Hearing my mom ask Deanna about kids makes me want to vomit. I don’t have a problem with kids. Obviously, considering Bree and Jackson will be here today, but they are not anywhere near my line of thought. They aren’t on the foreseeable timeline either. Career first. That’s my gut reaction. After a quick thought, I realize things have changed.
Whether I intended to or not, it’s now Deanna first. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have risked seeing her after the Zane incident. I would have called it off right then and there because of the potential interference. Unless there’s something major happening, more major than the possible tension between teammates, I don’t see myself picking my career over Deanna. I can be fully committed to both. I’m sure of it.
Deanna has been a bit quiet ever since. I’m not sure if my mom said something to her or if she’s worried I’ll want kids in the next few years. There hasn’t been an opportunity for me to discuss it with her yet. There won’t be one for a while based on the knock on my door. I just walked down the steps, Otis on my heels, intending to check on Mom and Deanna who are in the kitchen. I’ve been lying down for most of the morning.
Raelynn stands on the other side, Jackson standing slightly behind her, and Bree is in her carseat. “Hey. Sorry, we’re late.”
“It’s okay. Come on in. Hey, Jackson.” He waves, but his eyes are on Otis. “This is Otis.” Otis is super excited at the moment since we have three new guests. “Otis, sit,” I instruct and he does. “Want to pet him, Jackson?”
He nods. Jackson steps forward and mimics me, rubbing Otis behind his ears and telling him “Good boy.” We pet Otis for a minute or so before we head into the kitchen for introductions.
“Mom, Deanna, this is Raelynn, Jackson, and little Bree. Raelynn, you remember Deanna, and that’s my mom, Maryann.”
“Thanks for inviting us,” Raelynn adds after saying hello.
“Of course,” Mom says, even though it was my idea. “We’re about to set the table, so you guys wash up and have a seat.”
I tell Raelynn where the bathroom is and she leaves Bree with me while she and Jackson wash their hands. Bree naps for the moment. I offer to help Mom and Deanna, but they say they don’t need it. So far today, I haven’t had any symptoms, but I’ve been staying in my room, resting, just to be safe.
As everyone sits down at the table with Otis at Deanna’s feet, I chuckle as Jackson, who is sitting next to Raelynn anyway, slides his chair so that it is touching Raelynn’s.
“I’ve been meaning to thank you, Brayden,” she says once our plates are loaded with food.
“For what?”
“For telling Elias about me and basically helping me get the job.”
“You don’t have to thank me for that.” It’s still seriously weird to hear her call him that. Does he know she calls him by his first name? I need to ask.
“Do you like it?” Deanna asks.
“Yes. Bree’s a sweet baby, and it reminds me of taking care of Jackson when he was that little. Elias has been great, too. I’m very thankful he’s given me a chance.”
Mom talks to her for a few minutes, but my eyes keep straying to Jackson, who is eyeing Mom and Deanna like he doesn’t trust them. Deanna tries talking to him, but he pretends not to hear her until Raelynn chides him for being rude. I’m glad they’re here because otherwise, I wouldn’t know what to talk to either of them about. Well, with Jackson, it would be easier. He seems to like hockey, so there’s always that. I never would’ve invited Raelynn over if it was just Mom and me.
Lunch goes well. Bree wakes up and Deanna takes the opportunity to hold her. I let the women and Jackson excuse themselves into the living room while I pack up the food. We won’t have to cook for days, even with me setting aside some for Raelynn to take home. When I walk into the living room, it’s to find Jackson sitting in the same chair as Deanna. Otis has his big head resting on Deanna’s lap and they are petting him.
“Hey, what are you doing, Jackson? She’s my girlfriend.”
He smiles, which is a good sign because for a moment, I was worried that it would go over his head. “She said I was cool.”
“Cooler than me?” I ask Deanna.
“Yep,” she answers easily, causing Jackson to giggle.
“Promise not to steal her away?” I say to Jackson.
He looks to Deanna, who whispers something in his ear. He turns back to me with a grin and says, “No promises.”
