"Clementine!" Inlan shouted, jerking awake.

He sat up, disoriented, searching the Medic Lab for her. Where were the Earthans? Was the defense screen down?

"Inlan, it's okay, you're back on the Irral."

The sound of Lutari's voice only added to his confusion. He whipped his head to look at her, sitting by his bed.

"Why are you here? Where's Clementine?"

Although clearly hurt by his first question, all she said was, "Who?"

Of course. She didn't know Clementine. Did she even know he'd been going down to the cart? It felt like a lifetime had passed since he'd last seen her. He stared at her dark, concerned face, so familiar, yet like a stranger's. Had she even come here of her own volition? Or was she assigned to watch him?

He rubbed his eyes, trying to clear his head. "What happened? I was on the cart. I think I was electrocuted. The Earthans were going to lower the defense screen if... Did they do it? Did someone stop them?"

Lutari's sad face gave him his answer before she even opened her mouth. "The screen was disarmed. The Vreem invaded the cart, kidnapping over eleven-thousand Earthans. Luckily Undir's team made it to cart control right before they did, so they weren't able to steal the entire vessel. We destroyed almost half of their forces, even sent out battle jets, but some of those were lost as well. It's uncertain how many Earthans were spared their fate, and how many were actually taken prisoner."

Inlan lay back, covering his eyes with his arms.

Eleven-thousand Earthans. In exchange for Clementine. Was her life worth that much?

"Conscious?" asked the Senior Medic's sharp voice. Inlan didn't move.

"I told him what happened to the Earthans," said Lutari gently.

"At least some good has come out of it," Aspri said. "There have been no more of those idiotic protests against us, and there seems to be an increasing spirit of collaboration among their leaders. Maybe now they'll focus on more important matters, such as improving their medical treatments. They can't even cure a simple nasal viral infection. Are you experiencing pain?"

Inlan was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn't realize the last question had been intended for him.

"Inlan?" Lutari prompted.

Pain? Of course he was experiencing pain. He'd sentenced over eleven-thousand people to death.

"No," he said, still hiding behind his arms.

"Then you are officially discharged. Leave as you are able. The commander is eager to hear your report. You will experience much fatigue and perhaps intermittent soreness over the next few days as a result of your waveshock." Aspri put a gloved hand on Inlan's shoulder. "Welcome back, First Tin. We were all worried."

The Senior Medic's uncharacteristic concern was surprising, but Inlan still didn't look at him. After he heard Aspri's footsteps disappear into the din of the lab, he asked, "How long have I been unconscious?"

"Four days."

Dropping his arms back onto the bed, he said, "It feels like four chips." He scanned the room again and asked, "Arja made it back too?"

Lutari shook her head. "Her ceremony was conducted at the same time as Yee and Onaka's."

"What happened to them?" Inlan asked, fighting back the bile rising in his throat.

"Their jets didn't return."

Yee had been one of the few other bronzes on the Irral. His face floated alongside Onaka's red one, haunting him. Two more victims of his actions.

"Undir asked Commander Hoff if he could conduct the ceremony himself," continued Lutari, "since Arja was in Trajectory and his mate. He incorporated some of the O'orling rites, as well as some we perform in the Softlands. It was nice, though it made me wish for home. I think the twins are mining in my brain already."

He heard the laugh in her voice, and could tell she was trying to cheer him up, but all he could do was stare at the ceiling. So many people dead -- or as good as dead. Had he made the wrong decision?

"Do you want me to walk you back to your lodge?" she asked.

Inlan considered her words. "No," he finally answered. "I'm going to see the commander."

"But you're only in medic coppers. The commander's not so impatient that you can't at least go back to your lodge to get dressed. Wipli, that new scrub in Trajectory, said they fixed yours, but he wouldn't say what was wrong with-- Inlan?"

He stood, pressing his bare feet firmly on the floor. His legs were already weak from the small effort required to get them there. Would he be able to make it all the way to the commander's lodge?

"Here, let me help." Lutari came up alongside him, reaching for his arm. He jerked it back. She gave him a startled look. "We're still mates," she said. "If you touch my neck, it's okay."

He stared at her, searching for words to explain. But how could he explain that it wasn't her touch he couldn't accept, but her kindness?

