. The entire walk I felt Ryder growing grimmer and tenser, and I realized that starting my speech and not finishing it was the worst thing I could have done. He was probably imagining a bunch of terrible things.

With that in mind, I didn’t waste any time once we were seated close enough that I could feel his hard thigh pressed against mine. “So, like I said, I have been here before under pretty horrible circumstances. That’s partly why I was so negative about ash and vamps when I first arrived.”

Taking a deep breath, I told him everything. Ryder didn’t say a word during my story. I tried to keep my voice clinical, just listing the facts. I had been out at a club. Coming home, two ash had attacked me and dragged me into the compound. They knocked me around a bit before tearing my shirt off and half of my skirt. I was about ten seconds from being raped when some sort of guardian angel Viking saved me.

Ryder’s hand tightened around mine, falling just short of being painful. He was not dealing so well with this story. Shocker. Finally, when I was finished, and the silence was getting a little uncomfortable, he leaned forward and wrapped me in his arms. “I’m so damn sorry, Charlie. Shit! I recognized the spot you were sitting at—I’ll be honest, I’m feeling the need right now to go off and punch some things.”

I pulled back a little, sitting straighter. I wanted to see his eyes. “You recognized the spot?”

Ryder cupped a hand around the back of my neck, pulling us closer again, resting his forehead against mine. “Yes, last year we found two dead ash there. They had been ripped apart. I investigated, but since these particular ash were both arrogant and dishonorable, my search was half-hearted at best. Not to mention I saw the torn skirt, and could smell blood that was unusual enough that I knew it wasn’t from them. I closed the case without finding their killers. The vamps didn’t care. Ash are nothing more than cattle.” He pulled back and our gazes clashed. “Then … to see you kneeling there, tears running down your face, in the very same spot … let’s just say more than a few scenarios were running through my mind.”

I let my eyes drop down, trying to compose myself. “I fought them—all the way—but it took another male to save me—which I hated. So, from that day forward I trained. I got stronger. I needed to know that I could be strong enough on my own.”

Ryder leaned in and pressed a kiss to my forehead, letting his lips linger there for a tantalizingly long time. As he pulled back, his voice was low and serious: “You’ve proven more than once that you’re strong enough, Charlie. But for the sake of my sanity, tell me that if anything dangerous ever happens you’ll always come to us, to me and the guys. We don’t think of ourselves as your babysitters. We’re your friends. We’re your team. We have your back the same way I expect you would have ours.”

I nodded at him. “Yes, I know. And I think all of you are amazing.”

The sexy six were the toughest of males, but they never made me feel weak or indulged. They treated me like one of them, and I loved each of them so much for it.

Ryder tilted his head back a little, letting the sunlight bathe his face. His tawny skin looked extra bronzed in this light, and I got the sense that he loved the outdoors. His eyes twinkled when he noticed me ogling him.

“I used to come out here a lot. Like you, I sought comfort from nature. Away from the vampires who are the reason I’m an ash … the reason I turned into a monster and killed Molly.”

He never spoke about his fiancée, like ever. It sort of bothered me, because it seemed like even after all of these years he wasn’t over it at all. On the other hand I understood.

I strained forward as he continued. I wanted to hear every single word, even if some of it was going to be painful.

“It was easier to blame them than myself, you know. That’s part of the reason I went rogue and into Sanctum. I was so angry when I first turned into an ash, the pain was killing me. Funnily enough, I always knew I was going to be an ash. Molly knew also. Kyle and my mother went out of their way to become pregnant to a vampire. It was all the rage at the time.”

Kyle had told me bits and pieces of this, Ryder a little more in the restaurant, but I was greedy for every single detail.

I cautiously chose my next words: “I thought all the males who knew they were going to turn ash, well, the government kept a close eye on you? Especially when you were in your early twenties.”

Ryder laughed then, a low derisive sound. “I turned about a year before they expected. For some reason, the closer your sire is to the original line, the less they seem to know about you and the fewer rules you follow. I was young and stupid. In love. Molly and I were barely out of high school. The funny thing is that I’ve been holding on to the damn guilt and pain for so long that I didn’t even realize how bitter I’d become.”

