Sebastian

 

The last time I saw my brother was when I walked in on him and McKenna. She was bent over his desk and when she saw me standing in the doorway of Jay’s office, she smiled at me.

“Brother? What is he talking about?”

Anna’s voice pulls me back to the present and I realize when I see the tears pooling in her blue eyes, I’ve just royally fucked up everything.

“Is he your brother Sebastian?” she asks.

I’m trying to find the right words to explain myself when I notice that the crowd around us has gone quiet.

“I, Anna, I can explain,” I stutter.

“Just answer the question,” she says.

“Yes, he is.”

“Unbelievable. You are unbelievable, you know that?”

She turns on her heel and fights her way through the throng of people just as the music starts up again and everyone goes back to their business.

“You’re an idiot,” Jay says, tossing his broken bottle into the metal garbage bin. “And we need to fucking talk, so go apologize to Anna and then call me. Please.”

“I don’t have a fucking thing to say to you,” I hiss.

“Yeah, well I got plenty to say to you, and this isn’t just about us,” he says, turning the opposite direction as Anna.

Fuck. I knew I would fuck this up.

My self-pity lasts for less than a minute before I snap out of it and try to catch up with Anna. I should have fucking told her everything from the start, but I’ve lived the last six years in this separation from my family and old habits are hard to break. I planned on telling her everything eventually, but I didn’t want to bring her into the middle of chaos and broken relationships. I planned on reaching out to Jay and working some of this shit out. I guess I missed that fucking train. I saw him standing close to Anna, and everything came flooding back. I could give two shits about him having McKenna now, but the idea of him touching Anna made me sick to my stomach and instantly see red.

I jog to the back of Allessia’s just in time to see her pull out of the lot. I get in my truck and follow her home, just missing her as she heads through the lobby door. I park like an asshole, taking up two spots and rush through the door, taking the steps two at a time. I don’t know what I’ll say, but I need to see her face. I need to see in her eyes that I can make this right. I knock on her door and wait.

“Anna, please, let me explain,” I beg. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, I sh-.”

The door flies open and I see something I haven’t seen in the last three months. Anna, angry. It’s radiating off her and completely gutting me.

“Why did you lie to me?” she demands. “I haven’t kept a single thing from you Sebastian, not one damn thing. I told you about my family, I told you about Esme and my time at Linden,” she says. “I told you the good things and the bad and all the things that are painful to talk about.”

“I know, I should have…”

“Yeah, you should have. So, what’s the deal? Jay is your brother? He’s the expensive suit who stole her away?”

“Yes,” I admit.

“And what, when you saw him and I talking you had to mark your territory, so history didn’t repeat itself? Is that what happened back there?”

“Look, I panicked. I saw him standing close to you and I lost it, I’m sorry,” I say.

“I can forgive a lot of things Sebastian,” she says defeated. “I understand you’ve been hurt, I get it. But today, you didn’t trust me. You didn’t believe enough in us,” she continues. “When McKenna showed up at your place, I believed you. I trusted you. And you couldn’t do the same for me.”

“I do trust you Anna, and I believe in us,” I say, panic seeping into my voice.

“I need some time to think,” she says. “And you need to talk to your brother. Fix what needs fixing. Until then, I need a break. From us.”

“Anna, don’t do this, I fucked up.”

“You lied to me, you kept things from me and you practically threw me under the bus back there. When it came down to it, today, I wasn’t me in your eyes…I was her. And I deserve more than that.”

“Anna…”

“Go home Sebastian. If you care about me, you’ll do as I ask,” she says quietly. “I’m going to pack a bag and stay with Dru for a while. Please respect me enough to give me some space.”

She swipes a tear from beneath her eye as she closes the door between us.

 

*

 

The fist currently banging on the door, combined with Bruno licking sloppily at my hand draped off the mattress forces my eyes open. Another restless sleep last night. Another night that ended with several bottles of beer until I was buzzed enough to forget what a fuck up I am. It’s been three days that I’ve been without Anna. It feels like a lifetime. It doesn’t take a genius to see that she brought out the best in me. She made me want to be a better man. The type of man that deserved her.