"Come on," she said gently, reaching for his arm again. "I'll bring you to the commander, okay?"

Because he doubted he would get very far alone, Inlan let her put his arm over her shoulders. Her other arm wrapped around his waist, and they slowly made their way to the command center.

Most of the crew they passed greeted him warmly, saying pleasant things like it was nice to see him, and they were glad he was well again. Others, though far fewer, regarded him with suspicion, perhaps wondering why he had been in the middle of everything in the first place.

Lutari bore more and more of his weight as they went, though she said nothing of it. She told him about the projects she'd been working on in Communications, the latest news from Lota, and how their offspring were fairing.

"I was in the Medic Lab so often over the past few days that I started scanning myself so I could watch them wiggle around. Sometimes I turned on the airscreen so you would see, but you just kept napping like a full andat in its tree. Here we are."

They were at the command center hatch. Lutari leaned him against the wall so she could open it.

"Why did you stay in the Lab so much?" he asked.

"You're my mate," she said with a confused smile.

"That's not what you said the day we found out you were gestating."

She rested her hand on the hatch, but didn't open it. "I'm sorry about that. I was too caught up in having another set of twins. It's been..." She gave him a tight smile. "Maybe we can go back to having dinner together?"

Inlan forced a smile and nodded, though he knew it wouldn't matter. He wouldn't be on the Irral for much longer.

Her smile brightened, then shrank into a smirk. "We'll have to do some work to get you back in shape too," she said, opening the hatch. "You're no fun to wrestle with right now."

They stepped through the hatch. "Permission for First Tin Inlan to speak with Commander Hoff," Lutari announced.

"Granted," came the commander's firm voice.

Inlan tried to put more weight on his own feet, but Lutari still shouldered most of his bulk as they descended from the balcony to the main level. Commander Hoff stood by his hatch at the bottom of the ramp. He took in Inlan's medic coppers with a swift glance, but said nothing.

"He insisted on reporting to you as soon as he was discharged from the Medic Lab, Commander," said Lutari.

"A dedicated soldier," Hoff said with an appreciative nod. He opened his hatch and stepped inside.

Inlan tried to stand in front of Hoff's desk, as he usually did, but the commander said, "At ease," and gestured for him to sit.

"You may wait outside the command center, if you wish," the commander said to Lutari, after she was done helping Inlan into the seat, "or I will summon a replacement if you have other duties."

"Stratum Zoli is aware of the situation, Commander. I'll remain."

Hoff dismissed her, and as soon as the hatch closed, Inlan said, "Permission to speak freely, and off the record, Commander?"

"I require your report regarding the events leading up to the disarming of the defense screen. The Vice President has provided his account, as has Miss Dawson, but there are several missing pieces of information that only you can provide."

Inlan swallowed. What had Clementine said? Did the commander already know? It didn't matter. He was planning on telling the truth anyway.

"I will relay that information, Sir. I simply ask that everything I say remain off the record until I'm finished."

The commander regarded him with hard eyes, his brow creased with thought. Inlan, eager for this to be over, fought the urge to begin without Hoff's approval.

Finally, the commander said, "Permission granted."

Starting from his first day on the mission, when Clementine discovered him in the crawl space, Inlan told him everything: his poor performance in the orchestra, his burgeoning attraction to Clementine, their kiss on the Irral, his failed mechasuit program, his inability to rescue the Vice President, all the times he touched Clementine, how he had been too distracted by her to strategize about retaking cart control, and how he chose her life over the lives of thousands of others. His voice was dry and hoarse, but he still wasn't finished.

"And honestly, Sir, I can't say whether I would make a different decision if given the chance. I've obviously been corrupted -- or maybe I've been corrupted all along, and I fooled myself into believing I could be better, that I could be more than just a bronze. Either way, I cannot continue in my capacity. I cannot continue as a member of the Squad. I formally request discharge, and a jet to transport me back to Relica. I'm a danger to our mission. I must leave immediately."

The commander said nothing, as silent as he had remained throughout the tale. Inlan had half-expected to be thrown out as soon as he admitted his attraction to Clementine, but Hoff's expression hadn't changed, any surprise or disgust well-hidden.