I laugh.
They only stay for a little bit longer before Raelynn says it’s time to go. We see them off and then Mom heads upstairs to pack for her early flight tomorrow. That leaves only Deanna and me in the living room. I move to the couch to lie down and wiggle my fingers for her to come lie with me. She hesitates, but she does it.
“I’m tired,” she mumbles.
“I bet. You cooked all day and then entertained a five-year-old.”
“It was a good day, though. Do you want me to drive your mom tomorrow?”
“No, I will, but you can come if you want.” This seems like the perfect time to ask why she’s been quiet. “Did she say something to you yesterday? You seem a little off.”
Her no comes quickly. “Everything is fine. I’m running to my place tonight. I want to check on things. Plus, if you want me to stay until you’re back in the game, then I need more clothes.”
And here comes my issue. The past two days I’ve felt decent enough that once Mom leaves, Deanna can go home, too. It’s not like in the beginning when they were both so worried and wanted someone around to hover. However, saying so means she leaves. By no means do I want her to move in with me just yet, but my problem is I like having her and Otis here too much. There’s no sense in sending her home to get more clothes only to go home the next day, or when there’s no reason for her to stay at all.
“Are you out of clothes now?” I ask.
“Yeah. I have nothing to wear tomorrow.”
“You don’t have to stay until I’m playing again; I’m better already. You can go on home tonight; I’ll be fine to take Mom tomorrow.” I hate saying the words, but they needed to be said.
She props herself up with a smile. “Are you trying to get rid of me?”
“No, I’m giving you permission to rid yourself of me.”
Her smile fades a bit. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah, darlin’.” Unfortunately so.
She nods. “Okay. I’ll head home in a little bit then.”
I squeeze her ass. “You’ll come back tomorrow or Saturday?”
“I’ll visit you, sure,” she says with a laugh.
Something about her response doesn’t seem right and it nags me as she gets up to pack, later says goodbye to Mom, and as I walk her and Otis out to her car. She’ll visit? I was talking about spending the night. I’ll need more of her time than just a few hours worth of a visit. That bugs me.
“Brayden? In order to leave, you have to let go of me.” She tugs on the hand I’m holding.
“What if I miss you?”
“I’m sure you will,” she quips with a smile. “But you’ll probably also be happy to have the house to yourself, be able to recover without someone nagging you every so often, and having the entire bed to yourself.”
“But you were a good nurse, even if you didn’t wear a hot uniform.”
Deanna rolls her eyes as if she doesn’t believe me. “Give me a kiss so I can go home. If you stay out here much longer, Maryann might think you don’t want to be left alone with her.”
“I kinda don’t.” She bursts out laughing and I add, “Because that means you aren’t here.”
She smiles. “You’re sweet.” Lifting onto her toes, I get a kiss that makes me want to drag her back inside. Every kiss with her has the passion of a newlywed couple, the wild abandon of a couple of in-love, carefree teenagers, and the natural greed of two people who simply want more of each other. Every single fucking kiss. Blows my mind every time. “I’ll see you later,” she whispers, pulling away and finally getting into her car.
Mom leaves. I kidnap Otis because why should he have to sit at home alone while Deanna works? He gives me something to do anyway. With Otis here, I have an excuse to go outside and do something other than watch TV or clean the house. There’s probably a list of stuff I could catch up on, but I’m in no mood.
Otis and I visit the new fixer-upper house, so I can make a list of where I want to start, what I’ll need to get started, and what needs immediate attention. I rest there while I jot down my ideas for renovations.
Friday is my second symptom-free day. I get evaluated by one of the team’s doctors again after exerting myself for the first time since I’ve been out. If this keeps ups, I’ll be primed and ready for the game after the team returns from their road trip Sunday. The next game would be Tuesday. The itch to be back with the guys, to be back on the ice, already annoys the hell out of me. It was a quiet annoyance before and my symptoms overwhelmed it. I forgot what it was like to be antsy to play.