“Open the damn door!”

Mason. Great.

I peel my body from the bed and stumble until I reach the door. I unlock it and whip it open, ignoring him completely as I crawl onto the couch and close my eyes.

“Fucking hell, Seb, you smell like a brewery,” he says. “And you look like shit.”

“Fuck off.”

He pushes himself onto the couch, throwing my legs off the cushion. I know what’s coming. The same lecture he gave me when McKenna fucked my brother.

“I know what you’re going to say,” I mumble. “So just get on with it so I can go back to sleep.”

“You’re a fucking idiot,” he sneers.

“Tell me something I don’t know.”

I roll onto my back and rub the sleep from my eyes. I sit up slowly and hold my head in my hands.

“Are you even going to try and fix this shit, or what?”

“She’s the one that left man, what am I supposed to do about it? She wants space, so that’s what I’m giving her.”

“She left so you’d work through your shit, you dumb bastard, which you obviously aren’t doing,” he says.

I stand and walk into the kitchen. I grab a jug of orange juice and chug back half of it, “And how would you know about any of this? You been talking to Anna?” I sound like a jealous prick, but I don’t care. I am a jealous prick, especially if he has been talking to her.

“Oh fuck you,” he says. “I ran into her downtown and she looked upset. She asked me if I’d seen you and then she told me what happened.”

“Hm,” I grumble.

“Come on man, get over yourself,” he says. “You plan to sit here and wallow, fine,” he continues. “But Anna was right about you needing to fix your shit. Talk to Jay, talk to your dad, do whatever you have to.”

“You know that shit isn’t just a quick fix,” I remind him.

“You’re right,” he agrees. “But it’s been six years, it’s time to move on and obviously you haven’t.”

I have nothing left to say, probably because I know he’s right. I let my baggage affect what I had with Anna, and if I had worked through this shit sooner, none of this would be happening right now.

“I’m going to head out, you know I have your back, I always have,” he says. “But I don’t want to see you waste an opportunity to be happy just because you’re stubborn. Talk to Jay, maybe things haven’t been exactly easy for him either.”

When the door clicks shut behind him, I shake off my pity party and resolve to be someone that Anna deserves. At the very least I can try like hell.

 

*

 

I pull up to the offices of Kent Enterprises, realizing how the years can alter a memory of something as simple as a building. I used to think this place was a fortress, meant to cage me in and mold me into someone I didn’t want to be. But watching the people come and go, the building doesn’t quite look as medieval as I used to think. My father took over after his father as CEO of one of the city’s most eclectic companies. Kent’s have been collecting real estate, smaller companies and launching/investing in everything from software to shoe technology for as long as I can remember. This building is like a kingdom, made up of anything and everything that can make a dollar.

  I give my name to the receptionist and make it through security. I take the elevator up to the twenty-second floor, assuming Jay’s office is still where it used to be. His assistant greets me and tells me to go right in.

When I open the massive double doors, my brother is sitting at his desk. He looks up and nods to one of the leather chairs sitting in front of him. The corporate life style always suited Jay more than it did me. It’s always looked good on him. We’ve grown into two very different men, but there was a time when we were kids that I looked up to him.

“Are you planning on throwing another right hook my way, or can we have a civilized drink and actually talk to each other?” he asks.

“I make no promises,” I shrug.

He stands and walks to the small bar in the corner of the room, pouring us each a glass tumbler of amber liquid. He passes one to me and sinks down into the chair beside mine. We sit in silence, sipping whiskey and embracing the Kent way of avoiding our feelings.

“I deserved it,” he says, eventually.

“Yeah, you did.”

“I’ve been calling,” he says. “Sometimes twice a day. I thought I’d wear you down eventually.”

“Apparently, I’m a stubborn bastard,” I laugh humorlessly.

“That you are, brother.”

“Are you happy?”