A blaze of silver wrapped around me. His look was intense and potent. “When I met you, everything changed for me. You broke down my walls with your persistence. You never let me get away with anything. You called me out on every single shitty thing I did and said. I realized that your fire was exactly what I needed to warm the coldness which had seeped into my soul.”

Whoa. Maybe Ryder had missed his calling as a poet. That was pretty deep and so romantic. I couldn’t stop from throwing myself at him, and as his arms wrapped around me I felt comforted.

“Molly and I would have been happy. I know that.” His muffled words were as painful as I expected them to be. “But happy is not the same as what I know I could have with you, Charlie. You’re more. You’re everything. This is not young, first love. Not for me. It’s the real deal and I’m ready to let go of the guilt and bitterness now. I’m ready to let go of Molly.”

Holy shit. Could one, like, die of happiness? Because I was pretty sure I was having a heart attack. My chest actually ached, and my head was a tizzy of emotions. I knew Ryder had pulled out something emotional to try and even out all of the baggage I’d spilled on him. He was trying to share some of himself with me, and in doing so had given me the best gift I could have hoped for. I tilted my head back and gave him a quick soft kiss. Something had settled inside of me, the thing that girls have when they grow up without dads, that unsettled feeling around love interests. Mine was gone, replaced with something amazing.

Before the mood could get any more serious, he gave me that crooked half grin, and standing, pulled me to my feet. “Come on, Charlie, it’s time for our shift now. I know Markus is waiting to whip your butt in the weights room.”

The serious mood was broken but the euphoria remained inside. I was genuinely happy, more than I ever remembered being. I just wondered how long before something came along to destroy it.

As we started to walk back toward the Hive, I yanked gently on his hand, pulling him to a stop. “I have hated being an ash from the second I started to turn. But right now, for the first time in my life, I think it’s the greatest blessing I could have received.”

Standing on tiptoes, I brushed my lips against his, and before I could pull away, Ryder tightened his hold and deepened our kiss. My eyes closed at the pure orgasmic joy I was feeling as his tongue brushed against mine. The feel of his soft lips was addictive.

I wondered then what the world record for kissing was. I was totally up for trying to break that one.

 

An hour later I was in gym clothes, face-down on the stinky-ass workout mats.

“Markus, you are an asshole. You know that, right?” My words were muffled, exhaustion too much for me to even lift my head. “You are now number six on my list of favorite enforcers. Maybe seven.”

Markus’ deep laughter filled the gym and bounced around, giving the illusion that there was more than one big, mean enforcer trying to kill me in here. “I’m trying to show you the best way to take down an attacker who has both size and weight on you. Those self-defense classes gave you a good basic idea, but you’re dealing with ash and vamps now. We’re mean bastards, and we do not play nice or fair.”

I rolled over. Seriously, it had to be every muscle, joint, bone, nerve, artery, and vein that was currently hurting. There was no other explanation for this much pain.

“I swear to God you were a torturer before turning ash,” I grumbled as I pulled myself up, my body screaming at me to stay down—just stay the hell down.

Markus laughed again. I was so glad I amused him so much. Ass. Hole.

“I was actually an earl from a well-respected family back in Scotland. I was born in Edinburg, early 1950s. My life growing up was incredible, but apparently no one knew that my mother was hiding a big secret—one fun night away from her husband. Imagine everyone’s surprise when I went through the ash transition twenty-three years later.” Some of his laughter sobered up. “Guess you can say the family name was ruined. My father cast my ass straight out into the world. No title. No inheritance. No freaking clue how to survive.”

I found myself crossing to his side to place a comforting hand on his arm. Did anyone have happy stories in this damned place?

His eyes were dark as he stared down at me from his mammoth height. “I learned quickly. It was fight or die, and I am determined you don’t find yourself in the same position. If we aren’t here one day to protect your back, I need to know you can do it on your own.”

I gave an exaggerated sigh, before patting his muscled forearm one last time and striding back to take my position again.

I waved my hand at him. “Okay, guilty McGuilt-trip, bring it on.”

Bring it he did. I was lucky I walked out of there on my own.

 

Later that afternoon, after an ice bath, hot tub, and another ice bath, I managed to regain use of my limbs and made it back to my apartment, bodyguards attached again. Jayden, who must have just finished his shift, catwalked through the door just after me. He was acting strange as hell, giving me all these serious looks. Eventually, we ended up alone in the kitchen; the boys were on the couch chatting. I confronted him by the fridge.