My phone rings just as I get home.
“Did you steal my dog?” Deanna asks, barely concealed anger in her voice.
“Didn’t you get my text?”
“No! I panicked, thinking he somehow escaped before I realized my door was locked and there was no way he could’ve gotten out. Leave a note next time! And thanks for letting me know that my hiding place for my spare key is too obvious!”
“Hey, I did my part. I’m sorry you freaked. Can he stay here until I go back to work?”
Deanna huffs and stays quiet for way too long for what should be a simple question. “You don’t have his stuff.”
“I actually bought food and other things for him to have at my house. That way, you only have to bring him and nothing else when you stay over.”
“Fine, keep him,” she snaps.
“What’s the matter?” Something is off. She’s mad at me for taking Otis, even though I did try to tell her. It seems she’s mad that I bought things for him to have when she’s here, to prevent her from having to pack for him as well. She’s also curt. Have I done something? Did something else happen and if it did, why isn’t she telling me right away? Why am I having to ask? “Deanna?” I push when she doesn’t say anything.
“Rose quit today. With no notice and no reason, she walked in, quit, and walked out, leaving me short-handed. I thought we were fine, but apparently not! I’m stressed and my dog isn’t here because you dognapped him. I want to relax, so I’m going to do that, okay?”
“Okay,” I respond with a bit of hesitancy.
She hangs up without another word and I’m left staring at my phone in wonder. What the hell just happened? Should I go over there? Part of me says no. On the other hand, this feels like an opportunity. For what exactly, I’m not sure. I decide today can be a cheat day, my second since meeting Deanna, and stop by Bagels and Butts.
When I get to Deanna’s, I don’t knock. I push open the door. She isn’t in the living room. The first thing I see are those damn diaries. They’re back? Great. Those are sure to improve her mood. She’s not in the kitchen either, but Otis trots to a room that I don’t think I even noticed before. Her back is to me and she sits at a table.
Otis nudges his nose against her leg, causing her to jump and shout, “Damn it!” She lifts her thumb to her mouth and talks around it. “What are you doing? You couldn’t have told me you were coming? You just made me prick my finger.”
“What is with the attitude, darlin’?” I’m annoyed with her now, and I don’t want to be, but it turns out my tolerance for this kind of thing is low.
“I’ve had a bad day and it keeps getting worse.” She turns back to what looks to be a quilt.
“I brought food.”
“Not hungry,” she mumbles.
I sigh, loudly, hoping it annoys her. She ignores me. I walk closer, standing behind her. “What are you working on?”
Her shoulders fall. “This is the last quilt my grandma was working on. I never want to finish it, so I try not to work on it but on rare occasions. She always did them by hand; that helps in me taking my time with it.” Deanna sighs and leans her head back, which causes it to rest against my stomach since her table and chair are taller than normal. Her eyes open. “What’d you bring?”
“Sandwiches from Bagels and Butts. I can leave if you want. I wanted to bring food and drop off Otis at the least.”
“I won’t kick you out just yet.” Her smile wobbles. She stands and we head into the kitchen to eat. Her eyes widen when she sees there’s a sandwich for me. “I can’t believe my eyes.”
“I didn’t have time to cook. My body will probably hate me tomorrow.”
“But it’ll love you today. How did you do, by the way?” She points to her head.
“Perfect day.”
I get a real smile out of her. “That’s great news. Thanks for dinner.”
“Does this mean you’re done being mean to me?” I faintly smile so she knows I’m mostly kidding.
“For now.” At least she’s still smiling. “Besides, you can handle it.”
I don’t want to handle it is the thing, which is probably shitty of me, I realize. “Why are the diaries back?”
Her smile disappears. “Dad said he couldn’t stand the negativity coming from them. I guess this gives me the opportunity to finish reading them.”
“You want to?” Why would she want to do that? She knows there’s nothing good to be found within the pages of those notebooks.
Deanna nods. “I feel like there’s a reason they’re back with me. Maybe she’ll surprise me.”
