-1-
five years old
Be a good boy, help your mommy out.
Before I went to bed on Sunday, daddy told me those words. Told me that I had to be mommy’s little helper if I wanted a treat when he came back from an out of town job on Friday. Daddy’s an important cop and helps the academy out sometimes. I always miss him when he leaves.
I helped mommy with Dominic and Jenna, my little brother and sister. I helped her cook, even though I dropped a lot of it on the floor. I did the dishes, and I helped set the table and took the trash out. Even my sister’s stinky diapers.
When daddy called Wednesday night, I told him that I couldn’t wait, that two more days is forever and that I’d be ten and old before Friday arrived. He just laughed at me.
“Patience is a virtue, kid!” was all he would tell me before asking for mommy. I don’t know what that meant, but I didn’t like it.
My daddy is my best friend. He’s always taking me out to run errands with him because I’m a big boy now. We go to the grocery store, the hardware store, and sometimes we even go to the mall together. Those are my favorite days because he lets me pick out a small treat for me and my brother and sister. I’ve even gone to work with him, but not on a day when he’s getting bad guys. I’m too little for that. For Halloween, last month, I got to be a cop, just like him! Daddy really is my best friend, and I want to be just like him when I grow up.
Today is Friday, and I can’t wait for school to be over with. Mommy told me this morning that daddy is picking me up and taking me straight to the toy store! Miss Patricia has had to tell me three times to settle down. I tried telling her that I’m getting a present after school today, but she won’t listen.
I get excited when the bell rings for recess. My two best friends, Patrick and Devin, are trying to help me decide on what I want.
“I don’t know. Maybe a new Lego set? I saw a Batman one on TV.” I shrug my shoulders. I know what I really want, but I don’t dare tell my friends.
“What about a new football, Griffin?” Patrick’s voice raises in excitement. His eyes go wide at the thought. His big brothers are always throwing something around, baseballs, soccer balls, basketballs. We’re too little to play with the big boys, even though Patrick is way taller than me, and we always have to sit on the curb while we watch them play. Besides, mommy and daddy tell me I might get hurt.
No, a football is something more for Patrick, not me.
“I don’t think I want one, Patrick. Mommy says those kinds of things will only cause me more trouble because I’m smaller than everyone else and I’ll get more boo boo’s.” I kick at a rock on the playground we’re walking on. Normally we’d be playing tag or cop’s and robber’s, but Miss Patricia told us to take it easy today.
“Oh! What about a Stretch Armstrong? I put it on my birthday list!” I look over at Devin, and he’s possibly more excited about waiting for his birthday in two weeks than I am at the toy I’m promised today. “I saw one on television yesterday when I was watching Sammie and Friends. They look really cool!”
I’m super jealous of Devin. He’s an only child. He never has to share his toys with anyone, and he always gets what he wants. Daddy always tells me that presents and treats only come when we work hard and deserve them and that with three kids, money is better saved than spent.
I think about my friends’ suggestions, but those are toys better suited for them, not me. What I want is the pretty Tinkerbell doll I saw on the television the other day. The one with the big wings and the shiny dress. I know it’s a girl toy, but my friends would make fun of daddy and me is going to be mad if I choose her. No one would understand why I want her. To be flying free.
My friends and I keep talking until the bell rings, and Miss Patricia calls us back inside.
*
It takes forever for three to arrive. As soon as I hear the familiar ring, right on time, I jump out of my seat to grab my Power Rangers backpack and matching lunch box.
“Griffin, you know the rules. Settle down and stand in line with everyone else.”
I let out an exaggerated sigh but slow down and follow the rules. I don’t want Miss Patricia to tell daddy that I’ve not followed the rules today and then not get my toy.
I nod enthusiastically and take my place in line between Lucy Aarons and Marcus Collins. When we get outside, I see daddy right away. I try not to jump and run to him but he walks up to me, and I can’t help it.
“Mr. Abbott, you’ve got a very happy kid on your hands. Y’all have a great weekend.”
“You too, Miss Patricia.” Daddy laughs as I tug on his hand all the way to the car.
“Come on, daddy. We have to hurry!”
“Slow down, Griffin, we’ll get to Kirkland’s soon!”
If anything, I try to tug harder at his hand. Kirkland’s is the big toy store. We never go there!
After daddy straps me into my seat, the car ride seems to take an eternity before I see the bright green and yellow sign announcing that we’ve arrived and I let out a loud yay!