Finally he rose from his chair, and went to stand in front of one of the sightscreens he'd installed when he moved into the lodge. It showed a loop of various Relican landscapes, from the Diamond Desert to the ancient Song Forest. They were only images, not waves, but seeing them filled Inlan's heart with sadness. He'd be there soon. Perhaps he could go back to Uba and apprentice with her again. If he wasn't in prison, that is. Or exiled.

The possibility of exile hadn't occurred to him until that moment. What if Hoff didn't send him back to Relica at all? What if he was too much of a danger to his people? Would these pictures be the last he ever saw of his home?

"Do you recall what Tierney said at the blood walk," asked Hoff, "the day she and Tausson were discovered?"

Inlan forced his thoughts from the future to the past. "Some of it," he said.

"She said, 'Without love, your people are doomed.' Those words have haunted me every day since she spoke them." Commander Hoff turned to face him, and Inlan could see the fear in his eyes.

"Relicans are a strong, intelligent, and peaceful people," he continued, "but we've grown stagnant. We're so fixated on population growth, that our culture, our art, our very lives are dedicated to nothing else. What happens when we reach optimum population again? Where will our sense of purpose be redirected?"

He returned to his seat. "I worry that, by focusing only on the physical, we are denying ourselves emotional and spiritual development. And perhaps... perhaps someone else, someone at a high level of authority, recognizes this too. I think that is why we were directed to relocate the Earthans. Everything about them is primitive, but maybe that's exactly what we need."

Inlan could hardly breathe. This was heresy. The sacred tenets, the Squad Prime Rules, pairing protocols -- they were all created to keep Relicans from forming bonds that could jeopardize their judgment.

No Relican above another.

What was Hoff suggesting? That they pair at random? That they go back to the days when their people squabbled over inheritance and dwellings and food distribution? How could that be what Relica needed?

Hoff was watching him, revealing nothing of his own inner thoughts.

Inlan could have him exiled over this. He might even be put to death for saying such things aloud. Why would he risk telling Inlan?

Because he thinks I love Clementine.

Inlan rested his head on the desk.

Do I?

He'd seen enough Earthan waves to understand their definition of love. Someone they wanted to spend their life with. Someone they couldn't imagine being apart from. But picturing his life with Clementine raised too many questions. Where would they live? Would they procreate? Would they keep the offspring?

Inlan couldn't deny the pull of the possibility. Yes, having her near -- hearing her voice, her laugh, her music -- everyday would be... The tension in his body eased at the mere thought of it. If they followed Earthan custom, they would share a bed overnight also. Her soft body would be there beside him, all night, ready to welcome him whenever he desired.

"I'm a bronze," he said, the sublime scene collapsing around him. He raised his head to meet Hoff's gaze. "I only care about one thing. Even with Clementine, it all comes back to her body. I can't think about her or be near her without wanting to..." He forced himself to say it. "...without wanting to pair with her. Surely there's more to love than that."

"You, who have researched Earthan culture, know better than anyone that there are different kinds of love," said Hoff. "The love of a partner is different than the love of a friend. The connection is both mental and physical."

Inlan stared at his commander, a new certainty creeping into his mind.

"You love someone," he whispered.

Hoff said nothing, but the way he lifted his head, proud, with no fear in his eyes, was answer enough.

"Does she love you too?" Inlan asked.

A flash of sadness darkened Hoff's expression, but it was gone in a blink. He let out a small breath, and the ghost of a smile curled his lips. "We love each other, yes."

"But you still serve the Squad?"

"My commitment to our mission has never wavered. Saving species from destruction is beneficial to the entire universe, and the fate of Relica itself depends on us."

Hoff stood again and moved around the desk, carrying his chair with him and setting it beside Inlan. Sitting down, he leaned his elbows on his knees and said, "I have no designs on revolution, Inlan. If you want to resign and return to Relica, I will discharge you honorably, as you have acted with no dishonor. For myself, I plan on serving Relica and the Squad for as long as I can. But every one of us who chooses love brings our people one step closer to progress. I believe we have much to learn from the Earthans -- both from their achievements, and their mistakes. We can learn from our own mistakes, too, to avoid returning to the wars of the past. I believe our people are ready for this change."

Staring intently into Inlan's eyes, he asked, "Do you?"