“Darlin’, your dad couldn’t even stand them. I doubt she’ll surprise you.”
She glares, not saying anything else. Probably because she knows I’m right. We don’t talk anymore, but her eyes keep sliding over to those notebooks in the living room. She’ll be at my house, crying, within hours of reading them. I’d bet money on it. When we finish eating, I stand, walk over to her, and kiss the top of her head since she decides not to look up at me. I don’t know what the fuck I did to her.
“Want my advice?” I don’t wait for an answer. “Focus on work. When things go to shit, you can always count on your job. Call me if you need me.”
I’m halfway to the door when she asks, “Is that what you do? What you will do?”
“What?” I turn to face her. I’m not entirely sure what she’s asking.
“If we start having problems, are you going to dismiss us and focus on work instead?”
My mouth opens, closes, and opens again. “That’s not what I meant.”
“Yes, it is. Focus on work means ignoring what’s wrong and paying attention to only your job. So I’m prepared, is that what you’re going to do? Because that doesn’t fix anything. The problems will still be there at the end of the day.”
I cross the room, take her hand, and tug her to stand. Deanna avoids my eyes, deciding to stare at my chest instead. She’s all over the fucking place today. The last thing she needs to worry about is us. Grabbing her chin, I force her to look at me. “If we have issues, we’ll handle them. I won’t pick my job over you, Deanna.”
She nods, yet she doesn’t look like she believes me. Where is this sudden mistrust coming from? Or has she always mistrusted me and this is the first time she’s showing it?
“I mean it, and I need you to believe it.”
“I hear you, Brayden.” And I hear what she doesn’t say. Deanna kisses me before gently pushing me away. “I’ll talk to you later. Thanks for dinner and for bringing Otis back.”
There’s no point in replying. I simply leave and hope she gets out of this mood. My mind starts thinking of ways I can prove I’m committed because I’ve obviously done a bad job in showing it.
“Ladies and gentlemen! Captain Hook has returned!” Marco shouts the moment I step into the room.
“There aren’t any ladies in here, dumbass,” I say over the slaps on my shoulder and the “Good to have you back” comments. Marco shrugs with a smile. “Thanks, guys.” This is my first day back with everyone, and I’m more than ready to get things going. Once the commotion calms down, I find EJ. I thought about finding Collin and Cal to see how things went on the road trip with Collin and his anxiety, but I doubt they want me checking in.
“Hey, man,” EJ says. “Feeling good?”
“Of course. What’s up with Raelynn calling you Elias?”
He shrugs. “That’s what she prefers. I told her as long as it wasn’t Elias James, which is what my mom calls me, I don’t care. Why?”
“It’s kinda freaky is all.”
He laughs, thinking I’m crazy, I’m sure.
I’m shocked when the twins make a point to come over and give me a shoulder slap. “Glad to have you back, Hook,” they say simultaneously, which is fucking creepy, to be honest.
I run a hand through my hair. “Yeah, thanks. I’m sure I was sorely missed,” I joke.
“Trust us, you were,” they say together again.
“Okay, cut that shit out. You’re freaking me out.”
They laugh and wander back to their lockers. I glance at EJ. “When did they start doing that?”
“When we were in Ottawa. They enjoy giving everyone the fucking heebie jeebies. It’s even creepier that they can do it on the fly like that.”
He isn’t joking.
Game day skate feels so good. I’ve progressed into my routine without any problems, but knowing there’s a game tonight sends my adrenaline running high. Aside from wanting to get back to work, I need the distraction. Things still aren’t quite right with Deanna. I haven’t seen her since I went over there Saturday. She keeps saying she’s too busy with work. That bullshit ends tonight because I’m going over there after the game. If she doesn’t show up, that is. I invited her, but she gave a noncommittal response.
What in the hell am I doing? We’re walking out of the tunnel for the game. Deanna should not be on my mind. The crowd roars when they see us, and I allow myself one last thought of her.
Is Deanna one of the thousands cheering for us?