“Man, you really need to answer your fucking phone,” he says.

He tells me about the divorce and my nephew Darius whom I’ve never met. He explains that’s how he knew Anna, further making me feel like an asshole.

“I should have never fucked McKenna, let alone married her,” he says. “I wish I had some logical explanation for you, but I don’t. She was here, and she offered. I was too weak to say no, but I assure you I’m paying for it now.”

“I believe it,” I say. “What are you going to do?”

“Go for full custody,” he tells me. “She doesn’t give a shit about Darius, she never has. She uses him to mess with me.”

“Fuck, I’m sorry man,” I say.

“Karma, right?”

“I guess.”

“Don’t fuck things up with Anna because of her,” he says.

“I’m trying not to,” I admit. “But it’s possible I already have.”

“You’ll figure it out,” he says. “You always d-.”

The phone sitting on his desk interrupts us, he leans forward and picks up the receiver, his eyes troubled as he stands.

“I’ll be right there,” he says. “Thank you.”

“Something wrong in the corporate world?” I ask.

“It’s Dad,” he says. “He’s had a heart attack.”

 

*

 

The drive to the hospital is a blur. I vaguely hear Jay explaining to me that this is Barron’s third heart attack in the last two years. Something I would have already known, had I pulled my head out of my ass. Six years, wasted. And now my father, despite his flaws and mistakes, might not make it.

We pull up to the emergency room and Jay heads for the registration desk to find out whatever he can. A nurse directs us upstairs to intensive care. Visiting hours are technically over, but I should have known better than to underestimate my father’s reach. He’s donated millions to this particular hospital and apparently that grants a few perks. Jay stays behind to meet with the cardiovascular surgeon while I head down the white hallway, keeping my gaze from the clear windows that line the way where other patients lay, awaiting their fate. I find the room marked 4C.

When I step through the doorway, my eyes fall on the man resting in the bed. He’s greyer than I remember. He looks small surrounded by the beeping machines and tubes and wires. I remember when I was a kid, he seemed like a giant. When he entered the room wearing one of his crisp suits, his commanding voice echoing off the walls, you felt it.

The man lying in the bed looks worn out and tired. I foolishly carried my childhood belief into adulthood…that Barron Kent is bulletproof. How wrong I was, I think to myself.

I approach the bed and sit down in one of the plastic chairs off to the side. The smell of antiseptic fills my nose and I can’t help but think how much my father must despise this. Being immobile.

“Are you planning on saying anything, son?” he asks gruffly.

Any words that I can possibly think to say get lodged in my throat. Where would I even begin? Sorry for being a brat. Sorry I haven’t been there. Sorry I couldn’t forgive you for who you were. I swallow hard and grasp his hand with mine.

“I’m sorry Dad,” I say thickly. “I should have been here.”

“You are so much like your mother,” he says. “I made so many mistakes Sebastian. I had the world with you boys and your mother and I got greedy. Thought I could have it all.”

My eyes begin to burn as regret after regret sits heavily on my shoulders. I was young and foolish, and I let my bruised ego run the show.

“I never understood how you couldn’t want the same things that I did,” he says. “And I should have tried. I should have listened to your mother and let you boys find your own paths.”

“Dad, we don’t have to talk about this now.”

“I don’t have much time,” he tells me. “I know that. I’m sorry son, for not being there and for caring too much about the shit that doesn’t even matter in the end.”

“I’m here Dad,” I rasp. “I’m here now.”

His eyelids close, the grip on my hand lessening. “Isabelle would be so proud of you both,” he whispers gruffly.

I swipe at the wayward drop as it rolls free just as a nurse walks into the room.

“We should let him get some rest,” she says gently. “You can come back later if you want or maybe tomorrow.”

I nod and stand from the chair, leaving the room as she checks his vitals. Once I’m in the safety of the hallway, away from the ICU, I pull my phone from my pocket. I swallow the lump in my throat as the phone rings, willing her to pick up. I’m about to give up when I glance up and see her standing at the end of the hallway.