“What’s up? You’re being weirder than usual.”

Jayden picked at his nails—eyes so dark no silver was visible. Made him look like one of those demons off Supernatural. A hot, buff one.

“We need to talk alone,” was all he said. Well, shit. That wasn’t good.

Giving him one last flinty stare, I strode out into the living room and begged Kyle and Oliver to give me some alone time with my BAFF.

Oliver shook his head. “Ryder said two guards, and we already let you escape once today.”

Jayden, who had followed me from the kitchen, put one hand on his hip and gave his boyfriend the staredown. “Are you saying I’m not capable of protecting Charlie?”

Uh oh, that was a question Oliver was going to want to think long and hard about before answering. The enforcer clearly knew that; he was looking quite trapped, like he didn’t know what to say. Finally Kyle, attempting to save his friend, spoke gently: “Jayden, you’re not a trained—”

Jayden cut him off with a raised palm. Oliver groaned at the same time. He knew his man well enough now to know this was turning into a code red.

“Excuse me?” Jayden was all narrowed eyes, one hand in the air and the other on his hip. “Did you watch the culling? I’m a killing machine, bitch. I can take care of my best friend for an hour.”

I grinned. Oliver was trying to hide a smile as Kyle narrowed his eyes but I could see he respected Jayden. I decided it was time for me to step in again, reassert my own authority.

“Look, guys, I love ya, but I need time alone with my BAFF. I have a gun, Jayden has a nail file. We’ll be fine.”

Jayden gave a nod when I said nail file. “That’s right,” he said. “We get attacked, I will file a bitch.”

I grinned. With a shake of his head, Oliver took off his walkie-talkie and tucked it into Jayden’s belt. Bit of overkill considering I had my own. Sure, I on occasion left it places that weren’t on my person, but still … overkill.

“One hour,” Oliver commanded in a stern tone.

Jayden put his hand up in an army salute and Oliver rolled his eyes. Jayden and I left the apartment and made our way to the ground floor so we could go outside. It was the only place I didn’t feel like a member of the Hive. Plus, I knew for sure Jayden did not want to be overheard by any spying vamp asshats.

When we got to the creek, we both sat on a log. His expression was hard to read, but he was definitely having deep thoughts.

“Sooo … are you pregnant?” I said in a dead-serious voice.

Jayden lifted his perfectly-shaped eyebrows and gave me a devilish smile. “Girl, I wish.”

I laughed. “Seriously, what’s up?”

His face darkened. “If bad shit is happening but there’s nothing you can do about it, are you one of those people that wants to go about life not knowing and thinking everything is sunshine and rainbows or—”

I interrupted him—no thought required on that question at all. “Or. I’m the or. Tell me.”

He swallowed hard. “The feeding center has become a hub of gossip. I hear it all. Most of it probably isn’t even true.”

Okay, he was definitely priming this for a bad news drop.

“But…?”

“But…” He picked at his nails again, one of his few nervous tics. “So there are always these rumors flying around this place that the vampires give out high interest loans to humans in exchange for stuff. Until today I’d never known for sure, but there were these two vampires talking in the feeding room—”

I raised an eyebrow, which was admittedly much less groomed than my BAFF’s, and interrupted him: “So, I gather that mostly what you do for your job is spying.”

He pursed his lips. “No! Maybe. Whatever. Anyway, I overheard the vampires saying they finally got something on Senator McGreelie. Pictures his wife wouldn’t want to see.”

“Who is Senator McGreelie?”

Jayden rolled his eyes. “That’s not what’s important. Charlie, it’s all true. The vampires have blackmail files on all of the major politicians. Despite the fact that their numbers are greater, the human world is secretly ruled by the vampires.”

Holy shit. Unbridled rage swept through me. Enough was enough. This was not okay. I pulled out my all-access keycard. Jayden had more than piqued my interest, and now I had to know for sure. Because if this was true, it had cemented something inside of me which had been brewing since I found out I was the cure.

“Want to have some fun?” I asked.

He gave me his grin, the one which told me he was down for anything.