Daddy chuckles as he parks the car. The minute we step into the store, I run straight down the aisles searching out my next toy.
“Nothing over twenty-five bucks, Griffin!” I hear daddy shout back to me as I take off.
Up and down the rows and rows of toys gives me plenty of options. I stop at the Legos, and my options are endless, especially with the ginormous amount of money daddy is letting me spend. But nothing looks good. Neither does the board games or the train sets.
I walk a few more aisles and turn down one. I spot the Stretch Armstrong and walk up to it. I play around with it but frown when I see it costs too much money. I sigh and put it down. I’m even more jealous of Devin because it looks really cool and I can’t have one.
I walk past the balls and find myself surrounded by Barbie’s and other dolls. I quickly look to find daddy and see that he’s on the other side of the store, walking my way. I have to hurry.
I spot the shiny green and the golden yellow in the next aisle. I slowly walk up to the pretty fairy and pick up one of the dolls that I can reach. My eyes go large, and I remember daddy yelling at me when I first asked to be Tinkerbell for Halloween. I’d never been so scared of him before. After I cried, I went to find him in his study and asked to be a cop like him.
I start to put her away, but she drops the second I hear his voice.
“Griffin, get away from that damn doll.” I look up at daddy, and I start to shake. He’s mad and calm at the same time, and I’m really scared. I feel my lip start to stick out as my eyes get watery. “Don’t. You. Start. We’re leaving, Griffin.”
Daddy grabs me by my arm, really tight, and drags me out of the store. I’m crying, and people are watching but not doing anything. When we get to the car, he straps me back in my seat and slams the door shut. I’m still crying hard when he gets in the car and takes off.
It doesn’t last long, though, and he slams on the breaks and turns around.
“Stop your crying, right now, Griffin. No son of mine will be some fudge packing queer, you hear me?” I don’t know what that is, but his finger keeps pointing at me, almost hitting me, while he yells. I try to sit back in my seat but I can’t.
I want mommy. She never yells at me. She only holds me and kisses me and tells me that even though I made a mistake, I’m going to learn from it one day.
Daddy turns around and drives home, and I stay as silent as I can. But my face stays wet as I quietly cry. When we get to our house, he pulls me out of the car, in the door, and past mommy, who has Jenna in her arms and Dom sitting on the kitchen floor playing with the blocks.
“John? What’s going on?”
“Leave us alone, Lynn. I’m teaching the boy a lesson.”
When we get to my room, he flings me in, and I land on the floor. “Get up, boy. Pull down your pants and lean over the bed. You’re five years old so five licks should do it.”
I watch him take off his belt, and I feel really scared now. Terrified, even. I stare at daddy as he walks closer. When I feel a strange warmth on my leg, I look down.
“What the hell, Griffin? You’re too old to be peeing your damn pants. Get them down and clean up this mess when I’m done. Two more for acting like a little baby.”
I turn around and nod, trying not to cry some more. I have to get seven whips now.
The first one hits me with a sharp snap. I let out a wail, but daddy tells me to shut up. I bury my head in my bed as the second one hits me.
“You will not be a faggot.” Three.
“You will not be living in my house if I catch you doing anything gay.” Four.
“You will not become some worthless cocksucker. No son of mine will ever be one” The fifth hit comes, but my bum is too numb to feel anything. After six and seven, I’m not even crying anymore. My body is shaking, and all I feel is a hot pain everywhere.
Daddy leaves my room without saying another word, and I fall to the floor. I scream when I land on my bum. I grab a towel from my hamper and clean up the mess I made earlier on the hardwood floors. When I finish, I climb into bed and lay on my side while I hold tight to Mr. Bear. I hear yelling coming from the other room followed by my brother and sister both crying. I let go of my teddy bear and put my pillow over my ears, so I don’t have to listen to it all.
I don’t remember falling asleep, but when I open my eyes, it’s really dark outside. I feel someone next to me, but I don’t know who it is. I lay as still as possible, but they’re putting lotion on me. I flinch when a painful spot is touched a little too hard, and I try to stop myself from crying again. But when I feel mommy’s arms around me, I let them fall.
“Shh, my sweet little boy. Go ahead and cry. I’m so sorry daddy did that to you.” Mommy pulls me into her, and it doesn’t take long until I feel my head is getting wet.
Mommy is crying too.